Child of Promise (15 page)

Noah smiled sadly. Hang on. Just hang on, he had told other people innumerable times. People who had experienced similar sorrows and dark nights of the heart. Even when we feel it least, he had assured them, the Lord is ever at our side. He has promised not to forsake us or leave us comfortless.

Hang on. . . . That’s all that seems to be left for me, he thought, blinking back a sudden swell of tears. It wasn’t enough, especially now without Millie, but it was all he had.

Due to the large gathering of mourners, the post-funeral reception was held in the town hall. The Ladies’ Quilting Society and the Church Ladies’ Social Club provided the food, which was, as always, eagerly consumed. Noah endured countless condolences and handshakes, plus offers of additional meals and aid in the days to come.

Finally, though, the ordeal was over. As much as he appreciated the heartfelt concern, Noah felt drained, unable to give anymore. After thanking all the women lingering about afterwards, he turned and headed for the door.

“Noah, wait up,” Beth called out, hurrying to his side. Since the burial, she and Abby had spelled each other watching Emily at the rectory. Beth had come to the hall about ten minutes ago to help clean up.

Noah turned and forced a weary smile. “What is it, Beth? Is there something more I need to do?”

“All you need to do, Noah Starr,” she said, eyeing him closely, “is head back home and get some rest. You look exhausted.”

“No more so than you. You’ve been as busy as I these past few days.”

“Well, I’ll be back at the rectory soon enough. Don’t you worry.”

Her words plucked at a concern that had grown steadily within him in the past days. It was time he face it, call it by name, and deal with it once and for all.

“We need to talk, Beth. How soon will you be coming home?”

Her smile faded. “Another half hour should be enough to finish up here. Do you want to talk then?”

“Yes. That’d be fine. See you then.”

With that, Noah turned and strode away, knowing if he had stayed an instant longer, he’d have lost heart and not uttered what must be said, much less done. But he must. The temptation to sin had grown too strong, and he had never been weaker. And this was one choice he still had the power to make.

Beth waited nervously at the kitchen table, stirring her cup of tea incessantly. Whatever did Noah wish to discuss? He had looked none too happy when he brought up the need for them to talk. Did it have to do with what had happened the day after the storm, or was it something else? Whatever it was, Beth had an unpleasant inkling she wasn’t going to like it.

Abby returned from putting Emily down for her afternoon nap. She walked to the table and sat. “Guess I’d best be getting on. Your father’s probably talked Jake Whitmore’s ear off by now as it is.”

“I’m sure the both of them are enjoying the chance for a visit.” Beth grinned. “Sheriff Whitmore’s always asking about Pa every time I see him.”

“I suppose so. He, Noah, and your father have always been such close friends.” Abby stood, then hesitated. “Are you sure you’ll be all right? Noah’s so grief stricken right now, I’m not certain how much help he’ll be with the house or Emily. And you have your hands full enough with the clinic.”

“I’ll manage.” Beth looked up at her. “Luanne’s still coming to help every day. If I run into any problems, I’ll figure something out.”

Her stepmother hesitated. “Have you given any thought to leaving here?” she asked finally. “It was one thing for you to stay while Millie was alive. It’s quite another for two unmarried adults of the opposite gender to be living in the same house.”

Though Abby only put words to what she had agonized over the past several days, Beth filled with anger. “Yes, I’ve given it thought,” she muttered tersely. “I’m not completely without social awareness, you know. But Noah and Emily need me right now. I can’t desert them. And I won’t.”

“Noah’s a priest, Beth. He cannot be involved in anything that hints of impropriety. And I’ve already heard rumors about what Harlow saw when he found you that morning. As time goes on, your staying here will only make matters worse.”

Beth released an exasperated breath, threw back her head, and closed her eyes. “I’ll talk to Noah. I’ll do whatever he wants.” She opened her eyes and met her stepmother’s gaze. “But it’ll be what
he
wants. Not what anyone else wants, no matter who they are. Noah’s what matters to me, Abby. Noah and Emily.”

“I know that, honey. And who knows? Maybe it’ll all work out for the best for everyone. The Lord has His ways, after all.”

