Chasing the Wild Sparks (15 page)

I push Finn’s hand off of me and stride over to Morgan. I throw my arms around her and she squeezes me back. She leans away from me and shakes her head, her curls bouncing. “I don’t know what to say now!”

Standing behind me, Ivan says, “Tell them you’re having my baby.”

Morgan laughs amid her tears. “I’m pregnant!”

What the hell?

Rod slaps Morgan on the back. “Congratulations, Morticia. I hope your baby takes after Ivan and doesn’t have to roam the streets at night in search of its next feed.”

My mind is numb. I was trying to process her engagement, but now a baby? I need to be happy for my best friend. I can’t let my disappointed feelings cloud her happiness. What kind of friend would I be if I let that happen? I am happy for her. It’s just that I’m four years older than her and she’s getting everything I want in one fell swoop.

Cautiously, I look over to Finn still next to the tree. His arms are crossed and he’s looking away from everyone. His profile is hard and tensed. Nothing I hadn’t expected. Just as I start to turn my head, I catch him mouthing something that makes my blood run cold as ice.

“Fuck.”

CHAPTER 9

FINN

“I fell in love with you when you asked me if I was afraid of heights.”

I had been sitting on my bed talking to her on the phone when I first called her, well, after hanging up 50 times before finally working up the nerve to actually put the call through. The way Becks so innocently asked me that made my heart do things I had never experienced before. It felt like my heart was scorching, not like heartburn, but I mean that I felt cognizant for the first time in my life. It was almost as if for the past 31 and a half years, I had been in a coma or was a zombie making my way through daily life. Her laughter, her sweetness, her cool sense of humor and her intelligence drew me in.

Becks giggles and holds her index and thumb close together in front of me. “Well, you could’ve been at least a tiny bit!” She’s so alluring even when she’s teasing me. I let go of her chin
, laughing with her as she puts her hand on my chest.

“Wait. You fell in love with me when I asked you that?” she asks me, sounding doubtful. I nod and her doubt seems to increase as she tightens her disbelieving gaze. “I asked you that the first time you called me.”

I smile at her, feeling suddenly diffident about admitting that to her. I had never told her that. I didn’t want her to think I was crazy. “I know,” I reply, hoping she doesn’t laugh at my bizarre secret, but she grins at me like I’m holding a key to a goldmine.

Squeezing her hand, I ask, “When did you fall in love with me?” That’s the one question that has been keeping me from admitting how early it was in our relationship when I fell in love with her. I fell in love with Becks before there
even was
us
.

“When you kissed me at the festival.”
What
?

That response is not what I expected and a little bit of a punch to the gut. On one hand, it was early when she fell for me, like I had been with her. Then again, I was in love with her before she even had those feelings for me. Didn’t I impress her enough? I tried to make her laugh on the phone, to find out everything about her. She’s a lot quieter than I am, so I had to dig to get her to talk. I love interviewing people, but she was the most important interviewee of my life. I knew I was in deep with her, and when I kissed her at the festival, it was only confirmed for me. I couldn’t even wait to kiss her at the end of the night. I wanted to feel her lips on mine and how her tongue would taste. It was to the point that it was taking over my every thought. I had to keep myself from staring at her lips too much when she spoke. I didn’t want to come off as creepy. After our kiss, asking her to be my girlfriend was not planned. I wanted her to be mine more than I even daydreamed about, but I didn’t think I had the nerve to ask her yet. It just happened in the moment.

“You didn’t at least
like
me when we talked on the phone before that?” She seemed like she had wanted to talk to me. We even did things together during our calls. We put each other on speakerphone and ate dinner, watched TV, and then with one arm each, we did laundry, loaded the dishwasher and sorted the mail together. I told her that we were definitely kindred spirits, even if we had broken the opposite arms. At least I could still hold her hand with the other.

I look down at her plump lips as she takes her bottom one between her teeth. I need to look away, but can’t. I want so much for those lips to sweep across my body, kissing and sucking on me. She drags her fingers down my chest and they stop at my belt buckle. The smallest look, touch…anything about Becks brings my body to life. It’s insane how my body automatically reacts to her. I can be outside her apartment and get hard when I smell her scent through the door, or just hear her voice.

