Christmas at Candlebark Farm (15 page)

Luke halted by the tray of the ute. She stopped beside him—not too close—and peered inside. ‘A Christmas tree?' And by the look of its box it must have been the biggest one he could find.

Jason peered over her shoulder. ‘Sweet!'

She'd wanted to buy one when she and Jason had been shopping earlier, but had been afraid of overstepping some unspoken boundary.

Luke glanced at her from beneath a lock of hair that had fallen forward onto his forehead. ‘Is it…um…okay?'

‘It's better than okay!' She couldn't help it. She turned and hugged him. Hard. Then she let him go, because neither she nor her body had forgotten that episode beneath the mistletoe yet. ‘It's perfect!'

She stared down at the Christmas tree, and all the associated bags and boxes of tinsel and decorations. ‘My favourite Christmas memory is decorating the tree with my mother every year.'

Luke planted his hands on his hips. ‘Why didn't you say something sooner?'

She shrugged and risked glancing up at him. ‘It didn't seem right, somehow.' But now… ‘Ooh, c'mon—let's unload it.' She clapped her hands. ‘Time's a-wasting.'

 

The genuine delight on Keira's face as they set up the Christmas tree lightened Luke's heart. A Christmas tree—such a small thing—but it gave her so much joy.

Mistletoe was an even smaller thing, he reminded himself with a wry twist of his lips, but it had nearly undone him. For a brief crazy moment her teasing had made him feel young again. He had to take serious care he didn't get stuck under that mistletoe with her again.

‘Have some shortbread.' Keira held a plate out towards him, humming along to ‘Deck the Halls' as it blasted out from the CD-player.

He took a break from unknotting tinsel to select a piece. He bit into the crumbly sweetness and then had to close his eyes against the vivid need that shook through him. He couldn't let all this go to his head—Keira handing out traditional Christmas treats and singing along to carols while she helped his son decorate the tree, and both of them turning to him every now and again to tell him what a stroke of genius the tree was—none of it was real. Well, it
was
real, he amended, but it fed too closely into the fantasy. A fantasy that could never come true. This was a mirage—a temporary illusion. In a few days Keira would be gone, and she'd leave a gap in his life. He had no illusions about that. All the same, he would do nothing to stop her from leaving. He'd promote it if he had to.

If she stayed he would break her heart—just as he'd broken Tammy's. He'd make her promises he couldn't keep—just as he had with Tammy. Keira's eyes might go all soft now, when they rested on him, but if she stayed eventually they'd harden with disappointment and heartbreak. He'd put lines of care on her face.

He couldn't stand the thought of doing that. Better she left in a few days than they risk exploring the heights he instinctively knew they could scale together. Her eventual pain would not be worth it. It would be a thousand times better that he suffer the torment now than for her to suffer it later.

In the meantime, he had to work at keeping things light.

And no more kissing under the mistletoe!

‘Earth to Luke?'

He crashed back to find Keira holding out a large golden star.

‘You can do the honours.' And she pointed to the top of the tree.

‘Me?'

‘Yes, you. You were the one to surprise us so wonderfully in the first place, and…'

‘And?' he asked, intrigued in spite of himself.

‘And you're the only one tall enough to reach the top.'

He grinned and popped the rest of his shortbread into his mouth, wiped his fingers on his jeans and carefully took the star. He settled it into place, securing it there as gently as he could and doing his best not to dislodge any of the other decorations.

He stepped back to survey their handiwork.

‘Sweet,' Jason said, moving in beside him.

‘Perfect,' Keira breathed from his other side.

And just for a moment while he stared at the tree he had a glimpse of the true spirit of the season, and it eased the ache out of his chest.

‘It really does feel like Christmas now,' Keira added with a satisfied sigh, and his chest expanded. His plan had worked, but it hadn't just lifted
her
spirits. It had lifted Jason's too.
Even teenagers need Christmas.
He vowed that in the future he wouldn't forget.

He stepped back before the fantasy could swallow the last shred of his sanity. ‘Is there anything else we need to make Christmas perfect?' Tomorrow was Christmas Eve. That meant there was only one more shopping day left.

