Cheapskate in Love (24 page)

“You’re right. He is. I’ll call you and tell you how it
goes, unless we elope, and there’s no time.”

Sandra warned her not to act foolish and lose her head, so
Helen, who had been joking, laughed and ended the call. After she picked up
cups of coffee, she spoke to a couple of people, whom she knew, as she made her
way back to Bill. They didn’t recognize her at first, and when they did, they
kept marveling at her altered appearance. Helen simply remarked that she had
taken more time getting dressed than usual that morning.

After Bill had escaped with his plate a safe distance from
the donut guardian, he wondered whether he should find a place for Helen to
sit, or stay where he was, since he planned to plunder the donut table a second
time. He decided to stay put. As he began to devour donuts, his friend Stan
approached.

“I knew I would find you here,” Stan said, greeting Bill,
whose bargain-hunting gluttony was
well-known
to him.
“Trying to extend your life with a healthy, moderate diet as usual, I see.”
Although Stan didn’t always go to the same service, or even the same church, as
Bill, he liked having a donut or two. So sometimes he would come to the
once-a-month donut socials at the church Bill attended and say hello.

“Stan, have I got something to tell you,” Bill said,
excitedly, taking a short break from biting. “But if you want a donut, you
better get in line. They’re going fast.”

“I’ll take one of yours,” Stan replied. “Your waist is round
enough.”

Bill reluctantly let Stan take a donut from his plate, while
he handed him a napkin. To prevent him from asking for a second or cracking
another comment about his waist, he said, “They’re not all mine. Some are
Helen’s.”

“Who’s that?” Stan asked.

“She lives in my building. I’ve known her a long time. Her
husband was a buddy of mine. He died.”

“You never mentioned her before,” Stan said. “Are you...
”
There was only one reason he could imagine why Bill might
be seeing a woman or why a woman might be seeing Bill. He had known Bill too
long to think he was interested in platonic relationships with any female.

“There’s nothing between us,” Bill interjected,
understanding quickly what Stan thought. “She’s friendly, but old. Let me tell
you my news. You’ll never guess who I met.”

“Tanya’s sister? Tanya’s seven cousins?”

“No,” Bill
answered,
annoyed that
Stan could ridicule his new-found happiness. “Donna. She owns a hair salon.
She’s incredible. Amazing. Out of this world.”

Stan looked at Bill’s head carefully for the first time,
since seeing him. “Your hair looks so good I didn’t notice anything unusual.
But looking good for you is not normal. Gosh, what a big difference.”

“Funny.”

“She’s definitely talented if she took the dead cat off your
head,” Stan continued. “And she covered up the grey. Nice job.”

“Talented is not the word. She’s a ten, one in ten million.
And guess what.”

“She wants to see you in a month,” Stan guessed, trying to
pretend that Bill had found only a new hairdresser and not a new infatuation.

“Ha, ha. I’m going on a date with her next Saturday. We’re
going to a barbecue. I’m meeting her friends.”

“That’s really something,” marveled Stan. “You ought to have
a great time. There’s sure to be mounds of free food.
A lot
more than donuts.
You’ll be able to pig out with gusto, which is more
enjoyable for you than making out.” In his ribbing of Bill, Stan kept a
straight face, although he was having a very good time.

“True love is nothing to make fun of,” Bill said with
vexation. He wished he had not given a donut to Stan, because he seemed
determined to belittle his attachment to Donna.

“Nor is free food,” replied Stan. “But I don’t need to tell
you that.”

At that moment, Helen walked up with two coffees and handed
one to Bill. He shoved the rest of the donut he was eating into his mouth to
free a hand.

“Here’s your coffee,” she said to him. “I hope you like milk
and sugar. I already put it in.”

Mumbling with a full mouth, he replied unintelligibly, “
Tha
. Mil
an
sug
i
fi,” and took the cup of coffee.

