Cold Hard Secret (Secret McQueen) (20 page)

I scanned the large room to ensure there were no semiconscious delivery boys passed out in the nearby chairs, but we appeared to be alone. A few short seconds after we arrived, the big double doors on the far end of the room opened of their own accord, and in waltzed a beauty icon.

It wasn’t merely my opinion of Cal’s good appearance. She had, for a brief spell, been Marilyn Monroe, and in spite of her thinner frame and black hair, she still looked as if she’d just wandered off the set of
How to Marry a Millionaire
.

Except of course instead of a ’50s party dress, she was wearing a sheer black lace gown that started at her neck and went all the way behind her in a long train.

“Looking pretty goth bridal today, Cal.”

“I don’t know if that is meant to be a compliment, but I’ll take it as such.” She waited in the doorway, making no indication she planned to come farther into the room. She was acting icier than usual, but we hadn’t been chummy lately. Things had been rough since I accused her of murder and she’d let my best friend die.

“You look beautiful,” I clarified.

“Thank you. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit from you and your consort?” She glanced at Holden in a way that openly challenged him to say something about her choice of words. Oh, we were going to have fun with Cal tonight.

“I came to get some blood for Sutherland. But I was also hoping to have a word with you in private.”

“Hmm.” She stared past me at Holden before she refocused her attention on me. “Yes. I believe there’s a great deal we need to talk about, isn’t there? Come, we’ll speak in the garden, then I’ll give you blood for your father. You.” She crooked a finger at Holden. “You may go wait in the library.”

“There’s a library?” I asked. In all my visits to her mansion I never totally grasped how big it was because it wasn’t the same from one trip to the next.

“There is this time.”

“Thanks.” Holden nodded, and as the three of us entered the long hallway, he turned right as Calliope and I went left. Several of the doors we passed were open, and from one to the next it could be daylight, twilight or night. The light changed in each space, and it never looked artificial or wrong.

Outside on her patio the night sky was alight with stars, and the impression of hundreds of galaxies was painted across the blackness, as though it were projected directly from the Hubble telescope. My breath caught in my throat.

“Wow.”

“Sometimes it is nice to be reminded we can be awed.” She sat on a large couch and patted the cushion beside her. I didn’t think twice about taking the seat.

“I guess I need to—”

“An apology would be hollow. You don’t forgive me for letting the young vampire die. I understand. You are allowed to stay angry.”

Huh. Well, she’d sort of sucked the wind out of my bitterness sails. It was hard to get any enjoyment out of being mad at someone once they said it was okay.

“Okay.”

“Sig has told you everything.” Her perfect posture made me feel silly for curling up in the seat, but the couch was just so soft and squishy it was impossible to resist. I could have fallen asleep there and not woken up for days. Something told me if anyone could keep my nightmares at bay, it would be Cal.

“How much of it did you know?” I asked. She’d sometimes been a bit cagey when it came to the Sig situation. She hated him because he’d broken her heart. But I also knew she hid things from me when it came to him.

“I have always known everything.”

“You knew he could manipulate me?”

A sly smile crossed her lips. “Haven’t you figured out by now that anyone can manipulate you if you let them?” She reached out and took my hand, stroking the lifeline on my palm. “And what of choices, Secret? Tell me if you’ve thought about your life these past months.”

“Of course I have.”

“Have you drawn any conclusions? Did your foray into the sunlit world of the truly living inspire you? Or are you so enamored of the bite from your vampire lover you would choose his path instead?”

I could have. I could have been either, to be full vampire or full werewolf. Instead I’d chosen to return to what I was. “I did make a choice, didn’t I?”

“Does it count as a choice to make no choice at all? Instead of moving forward, you moved along a set line, staying precisely as you were.”

I pulled my hand away and placed it in my lap, staring up at the stars to avoid facing her.

“What path is the right one? I don’t… Cal, I don’t want to die. But I can’t live like this anymore.” I held my hands up so the purple-orange hue cast by the orbiting supernovas above made them glow slightly. “
Is
there a right path?”

“Whatever path you choose is the right path.”

Of course. Why shouldn’t I expect more cryptic bullshit? She had spoken in riddles the whole time we’d known each other. Why should I expect anything to change now?

“I’m going to have to give one of them up, won’t I?”

“One of the paths? Of course.”

“I meant Holden and Desmond.”

“Not your wolf king?”

“Lucas? Christ, no.”

“Ah, so we are here now. Arrived at last on the second love triangle.”

“Huh?”

“When you first met your wolves, I told you there were two halves of you, and loving the wolves wouldn’t be the only triangle. And now here we are, and you love a wolf and a vampire.”

“And I’m going to have to choose.”

“You cannot keep them both. It wouldn’t be fair. Greedy girls lose everything if they yield nothing.”

I’d known all along there would come a time I had to pick between Desmond and Holden, but I had hoped I could put it off as long as possible. During our stay in California, Holden had point-blank told me I would have to make a decision. But after all the drama and horror, the boys had made their pact. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think I could keep it this way forever.

Never making a choice was a lot easier than saying goodbye to one of the men I loved.

“Bah,” I announced.

“Indeed. But take heed, my dear girl, I am not lying when I say you
will
lose everything if you do nothing.”

“You’re a bright ray of sunshine, you know that?”

“It’s been said before, yes.”

“So, tell me this, am I going to live to make this choice? I mean, you have to know I’m leaving to go kill Mercy.”

“I do.”

