‘Er... I’m not feeling well—’
‘Oh, no! You’re not phoning to
say you can’t come to the party, are you? Please, don’t say that!’
Alice felt weak, as though she
would cry if she spoke further. Staying in this flat would not help her get
over the pain. She wanted to see Jenny. Jenny always had a way of lifting her
spirits.
‘Allie?’
Alice took a deep breath. ‘Um...
I’ll come to the party.’
‘Great! So, are you looking
forward to seeing Andrew again?’
‘Yeah!’ said Alice, trying to
sound enthusiastic.
‘So, what were you phoning
about?’
‘Er... just wanted to check what
time you’d be picking me up.’
‘Oh. I think we agreed about
eight, didn’t we?’
‘Oh, yeah, I forgot.’
‘Okay, well, I’ll see you
tonight! And remember to dress up!’
‘Yeah, see you later.’
Alice hung up the phone and
walked back to the dressing table. Taking another look at her reflection, she
began to cry.
Trying to focus her mind on the
upcoming party, she told herself:
It’s what I need; to take my mind off
everything.
She spent the rest of the day tidying up her flat, whilst
listening to loud music, in an attempt to stop herself thinking too much.
As the time came closer for
Jenny and Frank to collect her, she began to feel increasingly nervous. She
worried that if she had a few too many to drink, she might accidentally tell
Jenny—or even someone else at the party—what Stephanie had revealed to her. The
last thing she wanted to do was to tell anyone; it felt like a dark,
embarrassing secret that she wanted to keep locked away.
At 8.05 p.m., the doorbell rang.
Jenny was standing outside. As soon as she saw Alice she jumped forward and
gave her a hug: ‘Hi Allie! Wow! You look great!’
‘Thanks,’ said Alice, surprised
at the compliment. When she’d looked in the mirror a few moments before, she’d
let out a sigh and wished she owned some make-up so she could try to cover up
the signs of her sorrow.
‘Come on!’ said Jenny, ‘Frank’s waiting
in the car.’
‘I’ll just get my jacket.’ Alice
played nervously with the string of fake pearls she wore around her neck.
Walking towards the coat rack, she took one last look in the mirror by the door
and noticed the sadness in her eyes. Frowning, she smoothed her hand along a
crinkle that had formed in her velvet dress when she’d been sitting down,
pulled on her jacket and ran out of the door, trying not to think.
Once inside the car, Jenny began
to talk enthusiastically about the party and the people they would be likely to
see there. Surprising herself, Alice joined in with the chatter and began to
feel almost normal again.
They arrived at the party at about 9 p.m. There were
already many people at the house, and loud music was blaring from large speakers
in the front room. The atmosphere was smoky in the living room. Alice looked
around her at the people who were laughing and dancing. There were a few faces
she recognised from university.
A tall, attractive dark-haired
boy approached them. ‘Frank! Glad you made it, mate! Jen! Hi, how are you?’ He
leaned forward and kissed Jenny on the cheek.
‘I’m great!’ shouted Jenny, over
the music.
‘Tony,’ said Frank, to the boy
who had greeted them, ‘this is Alice; Jen’s friend.’ He put an arm around
Alice.
‘Hello, Alice, pleased to meet
you,’ said Tony extending a hand to shake hers. ‘I’m Tony! It’s my party—’
‘And I’ll cry if I want to,’
said Frank, teasing.
‘Oh, shut up, Frank,’ said Tony,
laughing.
‘Nice to meet you,’ said Alice,
shaking his hand, although she was not sure her voice was heard above the sound
of the music blaring. ‘Happy Birthday!’ she said, almost shouting the words.
‘Thanks!’ Tony smiled, then he
looked into her eyes as if trying to remember something. ‘Have we met before?’
‘Um... I don’t think so,’ said
Alice, unsure.
‘You old charmer,’ said Frank,
laughing.
‘No, seriously, Frank; I thought
I recognised her.’ He paused. Then it was as if a light bulb sparked in his
eyes. ‘Oh! I know! You look like one of my sister’s friends: Jane. She’ll be at
the party. You might see her; then you’ll know what I mean. Blimey, you two
could be sisters!’
Alice froze.
Jane? Jane
Forester? Is she coming to the party?
