Authors: Kimberla Lawson Roby
G
IRL,
I didn’t want to tell you this yesterday, but Charisse and I had it out while you were in surgery.”
It was just past seven and I had purposely come to the hospital bright and early, hoping Taylor’s parents wouldn’t be here yet, and they weren’t.
“I knew something was up yesterday when I saw you rolling your eyes like you couldn’t stand her,” Taylor said, repositioning herself in the bed and slightly frowning.
“Charisse has always been a trip, but after this one, I’m through with her.”
“What happened?”
“You know how she is with her usual criticizing. First she started on you and how you hadn’t had an exam in two years and then she started on me. Then she had the nerve to say I eat everything I see and that I can’t keep a man. But when she called me a miserable fat bitch, I knew that was it. I knew our friendship was over for good.”
“She actually called you that?”
“Yeah, and she went on to say how Rico was only using me for sex and that my relationship with him was only temporary. She even said she’d outgrown me right after college but she felt sorry for me.”
“That’s too bad. I knew you guys haven’t been on the best terms, but I never thought it would come to this. Not after all these years.”
“Well, if you ask me, this has been a long time coming and it’s long overdue. Charisse has despised me for years and I’ve pretty much felt the same way about her.”
“I still don’t believe it.”
“Well, you might as well get used to it, T, because I’m never speaking to Charisse again. Not after the way she spoke to me.”
“I’m surprised Mom didn’t say anything about this after you left.”
“She didn’t know about it because it happened down in the cafeteria.”
“With all those people around?”
“Unfortunately, yes. We were sitting toward the back, but once we got going, I know everyone heard what we were saying.”
Taylor shook her head and I felt more ashamed than I had yesterday. It was so unlike me to act so indignant, especially in public. But Charisse had pushed me too far and I hadn’t been able to contain myself.
“So, now what?” Taylor asked.
“Meaning?”
“Meaning, am I going to have to be friends with both of you on a separate basis?”
“I guess so, because when I say I’m never speaking to Charisse again, I mean it. And to be honest, I don’t know how you can still put up with her either. She talks about both of us like it’s nothing, and I can only imagine what she says when we’re not around.”
“But it’s like I’ve told you before, Charisse is just Charisse and she’s always been that way.”
“Well, I couldn’t care less and I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with that lunatic anymore.”
“But maybe that’s it. Maybe there really is something wrong with Charisse like Marvin was saying.”
“Maybe, but that’s not my problem. And if Marvin knew what was good for him, he’d take those children and leave there running.”
“I hope you didn’t say anything like that to Charisse, did you?”
“What do you think? After she started yelling at me the way she was, I said whatever I felt like saying. I brought up everything from the way she controls Marvin to the way she hates Brianna. And I even mentioned how two-faced she was. I called her a two-faced hypocrite to be exact.”
“This is bad.”
“I told you it was. But it’s like I said to Rico yesterday, I’m relieved.”
“But still, you have to feel some hurt behind this. I mean, you guys grew up together. You’ve been friends since junior high school.”
“Well, none of that matters any longer. The relationship was ridiculously toxic and I’m glad to be rid of it.”
Taylor sipped water from a straw but didn’t comment. And I changed the subject.
“So, what’s up with Cameron? I know he was here when I called you last night, but I could tell by the way you were talking that you weren’t happy.”
“I don’t know. He apologized a thousand times but I just didn’t want to hear it. I guess I’m just tired of the same ole-same ole, and I really don’t know what’s going to happen with us.”
“I was shocked, too, that he didn’t stay until your surgery was over, but maybe he really couldn’t miss that meeting.”
“Couldn’t or just wouldn’t?”
Now, I didn’t comment.
“He came in here acting as though everything was kosher between us.”
“How long did he stay?”
“Until midnight.”
“Then maybe he really is sorry.”
“But whether he is or not, I still want him to make a solemn commitment to me. Because if he doesn’t, that’s going to be it.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive, because I realize now that if I want to have children I need to do it sooner rather than later. Especially since I’m now at risk for more fibroids.”
“When are you going to tell him?”
“Today when he comes to see me.”
“Well, maybe he’ll have a different attitude when he realizes he’s about to lose you.”