‘I don't think so.' Keira sucked her bottom lip into her mouth before letting it go again. It glistened as bright as the tinsel and the foil angels that swayed in the breeze from the French doors. For the life of him, Luke couldn't look away. ‘We've bought enough food to feed an army!'

‘We're roasting a turkey and vegetables,' Jason said, practically drooling as he threw himself down on the sofa. ‘Keira promised to show me how to cook it so we can make it next year.'

When Keira wouldn't be here.

Luke retreated to his armchair and pretended to admire the Christmas tree.

‘And we have all the ingredients for a pavlova.'

From her tone, pavlova must be one of her all-time favourite things.

‘Not to mention enough chocolate-coated sultanas, shortbread, sweets and nuts to sink a ship.'

‘And fruitcake,' he added, remembering how they'd made that cake—the easy laughter and camaraderie.

‘And fruitcake,' she agreed.

She settled herself in the other armchair, the one furthest from him and nearest the Christmas tree. Her hair curved around her face. He curled his hands into fists, but that didn't stop him remembering its softness. She wore the same shorts she had the day she'd paddled in the river—the day of their picnic. The day they'd—

She crossed her legs, her shorts rode up, and he forced himself to glance away.

He saw Jason surveying the tree with eyes that glowed and his heart clenched. He would never be able to thank Keira for bringing Christmas back into his son's life. He had to clear his throat before trusting himself to speak. ‘Are you spending Christmas night with your grandparents?'

‘Dunno.'

Something about his tone had Luke straightening. Now that he came to think about it, Jason hadn't spent any time at all with Brenda and Alf this last week. ‘You want to tell me about it?'

Jason shrugged. ‘We had words,' he mumbled. ‘I told them they had to stop saying bad things about you in front of me—that I didn't want to hear it. I told them they were wrong about you, and that you did love Mum even if it wasn't the way they wanted you to.'

Luke stilled.

‘I told them to get back to me when they'd worked out if they could do that or not.'

‘Aw, hell, son, I…' He swallowed, and tried to tell Jason how much Brenda and Alf needed him, but he choked up.

Keira spoke over the top of him anyway. ‘Good for you. They'll come around—you'll see.'

Did she really think so?

‘Yeah, I reckon they will too.'

Luke gazed at them both in astonishment.

‘Don't sweat it, Dad.'

Jason clambered to his feet, and it hit Luke just how much his son had grown up in the last couple of years. ‘Do you have any idea how much you sounded like your mother just then?'

A grin spread across Jason's face. ‘Yeah? Sweet! I'm going to exercise Dusty.' With that, he pushed out through the French doors, whistling.

Luke swung back to Keira. ‘But Brenda and Alf…' His heart went out to them. They'd lost their only child. Their grief and anger—he understood it only too well.

‘Jason has a right to ask the adults in his life to act in a reasonable manner.'

He closed his mouth. She was right.

‘And maybe this is the shake-up Brenda and Alf need. They won't find any peace in the bitterness they keep perpetuating. They need to concern themselves with the living, not with the dead. It's time they started remembering all the good things about Tammy, instead of focussing on her death and the gap she's left behind.'

He couldn't help but stare at her. She brushed a strand of hair back behind her ear and shrugged, not quite meeting his eye. ‘My gran told me all that when my mother died.'

His heart ached at how much she'd lost and how alone in the world she was. ‘Keira, your coming to Candlebark was a stroke of good fortune for Jason and I.' He paused. ‘I just wish it could've been as good and as trouble-free for you.'

She glanced away. ‘My miscarriage had nothing to do with your farm, Luke, or the town of Gunnedah.'

There was something in the way she said it that suddenly
froze his blood. Something hard and unrelenting in her voice that he hadn't heard there before. He shot forward to the edge of his seat. ‘When you return to the city, Keira, you will be pursuing your IVF treatment, won't you?'

She shrugged, but still didn't look at him. ‘I kind of think the universe has spoken up on that subject, Luke, don't you?'