“Just as long as the Lord sees fit to help Noah, I’ll be satisfied.”

“Funny thing. About the Lord helping someone, I mean. Whatever He does, it frequently seems to touch a whole lot more lives than just the one He specifically seems to be helping.” Abby smiled. “Maybe that’ll happen this time, too.”

“Sure. I suppose that’s as good a—”

Noah walked into the entry just then and saw Abby and Beth in the kitchen. “Hello,” he said in greeting as he removed his coat and gloves. “Everything all right?”

Abby joined him in the entry. “Everything’s fine. Emily’s down for her nap, and I was just getting ready to leave.” She removed her coat from the rack and donned it. “If you need anything, though, you know where to call.”

He smiled. “I know. Thank you for all you’ve done for me, Abby. I couldn’t have managed without the MacKays and the help of the good folk of Grand View.”

Abby laid a hand on his arm. “We all love you, Noah. Never forget that.”

“I won’t.”

She glanced over her shoulder at Beth. “Keep me posted, will you? If you or Noah need anything . . .”

Beth nodded. “I will.”

“Good-bye, then.”

They watched her depart, cross the street, and head down the boardwalk toward the sheriff’s office. Then Noah turned to Beth. “Got any hot coffee?”

“Of course.” She grinned. “I knew you’d be wanting some, so I made a fresh pot. It’s ready.”

As he took his seat at the table, Beth poured him a cup, then dumped her lukewarm tea and refilled the mug with coffee. After adding a generous serving of cream and a spoonful of sugar, Beth glanced up at Noah. He was studying her solemnly.

“Well, spit it out, will you?” she demanded, her anxiety rising the longer he looked. “Unless I’ve gone and grown an extra eye in the middle of my forehead, your staring is bordering on the impolite.”

“I’m sorry.” Noah sighed and glanced away briefly. “I was just thinking how much a part of this family you’ve become.

And how much I’m going to miss you.”

Her eyes narrowed. “And exactly why are you going to miss me, Noah? I’ve no plans to leave Grand View, or—”

“You can’t stay here anymore, Beth. It’s not . . . right. I won’t compromise your reputation any more than I already have.”

“My reputation?” Beth gave an incredulous laugh. “What reputation? You and I both know what I’ve done. I’ve no reputation left to protect.”

“No one knows about that, and that’s the way it should stay. It’s no one’s business but yours.”

“Well, I don’t care what other people think anyway,” she countered hotly. “All I care about is not running out on my friends when they need me. If some folk are too blind and hard-hearted to see that, well, they’re fools!”

“You’re not running out on me, Beth.” Noah laid his hand over hers. “You can come and visit as often as you’d like. Indeed, I’d be much obliged if you did come and see Emily. She’s so young and doesn’t understand what’s happened.”

Beneath his hand, her fingers curled, then clenched into a fist. “And what about you? Would you like to see me?”

Confusion clouded his eyes. “Of course I’d like to see you. Why would you ever doubt that?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Beth relaxed her hand, then pulled it from beneath Noah’s. “Maybe because, ever since we kissed that day, you’ve seemed rather uncomfortable being around me. Is it perhaps because you regret that kiss, Noah?”

Crimson crept slowly into his face. “It’s not that, Beth. When we kissed . . . well, I enjoyed it very much.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“That
is
the problem. That I enjoyed it very much, I mean.”

Beth opened her mouth to reply, then snapped it shut again. She didn’t know whether to be ecstatic or mad.

“It’s a problem because you enjoyed kissing me,” she said finally. “I don’t understand.”

“No, I don’t suppose you would. You couldn’t have known, after all, what’s been going on in my heart all these months. And it was too shameful to share . . .” Noah sighed. “The simple truth is, though, I’ve lusted after you from the first day you came to the rectory and I realized what a lovely young woman you’d become. Lusted and fought a mighty battle to contain and eradicate such unholy feelings. But now . . . now it’s just better if you don’t live here anymore.”

She stared at him, stunned. “You . . . you desire me? Me?”

He laughed, the sound harsh, raw. “Have you looked in a mirror lately? You’re a beautiful woman, Beth. And I’m not the only man who thinks that. If you’d get your mind off your patients and the next medical treatment you’re cooking up, you’d see how many men turn and look at you as you pass by.”

