Chasing Butterflies (14 page)

“What about the woman you knocked up?” I asked.

He chuckled as if anything was funny. “You see how big she is. She was pregnant long before I showed up. I don’t get them pregnant. Made that mistake before and never again. But a piece of advice.” As if he’d ever given me any before. “Single pregnant women are a great find. They like to fuck. Something about the hormones and shit. And they are lonely enough to take care of you to keep you around. I had something good here. And because of you we got to leave the state.”

I’d pay later as I processed his words.
Out of state
. Immediately, I thought of Lenny. I darted in the direction of where Trina went. She wasn’t far. Instead, she stood near a door, hovering like a ghost waiting on the living.

“Hey.” Her head snapped in my direction. “You got any paper?” She nodded. “I need to write Lenny a letter.”

Understanding crossed her face, and she disappeared inside the trailer door. What were the fucking odds, Dad’s shack up girlfriend would live next to someone I knew? There had to be some good fortune I couldn’t see.

She returned with a spiral notebook, and I wrote as fast as I could. I heard shouting coming from Dad and the woman inside and wrote faster. When Dad banged the door open, I folded the torn piece of paper out of the notebook into the smallest square I could. I wrote Lenny’s name on the outside and handed it to Trina. “Please give it to her.”

Her stiff wordless reply was all I had, and I had to trust it. She would most likely read the note, but I had no other option.

She surprised me by giving me a hug. “Be safe.”

I nodded and climbed into Dad’s truck.

“Where are we going?” I asked, knowing I was tempting fate. I wasn’t healed enough to dodge a blow.

“Far from here unless you fancy yourself going to jail. And I got warrants, which means we got to get the fuck out of Dodge and fast.”

We didn’t drive by Lenny’s house on our way to the highway. But it would be almost two hours before we crossed the border into Oklahoma. All I could do was lament that I’d lost the best thing I ever had because of my temper. One day, I would be back. I hoped it would be soon.

By the skin
of my pants, I made it home. I’d just closed the door behind me when I heard my parents drive up. Hopefully, they weren’t smart enough to put a hand on the hood to see Mom’s car was warm. I burrowed under my covers, relishing the ache between my legs.

I’d had sex…
again
.

And the second time was even better than the first. And, I was falling in love with Kelley. I didn’t think it possible, but the butterflies were still there even when I thought about him. He was everything I thought love should be, smart and beautiful, confident and cocky. He had it all, and I had him, or so I hoped.

My clueless parents had no idea why I smiled the rest of the weekend without my phone. But there was a darker cloud that covered my sky. Kelley’s mom died, and he was left with an asshole of a father. I needed to convince him to tell someone at school what was going on. Then the devil on my shoulder pointed out that he could be put in foster care outside of our town. Would I ever see him again? Better yet, wasn’t his safety more important? It was, which was why I resolved myself to talking to him about it anyway.

Monday morning came, and I shocked Mom by being ready early to leave for school. I spun the dial on my locker, excited about the rest of the day and seeing Kelley again.

“Lenny.”

Spinning around, I found Trina there with her hand extended. When she opened it up, in her palm lay a folded note with my name scrawled across the top. I met her eye, and fear clenched my belly. She wore a concerned smile and it scared me more than any horror movie.

With shaky hands, I picked the note up and took the slow laborious task of unfolding it. Every crease represented a crack in my heart. When I finally held it as flat as it could ever be again, I read.

Len,

I’m sorry that I can’t see you one last time. Ox and I had a run-in and Debbie added her two cents, which isn’t much if you ask me. But Ox made good on his threat to call the cops and they came looking for me. Dad is convinced if we don’t leave town and now, I’ll go to jail based on lies. So I’m leaving. I don’t want to, but I have nowhere else to go. But I promise you one day I’ll be back for you. You mean something to me. You’re all I have left that’s good. So you just wait. I’ll see you again soon.

K.

I glanced up from the paper and saw Trina still stood there. “What happened?” I needed the full story.

When she finished telling me, I moved through the hallways like a raging bull. I didn’t care which of the two assholes I found first. Lucky for Debbie, it was Ox I ran into first.

Tears blurred my vision. But with my arms in front of me, I shoved him to get his attention.

“What the—” He turned around to see me.

I didn’t wait for him to finish his sentence. “Why would you do this?”

His widened eyes only to narrow as he realized why I was pissed off.

“So it’s true.”

“What does it matter?” I shouted back, quieting the hall as people stopped and stared.

Debbie came into view, and she would have my full attention in a minute.

“What would you want with him, Len? He’s trash. Your parents would never accept him.” He may have been right about that. “He’s no good for you.”

