Choices (12 page)

Chapter 26

I open my eyes and realize I must have dozed off for a while. It is d
ark outside, and Brody isn’t with me. I do not like waking up alone. And naked.

When I s
it up, I’m a little stiff and sore in places I’ve never had to worry about before. I want a shower, but I am so hungry, I decide to get dressed and go downstairs. Brody is in the kitchen, preparing our plates. I lean against the doorway and watch him while he works. When he notices me, he hesitates for a moment, a smile spreading across his face. “Hey, I was going to wake you when I had everything ready.”

“I woke up hungry. So, what are you working on here?” I gesture toward the plates. I don’t know why, but I am surprised that he cooked for me.

“I marinated some chicken earlier, so I grilled it with some veggies. I hope you like it. It’s one of my mom’s recipes.” Ah, so his mother taught him to cook. That explains a lot.

“I’m starving, and I love anything grilled.”
The truth is, I would eat cardboard right now. “Is it ready?”

“It’
s almost finished. Why don’t you go have a seat, and I’ll bring it to you?” He looks so proud of himself, but there is also a hint of awkwardness. We really don’t know each other very well at all.

I wander into
the dining room, and the table is set for two.
He’s been busy down here while I was sleeping.
My cheeks flame as I remember why I was so tired. I’m really not sure how I’m supposed to act now. I am pondering this when he brings in our plates. Wow! It smells delicious.

H
e leans over me to set my plate on the table, and I think that he smells better than the food. Sitting in front of me, he turns serious. “Quince, are you OK? I mean, you know. Are you in pain?” Because he looks genuinely concerned, I hold back a nervous giggle.

“I’m a little stiff and sore, but nothing major. I’ll feel much better after I eat and shower.” I say this to reassure him. But I’m really trying to reassure myself. I fluctuate between being appalled at what I’ve done and wanting to do it again.

He visibly relaxes, and I force myself to take a few controlled breaths. When I finally dig in, the food is wonderful. We make small talk
while we eat, and I relax under his gaze.
At least he’s stopped acting like I might fall to pieces any minute
.

We jointly attack the dishes, and for a moment, we almost look and act like a normal couple. “You’re doing it again.” Brody’s words shock me back to reality. He comes to stand in front of me. Placing his hands on my shoulders, he quietly says, “Don’t think too much.” He sweeps his hands around the room and says, “This is something I’m not very good at. It’s new to me, too. I’m trying here.” I hear him
talking, but I can only nod my head in understanding. It’s hard to think with him this close to me.

Taking my hand, he leads me upstairs to the bathroom. “Let’s take a shower first. I think it will make you feel better.” I panic.
Does he seriously think we are going to shower together?
When I start to back away, he pleads with me. “Come on, Quince. I have already seen you, and I want to take care of you.”

“Will you turn the lights off?” I am
so not ready for this.

“We will do whatever you’re comfortable with. OK?”
He opens a door and pulls out some towels and washcloths. I’m watching him as he moves, and I know there is nothing I want more in this world right now.

“OK, but only in the dark.” He walks toward me, and when he is standing in front of me, he reaches over my shoulder to flip the switch. He gently pulls me into him and closes the door. It is so dark I can’t see anything at all.
             

I sh
iver when he whispers in my ear, “I think this could be fun.” There is something very exciting about being touched by someone you can’t see. My skin comes alive as my other senses are heightened. I may not be able to see him, but I can hear his every breath, feel his heart beating under my hand, and smell his very essence.

He turns on the shower, and returns to undress me. He gently removes each piece of m
y clothing before removing his own. Placing a hand on my lower back, he guides me into the shower. He is behind me, and his body presses against me. He places a kiss on my shoulder, making my body tingle all over. I feel him move away, hear the opening and closing of a bottle. When his hands return, he begins washing me with a cloth. I breathe in and smile. He is using his body wash, and I like the idea that I will smell just like him.

