Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (7 page)

The entrance was hidden behind a big clump of bushes in an old unused quarry, but CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG nosed her way through and they bumped and banged across the rough floor of the quarry until they came to a cart track that led away across the fields to one of the French main roads about ten miles away.

It was getting dusky by now, and far away across the fields they could see the side lights of a car that seemed to be coming toward them along the same cart track as they were on. "I expect it's some farmer," said Commander Pott. "Come on, we'd better light the fuse and get away quick or we, and perhaps the farmer too, may get a lump of chalk on our heads. There's a terrific load of explosive down there inside the cave, and heaven knows how much of the cliff we're going to blow up when the fuse gets to the dynamite."

Commander Pott got out of the car, took the rest of the roll of fuse from Jeremy, cut off the end, and threw the rest of the coil into the back of the car. Then he knelt down and put a match to the end of the fuse.

Well, I don't know if you've ever seen a real fuse on fire, but the flame runs almost as fast as
you
can run, and with a tiny bang and a splutter, the little yellow flame darted off across the floor of the quarry back toward the bush which hid the mouth of the cave, and Commander Pott dived for the driver's seat and got CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG quickly through the gears and racing off along the cart track away from the danger area. When he had gone a good two hundred yards away from lhe edge of the quarry, he stopped the car and they all looked back and waited, and I must confess that Mimsie and Jeremy and Jemima all had their hands firmly clamped over their ears.

"It must be close now," cried Commander Pott excitedly, and even as he said "now" there came a deep rumbling roar from right down inside the cliff, the ground shook, a great yellow jet of flame shot out of the quarry they had just left, and from the edge of the cliff there came a distant flash and a deep boom, and a pillar of smoke rose slowly into the air as the force of the explosion rushed down the long cave and burst out down by the edge of the sea. Then there came a series of smaller underground explosions and crackles as the ammunition boxes blew up one by one and the bombs and cartridges caught fire, and then there came one last terrific roar and whoosh of flame out of the quarry and to seaward and there was a cracking and rumbling noise in the ground and the cliff top above the cave split open and smoke and flame came out, like a mixture between a volcano and an earthquake. And then the smoking crack in the ground closed again leaving a big dent in the grass where the inside of the cliff had collapsed filling in the underground vault and the remains of the cave.

And then there was silence!

They all let their breath out with a whoosh.

"By golly! ! !" (Jemima).

"Gee whiz! ! !" (Jeremy).

"Well I never! ! !" (Mimsie).

Commander Pott said, "That's the biggest bang I've ever heard. Now come on! We'd better get away quick from here before we have to do any explaining. There's that farmer's car still coming and people will have heard that bang as far away as Calais. They'll even have heard it right across the Channel in England. We'd better steal quietly away and when we get back to England, I'll go and explain things to Scotland Yard. I bet they won't make a fuss. Probably even give us all medals! It's getting dark, and I bet you're all starving. I know I am." And he put CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG into gear and she roared along the cart track just as if she was as hungry and thirsty as all of them.

But. But. But!

And again, but!

As they approached what they thought had been a farmer's car, they saw it was a big black open tourer, a very powerful looking car indeed. It had drawn itself right across the track so as not to let them pass, and four men had got out and were standing, or rather crouching down, and they all had revolvers in their hands. One of them, a huge unshaven giant of a man with shoulders as big as a gorilla, came slowly toward where Commander Pott had been forced to pull up. He looked as if he would burst with rage and his eyes were red with fury and his lips were drawn back from his big yellow teeth in a snarl.

Commander Pott whispered, "I regret to have to announce that that's Joe the Monster. I've seen pictures of him outside Police Stations. And the other three are his gang—Man-Mountain Fink, who's escaped from heaven knows how many prisons—he must be on the run now—Soapy Sam, he's their explosives expert for opening safes ('soap' is the crooks' name for gelignite), and Blood-Money Banks, the blackmailer. Watch out! This is going to be tricky!"

Joe the Monster came up to the car. In his most threatening manner, he growled. "And who might you all be? And what might you all know about that there explosion what's just taken place?"

Commander Pott said innocently. "Explosion? Explosion?" He turned to the children. "Anyone hear an explosion round here?"

Jeremy said brightly, "There was a bit of a pop just now, Daddy. Over by the cliff. You must have missed it."

"Bit of a pop!" Joe the Monster almost exploded himself. He turned round. "Hear that, mates?" He said in a mincing voice, "They think they may have heard a bit of a pop." He turned back threateningly. "Bit of a pop! ! ! Call that whopping volcano a bit of a pop? Why it sounded like the end of the world!" Now his voice was an angry growl. "I saw you folks drive up out of the quarry and I happen, I just happen like, to see a roll of fuse beside those little rascals in the back seat." (Oh dear! thought Jeremy and Jemima together. We ought to have sat on it!) "So do you know what I'm going to do with you and this saucy-looking bus of yours?" He gave a great cackle of cruel laughter. "Why, in exchange for you having blown up my belongings, I'm going to blow up yours and you all with it. See? I'm going to light the end of that fuse and put the lighted end in the gas tank of your fancy motorcar and up you'll all go! How do you like the thought of that, aye, my fine little family of meddlers in other people's business?" He turned to the other gangsters. "Get your guns ready, men, and if any of these rascals try to escape, shoot them down like rabbits. Get it?" The dreadful gangsters cackled with joy at the thought of the sport they were going to have, and the Pott family heard the click of the safety catches going back.

"Now then, you golliwog in the back there, hand over that length of fuse or it'll be the worse for you." And he pointed his revolver straight at Jeremy.

"I won't," said Jeremy stoutly, "and if I'm a golliwog, you're the ugliest ape outside the London Zoo." And he took the roll of fuse and sat on it.