“He might. And then again he might not. But either way, I’m doing what I have to do.”
I crossed my legs and looked up when Dr. Green walked in.
“So, how’s my number one patient this morning?”
“I’m good. I’m a little sore, but other than that I’m fine.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“So that means I can go home, right?”
The three of us laughed.
“Not exactly. But you can tomorrow, though.”
“Well, I’m definitely ready.”
“Have they gotten you up to walk yet?”
“Yes, I went to the restroom early this morning and then the nurse said she would come back for me before noon.”
“Good, because the last thing we want is for stiffness to set in.”
“That’s for sure.”
“Well, I guess I should get going, but I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Thanks, Doctor.”
“You ladies have a good day,” he said, smiling at both of us and leaving the room.
“T, I gotta be straight with you, girl. I don’t know how you can stand it.”
“Stand what?”
“Being around a man that looks that good and who doesn’t have a ring on his finger.”
“So, you noticed that, too, huh?”
“It’s the first thing I look for,” I said, laughing. “And it seems like to me there’s some thick chemistry floating between the two of you.”
“Whit, please. The man is just being nice. Charisse told me that he’s one of the nicest doctors around, so I’m sure he acts the same with all his patients.”
“Yeah, right.”
“Just stop it.”
“Are you saying you aren’t attracted to him? And especially since you’re getting ready to dump Cameron.”
“I don’t know if
dump
is the right word to be using.”
“Well, I do. As a matter of fact, I think it’s very fitting given the fact that Cameron isn’t the one who wants to break things off. And when both parties don’t agree to end a relationship, one of them ends up getting dumped.”
“You’re too much.”
“Hey, I’m just calling things the way I see them.”
“Well, that’s not how they are.”
“Tell me anything.”
“I’m ignoring you,” she said, folding her arms.
“Are you ignoring that gigantic flower arrangement that Skyler sent you?”
I couldn’t help teasing Taylor because she’d told me about the flowers as soon as I’d walked in.
“Some people need to mind their own business,” she said playfully.
“And when have you ever known me to do that when it comes to you?”
“Unfortunately, never.”
“Exactly. So, why not make it easy on yourself and just answer the question.”
“About what?”
“Whether you’re trying to pretend that those flowers don’t mean anything.”
“Now, Whit, you know the history between Skyler and me, and the only reason he sent flowers is because we work together.”
“Girl, who do you think you’re fooling? Your law firm sent their own bouquet, and whether you realize it or not, your face lit up like a Christmas tree when I mentioned his name.”
“You’re dreaming.”
“And so are you if you’re trying to tell yourself that Skyler’s peace offering doesn’t matter to you.”
“Do I need to call security so they can drag your butt out of here?”
“Call anybody you want to but you know I’m telling the truth. Plus, what security guard do you know of that will even be strong enough to drag me anywhere?”
We both laughed and Taylor held on to her stomach. It was good being able to spend this time with her, but my spirits dropped instantly when I saw Charisse. She was walking through the doorway.
She looked at me and then turned her attention to Taylor.
“So, how are you?” she said.
“I’m good. Better than I was expecting to be. What about you?”
“Very blessed.”
Gosh, how I hated when she said that. I hated when the devil herself went out of her way putting on this Christian facade, trying to deceive everyone. Charisse was a pill that no one should have to swallow. Not even in a life-or-death situation.
“And how’s the family?” Taylor asked.
“They’re doing well,” Charisse said, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. But when she did I remembered what she’d called me yesterday. I heard the words
miserable fat bitch
over and over again and it was making me angrier by the second.
“Well, why don’t you sit down?” Taylor told her.
“No, this is fine.”
“Okay, you guys, look. This thing that happened between you yesterday is really bothering me and I really think you should talk about it.”
“There’s really nothing to say,” Charisse said. “And let me be clear on something else. What happened is in the past and I suggest we leave it there before somebody gets hurt.”
Was Charisse threatening me? Because that’s exactly what this was sounding like. And she was doing it right in my face, too.
Miserable fat bitch,
I heard once again.
I had insisted that I would never speak to her, but before I knew it, I said, “I know you’re not talking to me.”