“And you are?” I spat.

He reached out, but I sidestepped his touch. “I can forgive you for cheating on me.”

My jaw dropped. “I didn’t cheat if you recall. You were the one I caught fucking my best friend. We were done after that.”

His mouth closed for a second while he swallowed the truth.

“Baby, we both know she wasn’t your friend. And I don’t give a shit about her.”

I glanced over at Debbie, wondering why she didn’t get it. This was the second time Ox said this about her in front of everyone.

“I don’t think she knows how you really feel. She’s willing to lie to the cops about Kelley just to make you happy.”

“Lie?” he asked as if he truly believed her.

“Yes, lie. And if the two of you don’t drop whatever silly charges you’ve filed against Kelley, I’ll go to the cops myself and tell them the truth.”

I walked away, not knowing if my heartfelt promise would do Kelley any good. All I knew was that my heart hurt in the worst way.

The closer I got to Debbie, I said, “If our friendship ever meant anything to you, you will tell the cops the truth. You and I both know Kelley never did anything to you, you didn’t want.”

Heartache led me to the nurse’s office to get a pass to go home. I claimed to be sick and it wasn’t a lie. It just wasn’t the kind of sick that could be cured with over the counter medication. Mom picked me up, and I buried myself in my covers for a different reason this time. Kelley was gone, and I wasn’t sure if I would see him again despite his promise.

Eventually, I went back to school. My smile was permanently lost in a place I couldn’t find. I was ill for weeks as time passed and Kelley never came back. He didn’t have my phone number. But I checked my phone every second I could for voicemails or texts, and had none. My grounding ended, but it didn’t matter. I had nowhere to go. He didn’t show up at school, days, weeks or months later. He’d vanished along with a chance of me ever falling in love again.

Almost four fucking
years it took me to get to where I was circled in music and well-wishers. Those first few months had been hell with my dad. Going from town to town, crashing in one place or another. But like Dad said, women love a pretty face and they fell for him every time.

When we’d landed in one spot and I’d finally gotten back in school, I stopped messing around. I had a goal to meet, Mom’s memory to honor. I would make her proud. My only regret was the girl I’d left behind. It took a long time for me to let go of hope that I’d ever see her again. But maybe one day, if I made it to the pros, I’d have the money to take care of whatever legal issues I potentially had that kept me out of Texas.

And then I would find her. Face to face, she could tell me why she’d given up on us.

I caught a flying beer from my new teammate while a girl straddled my lap. Her lips bruised mine as we were all celebrating another victory.

“Hey, everyone, our QB is in the house!” my roommate Chance called out.

Clapping ensued with all eyes on me. I shrugged, pulling free from the lip-lock I hadn’t asked for. I might fuck her later, but I wasn’t down with kissing her. That ended four years ago, when I’d been run out of town and away from the one girl who’d stolen my heart.

Life was great, or so I told myself. I had everything I dreamed of and should have been happy. But getting a transfer this year from a division two to a division one university and being able to play without sitting out a year, wasn’t great news when I didn’t have the only people I ever loved to share it with. Mom and my brother were dead and buried far out of my reach. And the only girl to make me feel wasn’t there either. I buried those thoughts as they did me no good.

“And he can catch,” Chance announced.

“Better than you.” I pointed at him.

“Never, I was born to catch.”

“Is that why you’re a Tight End?”

“That’s what the girls say. They like my tight end.”

He turned to twerk and give me a view of his ass, but I turned away, laughing.

“Dude, go find Sawyer and Ashton and bother them.”

“No can do. They’ve already locked one up.” He pointed toward the ceiling and upstairs.

“Why don’t you take me to your room?” Shelly said, wiggling on my lap.

And why not? I wasn’t in the partying mood. So I stood with Shelly’s legs wound around me.

Chance wolf called me along with everyone else in the vicinity as I made my way to the stairs.

Halfway there, I caught sight of a familiar silhouette. I dropped Shelly so fast to her feet, she squeaked and held on to my shoulders to steady herself. I barely noticed as I moved with abandonment toward my target.

It hadn’t been coincidence that I’d come to this school. I’d applied at several universities for a transfer, but I jumped on board when coach got me in with Layton. I hadn’t forgotten it was the school Lenny had talked about. I’d hoped she had come to school there. But I’d been on campus for a couple of weeks with no sight of her. Granted the school was huge.

When she turned around, it wasn’t Lenny. I gave the girl a half smile, trudging off toward the kitchen.

“What was that all about?”

Scrubbing a hand down my face, I stared at Shelly. “Nothing, I just thought I saw someone.”

“Why don’t we go up to your room?”

