Christmas Holiday Husband (17 page)

“Conserving your energy?” he asked, dropping into the chair next to hers.

“For our no-strings mutual pleasures?” she enquired. She’d been turning her current situation around and around, and still saw no escape.

“They don’t have to be no-strings, you know. You fit in here beautifully. You’re getting on really well with my girls. They need a mother. Nothing against Ginny—she’s wonderful with them. But they need someone younger.”

Ellie flinched and turned her gaze down to her lap.
Oh God! Anything but this. You’re going to offer me paradise, Tony, and there’s no way I can accept. If you knew what agony you’ll be putting me through, you’ll leave things as they are and spare me th
e
pain.

He turned toward her as though to gauge the impression his words had made. “Ellie, look at me. This is important. My girls need a mother. I want you for my wife. You’ve appeared out of the blue at the perfect time. We’re fantastic together—I can’t believe whoever else you’re seeing is physically any better for you.”

Steel stiffened her spine. “Physically any better?” she asked, raising her head so her eyed spat sparks at his. “Tony—what makes you think I’d sleep with two different men at the same time?”

“I don’t think that.” He drew a determined breath. “But you said there was someone...”

She continued to glare at him, offended beyond belief. He considered her so morally lax? Some opinion of her he had! Yet he’d still decided to propose marriage? Outrage threatened to explode her composure apart, and she clung onto it by the slimmest of threads.

He moved to placate her, reaching for her hand.

She whipped it out of his reach.

He sat back in his chair again. Wariness lurked in his narrowed eyes, and they had no playful gold in them now. “You mentioned...someone. I’d like to get in first, so to speak.”

“You don’t seem to expect much from a wife, do you, Tony?” she said in her best ‘behave-or-else’ classroom voice. “A replacement mother for your children and a willing bed partner. And that about covers it for you does it?”

Now she saw heat in his face. Angry flushes of red spread across his cheekbones, and a pulse beat visibly in his neck.

“No, Ellie, not nearly,” he insisted. “You’re deliberately twisting things. This is a wonderful place to live. You’d thrive here. It sounds like you’ve had a fairly tough time in recent years. Come and live at Wharemoana and let me look after you. Marry me when you think a decent-enough time has elapsed.”

Panic gripped her. She trembled from her scalp to her suddenly frozen feet, and prayed he wouldn’t notice. If he’d wanted her eleven years ago, she would have been delirious with joy. But now? He’d surely wreck the trusting relationship she had with Cal. She’d told him his father was dead and never coming back. The lie had returned to haunt her.

However much she might want the man, her son had to take precedence. It would be so easy for Tony to steal him away. She could picture the huge grin on Cal’s face if Tony gave him the longed-for PlayStation.

Worse, it sounded as though Tony saw marriage simply as a very convenient solution to their mutual problems—and itches.

And yes, she itched. Her body had come alive after its long enforced sleep. She had only to look at him to feel the feathery flick of desire pulsing through her. Knew that when her eyes caught his, it would beat steadily hotter and heavier, and have her ready to receive him in a matter of seconds.

Now she drifted through the days waiting only for the nights.

The possibility of sharing his bed permanently had turned into reality, but no way could she accept. Cal had to come first.

And at least Cal
loved
her! Tony had made no mention of that little necessity. Sure, he lusted after her. And if he was willing to offer marriage he must hold her in some esteem. After all, he could hire a nanny or tutor for his daughters and an escort for social occasions, but he didn’t need to marry to acquire either service.

She needed to somehow retreat gracefully from the situation. She wanted to keep the job, but marriage was out of the question and she had to make him see that.

“Tony,” she said. And stopped. How could she turn him down without offending him so thoroughly she lost any future chance of reconciliation? The wanting had lashed at her more and more strongly as the days slid by. Seven days filled with violent emotions—hot hope and seething passion—and now misery as cold and hard as granite.

“Ellie?” he replied. And waited, mouth tight and eyes icy.

She swallowed. “You have somewhat misinterpreted my other relationship,” she said. “I am sleeping only with you. I am very happy to continue that arrangement.”

“Arrangement? What an attractive description.”

She bit her lip and shrugged. Dropped her gaze.

“And I’m to be thankful for small mercies, am I?” His apparent attempt at lightness fell like a lead balloon between them.

Ellie flinched. “I want you
intensely,
” she muttered. “How can you doubt that?” She shot him a sideways glance. He didn’t appear convinced or comforted. “Tony, you
know
I want you. That I’m desperate for you. I can’t say ‘no’ to save my life...”

xxx

“But I’m just a source of energetic sex for you, am I? Someone to work all your female frustrations off with so you get a good night’s sleep?” His blood ran cold as he heard himself spit the vicious words out. That wasn’t what he’d meant. And certainly not how he’d intended saying it. He’d lose her completely if he wasn’t careful. But why couldn’t she see how good things would be for them both? If she had no-one else, why wouldn’t she commit to him?

He scraped both hands back across his short hair and squeezed his eyes closed.

He wasn’t asking for instant marriage. In fact they needed to wait a few months so Julia’s sad death could slide decently into the past. He tried again.

“Ellie, I’m sorry. Of course that’s not what I meant. I saw you from my study.” He glanced up through the rose covered pergola to the upstairs window—“and I thought you looked so right here, so at home. I saw the possibility of us all being happy together. At least think about it?”

“Shall I be allowed to continue working off my ‘female frustrations’ on you, Tony?”

He compressed his lips, biting back the unwise words that had so nearly escaped. “Anything you want, Ellie. Whatever suits you best.”

“It suits me best to stay on in my current situation, thank you. You’re right about the girls—we relate well. And they definitely need extra tuition so they’ll be able to cope at school next year.”

