Cloak of Deceit: An Alex Moore Novel (22 page)

“It’s not so bad, sweetheart,” a voice said from the shadows.

With a cringe, I schooled my face as Ian wheeled up behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and offered him a half-hearted smile. “That’s twice you’ve snuck up on me.”

“This time shouldn’t count. I had an unfair advantage.” He looked past me out to the sea of low warehouse rooftops, and sighed. A little more hopeless and it would have captured exactly how I felt.

“How did you get up here?” I asked, eyeing him sideways.

“Service elevator.” He leaned his elbows on the brick ledge. “I’m here most nights, unless it’s raining.”

I nodded and then squinted at him. I’d come up to the roof the past three nights, and hadn’t seen him. “Have you seen me up here before?”

Ian smiled, and that was answer enough.

I snorted. “Peeping Tom.”

“Hey now, you’re the one with Undead senses. I thought you knew and were just playing along.”

I chuckled at that, and then shivered as a cold wind blew over us. “I’m surprised you’d come again, after what happened tonight.”

“You don’t scare me.” Ian reached over and covered my hand with his. His voice was low and gentle, not his usual teasing lilt.

“That makes one of us.” I sighed. “Julian is pissed. Not exactly the homecoming I’d hoped to give him.”

Ian nodded. “He has a short fuse, but it burns out fast. He’ll come ‘round.”

“I’m not so sure. I don’t think I’ve ever seen his eyes so wild.” Julian was always so controlled. The fact that I had made him slip wasn’t a good sign.

“I don’t think he’s so much angry as afraid,” Ian offered.

I turned and sank against the ledge. “I don’t want people to be afraid of me.”

“I didn’t say he was afraid
of
you. Afraid for you, for Monique, for all of us. Did I ever tell you how I ended up in this chair?” he asked, swinging around to face me.

“No,” I said softly, looking him up and down. I’d never had the guts to ask, and eventually, I’d stopped seeing the chair. It was just a part of Ian. His personality was so vibrant you forgot about his legs.

“I worked in a government lab, doing brain wave manipulation research. We had a subject from a local mental institution. I didn’t know it then, but she was a Grigori. Young, though. Not fully come into her powers. Others came to retrieve her.” He slapped his leg. “Just in the wrong place at the wrong time, really. One of the Force Agents tossed me against the counter. Hit it just right to break my back.”

“I’m sorry.” I gulped back my tears. If his story was supposed to make me feel better, I was still waiting for the punch line. So, I was the same as the people who had paralyzed him. Seemed like all we did was hurt people. Was that all I was good for anymore?

“No worries. I was the lucky one. They killed the others, trashed the lab. But Julian saved me. He carried me out of the lab before it burned down around me, brought me here.”

“Julian?” I frowned. “Why?”

Ian looked over my head, seeking the answers in the steam rising between the sodden buildings. He leaned in to whisper conspiratorially. “He’s got a bit of a hero complex.”

It was so unexpected that when he turned his dour face back to me, I burst out laughing. “Ya think?”

Ian finally shrugged and set his hands back on the arms of his chair. “He’s an odd one. He can be hard as stone. A ruthless warrior. I know — I’ve seen him in action. But when it comes down to it, I think he tries to see the best in people, to give them a chance. Why else would he hang out with such a band of misfits?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” I wiped my face. “Are you trying to say he’ll forgive me?”

“Who wouldn’t forgive you the world, sweetheart?” Ian winked up at me with his usual teasing grin. It was like the first breath after the plunge, buoying me up out of my self-pity. I bent down and wrapped my arms around him. He was warm, and familiar, and…grabbing my ass. All was right with the world.

I laughed as I stood up. “Are you going back down?”

“In a bit.” He smiled and tilted his head up to the sky. “Think the stars might come out yet.”

“Think you might wanna sneak up on me again tomorrow night?” I asked.

He smirked. “That could be arranged.”

As I left Ian on the roof, a bit of my confidence drained back out of me. Sure, what he’d said might be true. But he hadn’t been there to see the accusation in Julian’s face, to hear the threat in his voice. I had. It made my toes numb just thinking about it. At least now I felt more ready to face it. I knew I hadn’t lost all my friends, or at least not Ian. It gave me some hope.

My room was empty when I reached it. I paced for a few minutes, until the four brightly-painted walls seemed to be shrinking in on me, and then I decided to go and seek Julian out. I had a good idea of where to find him. After what had happened, Monique would be his first concern. I swept silently through the halls to her chambers, wondering what I would say. Apologize, of course. A small part of me still didn’t want to. She had asked for it, after all. But saying that wouldn’t get me anywhere. Not when she was the one who’d collapsed into a sobbing mess. I had no idea what sort of damage I’d done to her, or if it was permanent.

The outer door was wide open when I got to her office, so I slipped in to the beige greatroom. There were voices coming from one of the inner rooms, and I inched toward the door, wondering if maybe it would be best to turn back and wait, as Julian had asked. But my patience lost the match with my curiosity every time. Even if he were only going to rail on me, I’d rather he do it sooner than later. Not knowing where we stood was killing me.

I lifted my hand to knock, and then the mumble of voices became actual words, and I froze, not breathing.

“If not under orders from the Cloak, then who was Derek working for?” Monique’s voice was still thready and hoarse.

“It must be a Cabal with connections inside the Cloak. I don’t know if I can trust the offer they’re making.” Julian sounded tired and frustrated.

“You spoke to them?”

“No, but I have it from a good source they want Alex alive. The Grigori want her more, though I can’t understand why. I thought they would want her eliminated, but they’ve even approached the Cloak wanting to negotiate for her.”

“Will you tell her?”