“Taylor, I think it would be best if I came back later,” she said, totally ignoring me.
“Why don’t both of you just stop this,” Taylor pleaded.
“I’ll call you first, though,” Charisse said, already heading out of the room.
Miserable fat bitch.
No matter what I did, those words wouldn’t stop taunting me.
“Yeah, you do that,” I said, standing up. “You make sure I’m not anywhere near this hospital the next time you bring your ignorant ass over here.”
Charisse turned to look at me and I could tell she was steaming. But she didn’t say a word. Instead, she walked out and I sat back down in my chair.
“I can’t believe you said that,” Taylor commented.
“Well, I’m sorry, T, but I’m sick of Charisse. I’m sick of her waltzing around here like she’s God Almighty and then acting like she’s so much better than us. And I will never forget what she called me yesterday. I won’t ever forget it for as long as I live.”
“This is so uncalled for.”
“No, not really. Because let’s just say for instance that you were overweight and someone called you a miserable fat bitch. Would you overlook that person or would you say something back to her?”
“I understand why you’re upset, Whit, but it still wasn’t right.”
“Well, I’m telling you now, if she threatens me again, my reaction will be the same as it was today. I admit that I was wrong for doing this in your hospital room, but Charisse brings out the worst in me. I kept hearing what she said yesterday and I just lost it.”
Taylor looked at me, and while it was obvious that she didn’t agree with what I was saying, I knew deep down that she understood how I felt. I also knew that Charisse sometimes rubbed Taylor the wrong way, too, but that Taylor didn’t feel comfortable taking sides. She was still hoping that somehow the three of us would remain friends, but I was sorry to say that it would never happen.
So, we sat there not really knowing what to say to each other until, finally, I broke the ice with my next piece of news. I told Taylor how Rico had ended up coming over last night after all and how he’d made love to me like never before. I told her everything that had been said and
almost
everything that had happened and Taylor smiled like she was on a cloud. She smiled like my good news had actually happened for her. I knew Taylor hadn’t forgotten about my confrontation with Charisse, but at least we didn’t have to focus on it for the rest of my visit.
I was glad there was no longer any tension between us.
C
HARISSE SAT INSIDE
her car and threw her purse onto the seat like she was at war with it. She was as incensed as anyone could be and she wanted to do bad things to Whitney. She’d wanted so terribly to ask Whitney to step outside to the parking lot so they could settle their differences physically. And she would have done exactly that had this not been the hospital she worked for. It was bad enough that some of her coworkers had witnessed the argument yesterday.
This whole situation was all so infuriating and she wished that she’d ended her connection to Whitney years ago. Come to think of it, Whitney had always been in the way of Charisse and Taylor’s friendship anyway, but Charisse had quietly tolerated it. What Charisse had wanted was the opportunity to be friends with just Taylor and for Taylor to be friends with just her. She’d wanted it to be just the two of them because threesomes required too much maintenance. Charisse had wanted Whitney out of the way because Whitney wasn’t like the two of them. She was outlandishly overweight, even though she was struggling to slim down, and she simply wasn’t on the same level. And she didn’t have the necessary intellect to hang out with them. Of course, she tried to speak intelligently, but she was basically in a different category. It was the reason Charisse had never understood why Taylor was so loyal to her.
But maybe it was the fact that Taylor didn’t really know what was best for her and she needed someone to tell her. Maybe what Charisse needed to do was have a talk with Taylor, letting her know what was what. Charisse would explain to her that Whitney needed to find another set of friends, people she could relate to. She would tell her that Whitney needed to find a few overweight buddies who understood where she was coming from.
Charisse started the ignition and tore out of the parking lot like a NASCAR competitor. She headed down the street, trying to calm down, but her rage never ceased. If anything, her fury was escalating because she was now thinking about Marvin and the way he had treated her this morning. The bastard had casually dismissed her and had bragged about his move into the guest bedroom. He’d, against her wishes, done it three weeks ago. She hadn’t known how to explain any of what was happening to the children, and while once upon a time she wouldn’t have cared one way or the other how Brianna felt, she hated seeing her upset. Brianna had cried like a baby the moment she had discovered that her parents might be splitting up. Charisse had tried getting her to see that this whole scenario was only temporary, but Brianna hadn’t believed her. And then Brandon had told them the story about how the parents of one of his classmates had started out sleeping in separate rooms and how one of them had eventually moved into an apartment and then ultimately gotten a divorce. Brandon had continued by saying that he knew their lives would not end any differently and that he wanted to know who Brianna and he were going to live with.