“Well, I don’t care what other men are doing.” Beth found herself getting exasperated. “All I care is what you think about me. Tell me.”

“No, you don’t want to hear what I’ve been thinking.” Noah shook his head. “Sometimes . . . sometimes it’s hard enough for me to bear. You’re a good woman, Beth. My good friend’s daughter. I’m ashamed even to be telling you this, but I am, because I want you to understand why you must leave.”

She wanted to tell him she loved him and that, if he but asked her, she’d stay with him forever. But Noah hadn’t spoken of love. He’d spoken of lust. And it was painful to believe he could see her in only that way. She had thought they were friends.

Confusion filled her. Noah’s revelation was too difficult to comprehend right now, especially with him so close. Gradually, though, a niggling fear came to Beth’s mind. Was this all she’d ever arouse in any man—a carnal desire, but never love?

In the end, that had been the extent of Matthew’s need for her. But Noah . . . She never would’ve imagined the extent of his caring was so shallow.

He had loved Alice. Beth was certain of that. It seemed that only his affection for her was so limited, so base.

She fought back tears, steeled her resolve, then met Noah’s anguished gaze. “Fine,” she said hoarsely, “have it your way. I’ll leave today.”

15

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.

Psalm 31:24

March came in like a lion and remained that way for most of the month, stalking about with fierce winds and more snow. Every morning required fresh shoveling, but by the next day, the snow had melted and the ground had transformed into a soggy, muddy mess.

Noah hardly noticed. He went about his daily routine of getting Emily up and feeding her before Luanne arrived for the day, then shoveling the front porch and walk before heading to his duties at the church. As often as he could manage it, he took an hour off for lunch to be with Emily, then worked straight through until supper. After eating with his daughter, he’d work until midnight or later on the church correspondence and bookkeeping he brought home with him.

Most of the time, the relentless pace kept his mind occupied and his heart numb. He gave without thinking, slept little, and imagined he was dealing with his grief in the best way he could. Still, he continued to miss Millie deeply, and the ache in his heart every time he thought of Beth was like some gnawing pain slowly eating him alive.

There was nothing, however, that could be done for the empty void the two women had carved into his heart. Noah contented himself with the illusion all would be well if only he endured long enough.

One morning near the end of March, he woke with a high fever, body-wracking chills, and throbbing muscular aches. He dragged himself from bed, dressed, and retrieved Emily from her room. After almost losing his balance going down the stairs, thanks to his dizziness, he deposited Emily in her wheelchair and proceeded to put water on to boil for coffee.

A nice hot cup of coffee would do a lot to help him feel better, he told himself as he reheated some leftover biscuits from last night’s meal, slathered them with butter, and sprinkled them with sugar and cinnamon for Emily’s breakfast. The strong cup of coffee, however, only made things worse. Noah barely made it to the sink before vomiting what little was in his stomach. It was all he could do to stagger back to the table, where he sat and laid his head on his arms.

Luanne found him there when she came to work that morning. “Land sakes, Father Starr,” she said, eyeing him with concern. “You look as near on death’s door as any soul can get and still be alive. Why don’t you head on up to bed? Once I get Emily cleaned and dressed, I’ll put her in her crib and fetch one of the doctors to have a look at you.”

“N-no.” Noah couldn’t take a chance it might be Beth who took the house call. After the painful way they had parted, he wasn’t in any better condition to face her now than he had been in the past few weeks. “It’s nothing more than a touch of the influenza that’s been going around. I just need to sleep it off, that’s all.”

Luanne didn’t look convinced. “Well, I can’t say I’m so sure of that, but I suppose we can see how well you do today. I’ll make you a nice pot of chicken soup. Then later you can see if you can keep some down.”

Even the mention of Luanne’s delicious chicken soup made Noah nauseous. It was all he could do to nod and hurry quickly away. Climbing the stairs and walking down the hall felt as if he were scaling Pikes Peak, but he finally made it back to bed. Noah collapsed there, promptly falling asleep.