After washing my back, he kneels to wash my legs. I have never felt anything so sensual, even
earlier. Turning me around, he begins moving up my legs until he is standing. And when he reaches my breasts, the touch of the cloth feels so good, it is almost torture. He washes down my stomach, then lays the cloth aside. I hear him open the bottle again, and I jump when his hand glides between my thighs. He washes me so tenderly, I forget that I am sore. I feel his breath on my neck, sending tremors throughout my body. When his tongue glides along my shoulder, I almost collapse. He pushes me against the wall, holding me up. “Don’t think. Just feel.” He lifts my body up and steps between my thighs. I tense because I know I am still tender. “Baby, this is all about you right now. I won’t hurt you.”

I relax against the wall, arching my back wh
en his mouth grazes my breast. Without warning, I shatter in his hand. I cry out his name, and he continues to kiss me everywhere. My neck. My shoulder. My forehead. And finally, my lips.

“Brody.”
I say his name as I try to gain some control of myself. I am speechless.

“Just remember that, baby. When you close your eyes, you remember this.
I
did this to you.” His words are forceful and full of passion, but it feels like he is saying goodbye.

I need to touch him. I reach out
to rub his chest and then wrap my arms around him to pull him close. My hands roam over his back. “Can you hand me the cloth and soap? I want to wash you, too.” My hands shake when he hands me the cloth. I lather it and begin washing him. Over his shoulder, down his chest, then his legs. I kneel in front of him, and when I rise, I feel him brush against me.

He flinches and draws in a deep breath. “Quince, if you don’t stop, I’m going to lose control. This was for you. I can wait.”

I want to make him feel as good as he makes me feel. I want to make it as hard for him to forget me as it would be for me to forget him. And although I’ve never done this, my instincts take over. When I touch him, he hisses. I continue rubbing him while I kiss his neck and chest. He leans into me, with his hands on the wall. He moves his hips, showing me how to touch him. Suddenly, he tenses and groans. “Baby, this is crazy. You barely touch me, and I’m exploding already.”

I smile to myself, knowing I did
this to him. But doubt lingers in the back of my mind, like an old friend. I know I don’t know what I’m doing, and there’s no telling how many girls he has been with. The thought of him with someone else makes me ill.

He turns off the water, and reaches for our towels. While he dries my body, I am amazed by these new feelings within me. I step ou
t of the shower, and he dries himself.

L
eaving the lights off, we walk back to his room. I slowly dress, and he pulls on some boxers. Lying against him feels so intimate, and I know that without a doubt, this night will not be enough. One traitorous tear rolls down my cheek as I try not to think about tomorrow.

Chapter 27

Brody and I decide to go back to Knoxville
on Sunday. We don’t have class tomorrow, but I have to work. I also need to study and catch up on laundry. Even though I would love nothing more than to stay, I know we can’t hide here forever.

When he tells me a story about his sister, I realize that he is actually very funny. I
try to relax and enjoy his company. Although I have several opportunities to discuss myself, I am not ready to do that yet. I just want to savor these moments with him while they last.

The drive goes by quickly, and in no time, we are bac
k at Player’s. While he puts my bag in my car, I wait awkwardly. I don’t know how this is done.

When I turn to say goodbye, he is close to me. He puts h
is hands on my waist and walks me backward, pushing me against my car. His lips whisper across mine, and I suddenly wish we had stayed at the cabin for another day. “Quince, I meant what I said. I don’t share. I don’t know what’s going on with you and Declan, but when he looks at you, I can see his feelings written all over his face. Seeing him looking at you like that is driving me insane. If I didn’t love him so damn much, I would kick his ass.” His body is tense, and his eyes pierce right through me. “He’s my brother, Quince.” He takes a deep breath and backs away.

I nod and l
ook away. “I know, Brody. I will talk to him.” In this moment, I mean every word I say. My feelings for him are so intense. When he’s near me, looking at me like this, I would promise him anything. And I’m not even sure what he’s asking.

When I am unpacking
, I glimpse my reflection in the mirror. Entranced, I stare at myself. I look just like Quincy Priest, but I imagined I would look different somehow. Like there would be a sign on my forehead proclaiming that I am no longer a virgin. Standing there, examining myself, I realize I’ve crossed a line that I cannot erase. If not on the outside, but most certainly on the inside, I am forever changed. I stare until my vision is blurred by tears.
Maybe I’m not the person I thought I was.
Blinking the tears away, I try to push those thoughts from my mind.