She watched as Frank handed Tony the
bottle of wine they had brought with them, and the two boys disappeared into
the crowd of people dancing in the middle of the room. Alice looked around the
room, frantically searching for the girl who looked like her. Then, she sighed;
the whole point of coming to this party had been to try to stop thinking about
everything her mother had said, and about looking for her father. All she had
wanted to do was enjoy herself. She felt someone poke her in the arm. It was
Jenny.
‘Look,’ said Jenny.
Alice had to read her lips
because the music was now even louder. Then Jenny said something else, which
Alice didn’t catch.
‘What?’ she said, leaning closer
to her. ‘I can’t hear a thing.’
She then saw Jenny pointing
towards the door. Andrew had arrived. Alice smiled at Jenny, but when she
looked back at Andrew, she saw that he hadn’t arrived alone. He was with a very
attractive girl: she was tall and slim with long, wavy brown hair. Andrew said
something to the girl and they both laughed. They seemed happy. Alice frowned.
When she looked back at Jenny, she could see the disappointment in Jenny’s
eyes. Alice could not help taking one more look at Andrew. When she looked
again, she saw him kiss the beautiful girl on the cheek, and then gave up hope
of anything happening between herself and Andrew.
In the past, she had wondered whether
Andrew had a girlfriend. Somehow, she’d imagined she would be devastated if she
found out he was already in a relationship. She began to wonder why she didn’t
feel more disappointed now; after all, she had spent the past few months
thinking about him and what it would be like if they were together. It was a
dream that she had hoped would come true; but right now she felt nothing. It
didn’t seem to bother her.
‘I’ll get us a drink,’ said
Jenny, during a rare quiet time between songs. ‘The night is still young. There
are lots of boys at this party. Forget about Andrew.’
Alice smiled at her friend as
she watched her walk away. She began to ponder the reasons why she no longer
seemed to care about finding love. Perhaps what Stephanie had told her had
affected her in more ways than she had suspected. It was as though her feelings
and emotions were switched off. Maybe last night’s revelation had turned a page
in her life, so she was now a different person. The old Alice had been in love
with Andrew, she had been Stephanie’s daughter, she knew who she was. The new
Alice had no identity; this new Alice had never known Andrew or had any dreams
about him. Her past life had been wiped away and now she had entered an
undiscovered world where she would have to find her way alone.
Jenny returned with the drinks.
She handed Alice a plastic cup of red wine. ‘Drink up, and forget!’ she said
smiling. ‘Andrew’s not that great anyway. There are plenty more fish in the
sea!’
Alice sipped on her wine.
Somehow, she could not agree with Jenny’s statement. She had never seen Andrew
look better than he did tonight.
Jenny leaned closer to her and
said: ‘What do you think of Tony? He’s nice, isn’t he? And, he’s single.’
Alice smiled, whilst thinking
that she didn’t really want a relationship at the moment.
‘Oh, I can see Frank calling me.
I won’t be long,’ said Jenny, disappearing off to the other side of the room.
Alice stood alone feeling like
an alien as she watched the crowd of partygoers. Everyone here seemed so happy;
she didn’t feel that she belonged. She drank her cup of wine quickly and went
to get another drink. Perhaps with a few more drinks inside her, she would be
able to stop thinking so much. She found a table at the side of the room that
displayed bowls of crisps and other snacks, along with bottles of wine, cheap
champagne, beer cans, etc. She found a bottle of wine that was almost full and
poured some into her cup. After drinking it all in one go, she felt foolish,
realising that she was in no fit state to get drunk. What if she then started
to tell everyone about what Stephanie had told her? It was on the tip of her
tongue as it was; all the thoughts flooded her mind, until it felt that they
could almost fall out if she didn’t keep her mouth shut. She placed the bottle
of wine on the table, but then decided to fill up her cup again as the warm
feeling of daze began to fall upon her after the first couple of cups of wine.
Her mind was beginning to feel hazy, just as she wanted it to feel. She needed
more wine, to keep up that trancelike state. This time, she promised herself
she would sip the wine, rather than downing it at once. She turned around on
her heels and that small movement made her worry that perhaps she had already
had enough alcohol. It had gone straight to her head as she had hardly eaten a
thing all day. She tried to focus on the crowd of dancers, and steadied herself
by holding on to the table top. She almost spilt her cup of wine. A few drops
found there way onto her skirt. As she wiped them away with her hand she felt
glad she was dressed in black; hopefully the stains would not be so obvious.
She looked around the room that
was still slightly spinning from the effects of the alcohol. She couldn’t see
Jenny anywhere. Then, from the corner of her eye she noticed a face she thought
she recognised. She turned around ignoring the dizzy feeling, and saw Jane
Forester.
