“Dennis said he's going to file a missing person's report. He said he thinks something happened to Matt. Do you want to hear this, Lily?”
“No. You have to wait forty-eight hours before filing a missing person's report. You know that as well as I do. I don't care what he does. Tell me something you haven't already told me about your old house. Just talk to me. I don't care what you say, just talk. Oh, Sadie, I hope you like what I did to your grandmother's house. When you come to visit, it won't look anything like you remember it. The outside is the same, but the inside is all open and airy. The kitchen is so modern, state-of-the-art, the bathrooms are elegant with sunken tubs and big gorgeous garden windows. The architect is worth every cent I'm paying him.”
“I think staying in Natchez is going to be the best thing for you. Take as much time as you need to get squared away. Soak up the town, take pictures, go for walks, visit the library, and read everything you can. Ask for a tour of the grade school if you think you might want to teach. Hire a housekeeper. That's going to be a mission in itself. You know you can't cook, and you're no great shakes at keeping house. You'll need to check out the vet in case Buzz needs shots or something. Staying here a few months out of the year never gave us time to do the ordinary things other people do. We were here, we were in Fort Lauderdale, then we'd go to New York, and then Wyoming. It wasn't like either one of us actually lived in Natchez. I imagine you'll be busy for a few weeks. Whatever you do, don't go playing sad songs on the stereo and don't read any sad novels either. Deal with the here and now.”
“It was supposed to be for
us
. Not just me,” Lily said, peering across the table at her friend. “There is no
us
now.”
“You're going to do this because it's the thing to do, and it's just you and Buzz. You can handle it, Lily. Later you can do whatever you want. You have to get through this period of time the best way you can. You can't go back to Ozzie and the camp because you need to go forward. To go back would be courting disaster. Who knows, old Matt might come to his senses and start looking for you. Some guys get off on crap like that. You're way too vulnerable now.”
Lily didn't speak for a long time. When she looked up at her friend, there were tears in her eyes.
“Do you think something happened to Matt, Sadie?”
“No, I don't. I think he's still afraid of commitment.”
“Then do you think that million dollars he put in my bank account was a payoff? Do you think he did that knowing he was going to dump me a second time? Was that his way of easing his conscience? And what about all those stock options he gave me? I guess he wanted to be sure I didn't starve. Actually he made me a multimillionaire. The last time I looked, Digitech was around $160 a share. He just kissed me off in the blink of an eye, didn't he?”
“Yeah, that's exactly what he did. Oh, Lily, I'm so sorry this happened. I wish there was something I could do to wipe away that horrible look on your face.”
Lily swallowed her glass of wine in two long gulps and held it out for a refill. “What is this?” she asked, pointing to her plate.
“Chicken something or other. It's what you ordered. It's good. Try eating something, Lily. Listen, I think I'm going to delay my trip a few days and stay here in Natchez with you. I don't feel right leaving you.”
“No, no, no. I walked into this with my eyes wide-open. I have no one to blame but myself. I'll be okay. When you stop to think about it, a million-dollar kiss-off plus stock options isn't so hard to take. I'm going to enjoy spending every single penny of Matt Starr's money,” Lily said, tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Lily, don't cry.”
Lily gulped more wine as she stared at the busy waiters rushing about “He's not worth my tears is he? How much did I pay you for your house? My brain is numb. I can't seem to think or remember anything. I don't think I'm going to sell the condo. I'll just close it up. I'm not in any condition to make decisions that involve large sums of money right now.”
“Good thinking, Lily. There's no hurry to sell. Consider it a sanctuary in case you ever feel the need of one. Eighty thousand, and I robbed you. It's costing you five times that amount to fix it up. That monstrosity Mom willed to me was just sitting empty for twenty-five years. I'm glad to be rid of it and the taxes that go with it. I'll remind you of that tomorrow when you're sober. You said you were using all your inheritance to refurbish it. That's not counting your kiss-off money and all those stock options,” Sadie said sourly.
Lily nodded as she poured more wine into her glass. “You don't think he's lying dead somewhere, do you, Sadie?”
“No, I don't think he's lying dead somewhere. Eat something, Lily.”
“What did you do with the food from the reception?”
“I told Rene Adams to take it to the nearest homeless shelter or soup kitchen. She wanted to know what she should do with the flowers. I told her to send them to a nursing home. I hope that was okay, Lily.”
“That was nice of you. People say their hearts break all the time. I always thought that was impossible, but it's true. My heart feels like it was shattered. How am I going to get over this?”
“One day at a time, Lily. The same way you did it before.”
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Lily wrapped her arms around Sadie one last time. I'll miss you, Sadie. I don't know how to thank you for everything. This is the second time you've . . .”
“Shhh,” Sadie said, placing her index finger on Lily's lips. “We're friends. I'll call every chance I get. I'm going to miss you so much, Lily. You should leave before we both start to cry. Buzz is waiting for you in the car. If you need me, all you have to do is call, and I'll be on the next plane back here. Deal?”
“Deal.”
“They're calling you to board. Call, okay?” Lily said in a choked voice.
“Yeah, you, too. Oh, God, I almost forgot. I've been meaning to give you this forever. I kept forgetting. It came with the house. It's probably just a trinket of some kind. I found it wedged in the back of one of the closets. It always helps to have something from an old house. You know, an antique or something to let you know someone real lived there before you. It's called a Wish Keeper. I remember hearing my mom talk about it one time. Don't ask me what that means. Dip it in that silver cleaner stuff or just carry it in your pocket. I think it's a good-luck charm. For you, Charming Lily. Remember now, I'm just a phone call away.”