The dorm feels abnormally quiet wit
hout Jenna. The halls are empty, as most students won’t return until tomorrow. It gives me a chance to catch up on things, and I feel pretty productive. My phone rings when I am putting my books away. Declan.

“Hey, Declan.” I answer because I don’t want to be alone with myself.

“Hey! I didn’t expect you to answer. So when do you come back?” Hearing his voice makes me realize just how much I’ve missed him. He always makes me feel better.

“I came back today. I needed to study and get caught up before work tomorrow. What about you? What are you doing?” Since his family lives in town, I figure he must be close by.

“I was just planning to watch TV and go to bed early, but then, I talked to this awesome girl. Now I just want to see her.” I can hear the smile in his voice. I love it when he teases me. “You wanna come hang out at the house? Nobody is here but Brody and me.”

I swallow and get cho
ked. Coughing, I say, “Um, why don’t you come over here? I mean, it will make it easier for me to do my laundry.” I know I can’t see Brody right now, not with Declan around.

“Sure. Just give me a few minutes, and I’ll be right over.” H
e sounds excited, as if there is nothing else he’d rather be doing.

I finish putting my things away, and when he calls, I go down to get him.
Stepping out of the elevator, I see him first. He is so darn handsome that I would have to be blind not to notice.

When he sees me, his whole face lights up.
  He quickly walks to me and wraps me in a big hug. “I’m so glad you’re back. The house was getting lonely.”             

“So the real story comes out. You’re just using me because you’re bored!” It’s just so easy to joke and laugh with him.
I don’t understand why things can’t be this easy with Brody.

We have the same dilemma here that we had in his room. The bed is the only comfy place to sit. But this bed is much smaller than his. He takes off his shoes and sits against my headboard, waiting for me to put in the movie he brought.
He knows me well. The Hangover 2.

I climb on the bed and sit next to him.
For the first time ever, I am uncomfortable being this close to him. I know I need to tell him something, to be honest with him. But I can’t imagine hurting this sweet, sweet man. He has become my friend, the only person, besides Jenna, that I can really talk to. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t even know where things are going with Brody, so I don’t say anything at all. And when he reaches for my hand, I let him hold it.

When the movies
ends, I immediately jump up and get his movie out of the blueray player. I take my time putting it in its case and smoothing my clothes down. Sitting on the bed is out of the question.

“Quincy, is something wrong? You’ve been a little quiet tonight.”
He is always so perceptive. Looking into his bottomless brown eyes, I know he would never forgive me if he knew what I did.

“Not really. I’
m just tired, and I’ve got to work tomorrow.”
And I think I just messed everything up.

Sitting up on the side of the bed, he stands and walks toward me. I have to force myself to stand still. But when he gently pulls me into a hug and rubs my back, I
hold on tight.
Why does he have to be so perfect?

“Well, why don’t
I get out of here and let you get some sleep? You look beat.” He steps away and opens the door. I walk him out, as usual, but when he leans in to kiss me, I turn my head just in time for the kiss to land on my cheek. He looks surprised, but he doesn’t mention it.

“Dec, thanks for coming over tonight. I just didn’t want to be alone, and I missed our calls.” I try to smile, but guilt is eating at me from the inside out.

“My pleasure. I figured I would just have to listen to Brody and his latest hook-up all night anyway. Not to mention, being with you is better than just about anything else.” His words hit me like a punch in the stomach.

I give him one final hug, and I hold on like I never want to let go. I know, without a doubt, that I do not deserve this man. “I guess I’ll see you in class Wednesday.”

He reluctantly lets go and pulls back from me. “Sure. I’ll call before then.” He walks away and tosses, “Night, Quincy!” over his shoulder.

I can’t even speak. As soon as I walk back into the building, I double over in pain. Leaning back against the wall,
tears flow freely down my face. I feel like I need to throw up.
Quincy, you are so stupid! What the hell have you done?”