"Can’t it wait, Babe?" Ryan begged, wishing to forestall the discussion.
"I guess it can wait, but it’s going to come up again and again, Honey. We need to set some ground rules."
It was obvious that Ryan did not want to have this discussion--now or later--but Jamie also realized that forcing her to talk when she didn’t want to wasn’t the solution either. She was about to try a different tactic when Ryan said, "I want to get dinner started, Honey. This issue will still be here after we eat."
Knowing that it was wise to back off, Jamie got up and took Ryan’s hand, leading her over to the grill. "Okay, Hon. We’ll talk about it later. Have you grilled veggies before?"
"Nope. Just corn and baked potatoes, I’ve never done anything this delicate before," Ryan admitted, holding up a baby zucchini with the blossom still attached.
"I’d suggest you start with the eggplant," Jamie instructed. The smaller woman had taken two eggplant and cut them in half, then cut a shallow crosshatch pattern on the creamy flesh. She liberally coated them with olive oil and coarse kosher salt, and now they lay on the platter, gleaming in the late afternoon sunlight.
"What do I do with them?" Ryan asked suspiciously, poking her finger at each of the vegetables in turn.
"Well, we have this vegetable insert that you put over the grill, like this," she instructed, placing the implement into the slot designed for it. "Then you put them flesh side down and wait until they begin to get soft. Then turn them, and let the skin side cook for a while. Put them face down again, until they’re nice and soft, and you’re done. They’ll take about three times longer than the other veggies, so have at it."
"Okay, but you’d better stay here and supervise. I might need assistance."
"No place I’d rather be," Jamie happily agreed, as she pulled up a stool and perched right on Ryan’s left side. "Need another beer, Hon?" she asked, when she noticed Ryan’s empty bottle.
"A bird can’t fly with one wing," was her partner’s glib reply. Since the comment was made in Ryan’s Irish accent, Jamie knew that the game was for her to decipher the phrase and act accordingly.
"I get it!" she laughed, reaching into the refrigerator for a second beer. "A bird needs two wings to fly, and you need more than one drink to do the same." She was quite pleased with her ability to figure out Ryan’s little phrases, and her pleasure showed brightly on her smiling face.
"Brilliant!" Ryan smiled in return and gave her a kiss for good measure.
As the eggplant cooked, Ryan stood behind Jamie, her chin resting on the smaller woman’s shoulder. "Know what I like?" she asked softly.
The blonde head shook gently. "No, what?"
"I like how great it feels to touch you all the time. I mean, I’ve touched lots of women intimately, but I’ve never been around anyone, except Caitlin of course, that I wanted to have my hands on all of the time. It’s really quite addictive."
"For me, too," Jamie agreed. "Oh, I touched Jack a lot, but most of his touches felt sexual. Yours feel warm and soft and make me feel connected to you. I absolutely love it."
"How do you feel when my touch does feel sexual, like this afternoon?" Ryan said, getting to the point.
Jamie furrowed her brow just a bit as she considered the question. "It felt luscious," she decided, speaking the word just above a whisper. "I loved it," she added confidently.
Ryan walked around to stand in front of her, checking the eggplant as she did so. "Tell me why you loved it," she asked, lacing her hands behind Jamie’s neck.
"Promise not to laugh?" Jamie asked, a hint of hesitation in her voice.
"Promise," Ryan declared.
"Okay…I loved it because I felt in charge for a change. I only felt that way once or twice with Jack. Normally I felt like the passive one, just taking what he had to give and hoping for the best. But today, I felt like…an adult. Yeah, that’s it! I felt like an adult."
She had the most satisfied grin on her face that Ryan had ever seen, and her own grin quickly matched that of her partner. "I’m glad," Ryan said softly, wrapping the smaller woman in her arms. They stood that way for a few minutes, both enjoying the closeness. "This is really different for me," Ryan said. "I was usually the more active, controlling one when I slept with other women. It was nice to let you share in the decision making today."
"That makes sense," Jamie said, nodding her head in agreement. "I guess I always assumed you’d be the more dominant one, but I’m not sure you’ve told me that in so many words."
"I think I’ve mentioned that," Ryan said, as she turned to flip the eggplant. "But I’m not sure, since I’ve told you so many things about myself. "
"You said it felt nice for you today. Tell me about that." Jamie was right next to her partner, and she unconsciously reached up to brush her bangs from her eyes. Ryan looked a little unsure of herself, but she did her best to explain her feelings. "Ummm, you might not be able to understand this, but people expect you to behave in a certain way when you’re physically imposing. Most of the women I’ve been with have been smaller than I am, and they always seemed to expect me to be in charge. That fits my personality—at least most of the time—so it wasn’t generally a problem. Once in a while, though, I didn’t want to be in charge, but I was still expected to be. That gets old after a while. To be honest, that’s one of the things I liked about being with Ally. She was always in charge. It was a nice break for me."
