Charlie Joe Jackson's Guide to Not Growing Up (16 page)

“Well, I'm going to tell you boys what I'm going to do,” Mrs. Sleep announced. “I'm going to give you two options.”

Uh-oh
, I thought to myself. I remember the last time she gave me two options. It was after the whole Jake-reading-my-books-for-the-position-paper thing. It didn't go well.

“Options?” Timmy asked, still looking at me with daggers in his eyes.

“The first is to write a book about how wrong it is to take something that doesn't belong to you, even if it is just ice cream sandwiches that you're bringing to your friends,” Mrs. Sleep said.

Oh no! Not again!!

Then the strangest thing happened: Mrs. Sleep smiled.

“However, seeing as you are graduates of this school, as of thirty minutes ago, I'm not sure it's within my jurisdiction to suggest such an activity,” Mrs. Sleep said.

“What's jurisdiction?” Timmy asked.

“Shush!” I told him. Things seemed to be turning our way, and I didn't want to ruin the moment.

“I do believe it's your birthday today, Charlie Joe,” Mrs. Sleep continued, “and far be it for me to rain on anyone's parade. Therefore, I will offer you another option. And that is to invite the entire class into the cafeteria for one final event—an ice cream sandwich party!”

Timmy and I looked at each other, both thinking the same thing:
Did she just say what I think she said?

“An ice cream sandwich party?” I asked. “For real?”

Mrs. Sleep started walking toward the kitchen. “I'd better warn Sheila,” she said, over her shoulder. “Now hurry up and tell your classmates, before I change my mind.”

She didn't have to tell us twice. Timmy and I raced outside and just started yelling, “ICE CREAM SANDWICH PARTY IN THE CAFETERIA! Mrs. Sleep said so! Ice cream sandwich party in the cafeteria!”

Everyone looked at us like we were crazy, until that unmistakable voice came on over the loudspeaker.

“This is Principal Sleep. Please join us for one last farewell to the graduating class, with an Ice Cream Sandwich Party in the cafeteria. Parents and siblings welcome. Please pick up your trash after you're done.”

Everyone looked around in happy shock, then started sprinting toward the cafeteria. The only kid who wasn't running was Katie Friedman, who was looking at me with an odd smile on her face.

“What did you do, Charlie Joe Jackson?” she asked. “What did you do?”

I smiled back at her and shrugged.

“A high school kid never tells.”

 

20

7:37 pm

So this is how it ends,
in the same place it began—the same place everything happens in middle school—the cafeteria.

We were all there: Timmy, Jake, Pete, Nareem, Katie, Hannah, Eliza, Phil, Celia, Mareli, Emory, Erica, and 160 other kids, scarfing down ice cream sandwiches, telling stories, making fun of each other, gossiping, laughing, screaming, having fun, and acting like kids.

“We need to sing to Charlie Joe!” someone shouted. And it began.

Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday dear Charlie Joe

Happy birthday to you!

I blew out an imaginary candle on a half-eaten ice cream sandwich, and a new song began.

How old are you now?

How old are you now?

“Old enough to finally say goodbye to this school forever, and begin my journey of life!” I yelled.

Everyone cheered as Timmy smushed the rest of the ice cream sandwich into my mouth. Or, more accurately, around my mouth.

“Eat it, birthday boy!” he hollered.

“Ew!” Katie said, laughing. “You two are so gross!”

“It's the only way to live,” I told her.

She rolled her eyes, which was her classic move. “Can you at least wash your face?”

“Okay.”

After I got back from the bathroom, Katie was waiting for me.

“Are you ready?” she asked.

I wasn't sure if she was asking if I was ready to get back to the party, ready for the summer, ready for high school, or ready for the rest of my life.

But it didn't matter.

“Yes,” I answered.

 

Part Four

ONE LAST THING BEFORE I GO

 

21

8:10 pm

But the day wasn't over yet.

As soon as the ice cream sandwich party was over, my parents asked me if I had any last wishes before we headed home, for my favorite birthday dinner of fried chicken, rice, applesauce, asparagus—I know, I love asparagus, it's crazy, right??—and, of course, ice cream cake.

“One,” I said. “One more wish. Or should I say, one more stop.”

They knew exactly what I meant.

So me, my parents, and Megan piled into the car and headed over to the animal hospital. We went inside, and there was Moose, sleeping comfortably. He'd had his operation, and so of course he was on a lot of medication, so there was no way he would wake up. But he looked peaceful, and I knew he was going to get better, and that was all that mattered.

“Should we head home?” asked my mom.

“Not yet,” I said.