She winked, which might have been sexy an hour ago. Right then, my head was plastered with internal posters of Lenny that I’d conjured in my head. Would I ever forget? Four years and a multitude of dreams said no, and didn’t that make me completely fucked.

A part of me wished I could just talk to her. Maybe if she told me she moved on, I could too. What should have been a high school fling became my measure for every girl after. And as pretty as Shelly was, she wasn’t Lenny.

I drew her back to the circle of our friends and left her to chat with the girls as I went and stood by the guys.

“Dude, I’m telling you, you’re drunk. That chick there is an Antarctica ten, but she’s a Miami two,” Sawyer said.

“Antarctica. Get the fuck out of here. She’s gorgeous,” Chance said.

“Yeah, that’s because you’ve never been to Miami.” Sawyer pointed at Chance.

“Or L.A.,” Ashton added.

“Exactly.” You would have thought Sawyer solved world hunger the way he said the word. “You can’t judge pretty the same in every city.”

Sawyer was full of himself, but a good guy. “Who made you the judge?” I joked.

He shrugged. “I’ve been around. Now see, there’s a Miami ten.”

We all turned at once and it felt like I’d been sucker punched by my dad. It was her. After all this time.
Lenny
. She stood with her back to me and her face in profile. She wore a skirt that hugged her hips. Her top, if you could call it that, tied down the back. It was one of those…buster things…bustier was the word. My stepmom had worn shit like that to her job and told me what it was called.

Everything faded in the background when she turned and caught sight of me. Bright gray eyes shone for a second. What should have been a moment of happiness for both of us made her smile dim and the light to leave her face. Her jaw slackened before she turned and fled, leaving me no time to close the distance between us.

That wouldn’t stop my pursuit. The guys said something as I trailed after her, but their voices were lost to me. I followed her out the door, calling her name. She stopped in her tracks and did a slow turn, makeup ruined from the tears that streaked down her face.

“What?” she sobbed.

Fuck if that didn’t gut me.

“Len, I—”

“You didn’t come back,” she finished for me.

Confused by her words, I halted pursuit, tongue-tied by what to say next. The door opened behind me and my moment was lost. Lenny was soon flanked by two girls who looked ready to castrate me. And a warm arm snaked around my neck.

“Baby, do you know her?” Shell asked.

Lenny’s eyes narrowed before she spun around and dashed away. It took everything in me not to chase her. If she went to school there, I would make it my mission to find her again.

It felt as
though the breath was literally ripped from my lungs. He stood there looking more beautiful, taller and filled out more than my fading memories. His hair had more golden strands in it, suggesting he spent more time outside. That was evidenced by his amazing tan.

My heart hurt because he looked healthy and happy, which meant he hadn’t come for me like he promised. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so sick over a high school crush, but as the pain lanced through me, I knew I still loved him with all my heart and soul.

The years had been kind to him wherever he’d been. He wasn’t the boy who looked troubled from life. And I wasn’t the girl who seemingly had it all. My life had turned out so out of focus, my vision blurred to remind me.

More confirmation that my heart was still wrapped up in his was when horns had grown out of my head as I watched the blond beauty wrap her possessive arms around him. I had to turn away as my tears became even uglier.

“What’s going on?” Brie asked, while her friend looked on sympathetically.

I shook my head. My words were a jumble of chaotic thoughts and memories. “I have to go,” I managed to say, breaking in a jog down the street. I lived on the other side of campus at the very edge. But I waved them off when they offered to drive me. Time was needed to pull myself together. And what better way than in the cool night air.

But time didn’t heal wounds. They only dug horrible gouges in my heart as I felt pierced through my very soul.

Steeling my spine, I pushed through the front door and sighed at the silence that greeted me. In the kitchen, I grabbed a glass and chugged down some water while staring out the window above the sink. My grip tightened on the counter as I tried to get a hold of myself.

Surprisingly light fingers wrapped around my wrist before firm pressure was applied. A silent gasp pried my mouth open, but I knew better than to make any noise.

“You’re home early. But I don’t remember giving you permission to go out.” The hot words whispered in my ear were only a precursor to the punishment I would receive.

He was supposed to be out. He shouldn’t have been home. Those thoughts meant nothing because I’d hedged my bets and lost. He squeezed, knowing exactly how to create the most pain with little effort. I collapsed to my knees for the onslaught of pain. He stepped back in time so I could fall and not hit my head on the counter on the way down. His kindness extended as he let me catch my breath when he released my wrist. Only, my reprieve didn’t last long. In another second, it felt like my hair was being ripped out strand by strand from my scalp. And it only got worse. The sound of his zipper brought tears from my eyes, but any protest on my part would earn me a worse fate.