“Don't worry about me, Sadie. I'll be okay. I'm going to be busy for the next day or so returning all the wedding presents. Maybe I'll just hire that wedding place to do it for me.” She looked down at the tarnished silver chain and pendant before she closed her hand into a fist. It felt warm and comfortable. She stuck it in her pocket and a moment later forgot about it.
“Sounds good. Bye, Lily. I love you.”
Lily bit down on her lower lip. She didn't trust herself to speak. She turned to leave, tears burning her eyes.
The sudden urge to run after Sadie was so strong, Lily found herself running through the concourse to the escalator that would take her to the parking lot outside. To Buzz. Buzz was all she had left now.
Inside the Range Rover, Matt's birthday gift to her, she reached for the golden Lab and held on to him so fiercely the gentle giant yelped in pain. When Lily relaxed her hold on the dog, he snuggled down next to her, his big head in her lap. Hot tears dripped onto his head.
“You know what I think, Buzz. I think we should go home, put all our stuff in this fine vehicle, and head for our new house. We can stay in the little cottage. There really is nothing to keep us at the apartment except convenience, so there's no point in hanging around. As Sadie would say, it's a plan. I just want to get out of there. Oh, God, Buzz, how could I have been such a fool? Why didn't I see this coming? Not only was I dumb and stupid, I was blind in the bargain.”
Buzz whimpered as he pawed at her legs. Lily sniffed, blew her nose, rolled down the window, and backed out of the parking space. She tossed the wadded-up tissue over her shoulder onto the backseat as she headed for the exit sign that would take her away from the Baton Rouge airport and back to Natchez.
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It was five-thirty when Lily stacked the last of the wedding presents on the dining-room table along with a list of instructions. She'd called down to the management offices earlier and was assured everything would be taken care of in her absence.
She eyed the pile of suitcases in the small foyer. She was going to need a dolly to get them all to the parking area and into the truck. Buzz at her side, she took the steps to the ground level where she rummaged for a dolly in the storage area. She smiled when Buzz hopped on top for his ride up in the elevator.
The Rover's clock said it was 5:47 when she peeled out of the parking area to South Commerce and crossed State before making a right on Main and a left one block later onto North Union and her new house. She didn't look back once. She hadn't fed Buzz yet, so she needed to stop to pick up something for his dinner and some coffee for herself. She turned around in the middle of the road in front of her house and headed for the Pig Out Inn, where she picked up some shredded beef on a roll for the Lab. Until tomorrow, it was the best she could do.
Lily sat behind the wheel, coffee cup in hand. She realized suddenly that she was tired. She'd had so little sleep the past few days she knew she was going on pure adrenaline. She watched as a travel-weary family walked across the road toward their car. They, too, must have traveled all night to be with their family for New Year's and now they were heading home. A husband and wife and three small children. A family. She craned her neck for a better look and saw the wife bend down to pick up a fluffy brown-and-white dog. Picture complete. A towhead dressed in a denim romper waved to her. She waved back. A perfect little family. Would she ever be blessed with a family of her own? She shook her head to clear the cobwebs. She emptied the coffee in the cup. She felt like her eyeballs were snapping to attention.
“You know what, Buzz. I don't feel like going anywhere right now. Let's go for a ride. I need to roll my windows down and let some air blow over me. Let's take a spin across the Mississippi River Bridge. Oops, they don't really call it that anymore. They call it the Natchez Vidalia Bridge. You know, like the onions. Sadie told me that.”
Lily drove across the bridge, then turned around and did it again. She had no idea why. There was nothing appealing about Old Muddy at this time of day. It was just something to do. On her return she made a right on South Canal Street. She barely glanced at the Visitor's Reception Center as she looked for landmarks to guide her to her house. Following South Canal, she crossed Washington Street, the prettiest street in all of Natchez when the crepe myrtles were in bloom. She craned her neck, struggling to see the street signs. When South Canal turned into North Canal she kept her eye peeled for the railroad tracks and then made a right on Madison, a left on Union, and drove until she came to the house she'd purchased from Sadie. She did love the chinaberry trees in her yard, she thought as she cut the engine and stared up at her first real estate venture. Her new home! She glanced down at her watch: 6:45. She was paying heavily for a second shift of workers. She'd contracted for the second shift to work inside so that the house would be finished when she and Matt returned from their honeymoon. She could hear the construction workers banging away inside. Well, she wasn't going to disturb them. She'd head for the cottage in the back and sack out till morning. Then, with a good night's sleep under her belt, she'd walk around and admire the house and grounds. But not now. If she did it now, she'd burst into tears. This was the moment she had longed for, the moment when Matt would stop the car and she'd shout, “It's all ours, honey! I want us to raise a family here, to grow old together in this big old house. I want you to hang a swing on one of the live oaks for the kids. We'll get a dog run for Buzz and Gracie. We'll picnic under the trees with the kids, play ball in the yard. I'll plant flowers and bring them indoors. Every day we'll have fresh flowers on the dinner table. I did it all for you, Matt, because I know how you like old houses and trees and backyards. We could even build a brick barbecue so we can have weenie roasts with the kids.” Now you're never going to know what you missed, you . . . you . . . bastard. Buzz and I are going to do all those things. Me and Buzz. So who needs you, Mr. Software Giant! Not me.
“Let's go, big guy,” Lily said opening the truck door for the dog. The golden Lab waited patiently, unsure where he was supposed to go in this strange new place. Lily led the way up the drive and around to the back of the house and down a path to a small cottage. It wasn't pretty or outstanding in any way, but it would be someday. For now it was just a white-clapboard building with a white stoop and two steps. Inside there was a bed, two chairs and a huge fireplace. There was a working kitchen, but the appliances were ancient and rusty and in need of replacement. The bathroom was a disgrace but usable. She could survive there for a long time, provided she ate out.