She giggles. “I had a huge crush on you, Finn. I felt like I was back in high school, waiting for you to call me; praying that you would because if you didn’t, I would’ve been so depressed.” If I hadn’t had called her,
I
would’ve been depressed, too. I would’ve hated myself for letting her get away.

I chew on my inner cheek, a habit I seemed to have picked up when I’m anxious, and look around. How much more do I want to reveal to her? Will she think I’m too needy or dependent on her? I’m supposed to be the self-assured Finn Wilder: reporter, sports enthusiast and adrenaline connoisseur. That’s the limit of what people really know about me. Though, Becks knows me better than anyone. However, I don’t really know how much of me she really should know. Will I scare her away if she knew how I truly feel about her? How much I resolutely love her? I think I tell her enough, but lately she’s been complaining that I keep too much to myself.

“You’re all I thought about, Becks.” Her fingers fold into my jeans and against my stomach. This isn’t good in public. If we were at one of our apartments, I would have her naked and on top of me. She sinks her fingers farther into my jeans and my dick is all but begging for her touch again. She can’t do this here because I can’t do
her
here. Only seeing her on the weekends, I can never get enough of her.

I put my hand on hers and lightly pull to stop her. Looking up at me, I cock a reproving eyebrow at her. She glances at the ground; embarrassed that she let it go too far, I’m guessing. I know her penchant for getting discomfited easily. Sometimes I like to do things to slightly embarrass her because she’s just so loveable and enchanting. I only do it in fun. I would never try to outright mortify her. I only try to take her a little out of her comfort zone. To be daring in her own way.

“Of course I was going to call you.” She looks at me and smiles. “I wanted to ask you out the first time I called, but I didn’t want you to think that was the only reason why I was calling you.”

“I honestly didn’t think you were going to ask me out. I did love talking to you, though, so I didn’t want that to stop.”

I give her a small, crooked grin. “I also had to work up the nerve to ask you out. I was so worried that you would say no. I felt like I was inside out, baby. I couldn’t even focus at work.” After meeting her, I was so out of it that Milo thought I was sick. I suppose in a way I was.

“You thought about me at work?” That question has to be the most ridiculous one I’ve heard come out of her mouth.

“And every second since meeting you in the ER, and I haven’t stopped yet.” And I won’t.

Becks stands on her tiptoes to kiss me. My body just having somewhat calmed down from her last come-on, starts to amp up again. Shit. She’s killing me.

“Let’s go,
stud.”
I grin and her beautiful face lights up, making my smile even wider. I grip her fingers tightly with mine, not wanting to let her go.

We turn the corner and see Morgan, Rod and Ivan. Rod is definitely not one of my favorite people. He irks me to no end. I know he’s friends with Becks, but the way he’s always touching her and insinuating things drives me to want to tear his fucking throat out. And I know how to do that if it came to it. No, I probably won’t, but if he tries to take Becks away from me, I will ferociously fight for her. There’s not a doubt in my mind about that, not that I think she really would pick Rod over me. Yes, I do think I have more to offer her all around than he does. If that sounds egotistical, well, so be it. She’s mine.

“Really, Rod. I’m a little disappointed that you didn’t bring your My Little Pony blanket.”

“Shut the hell up, Morganism. Sophie has that one.” I’m already tired of this shit. All they do is argue about the most outrageous things. I try to tune most of it out, but I want to pay attention to what Rod says to Becks. I know there’s going to be a time when I lose it because of his mouth.

“Well, if it isn’t the happy couple finally gracing us with their presence.” Morgan. She’s slightly more tolerable, but I know she’s the one putting more thoughts of marriage into Becks’ head. Marriage.
Damn it
. Why can’t she stay out of our relationship and mind her own fucking business? We’re completely happy, well, almost. I want her to move in with me, but she’s been throwing me excuses why we can’t. I hate being away from her all week. Our time together and love life are reduced to phone calls, short and innocent emails at work, lunch dates, quick kisses goodbye, weekend-only sex and me left craving her touch during the week. I can’t take it anymore. It feels like we’re stuck in high school shit. It’s been bothering me for months, but we’ve talked about it before. She wants more than for us to “play house.” She wants us to get married.

I don’t.