Stan was about to take the first bite of his donut when
Helen appeared. But when he saw her, he froze in astonishment with the donut inches
from his open mouth. Although Stan was himself good-looking, wore nice
clothing, and moved confidently in an upper-middle-class level of society, he
was not prepared to see such a chic, attractive woman as Helen, talking to Bill
in a familiar way. The overt, sensual appeal of her makeover affected him, too.
Stan was not as stunned as Bill had been when he first saw Helen, but he was
still transfixed by her and rendered rather senseless. His hand holding the
donut up to his mouth slowly dropped down to his side, and he stared
uncontrollably at her with an open mouth. Amused at the affect she had, she
smiled at him in the detached manner movie stars use, when a flock of fans
finds them.

Bill didn’t notice Stan’s reaction to Helen, because he was
concentrating on chewing the mass of donut he had shoved in his mouth. After he
swallowed it all, he asked Helen, “Do you want a donut?”

“No. I’m fine,” she answered. “You can have them.”

He was very pleased to hear this. “Could you hold this plate
then?” he asked her.

“Sure,” she replied, taking the plate with the three donuts
from him. When it was in her hand, he took another donut and began to eat it
eagerly. It wasn’t until that moment that he noticed Stan staring at Helen with
his mouth open and realized he hadn’t introduced them. Quickly clearing his
mouth, he said nonchalantly, “Helen, this is Stan. I used to work with him.
Stan, she’s my neighbor.”

At the sound of his name, Stan was pulled out of his stare.
Automatically raising his right hand to shake hands with Helen, he realized
that he was holding a donut in those fingers. Switching the donut to the other
hand, he tried again, but saw that Helen had no free hands. So he stuck his
donut between his teeth, took the plate of donuts from Helen, and shook hands
with her. Afterwards, he took the donut out of his mouth, keeping the plate of
donuts in his left hand. In an unusually nervous voice for an executive, he
uttered some bland pleasantries rapidly, stumbling over his words, like a
teenager unaccustomed to speaking with girls. At the end, he added, “Bill and I
go back a long time. But he’s never mentioned you. Why I don’t know. I can’t
see why. He should have.”

Like a cat purring when it’s pleased, Helen smiled at him
graciously and said, “Nice to meet you.” Normally, she would say more to a new
acquaintance, but today her attention was focused on Bill, and there was
something she had to ask him. Stan, who had yet to accustom himself to her
looks and her interest in Bill, was further bewitched by her brief acknowledgment
of him. He recommenced staring at her, while he slowly raised his right hand,
to finally eat the donut.

Bill was almost finished with his, when Helen turned to him
and asked in her most soothing, sweetest voice, “Bill, next Saturday, do you want
to go sunbathing? I’ve found a place where I can go topless, but I need someone
to rub lotion on my back. I have trouble reaching there. It’s
so
hard.”

When Stan heard this, his right hand, for the second time, had
almost reached his mouth with the donut. Electrified even more than before, he
stood immobile, his
mouth round
as a balloon, his
great, big
googly
eyes popping from his head at
Helen. Once more, his right hand dropped back to his side.

Bill’s chewing, in contrast, only paused momentarily before
resuming. “I’m going to a barbecue that day with Donna,” he replied. He needed
little time to decide what he preferred to do next weekend. Helen may have
overpowered his weak, impressionable mind that morning, but only because
gorgeous Donna was not in the vicinity.

“Donna from the salon?” she asked, losing her cool. She
remembered he had seen Donna yesterday, and she had heard many times how men
reacted to her.

“Yes, her.”

“You’re not serious,” she said incredulous. She knew he
wasn’t the type of man Donna dated.

“Sure I am. She asked me.”

“Do you know why she asked you?” Helen was aware that
Donna’s boyfriend worked on weekends, which was when she liked to go out to
parties with a young crowd, but never alone.

“She likes me.”

“She said that?” Helen was amazed that he could be so
simple-minded about a person like Donna.