So, at first, Marvin had tried to downplay Brandon’s analysis of the situation, but before long Marvin had told both Brandon and Brianna the truth—that they would all remain in the same household until the two of them were in college.
Charisse could still remember the looks on her children’s faces, and this was another slight she would never forgive Marvin for.
Charisse drove for maybe twenty minutes and then turned into her parents’ driveway. Her mother had phoned her last night, practically demanding that she come over there, and she’d even asked her to bring Brandon and Brianna. But Charisse had decided right away that it wasn’t going to happen. She’d decided that having them around her mother maybe once every couple of months was certainly more than adequate. Truthfully, even that was too much. But if she didn’t bring them with her every now and then, her mother would soon become spiteful. She would make a huge deal out of nothing and it was much easier to simply yield to her requests. At least to a certain extent, anyway.
Charisse stepped out onto the driveway, closed the car door, and headed toward the brick steps. She rang the doorbell and turned to look back across the street. Interestingly enough, the neighborhood still looked almost the same as when they’d first moved in more than thirty-five years ago. Charisse had barely been three, if she remembered correctly, but every homeowner on the street had always taken pride in caring for their property.
She turned back around and raised her hand to ring the bell again, but just then her mother opened the door.
“Where are my grandchildren?” she said, grumbling.
Mattie Lee was a plain-looking woman who was at least six feet tall and Charisse hated when she had to stand next to her.
“I went to see Taylor at the hospital and Marvin took Brandon and Brianna to some open house at the gas company,” Charisse lied, not wanting to say that they were all probably sitting around watching television.
“Then why didn’t you just wait and come over here this afternoon?”
“Because Marvin was planning to have them out most of the day and I didn’t know when they’d be back.”
“Then why didn’t you just wait until tomorrow after church the way you did a few weeks ago?”
“Because you said you didn’t want another day to go by without me coming over here.”
“But you knew I wanted to see my grandbabies.”
“I’m sorry.”
Mattie Lee scanned her daughter from head to toe and Charisse could tell her mother wasn’t happy.
“Come on in here and sit down. There’s some things I need to talk to you about.”
“What is it, Mama?”
“What’s goin’ on with you and that jerk Marvin?”
“Nothing. Everything is fine.”
“You sure about that? Because somethin’ just didn’t seem right the last time you was over here. I can always tell when there’s a dead cat on the line because people like you start acting all nervous.”
“I swear, Mama, everything is fine. Marvin and I are doing better than ever and—”
“Hi, baby doll,” Roy said, walking in and hugging his daughter.
Mattie Lee looked as though her skin was starting to crawl. She couldn’t stand seeing her husband or anyone else show gestures of affection, and Charisse moved away from him quicker than she wanted to.
“Roy, I need some ice water,” Mattie Lee said, and Charisse watched her father move on demand, acquiescent yet cowardly.
“So, why are you lying, Charisse? If Marvin is still giving you problems, you may as well just go ahead and tell me.”
“He’s not.”
Charisse wondered why her mother kept questioning her about the same thing every week. She wondered why her marriage to Marvin was so important to Mattie Lee and why her mother just wouldn’t mind her own business. But she didn’t dare consider saying what she was thinking to her face.
Roy brought his wife a glass of ice water and prepared to sit down on the sofa.
“Did you take those clothes out of the washer and put them in the dryer?” Mattie Lee asked him without even looking in his direction, and Roy stood back up and headed toward the laundry room.
“Now, what was I saying?” Mattie Lee continued.
“We were talking about Marvin.”
“Well, all I know is that Negro sounded awfully cocky that day I called and both of you answered the phone. I don’t even ’low Roy to answer the phone around here unless there’s no way I can get to it. Men are like children and if you ’low them to dip into grown folks’ business they’ll start getting beside themselves.”