“And I do have to say, Finn, you are looking well…rested, and not at
all
like the other night when you were ready to fuck your woman on camera as the weekly dare for your
Wild Side
segment.”

What the hell? Was it that obvious?

“Morgan Yates!” Becks yelps.

“How eloquent,” I add. Her mouth is another that gets on my nerves.

“I told you!” Rod snaps. He’s fidgeting with his iPod and wearing an outlandish bandana on his head. A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle wears one better than he does. Rod is like a cartoon character that has come to life. He can be funny, yet irritating at the same time. How does Becks even have a sane conversation with him? Is it even plausible?

“Well, it’s the truth.” Morgan says nonchalantly. She points at Becks’ dress. “Look at this dress! You finally took my advice and sexed it up!” Oh, yes she did. That’s one piece of Morgan’s advice that I actually welcome. Becks doesn’t need to wear a dress to be sexy, though. She’s her sexiest when the only thing covering her is me.

Becks starts nervously playing with the skirt of her teal dress. I squeeze her hand to try to ease her worries about how she looks and she mumbles, “This dress is church friendly, Morgan.” It may be in theory, but not to me. Not when I’d be thinking of what’s underneath it during the homily.

“What do you think of it, Finn?” I split from my musing at the sound of Morgan saying my name. “Would you want her to wear this to church, sitting close to you in a pew, crossing her legs?” Fuck, no.

I swallow. Now my entire body is on high alert. “No.”

Becks takes her hand from mine and turns to me. “You wouldn’t take me to Mass if I were wearing this? It’s a charming dress, not inappropriate for church?” Yes, but all of my thoughts definitely would be inappropriate for church.

“No, I wouldn’t take you.”
Because I’d want to
take
you
.

“Why?”

“You
know
why.” I stare at her, my eyes blazing into hers. Did she already forget about this morning? I couldn’t help myself. We needed it. We never have enough time for just us. Someone always wants our attention when we’re together, and our time together is so limited. That’s why I like for us to stay home during the weekends. There’s always people who recognize me and want to take my time away from Becks. That’s not something I am willing to do when I only see her on a couple days a week.

“Hmm. I see someone couldn’t keep it in his pants this morning,” Morgan rightly observes.

“No way!” Rod yells. “You were screwing when I called then? I thought you said Finn was in the shower?” I wish he would shut the hell up. Of course he called her this morning. He’s with her more than I can ever be.
That’s
what pisses me off the most. He gets to see her every day during the week, and sometimes on the weekends, when I’m relegated to being a weekend-only visitor. Becks bows her head, mortified of the direction of our conversation. I clear my throat as I try hard to not grin at her too much. I’m most likely coming off as blatant, but I don’t care. I want Rod to know exactly what I was doing with
my
girlfriend this morning.

“Oh, a shower. So, Finn, you didn’t even have to take it out of your pants after all. You already had it ready to deliver.” Damn straight. How could I resist when she’s wearing this dress? I’ve never even seen her wearing a dress before. I’ve only seen her wearing lingerie, but she never has that on for very long.

“Hey! So that’s why you were late! Morning sex! Thanks a lot, Hadders!”
Hadders
. I
hate
that fucking nickname. I probably wouldn’t hate it so much if it were coming from someone else.

Wanting to show Rod that she’s mine, I pick up Becks and she puts her arms around my neck, hiding her face against me.

I lied to Becks. I told her I’m not jealous. I am. I didn’t start out that way with her. As her friendship with Rod grew and I began to see less and less of her, I started to resent him. He seemed innocent enough, but now… I’m not sure. He’s with my girlfriend far more than I am. He knows more things about her life than I do anymore.

I hear her inhaling deeply and her body relaxes in my arms. I tip my head back so I can say, “I warned her about the dress.” There was no way we were leaving the house this morning without having sex. I wouldn’t have been able to get out of my car if she’d left me that jacked up.

“See. I told you if you wear a dress for Finn, he would love it.” Understatement of the millennium. “You look totally fuckable now!” Now? She always is to me.

Becks lifts her head from my shoulder and sarcastically says to Morgan, “Thanks.” She then sets her gorgeous green eyes on mine. “Wasn’t I before?” She has to ask that? I besieged her this morning.  I’m always fighting to keep from ripping her clothes off.