“And? Am I coming home?”

“You’re going home, aren’t you? Returning home? You will see many homes on your path to fulfill this vendetta. So, in that sense you will go home and leave home.”

“I need to pick my wording more carefully, don’t I?”

“It isn’t my place to tell you whether you will live or die. All will die. You among them.”

“But you’ve seen my death.”

“I’ve seen many deaths.”

“I love these little chats of ours.”

She smiled and took my hand again, but this time just to hold it rather than to measure my life. “You wouldn’t want to know everything I know, Secret. I see it all, the endless march of days until the final collapse. If you knew what I knew, you could not go on living. And if you couldn’t go on, everything would change, understand? I can’t tell you what I know, because it is unknowable. The knowing undoes it.”

“You’re an awfully frustrating woman, Cal.”

She waggled her eyebrows and smirked. “I know.”

“Of course you do.”

“But honestly. Pick a man. Pick a path. Decide what you want to do. Because all this waiting and seeing? It’s eating up precious hours of what life you have left, short or long. And do you want to go to your grave having squandered your time?”

I hated it when she was so damned spot on. “No.”

“And do you want to deny them happiness? Do you want to keep them from finding love if you are not the one?”

Well, uh,
yeah
. I was very much feeling the
if I can’t have them, no one can
mentality. Because naturally if I broke up with them, the boys would cease to be attracted to women and would spend the remainder of their days as, like, monks or something.

Was that too much to ask?

Apparently.

“No,” I agreed finally. “That wouldn’t be fair.”

“So pick.”

“Right now?” I sat upright, suddenly cold. Talking about choosing between them was one thing, but doing it at a moment’s notice was quite another.

“No. Don’t be absurd. Unless your choice is me. And I regret to inform you I am not an option.”

“Alas.”

She rolled her eyes. “But if we’re both being honest, when I say:
Secret, which man do you choose?
There is already an answer in your mind. But you’re not ready to admit it.”

And in the moment, when the words were spoken, I knew she was right.

Because I had my answer.

I was just afraid of it.

Chapter Twenty-Six

“This is a Mars bar.” Sutherland inspected the bag of candy I’d brought him.

“There’s also an Almond Joy in there. And some peanut butter cups.”

“But Snickers satisfies,” he protested.

I sighed, wondering if this was what it would be like to have a teenage son. “Keep digging, Dad. There’s one in there. I think I bought every candy bar in the place.”

I’d stowed the bagged blood from Calliope’s place in his fridge and prepared a fresh glass for him, but he was far more interested in getting his sugar fix than drinking what would actually sustain him.

Holden, who had been wandering around the apartment, reappeared in the living room and sat next to Sutherland on the couch.

“You know, all of Brigit’s clothes are still here,” he observed.

I hadn’t checked. Chances were good my father had done little to personalize the space. That would imply he had a personality to put into it. I think whatever lit the
Sutherland
part of his brain had flickered out after he tried to kill my mom.

If I was supposed to use my parents as a guide for how to embrace my inner monsters, they were likely the two worst role models I could have been saddled with. A traitorous werewolf and a crazy-ass vampire. No wonder I hated my heritage so much.

“What’s your point?” I asked Holden.

“There’s a lot of nice stuff in there. Most of it is your size. Except…you know…” He held up two hands in front of his chest to indicate breasts. Which Brigit had had in spades and I certainly did not.

“Are you suggesting there’s something wrong with my—?” I stopped myself short when I remembered the other party in the room was, for better or worse, my father. Holden seemed to realize it at the same moment because he dropped his hands right away.

“You’re talking about breasts,” Sutherland informed us.

“Unfortunately,” I admitted.

“You two are lovers.”

Oh dear God, I hoped this wasn’t going to become a much,
much
too late birds-and-bees discussion.

“Yeah.” I sighed.

“Oh. An Oh Henry!” He tore into the yellow wrapper and munched on the chocolate bar contentedly, his previous thought process erased by the chocolate-coated peanut goodness of his candy.

Saving Holden and me from one intensely awkward conversation with my teenage-looking father.

My phone buzzed, further extracting me from the scene. I made my way into Sutherland’s bedroom and stood in front of the closet, which was still crammed full of Brigit’s clothes. Something
would
need to be done with them, but I didn’t know if I could stomach the idea of wearing her things.

I checked the caller ID screen on my cell, and my heart leapt when Calliope’s number showed up. Since I’d just left her place, I couldn’t imagine what she’d need with me so soon.

“Hey, Cal. Did I forget something?” I prayed this would be about a misplaced wallet, and nothing serious. But I already knew if she was taking the time to pick up the phone, it
had
to be serious.

“You must leave.”

“Excuse me?”

“You have to go. You have to get as far from New York as you can. There’s no time to waste. Leave whatever it is you’re doing, get into your car and go.”

Instead of springing into action at her words, my body went cold and I felt frozen in place, totally unable to make whatever next move was necessary to my survival.

Calliope sounded…scared.

I couldn’t remember her ever sounding this frightened for me, because what would she have to fear? Like she’d told me less than an hour earlier—she already knew how I was going to die. So why should she be frightened?

Unless something had happened to change my fate.

My palms felt itchy, but I could do nothing to alleviate the sensation. I had both my guns, but even so I suddenly wanted my sword very badly.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“It’s Aubrey…” Her voice drifted off like she was struggling to find the words. Maybe it was tricky to tell someone they were about to die by fairy king.