"Hmm, and you were bigger than she was?"
Ryan cocked her head for just a moment, her eyes widening as she thought about the question. She finally shook her head and revealed, "No…no I wasn’t. She was the only woman I’ve been with who was bigger and stronger than I am. Jesus! I treated her just like people treat me! I just assumed that she would be in control!"
"Maybe that’s what she wanted," Jamie suggested gently. "You must have meshed if you saw each other for five years."
Ryan was shaking her head, her lips pursed. "I wish we would have talked about it. Maybe she didn’t want that all the time."
"Well, we’re talking about it now, Hon, and I’m very glad that we are."
"Really?" Ryan asked, with a grin curling up the corners of her mouth.
"Really…partner."
By the time dinner was finished and the grill cleaned, it was after nine o’clock. They were both too tired to muster the energy to do much, so they decided to go to bed early.
"Do you think this is how most people spend their honeymoon?" They were climbing the stairs together, hand in hand, and Jamie’s head rested companionably against her partner’s arm.
"Most? That I don’t know," Ryan said. " I’d guess that most people just relax and try to get over the stress of their weddings."
Jamie laughed at this guess and agreed that it was probably true. "Well, we didn’t have that stress, but I bet most people didn’t ride a bike 560 miles right before their wedding."
"Good point. It’s going to take a while to feel rested."
"We’ll just have to spend more time in bed," the smaller woman beamed.
"You have the best ideas," Ryan decided, bending to place a kiss on the top of Jamie’s head.
When Ryan emerged from the bathroom, Jamie was already in bed, wearing one of Ryan’s Tshirts. "A little overdressed, aren’t you?" she asked as she hopped into bed.
"I’m used to wearing clothes. Even with you keeping me warm, I like to have my shoulders covered. You don’t mind, do you?"
"Whatever you like, Babe," Ryan assured her. "As long as you don’t mind me taking it off you regularly."
Jamie giggled at the thought. "I look forward to being undressed by your talented hands for many nights to come."
"The pleasure is all mine," Ryan responded. As they snuggled together to get comfortable, Ryan snuck her hand under the shirt and placed it gently on Jamie’s hip.
"You always touch me there as we fall asleep," the smaller woman said through a yawn.
"It’s one of my favorite spots," Ryan mumbled into her ear. "The curve of your hip feels very womanly to me. And you know how I feel about women," she chuckled lazily.
"I’m beginning to understand," Jamie said softly. "And I’m beginning to share the passion."
Ryan walked up the stairs, bright and early on Wednesday morning, balancing a heavy tray loaded with food. It was filled with a big, steaming bowl of oatmeal covered with cream and brown sugar, several bananas, two bagels with a slab of cream cheese, a big bowl of sliced pineapple, two large glasses of orange juice and a pot of coffee. As she gingerly pushed open the door, she expected to find her sleeping lover spread out across the bed, just as she had left her an hour and a half before. To her surprise, she found Jamie sitting up with a happy smile on her face, freshly showered and very much alert. The grinning blonde was obviously naked, but the top sheet was pulled up to her armpits and neatly folded over. Ryan’s heart skipped a beat when she considered the treasures hidden under that thin cotton barrier. "Well, well, well," she said, grinning at Jamie, "My little princess has arisen."
"I guess I’d better either get used to waking up alone or learn to get up before dawn, huh?"
"If you want to start running with me in the morning, you’ll have to. Otherwise, it doesn’t make much sense to get up for no purpose."
"Would you like me to run with you?" she asked, perplexed by the statement. "I thought you needed your time alone."
Ryan thought about that for a while. "I’m not sure," she finally admitted. "Part of me would like you to run with me, because I like to be with you constantly." She cocked her head slightly and continued. "But I do especially like the solitude when I am alone just before dawn. I think about things, say my prayers and stuff like that. I don’t know if I want to talk while I run."
"Are you implying that you don’t think I could run and not talk?" Jamie was slightly miffed that her lover would imply she couldn’t run silently.
"Sweetie, you even talk in your sleep," she said with a grin.
"I most certainly do not!"
"You most certainly do," she insisted firmly. "Last night, it was something like, "Oh yeah, that’s it, harder, harder!" Ryan wiggled her eyebrows and laughed at Jamie’s stunned expression.
"Are you really being serious?" she asked quietly.
"Yes, honey, you were dreaming about having sex, and you were providing me with a little commentary."
Jamie raised her knees and crossed her arms over them, dropping her head to rest on her folded forearms. "Oh, God, I’m so embarrassed."
Ryan went over to the bed and sat down, running her hand over her partner’s thigh. "Why are you embarrassed?"
"It’s not like I’m not getting enough sex; why do I dream about it, too?"