There was a whisper of fabric, and then Julian’s voice came again, from another direction, as if he were pacing. I inched back from the door, afraid he would get close enough to pick up my scent, but I kept my ears keened to what was going on inside the room.

He sighed. “She won’t understand. She’s already so…”

“Julian,” Monique chided, “you cannot protect her from what she is.”

“I know,” he grated.

“Look at you. Look at what this is doing to you. Why? How do you know this isn’t an elaborate—”

“No.” His clipped tone breached no compromise.

Monique’s breath soughed out, and there was a long silence. Before I even thought about what I was doing, I leaned to the side and peered into the narrow strip of light from the cracked door. Julian stood with his back to me, facing the wall. Monique crossed the room and stood behind him. Her dainty hand slid up the wide slope of his back.

The image blurred. I blinked back tears.

“Just think on it,
mon amour
,” Monique whispered. “What do you know of this girl? The Cloak wants her, at any cost. What if they would be willing to pay with his freedom?”

I took in a sharp breath, and then tensed, afraid they’d heard me.

Andreas
.

Julian’s head lowered, and he turned slightly to look at Monique over his shoulder. The glimpse I caught of his expression was anguished, and squeezed my chest. An urge rushed up in me, to comfort him, to make that pain disappear. But I may as well have been worlds away.

“The Cloak will do anything to have her, and even more to keep her from the Grigori. Can you do any better? What will you do, hide forever? This is the chance you have sought. You can have Andreas back. It can be like it was before between us.” She smoothed her hand down one side of his face and wrapped her other arm around him, pulling him close.

Julian eased against her, still silent.

My face twisted in an effort to keep my tears in check. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing or hearing. The world was spinning back and forth like a broken record, replaying that moment over and over, making my stomach heave.

Monique’s voice came again, low, cajoling. “You have not seen to your own needs, my love. How long has it been?”

Julian didn’t answer, only buried his face under a curtain of her black hair.

“Too long.” She undid the top two buttons of her blouse. “Drink,
mon amour
. We can decide the rest later.”

Julian lifted his face away from her, though he pulled her closer. Monique sifted her hair to one side, baring her neck. With his eyes pressed closed, Julian leaned down and sank his fangs into her.

I didn’t stay to watch.

I kept my jaw clamped shut to keep from sobbing as I rummaged through my room, throwing things into a satchel. Three bottles of blood, some shampoo and a toothbrush, and my manual — everything I had to my name. I pulled on my jacket and spun out the door without looking back. As long as I kept moving, the shock and pain of everything I’d just witnessed wouldn’t have time to sink in.

What the hell is the matter with me?

Once again, my feelings had blinded me to the truth. Why would Julian be so willing to risk so much for a pain in the ass like me? He needed me for something — plain and simple.

I tried to keep it from hurting, to hate him for using my biggest flaw against me, but I couldn’t blame Julian, not entirely. I had wanted so much to believe what he told me. I had wanted this time to be different, and against my better judgment, I had let myself count on him.

It’s time to start counting on yourself.

To let my head guide me, instead of my weak-ass heart.

Confusion and disbelief got me through the first few corridors. Then my fury set in, and my strides lengthened. How could I have been so wrong? So stupid? I could have walked through a wall. Instead, I just sent Carl sprawling when he stepped right in front of me just yards from the exit. The look on his face when he sat up was a mixture of fear and desperation.

My muscles knotted with tension, but I didn’t move. I wanted to throw myself at him, to cry and be comforted, to beg his forgiveness. And I wanted to rage at him for being the one who was there, offering me everything I wanted, and being the wrong person.

He scrambled to his feet. “Where are you going?”

“Away,” I answered, my jaw set. I tried to shoulder past him, but he grabbed me and spun me around.

“Carl, please.” I turned my face away. I couldn’t bear to see the pain in his eyes. It would undo me. The little bit of a life I’d managed to scrape together since my other one had ended was shredded to thin, unraveling ribbons. I felt like my anger was the only thing keeping me together. If I let him take it away, I would just come apart.

It always ends like this.

“No,” Carl's deep voice echoed down the hallway. He dug his fingers into my arms. “You’re not leaving here alone. I’ll go with you.”

I glanced up at him then, and his eyes were wild, panicked. His heart was pounding, reverberating through me like a bass drum. For an instant I considered it. He would never leave me, never betray me. But I couldn’t ask him to follow me where I was going. I didn’t even know where that was, but I knew being with me was likely to get him killed. I wouldn’t survive the guilt if something happened to him. I was a danger to all of them. It was better for everyone if he just let me go.

I shook my head, and before he could issue another argument, I wrapped both hands around his neck, yanked him down to my level, and kissed him. It was deep, and hard, and desperate. A goodbye kiss. He still tasted like fresh spring rain, and I almost didn’t want to let him go.

But I did.

“Don’t make me knock you out. You know I’ll do it,” I said, breathless. Then I reached up and tore the collar from around my neck. Carl stood there with a stunned look on his face, as I tucked it into his hand.

“Please tell everyone I’m sorry.” I turned and ran up the stairs. I didn’t look back. When I reached the top landing, I sent a thrust of power out in front of me, and the heavy metal door flew open with a crack. I bolted through it and lost myself to the night.

Chapter Fifteen

I
ran through the rain for a long time. Like a bird loosed from a cage, I didn’t have any direction but
away
. I had never really tapped into my Undead capabilities, but as my legs stretched on tirelessly, I thought I could run forever. And I wanted to.

Keep running until it stops hurting.

I leapt over puddles and curbs with a grace I’d never had while living. If I hadn’t been so brittle and numb on the inside, I might have enjoyed it. The air wasn’t fresh, but after being cloistered and listless for several days, the act of movement freed me. I wove and turned, streaked down alleys, and zigzagged between buildings, determined to make it as hard as possible for Julian to track me.