"Ho-ho!" Joe the Monster grimaced with fury at the insult. "You young whipper-snapper. I'll teach you to do what you're told," and he took a big blackjack out of his pocket and walked purposefully toward the car.

Jeremy had butterflies in his tummy at the sight, but out of the corner of his eye he saw Commander Pott's hand steal across to the little lever that worked the wing mechanism, and, as Joe the Monster drew level with the car, Commander Pott pulled the lever sharply down and CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG'S big green mudguards swung sharply out into their wing-shape. The right-hand wing caught Joe the Monster slap in his tummy and sent him flying head over heels.

"Hang On," shouted Commander Pott. "And keep your heads down." And he rammed the accelerator down into the floor boards.

CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG leaped forward with an angry roar from her twin exhausts and swooped low at the other three

gangsters, who just had time to throw themselves down on their faces or they would have been mown down, like Joe the Monster, by the charging wings. And then the great green aerocar, for that is what she had become, just cleared the top of the gangsters' car and roared off toward the main road.

Of course the gangsters were soon on their feet and all their guns spat bullets at the swooping green dragon, but Commander Pott zigzagged the wheel and, although there was one bang as a bullet hit the coachwork, the other bullets whistled harmlessly past and the spurting flames of the revolvers got smaller and smaller in the dusk.

"Whew!" said Commander Pott. "That was a narrow shave."

The others made whewing noises and thanked heaven for the way their magical CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG had saved them from the gangsters' terrible revenge.

They got to the main road to Calais and Commander Pott eased CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG down on to the smooth surface. She gave a bump or two and then was going like the wind down the empty road, with the big head lamps lighting up the way to the distant glow of Calais and the huge feast of omelettes and roast chicken and ice cream they were all looking forward to.

They drew up in front of a nice looking hotel called the "Splendide" (which, as you've guessed, is French for "Splendid") and Commander Pott ordered their rooms and while they tidied up and had a good scrub (much needed by now, as you can guess!), he ordered the delicious dinner in the bright and cheerful dining room and went out to look after CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG, because, as you know, you must always see that your car is cosy and happy for the night before you look after yourself.

Commander Pott filled up the car with gas and oil and water, checked the batteries and the tires, and drove the car into a comfortable garage beside the hotel. Once he had seen that she seemed contented and in good order, he decided to leave her washing and polishing for the morning, when all the family could help. Then he patted her on her rather hot nose and locked her up for the night and went back into the hotel where the whole family sat down to their delicious dinner before going up to bed for a wonderful and, I'm sure you'll agree, well-earned rest.

BUT! BUT ! BUT !

And again, BUT!

Later that night, when they were all fast asleep, a long black car, with Joe the Monster at the wheel, and Man-Mountain Fink and Soapy Sam and Blood-Money Banks crduching down in the body of the car, came creeping up to the Hotel Splendide in the darkness and hid itself amongst the shadows down a side turning.

Joe the Monster and his gang, still bent on revenge, crept round the ground floor windows of the sleeping hotel looking for a way to break in and get at Commander Pott and his family.

And once again COMMANDER CARACTACUS POTT and MIMSIE and JEREMY and JEMIMA WERE IN MORTAL DANGER! ! !

WHEN JOE THE MONSTER had seen the lights go out in the hotel, and had noticed from the shadows on the blinds that Commander Pott and Mimsie were sleeping in one room with Jeremy and Jemima in another room next door, he and his ruffians got swiftly to work.

From the trunk of the car they took out a number of burglarious instruments—a telescopic aluminum ladder for climbing the walls of the hotel, a jimmy (this is a burglar's tool for opening windows and doors that looks rather like a very powerful can opener), and some rope. Joe the Monster whispered a series of commands and in a trice the gang had run the ladder up the hotel wall to the room where Jeremy and Jemima lay fast asleep. Then, while Man-Mountain Fink, who was as strong and as big as he sounds, held the foot of the ladder, Soapy Sam, who was a very tiny man but a very strong one, crept softly up the ladder and, after some quick work with the jimmy, slipped over the window sill into the room where the twins lay sleeping.

He had had his orders. He went first to Jemima's bed, whirled up the four corners of the sheet on which she was lying, and with her bundled up inside it, tied a knot out of the four corners so as to make her look like a bundle of washing. And almost before she could awake, he handed her softly out of the window and into the arms of Man-Mountain Fink.

Jeremy had stirred in his sleep, but here again it only needed a few quick movements and he, too, was on his way out of the window. And then their clothes and shoes were hurled pell-mell after them.

But, of course, the children were quickly awake, and even before they could be bundled into the back of the black car, they had started to struggle and squeak. But, alas, not loud enough!

Mimsie woke up and said sleepily to Commander Pott, "Did you hear that squeaking? It sounded sort of muffled. I suppose it wasn't the children."

But Commander Pott only gave a sleepy grunt and said, "I expect it was bats or mice," and went firmly off to sleep again. And neither of them paid any attention to the sound of the black car starting up and softly driving away.

Fortunately, CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG had smelled trouble. Heaven knows how, but there it is. There was much about this magical car that even Commander Pott, who was an inventor, a mechanic, and an engineer, couldn't understand. All I can say is that, as the gangsters' low black roadster stole away down the moonlit streets, perhaps its movement jolted something or made some electrical connection in the mysterious insides of CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG, but anyway, there was the tiny soft whirr of machinery, hardly louder than the buzz of a mosquito, and behind the mascot on the hood a small antenna, like a wireless aerial, rose softly, and the small oval bit of wire mesh in miniature, rather like what you see on top of the big radar towers at airports, began to swivel until it was directly pointing after the gangsters' car which was now hurtling up the great main road toward Paris.