“And us?”

“If I need a good night’s sleep, I know where you are.”

Somehow he managed to stay silent for a few seconds. He had to presume he’d deserved that last cruel barb from her. But a black rage had him in its clutches now.

“How did we get to this?” he snarled. “This is crazy, Ellie. I was offering you a compliment—I thought. I seem to have done nothing but upset you.”

She bowed her head so her curtain of hair hid her face from him. “Tony, I’m right at a crossroads in my life. I’m exactly ready to set up on my own. I love my job—relief teaching pays well and I’ve been getting plenty of work. The position here will see me through until the next school year starts. My new house is almost ready—”

“You could move here and rent that out,” he said stonily.

“—and I’m
so
looking forward to having a proper home instead of a rented place. You can’t have any idea what that feels like. Wharemoana is your family’s home...your inheritance. You didn’t have to work for it.”

He bared his teeth in a cold smile, determined to put her right about that. “Like hell I didn’t! I’ve spent my whole life preparing to run this place. School holidays helping to drench stock and repair fences and feed out silage when other kids were off skiing or surfing. Years of study at uni. Business subjects because I needed them—not because I wanted them. I worked like the devil. Far harder than you can imagine.”

She raised a hand to stop him. “But you still had it
given
to you.”

“I’m the only son.” He smashed a closed fist into his other hand with a loud smack and had the satisfaction of seeing her jump. “I’m the current caretaker. How else would it be?”

She sent him a scathing glance. “Nobody gave me my house, Tony. I had to earn every penny of the deposit, and I’ll be paying off the mortgage until I’m middle-aged. It’s different. It’s all mine. And I’m proud of it, however inadequate it might seem to you beside this mansion.”

He breathed out, desperate to control his temper. “It’s not a mansion,” he objected. “It’s just home.”

“To you, maybe. Not to me.” She shook her head. “Don’t push it. Now is not the right time.”

He tried to relax the tension from his jaw. Why was she being so infuriating? “Will it
ever
be the right time?”

“I don’t know. Certainly not yet.”

“I won’t give up.”

She glared at him. “You got your way last time, but this time you won’t.”

“
Got my way,
Ellie? Is that really how you see it? I felt our mutual attraction the moment I laid eyes on you. It wasn’t one sided. You ‘got your way’ too. You wanted me—you can’t deny it.”

An embarrassed blush spread up her neck. “Yes, I wanted you. I never stopped wanting you. I never
said
I’d stopped wanting you, Tony. Maybe I never
will
stop wanting you. But I cannot marry you now and live with you here...that’s all.”

“And that’s all I want.”

She shook her head again, more fiercely this time. “You can have me until the end of January.”

“And if you’re pregnant?” The words were out before he realised he’d said them.

xxx

“Let’s both just pray I’m not.” The possibility had been gnawing at her like acid. For what could she desire more than his child? And right now, what did she need less? Their unprotected coupling after arriving home from Honeymeade Lodge had happened so fast with so little thought on either side, and the timing had been far from safe.

“If you’re pregnant you’ll have to reconsider.”

“If I’m pregnant it’ll be
my
business entirely.”

“And the rest! Dream on, lady...”

He looked almost ready to strangle her. Face tight with fury he pushed himself to his feet and strode the few steps to the big outdoor dining table. Ellie watched in helpless fascination as he peeled off his shirt, toed off his shoes and dropped his jeans. He tore his socks and jeans off together, tossed the whole bundle onto the table, and stalked away toward the swimming pool.

She sat frozen as he unclipped the high safety lock on the pool gate and slammed it behind him. She heard a resounding crack as his body hit the water, and then the churning splash as he completed length after frustrated length of the pool.

Just watching him strip and walk away from her was a sensual feast. The sun threw the planes and curves of his back and legs into sharp relief. His arrogant swagger only accentuated the hard strength of his body. She was reminded unerringly of Sydney—when he’d wrenched off his boots and socks and dived into the hotel pool to cool off. And to invite her out that first evening.

But this time he was moving away from her, and his invitation had not brought the result he’d hoped for. She knew she’d be sleeping alone in the Blue Room that evening. Tony was far too proud to come begging for her company. And she was too burned by this encounter to go searching for his.

The gloss had gone out of the day. Ellie sat a few minutes longer, but there was no sign of him returning. She retreated to her room, retrieved Cal’s photo from her underwear drawer and put him back where she could see him. She pulled a thriller from the bookcase, made a pile of pillows against the bed-head, and settled down. But as hard as she tried to lose herself somewhere foreign and exciting and dangerous until dinner, it seemed there was nowhere as exciting and dangerous as Wharemoana right now.

xxx

Ginny watched as the twins tucked into their lasagne. The atmosphere between the other two adults was positively polar. Perhaps she should keep well clear until they’d sorted out whatever was wrong? She gave it one last try. “It’s wonderful how popular you can make a bit of leftover minced lamb, isn’t it?” she said to Ellie.

“Yum!” Caro exclaimed, red-ribboned ponytail bouncing and bobbing.

Ellie nodded, but said nothing.

So much for that
, Ginny thought. Ellie had only picked at her dinner. And her son-in-law, who normally devoured everything in sight to fuel his impressive body, hadn’t done much better.

She’d charted the attraction flaring between them. Seen Robbie trail Ellie up the stairs on the first evening, only to return elated and jittery. At the barbecue she’d noted his kiss on Ellie’s shoulder, and his hands caressing her hips before disaster struck and they’d had to ferry poor Steven to hospital. She assumed they’d not used the second bedroom at Honeymeade Lodge because they’d both appeared at breakfast next day looking hot and bothered and exhilarated. Then he’d departed for the Melbourne conference.