Ryan ran a calming hand through her hair, stoking her softly. "I don’t think that’s odd at all, Babe. I think you’re just discovering your sexuality, Jamie. And I don’t just mean the lesbian thing. I think you’re just learning to be a lot freer with how you express yourself. It’s probably on your mind a lot, and you’re working through some of your issues in your dreams. It’s perfectly natural, Sweetie. And darned erotic, I must admit," she said with a waggling eyebrow.
"Really?" Jamie shyly lifted her head just a bit to ascertain that her partner was being sincere.
"Really," Ryan said slowly, wondering how the admission she was about to make was going to be received. "When you were sleeptalking last night, I… uh… actually ran my hand down between your legs. You were really ready, if you know what I mean." She moistened her lips, then made her confession. "I really wanted to touch you, but it seemed kinda wrong, so I put my arms around you, and you quieted down."
Jamie dropped her eyes to stare at the sheets as she mumbled, "I’d like to wake up like that."
"With me touching you in your sleep?" Ryan inquired softly, lightly trailing her fingers up and down Jamie’s leg.
"Yeah, I… think I’d like it…a lot."
She was blushing so furiously that Ryan immediately sought to reassure her. Scooting over, she wrapped Jamie in her arms, "Then the next time that happens, and I hope it’s soon, you will be thoroughly touched!"
That’s a promise it will be a pleasure to keep,
she thought, indulging in the fantasy for a few moments while her partner snuggled into her body. Getting back to the original topic, Ryan sat up and ran her fingers through Jamie’s hair, fluffing the bangs away from her eyes. "Now, would you like to get up and run with me, or sleep a little longer?"
"I guess that running doesn’t really sound like that much fun if I can’t talk," she admitted. "I think I’ll just stay in bed and give you a darn good reason to come home."
"That should improve my time significantly," Ryan said with a grin. She rose and grabbed the breakfast tray, placing it across Jamie’s outstretched legs. "Start on this while I take a shower." Lovingly, she kissed her cheek, then issued a warning, underscored by the narrowing of her eyes. "But you’d better leave some for me."
"How could I not?" Jamie protested, as she looked at the feast.
Ryan emerged from the shower just a few minutes later. Her hair was twisted up in a knot and secured to the back of her head with a large metal clip. She was still a little damp, and she dried her body briskly with a fluffy white towel as she came back into the bedroom, rubbing so thoroughly that her skin glowed pink under her bronze tan. Jamie watched her with deep interest, musing that she watched her lover perform the most mundane task with a focus that she could rarely muster otherwise--even for topics that fascinated her. "I like your hair up like that," the smaller woman said thoughtfully.
"Do you?" Ryan inquired. "You can play with my hair any time you like. I don’t spend much time on it, but you are certainly welcome to." She walked back into the bath to hang up her towel, casually mentioning, "Actually, I was thinking about getting it cut."
"WHAT!?"
"Um...I was thinking about getting it cut?" she said once again, but more hesitantly this time, unsure of the reason behind Jamie’s outburst.
"You mean just the ends, right?" The look on Jamie’s face was near panic.
"Noooo."
Jamie’s voice rose to a somewhat louder volume. "You mean just a couple of inches, right?"
"Nooooo."
"How much?" Jamie finally demanded, getting up on her knees and putting her hands on her hips.
Ryan knew it was her turn to speak, but her stark naked lover was proving to be too much of a distraction for her to consider her reply. She shook her head and gazed at the ceiling so that she could respond. "I was thinking a little shorter than yours," she admitted, flinching a bit at her partner’s immediate reaction.
Jamie was off the bed in a flash. She grasped her lover’s dark head in her hands, shaking her own in negation. "I can’t let you do that, Ryan. I’m sorry, but I just can’t."
"Are you being serious?" Ryan asked, the demonstration taking her completely by surprise.
"Totally," Jamie said as she closed her eyes. "I always thought guys were nuts when they made such a big deal about long hair. But I really, really love it. I love to run my hands through it, I love it when it brushes against my breasts, I love how it settles around your shoulders and looks kind of wild, I love grabbing it with my hands to guide your head...." She shook her head slowly and looked at Ryan rather helplessly, "I really love it, Baby. I know it’s your hair, but I really, really love it."
Ryan had no interest in altering an attribute that obviously meant so much to her partner, so she immediately agreed to the request. "Okay, Sweetie," she soothed. "I won’t get it cut unless you agree. I wouldn’t want to deprive you of so much…love." Fond smile in place, Ryan leaned in and gave her a kiss to seal the promise. "You just never cease to amaze me," she said with delight. Still smiling, she pulled the tray from Jamie’s lap and dug in. Between bites of oatmeal, she looked carefully at her partner. "Come to think of it, I’ve not seen you with long hair. Maybe I need you to grow yours out," she added with a taunting smile.