Am I actually drunk, already? I must be hallucinating
, she
thought. Then, she remembered something Tony had said about a girl called Jane
being his sister’s friend. She could not help staring at Jane. She felt pleased
that at least Jane was not facing in her direction, so she couldn’t see her
stare.
Jane was talking to another
girl, they seemed to be having fun. Alice decided to drink the rest of her
wine, for courage, and then to go and speak to Jane. She wanted to find out
more about her; find out if her suspicions were correct. She downed her wine
and placed the cup on the table behind her.
Just then, she felt a hand on
her arm. It was Jenny. ‘Oh, hi, Jen.’
‘Hi, I was just coming to get
you.’ She pointed to somewhere on the other side of the room. ‘I’m over there
with Frank and Tony, come and join us.’ She took Alice by the hand.
‘Er... wait, Jen.’ Alice stood
still. ‘Do you know many people at this party?’
‘No, not really; they’re mainly
Tony’s friends.’ Then, smiling, she said: ‘Oh, I like this song,’ as the intro
to a dance track began to play. She shook her hips. ‘Let’s dance, Allie!’
‘Wait. Do you know that girl
over there with the red dress?’ She turned around to point at Jane, but she
could not see her.
‘Which girl?’ Jenny looked at
her blankly when she turned back to face her. ‘Look, are you coming to dance or
what?’
Alice looked around frantically,
trying to find Jane in the crowd. She began to walk towards the living room
door. ‘Where are you going?’ shouted Jenny over the music. She followed Alice,
frowning.
When Alice reached the door to
the living room she noticed that Jane was standing by the front door. She was
taking her jacket from a coat hook. Alice turned around sensing Jenny behind
her. ‘Look!’ she said, ‘That girl. Do you know who she is?’
Jenny leaned over her to get a
better look. ‘Blimey, Allie, she looks just like you!’ Jenny’s eyes were wide.
That reaction was all Alice needed
to spur her on; knowing she wasn’t the only one who thought Jane looked like
her. Before she knew it, she was walking towards Jane. She felt sure that the
alcohol had something to do with it because she doubted she would have been so
confident otherwise. There was something else though; an overwhelming feeling
that she couldn’t let Jane get away without making some sort of contact—as if
there were an invisible force between them, drawing her towards Jane like a
magnet.
Jane glanced at her as she
approached, then her eyes widened as if she were surprised.
‘Excuse me,’ said Alice. ‘Are
you Jane Forester?’
‘Um... yes.’ Jane was now
staring at her. ‘Wh... Who are you?’
Alice only now noticed that Jane
had a plaster cast on her right arm, from her elbow to her wrist; then she
remembered the plane crash. ‘I’m Alice Turnbull.’ She said, looking back at
Jane, whose stare had now turned into a frown.
The short, plump girl who had
been talking to Jane, said: ‘Are you two related?’
‘No,’ said Jane to the girl.
‘I’ve never met her before.’ Then, turning to Alice, she frowned again and
said: ‘We haven’t met before, have we?’ Confusion was clear in her eyes.
‘No.’ Alice shook her head.
‘You look so alike!’ said the
other girl. ‘Like sisters!’ She laughed.
Alice laughed nervously. Jane
looked embarrassed. ‘Um... anyway,’ she said. ‘I was just leaving. Can you help
me with my jacket?’ she asked her friend.
‘Did you hurt your arm in the
plane crash?’ asked Alice.
Jane eyed her suspiciously: ‘How
did you know about that?’
‘It was in the papers.’
Jane blushed.
‘Is your dad called Roger?’
‘No.’
‘No?’ Alice’s face dropped.
‘Roger Forester is my dad, I thought...’
‘Thanks, Susie,’ said Jane when
her friend finished helping her put on her jacket. ‘Bye... uh, sorry I’ve
forgotten your name...’
‘Alice.’
‘Alice,’ she repeated, nodding
as she turned to leave.
‘Wait, Jane.’
Jane span around quickly to face
her, but appeared irritated.
‘It’s just that... well, we look
so alike. My parents divorced when I was a baby. I thought, because your
surname is Forester... he might be your dad...’ As she spoke, Alice felt
increasing weird, as if she were revealing secrets to a room of strangers for
no reason. Jane was looking at her, blankly. She appeared more embarrassed by
than interested in what Alice was saying.