The next day, Beth decided to take her lunch at Bledsoe’s bakery. After suggestions from their regular patrons, the Bledsoes had set up several small dining tables in the ample space at the front of the bakery, covered them with white lace table–cloths, added decorative potted plants about the area, and posted elegant, handwritten menus offering freshly brewed coffee, various teas, pastries, and sandwiches. Bledsoe’s Quality Baked Goods and Café the bakery was now called, and the small dining spot had been an immediate hit.

Despite the snowy and gloomy day, there was only one empty table left when Beth arrived. She took her seat, ordered hot jasmine tea, a roast beef sandwich, and a piece of apple strudel, then sat back to relax.

Cora Bledsoe soon delivered a steaming, flower-painted porcelain pot of tea. She didn’t seem all that eager to return to her other duties, and, pulling out the other chair, she took a seat across from Beth.

“How have you been, honey?” Cora inquired. “You’re always so busy, coming and going on house calls, I never find a chance to talk with you anymore.” She cocked her head. “Is renting that room in the hotel working out for you okay? I’m sure it lacks the rectory’s hominess, but everyone understands why you couldn’t stay there anymore.”

Beth was glad that her glance was lowered to her tea as she stirred in some sugar. For all her friendliness, Cora was a bit of a gossip. If Beth didn’t miss her guess, the woman was digging for information.

“The hotel is quite adequate.” Beth lifted her gaze. “I was most grateful to Mr. Samuels for agreeing to rent one of his rooms to me. And it shouldn’t be for too much longer at any rate. Mamie Oatman thinks she’ll have a vacancy in another couple of weeks.”

“Oh my, yes,” Cora agreed, leaning forward. “That’ll be ever so much better, won’t it? Still, you seemed so happy living at the rectory. I’m sorry all the unkind talk forced you to have to leave.” She nodded emphatically and forged on. “We’re not living in the Dark Ages anymore, after all. And anyone who’d doubt either you or Father Starr’s integrity is the basest form of life . . .”

Though Beth was tempted to ask who was spreading the unkind talk, it wouldn’t change anything. She knew where the rumors had originated, anyway, and that was with Harlow Peterson. To encourage further discussion, to react negatively, or to demand names, would only add tinder to the already smoldering fire.

“It’s better this way.” Beth paused to take a sip of her tea. Its warmth and fragrant flavor helped calm her. “Besides, my stay at the rectory was only temporary. My plan was always to take a room at Mamie’s, just as soon as one came available.”

“Yes, well, then I suppose it is all for the best.” Cora glanced around, then leaned even closer and lowered her voice. “I just want you to know I never, not even for a single moment, believed anything improper happened between you and Father Starr that night of the storm. Helen Yates told me how frantic Father Starr was when he heard you might be caught out in it. It was so brave of him to risk himself to try and find you. But that’s the kind of man he is, isn’t he?”

“Yes, that’s the kind of man he is.” Beth made a show of checking her watch. “Will my sandwich and dessert be ready soon? I have a patient coming into the clinic in twenty minutes.”

Cora Bledsoe rose. “Oh my, yes. Whatever was I thinking? I’ll fetch them for you straightaway.”

Beth watched her hurry off and was glad that particular topic of conversation was at an end. Though most people seemed to give little credence to the tales still filtering through town, there were always a few who seemed to revel in the scandal of a priest who might have acted in an immoral manner. It angered Beth that, for some, all of Noah’s years of devoted, unstinting service could be so easily dismissed with the very first allegation of impropriety. It was unfair, not to mention unchristian, to treat Noah this way. Especially now, when he grieved so for Millie.

In the past month since Beth had moved out of the rectory, she had seen him in passing from time to time. There was no avoiding that; Grand View was too small a town not to run into Noah occasionally.

He hadn’t looked well; his face had been gaunt, his features drawn, and shadows had been forming beneath his eyes. Though he had been cordial when he couldn’t pretend not to see her, his smile had been perfunctory, never seeping any deeper than his lips. Beth couldn’t help but wonder if he wasn’t secretly relieved to be rid of her.

Cora delivered her food just then, bustling self-importantly across the café. “Sorry about keeping you so long talking,” she said. “Hope you’ve enough time left to finish your lunch without rushing.”