Megan held my hand as we went and sat down next to our dog. Then I pulled something out of my pocket that I'd been carrying with me all day—that I hadn't told anybody about.

A book.

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
by Mark Twain.

It was a little waterlogged, but it still worked.

“Wait, what?” said Megan.

“Do my eyes deceive me?” said my dad.

“Wow,” said my mom.

“It was always just a matter of time,” she said.

I held up my hands. “What? It's not like I suddenly love to read or anything! I found it in my pocket! And it just so happens that Moose used to love it when mom read out loud to us when we were younger.” I held up the book. “And so, I'd like to read to him for a while, before we go home, if that's okay with you.”

My mom kissed me on the top of the head. “It's okay with us,” she said.

My dad chuckled. “Last time you had a Mark Twain book in your hand on your birthday, it didn't go so well.”

“Yeah, well, I'm different now,” I said. “I've grown up a little.”

My mom rolled her eyes. “Since this morning?”

I smiled. “I guess so.”

We all got chairs, while I turned the light on near the dog bed that Moose was lying in, and curled up as close to him as I possibly could—just the way my mom curled up next to me and Moose, all those years ago.

Then I opened up the book.

“TOM!”

No answer.

“TOM!”

No answer.

“What's gone with that boy, I wonder? You TOM!”

No answer.

After I read the first few pages, I looked up at my family. “This guy reminds me of somebody,” I said.

“I wonder who,” said my mom.

We all laughed, and I picked up the book again.

And I kept reading.

The end.

 

WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

I couldn't say goodbye forever without a few last tips, right? So without further ado, may I present to you five bonus tips on life, according to yours truly, Charlie Joe Jackson.

Enjoy your journey of life. But stay young at heart forever.

Your pal,
Charlie Joe

 

Charlie Joe Jackson's Special Bonus Tip On Life, #1:

NEVER DRESS UP.

Fancy clothes are overrated. So are fancy shoes, jackets, pants, dress shirts, and worst of all, ties. Leave my neck alone, people! The whole thing is the complete opposite of comfort and good sense.

My goal in life is to never get strangled by an article of clothing.

Yours should be, too.

 

Charlie Joe Jackson's Special Bonus Tip On Life, #2:

TAKE AS MUCH AS YOU WANT.

You know how whenever you're eating dessert with adults, they never take seconds? They usually say something like, “Oh no, I'm watching my weight,” or, “The days when I could eat whatever I want are long gone.” Well, guess what? You're young enough to eat whatever you want—and as much of it as you want, too. So take that second dish of ice cream, that third bowl of pudding, or that fourth slice of cake.

Just don't take a single bite of tomato salad.

That would be gross.

 

Charlie Joe Jackson's Special Bonus Tip On Life, #3:

ALWAYS BE NICE TO YOUR TEACHERS.

Believe it or not, I loved most of my teachers. When you think about it, they serve pretty much the most important role in society—trying to figure out how to take obnoxious, annoying kids like, well, me, and turn us into productive members of society. So three cheers for all the teachers! Remember to treat them with kindness and respect!

And if you tend to drive your teachers crazy, just do what I did, and make it up to them by writing a book that says how awesome they all are.

Works every time.

 

Charlie Joe Jackson's Special Bonus Tip On Life, #4:

READING CAN BE FUN!

You probably just fell on the floor.

It's okay, I'll wait.

I know—shocking, right? Charlie Joe Jackson, saying reading can be fun?

Well, newsflash: It's true.

BUT … please note I didn't say reading IS fun … I said it CAN BE fun. There's a big difference—for me anyway. It turns out that I have found some books that I've enjoyed. That doesn't mean I run to the nearest park bench to spend the afternoon reading. It just means that like everything else in life, some things take some getting used to, and if you open yourself up to new ideas, you might be surprised.

So yeah, I admit it. I kind of like reading now.

Please don't tell anyone.

 

Charlie Joe Jackson's Special Bonus Tip On Life, #5:

IT'S OKAY TO BE SAD, BUT IT'S BETTER TO BE HAPPY.

Life is a lot of things. And sometimes, it can be a little hard. And it's totally fine to be sad, or mad, or upset, when bad things happen. But you know what? Life is also awesome. There are so many things in life that are great. So whenever you're feeling a little down, just remember, soon you'll be up again. You can even make a list of things that you love about life and keep it in your pocket, just to remind you that the sadness won't last. That's what I did. Here's my list:

 

CHARLIE JOE JACKSON'S TOP TEN THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME ABOUT LIFE

  1. Family

  2. Having two dogs. (That's why we have two hands—so we can pet them both at the same time)