"Okay, okay, fair’s fair." Jamie went and pulled an album from a large, built-in bookcase. They sat on the big window seat overlooking the wide expanse of lawn and started to look through the photos while Ryan continued to munch on the remaining breakfast.
Pointing at a photo of the family in what appeared to be a game room, Ryan commented. "Can I look around the house later on? You’ve had me locked in either the bedroom or the kitchen for two days. I haven’t seen any of the other rooms."
Jamie laughed at the image of Ryan trapped as her love slave, shaking her head roughly when the image became too appealing for her comfort. "Yes, Sweetie," she said, forcing her mind back to the topic. "We can do anything you want today."
Ryan thumbed through the album while she finished her breakfast, smiling at the pictures of her lover in her younger days. The photos were almost exclusively from her high school years, and Ryan was charmed by the youthful innocence in Jamie’s face. "You looked so young in high school," she said.
"Don’t I know it! I looked like I was 12 until I was 18! Luckily, by senior year I started to mature a little bit. See?" She pointed out a picture from late in her senior year. "It’s like I grew up all in one year."
"Mmm, you grew in more ways than one," Ryan said appreciatively, trailing a fingertip down the developing curves on the picture of her lover. With a sly smile working around the corners of her mouth, Ryan tilted her head and ran that same finger down the curves that had now fully developed and were so perfectly exposed to her tender touch.
"Yes, my popularity increased in direct proportion to my breast size," she admitted, patting Ryan’s cheek fondly.
"You must have been the most popular girl in the entire Bay Area," Ryan declared solemnly, bending her head to place a gentle kiss on the focus of their discussion.
Jamie giggled and pushed her partner away when the kisses continue to rain down on her. "Down, girl," she ordered through her laughter. "We don’t have time to finish what you’re about to start."
With a tiny pout now replacing her smile, Ryan mumbled, "I never get to have any fun."
"I know," Jamie said with her voice full of mock sympathy. "I’ll try to make it up to you later, Honey." Waggling eyebrows indicated just how reparations would be made. When Ryan’s grin was once again restored, Jamie switched back to the previous topic. "When did you reach your rather impressive height?"
"Hmmm, I’d say that, except for my last growth spurt, I looked about the same from 8th grade on. I could have gone into a bar when I was 16."
"And I bet you did," Jamie said teasingly, as she pinched her on the waist.
"Not until I was 17," she corrected, squirming away from Jamie’s pinch. "I don’t know, Jamie. You look pretty good with long hair. I might enjoy wrapping my fingers in your locks, too, and feeling their silky softness as they brush over my…"
"If you really want me to, I’d grow it long for you," Jamie interrupted agreeably. "I’d just had long hair my whole life, and I wanted a change."
"Do you like it short?"
"I like not having to bother with it. I don’t have to blow it dry if I don’t want to, and it is a lot cooler," she admitted.
"I think you should wear it the way you like it. But if you did let it grow, I sure wouldn’t complain," she said with wiggling eyebrows. One of the last pictures was obviously from senior prom. A much more mature young woman was standing next to a tall, dark-haired young man who was quite handsome.
"Who’s this lucky devil?" Ryan scowled slightly at the boy, feeling territorialism rear its ugly head.
"Scott Hastings," Jamie said thoughtfully. "We dated most of my senior year… When he wasn’t two timing me, that is."
"You stood for that!" Ryan cried, shocked that her self-assured partner would tolerate such disrespect.
"Yeah, I guess I did," she admitted. "In retrospect, it was just because I didn’t care all that much. He was fun and didn’t put a lot of pressure on me to have sex…probably because he was getting it from someone else," she added with a wry laugh.
"I guess we were both searching for something at this age," Ryan mused. "We just went about it in very different ways."
"Yeah, I guess that’s right," she agreed, with a pensive look. "I’m just glad that our searching led us to each other." Several long, tender kisses communicated her gratitude.
"Me too." Ryan pulled away from the kisses when her desire began to flare once again, remembering Jamie’s warning about their time constraints. "Do you have any pictures from when you were really little?" she asked as she flipped through the pages. "I want to see your mom when she was your age."
"Sure." She went back to the bookcase and studied the contents. "Jamie Evans, the early years," she intoned dramatically, pulling out a big binder and handing it to Ryan.
"I noticed at the AIDS Ride that your father is pretty tall," Ryan commented as she opened the binder.
Jamie, unaware that she was being set up, looked up at Ryan with the question in her eyes, then she voiced, "And?"
"Um...what happened?" Only Ryan’s quick reflexes saved her from the firm swat that Jamie directed at her abdomen.
"Nothing happened," Jamie retorted with narrowed eyes. "I’m just small gened. I’ll have you know that my mother is more height challenged than I am."
"It’s not a challenge, Jamie," Ryan said, the sincerity of her words mirrored in her eyes. "I think we fit together beautifully. I wouldn’t change one thing about you."