Charisse sat at attention, because while there was no way she could relax, she tried to appear dignified. She tried to convince her mother that there wasn’t a thing to worry about.
“So, how’s Taylor doing?”
“She’s still sore but she’s good.”
“Now, that’s one smart girl. She’s got a good head on her shoulders and any mother would be proud to claim her. Which is why I never understood how she became friends with the likes of you,” Mattie Lee said, laughing. “And the same goes for big Whitney. She might be a little thick, but she’s got a lotta personality. And she’s got that pretty face, too. Even prettier than yours, Charisse.”
By now, Charisse wanted to dash out of there. She wanted to leave and never come back, not for as long as she lived. But instead, she smiled like she agreed with her mother and then smiled at her father when he came back into the room—a third time.
“So, baby doll, what you got up for today?” Roy said, preparing to sit down again.
“Not much, Daddy.”
“Fool, don’t you see me and Charisse sittin’ here havin’ a conversation?” Mattie Lee barked. “And last I checked, there weren’t any men in here whatsoever.”
“Mattie Lee, I just wanted to talk to the child for a few minutes.”
“Well, not right now. Because right now,
I’m
talking to her.”
Roy stood and walked out in a deflated manner and Charisse wanted to cry her eyes out. She wanted to cry because her father looked eighty and not the sixty years old that he was and because her mother was downright abusing him. She was treating him no better than a slave and her father just took it.
“What I think I need to do is pay you and ole Marvin a family visit. Either that or I need to call and invite him over here to see me.”
“That’s really not necessary, Mama,” Charisse said, remembering all that Marvin had been threatening to tell Mattie Lee. “You know that you and Marvin have never really gotten along all that well, so please don’t do that.”
“What did you say?”
“I’m just sayin’, Mama.”
“Girl, don’t you ever tell me what to do. Not as long as my name is Mattie Lee Freeman. You hear me?”
“Yes, Mama. I’m sorry.”
Mattie Lee shook her head and drank some of her water. “Sometimes I don’t know why I ever had you. What I should’ve done was had me one of them abortions, because it’s not like you’ve done any good on this earth anyhow. And while I know this ain’t probably natural, I’ve never really loved you. Now, don’t get me wrong, I loved your brother more than my own life, so it’s not that I didn’t want children, but when you came along I never got used to it. But then, your brother was the kind of baby everyone fell in love with.”
Charisse felt her eyes filling up. “Mama, how can you say that to me? I mean, what did I ever do to make you hate me so much?”
“I only wanted one child and then you came along and messed things up.”
Charisse stared at Mattie Lee in a daze. She hadn’t heard her mother speak these words before, at least she didn’t think she had, but they were the same words she’d been thinking about Brianna for years. It was the same reason she’d given all of her love and attention to Brandon but barely a kind word to her daughter.
A tear dropped down Charisse’s cheek and she couldn’t have been more sorry than she was now. She was sorry that she’d treated Brianna so cruelly. More than anything, she was sorry for all the times she’d left her in her crib, screaming for more than an hour. She’d done it whenever Marvin hadn’t been home to witness it, and there had been way too many times to count.
“The problem with you, Charisse, is that you’re weak like your daddy. And I can’t stand me a weak woman. Now, your brother, Johnny, on the other hand, he knew how to stand up for himself. He knew how to get people to do things, and that’s why that company he worked for made him vice president when he was only thirty-two. But you…you’ll never have a job like that because you far too simple-minded.”
“Mama…why?” Charisse pleaded, her face flooded.
“See, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. Sittin’ here cryin’ about nothin’.”
“What do you want me to do?” Charisse asked, kneeling down in front of her mother. “What can I do to make things right?”
“Ole stupid girl! There ain’t nothin’ in this world you can do. I just tried to explain things to you as best as I could but I guess you too silly to get it. I don’t love you, I’ve never loved you and it’s as simple as that.”
“But why are you telling me this now?” she said, sobbing. “Huh, Mama? Why are you doing this?”
Mattie Lee looked at her viciously and said, “Because I wish
you
had been the one who died and not my sweet Johnny.”
Charisse gazed at her mother but she knew there was nothing to respond with. She knew, like every other time, it wasn’t even worth trying.