“No, but I could see it.”

“Do you know anything about her?”

“She’s divorced. She’s good-looking. She owns a hair salon.”

“And you think she has some interest in you?”

“Why shouldn’t she?”

“I’ve known her for years. You’re not the type of man she
dates. And you don’t want to be. She collects men like postcards.”

He couldn’t admit to himself that she might know something
he didn’t, so he ascribed her words to the motive he thought common to all
women. “Why are you so jealous?” he asked.

“I’m not jealous,” she declared hotly.

“Because she’s younger than you?”

“She’s not younger. She’s my age. Maybe one day she’ll act
it.”

“She looks younger,
a
lot
younger.”

“Her plastic surgeon would thank you.”

“You should call him.”

That cruel insult was past the limit of what Helen was going
to endure from Bill. “You’re such a fool,” she said contemptuously. “You deserve
what Donna will give you. Warnings are wasted on idiots like you.” With firm
steps, she walked away, dropping her coffee cup in a trashcan, as she exited
the social hall. It was apparent she was not returning. Although her reaction
to Bill’s offensive, personal comments had been brave and controlled, she did
not feel as strong as she sounded. She had suffered a deep hurt.

Bill didn’t plunge into penitence at her departure. He was
accustomed to women screaming at him. In fact, he had come to expect such
hostility and even worse treatment in his interactions with the opposite sex.
In comparison to what he had heard in the past from other women, Helen’s
moderate behavior and expressions hardly made an impression upon him, but he
had heard her. Her words reminded him of what his sister had said in their last
conversation, and he grew uncomfortable at the similarities. He tried to forget
their rebukes and what they had said about Donna by taking another donut off
the plate, which Stan was holding. However, he began to eat it less eagerly
than the ones before. “Can you give me a ride home?” he asked Stan. “She drove
me here.”

Ever since Bill had told Helen that he couldn’t go
sunbathing with her, Stan had been looking at him in disbelief. Stan shook his
head no to his request and said, “The wife and kids are waiting. We’re going to
the beach now.” He added with emphasis, “You really are a fool.” Not asking if
Bill wanted the last donut on the plate, Stan left, tossing the plate into a
trashcan. He threw the donut he had never tasted in there, too.

Feeling a bit deserted and chastised, Bill continued eating
the last of the donut he held. He looked around to see if there was anyone he
knew to talk with, but there wasn’t. When his donut was finished, he wanted to
have more, but the elderly volunteer was still standing guard, and she caught
him looking in her direction. She waved her index finger at him, and shook her
head no, barring his return to the communal table. Repeatedly repulsed and
feeling most dejected by being forbidden more donuts, he drank the last of his
coffee and
left for his long walk
home.

Chapter 26

A sad and changed Helen joined Sandra and Joan at the
popular restaurant, where they had gone for brunch.

When she had called Sandra in advance to say that she was
coming, Sandra recognized at once from her subdued voice that something had
gone seriously wrong. Sandra did not press her for details on the phone,
because she could tell Helen was not ready to speak about it. While they waited
for Helen to arrive, Sandra shooed all the men away that Joan had been
attracting, like honey luring flies, and told her that Helen was in a bad
state. Sandra said they had to cheer her up and help her forget whatever had
happened.

“The whatever is Bill,” Joan swore, “I’m going to blast his
butt sky-high. When I’m through with him, he’ll be burning hotter than an
exploding supernova.”

“We can’t do that,” Sandra explained. “You’ll have to bite
your tongue if necessary. If we bash him,
which
he
definitely deserves, it’ll seem as if we’re criticizing Helen’s judgment and
blaming her for liking him. Above all, we have to soften the blow of what she’s
gone through.”

Joan disagreed. She said attacking Bill would be the best
way to bury his memory in the past and satisfy them all at the present moment.
However, by the time Helen showed up, she had grudgingly consented to follow
Sandra’s lead in consoling Helen.