Beth picked up half her sandwich. “I’ll be fine, Cora.” She took a bite of the fresh roll and perfectly seasoned roast beef. “This is delicious,” she said after chewing and swallowing. “Absolutely delicious.”

“I’m happy you like it.”

The front door opened, setting off the bell, and Cora and Beth looked to see who the newest customer was. Luanne Stout walked in, a worried expression on her face. When she saw Beth, however, relief filled her eyes.

“Oh, Dr. MacKay,” the girl said, hurrying to Beth’s table. “I hate to bother you at your meal, but Doc Childress is out somewhere, and I’m getting worried about Father Starr. He’s been sick since yesterday with what appears to be the influenza, and he doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Could you come and have a look at him?”

Beth set down her sandwich, wiped her mouth and hands with the fine cloth napkin Cora always provided, then rose. “Of course I’ll come.” She turned to Cora. “Could you wrap up my sandwich and strudel? I’ll pick them up on the way back to the clinic.”

“Sure, honey.” Cora patted her on the arm. “And it’s no charge, either. If I hadn’t talked your ear off earlier, you’d have had time to eat.”

“Really, it’s all right,” Beth said in protest. “I don’t mind—”

Cora held up a hand. “I won’t hear of it.”

Giving up the battle, Beth grabbed her coat, threw it on, and picked up the medical bag she always carried with her. She turned to Luanne. “Let’s head on out. I imagine you left Emily alone, to come find me?”

Luanne nodded. “Yes, ma’am. But she’s down for her nap, so I thought it’d be all right to slip out just for a minute.”

“Yes, but we should be getting back.” With that, Beth led the way from the café.

She found Noah bathed in sweat, tossing and turning on his bed and mumbling incoherently. This wasn’t going to be a short and sweet house call, Beth realized. Luckily, this afternoon’s patients were all follow-up visits. She turned to Luanne.

“First, call the clinic and have Helen reschedule my afternoon appointments. Then bring me cold water—a big basin of it—and some cloths. We need to get his fever down.”

As Luanne hurried back to the kitchen, Beth removed Noah’s shirt, opened her medical bag, and extracted a thermometer and stethoscope. After slinging the stethoscope around her neck, she thrust the thermometer into his armpit and clamped his arm tightly against it. While she waited for his temperature, she did a quick examination.

Noah’s skin was flushed, clammy, and hot to the touch. His pulse was rapid. His pupils were normal though, and when she lifted his lids to examine them, he stilled for a moment and focused on her.

“B-Beth?” he croaked, his voice hoarse. “Is that you, Beth?”

“Yes, Noah.” She let his lids fall shut. “It’s me. Are you having pain anywhere?”

“No pain,” he mumbled, trying to open his eyes on his own. “Just hot. So hot.”

She removed the thermometer and read it. One hundred one point eight degrees, which, for an axillary reading, meant it was really a degree higher. Beth laid the thermometer on the bedside table. “Well, you’ve good reason to feel hot. You’ve got a high fever.”

Beth eased him over on his side, then stuck the end pieces of her stethoscope into her ears. “Take some deep breaths, Noah. I need to listen to your chest.”

He managed to comply for several breaths, then dozed off again. It was enough to ascertain, though, that his lungs were as yet unaffected. Beth left him on his side and pulled a sheet up to cover him.

Luanne returned, a big porcelain basin full of water balanced in the crook of one arm, a stack of towels and washcloths in her other hand. “I called Helen. Everything’s settled. And I didn’t know how many cloths to bring, Dr. MacKay, so I brought a lot.”

“You did fine, Luanne.” Beth shot her an encouraging smile. “Just one thing more, and you can then see to Emily. I need a glass and a pitcher of water. Once I get Noah to wake up for a bit, I’ve got some medicine to give him.”

The girl nodded. “I’ll get that right away, ma’am.”

Beth turned back to Noah. After uncovering him once more, she wet several small cloths with the cool water, wrung them out, and placed them over his chest and back. She used another cloth for the back of his neck and another for his forehead. For the next half hour, she constantly replaced fresh wet cloths for the ones that quickly warmed on his body.