His gut clenched. So did his hands. ‘You can't give up on your dream of becoming a mother!' The words burst from him.

She turned then, and met his gaze. ‘It's too soon to think about it.' Her eyes were dark and shadowed. ‘I don't want to talk about it, Luke. Please—it's Christmas.'

And he had promised her Christmas. He nodded, but his heart burned in protest.

She sagged. ‘Thank you. Now…' She straightened again. ‘What gifts have you bought for Jason?'

‘I…uh…' He shifted on his chair. ‘None.'

‘None!'
She stared at him, evidently scandalised. Then her face softened. ‘Let me guess, Tammy used to take care of that side of things?'

He nodded.

She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. ‘Didn't you and your family exchange gifts when you were growing up?'

When he was very little he seemed to recall there'd been some gifts. After that… ‘We had dreadful droughts out here during the eighties. There wasn't much spare cash. Everything we had went back into the farm or to the bank.'

She sucked that bottom lip into her mouth again. He wished she'd stop doing that. As if she'd heard that thought rattling around in his head, she suddenly pursed them instead, and he could have groaned out loud—that wasn't any better!

‘What about now?'

Was she asking him if he had enough money to buy Jason a Christmas present?

‘We're a bit cash-poor until the harvest comes in. Once it does, though…' They were on track to make a tidy profit this year. ‘I can afford a gift or two, if that's what you're asking.' This should have occurred to him sooner. He scratched his head. What did one get a fourteen—nearly fifteen—year-old boy for Christmas these days? What had he wanted when he was fourteen?

Again, as if she could read his mind, she gestured towards the television unit. ‘I see that Jason has one of those game consoles.' She paused and her eyes suddenly twinkled. ‘Unless that's yours, of course?'

Two weeks ago he'd barely been able to crack a smile. Now she could have him grinning as easy as not.

Two weeks ago he'd have dreaded going into town. Today he hadn't given it a second thought. He'd just wanted to buy Keira and Jason a Christmas tree.

Presents, though, had completely slipped his mind.

‘Well,' she started, ‘I have it on very good authority that the hottest game this year has something to do with dragons…and the Gunnedah Games Shop has it in stock.'

He gazed at her in admiration. ‘You're good.'

‘I am.'

She said it with such deadpan seriousness he burst out laughing. ‘Jason told you, huh?'

‘I believe you're accusing me of cheating, Hillier. Indeed he did—but not quite in the way you think. When we walked past the Games Shop earlier today he hollered, “Sweet!” and pressed his face up against the window like a little boy.'

Her description somehow had Luke's gut tightening and melting both at the same time.

‘And then there are the staple presents to fall back on, of course.'

‘Staple presents?'

She nodded. ‘There are the unisex chocolates and sweets. Then for men it's socks and undies. Every male should get
those on Christmas and birthdays. Women are convinced that men are incapable of buying them on their own, you see.'

He knew she was teasing him. ‘And what are the female equivalents?'

‘Body lotions and bath bombs. Men know that women like to smell good.'

She didn't have any problem in that department—she smelt great! Still, he vowed then and there to get her some kind of body pamper-pack—vanilla-scented, of course.

The phone suddenly rang. Luke blinked. It took him a moment to realise what the sound was as it was such a rare event. And not a welcome one, he acknowledged as he hauled himself out of his chair. He'd have gladly idled away the rest of the afternoon chatting with Keira.

He ground his teeth together. All in all it was probably just as well they'd been interrupted. ‘Hello?'

A cool, professional female voice asked to speak to Keira. Wordlessly, he held the phone out towards his house guest.

Keira immediately leapt to her feet, and sent him a puzzled glance before taking the receiver.

‘Hello?'

Her frown cleared immediately when she realised who was on the other end, so Luke moved back to his chair and tried not to study her too closely, tried not to pay attention to her conversation.

‘Oh, so soon?'

He had about as much chance of that as he did of getting the entire harvest in this afternoon. His gaze narrowed in on the way she worried at her bottom lip.