Change of Heart (15 page)

L
EAH CRACKED OPEN
one eye and groaned as she pressed her toes into the end of her sleeping bag. Every muscle in her body ached again, but this time it was from sleeping on the ground, not the horseback riding. Even the foam pad Nathan had laid out under her sleeping bag hadn’t helped much. If she was going to be doing this on a regular basis, she was going to need to figure out a way to make it more comfortable. She shivered as the cold morning air sliced through the padded bag. Tugging it up and over her nose, she debated whether it was worth freezing for the time it took to move closer to the fire she could see Jessie feeding back to life.

“Morning,” Jessie said quietly. “I already have some coffee made if you’re ready for it.”

“You are a saint.” That was enough temptation to draw Leah from her cocoon of warmth. She reached for one of the foam cups Jessie had set out beside a camp stove. “Do you always get up this early?”

Jessie smiled but kept her attention building the fire. “I’m always up early to get the horses fed, so this isn’t atypical.” She jerked her chin at the horses munching contentedly in the corral. “We’ll let the boys sleep for a bit. Nathan will fix breakfast, so it’ll be ready when they wake.”

Leah snapped the lid onto her cup and took a sip, letting the coffee warm her from the inside out.

“What can I do to help?” She looked around at the camping equipment and realized she had no idea what to do with any of the items on the ground. She couldn’t even tell what most of them were. “I’m feeling pretty useless at this point.”

“Don’t worry, you’ve got your work cut out for you today. What you did last night with them was a great start. They opened up to you because you connected with them.” Jessie cut a glance in her direction, and Leah knew what was coming next. “You know, if you need to talk about anything . . . ”

Leah couldn’t imagine anything good that would come from telling Jessie about the payments that had been extracted from her for her mother’s addiction. Even when faced with the emotional and physical scars she’d suffered, too many people had turned a blind eye and returned her to the very birthplace of her nightmares. No one wanted to see the truth. Talking about it now would only cause her to relive it.

Hard pass.

“Jessie, I understand if what I said last night makes you nervous, but realize that I’ve been through years of therapy.” At least that much was true. “I’ve dealt with my past, and with help, those wounds were healed a long time ago.” Leah prayed the blatant lie didn’t show in her expression, that it wasn’t flashing like a neon sign across her forehead.

Liar
.
Slut
.

“What happened was bad enough that I don’t want to let it impact my future any more than it already has.”

Jessie nodded and glanced at Nathan, sliding out of his sleeping bag slowly. “Okay, but if you ever want to talk, about this or anything else, you can talk to me, Leah. I’d like to be your friend, not just your boss.”

Fat chance,
she thought, biting the corner of her lip.

Regardless of how much she liked Jessie and Nathan, they still employed her, paid her bills, and had the final say as to whether she stayed or went. Unless they had equal footing, which they never would as long as she worked at Heart Fire, they could never be real friends. There would always be a line in the sand.

“I appreciate that.” Leah turned away as Jessie greeted her husband. She found herself walking back to the lookout area, tucking her free hand into the sleeve of her sweatshirt to stay warm.

As uncomfortable and out-of-place as she felt camping, she loved the tranquility of this place. Birds began to chatter in the trees, their warbling songs making the boys groan in protest, but she inhaled the sharp, clean scent of pine on the crisp air, making her nose tingle from the cold. Movement along the river caught her eye, and she watched several deer creep closer to the water for a drink. She’d never seen a deer in person. While the antlers were impressive, the animals were smaller than she’d thought they would be—smaller than the horses—and far more delicate boned; they moved with dainty grace.

“I must have died and gone to heaven in my sleep. Are you my personal angel?” Gage’s voice was warm and seductive, like a caress or a sweet kiss, and it filled her with contentment.

Leah turned to see him approaching with his own coffee, steam spilling out of the small hole on top, trying to ignore the warmth spreading through her at his words.

“Ugh! That was awful, Gage.” Jessie groaned from near the fire, drawing a chuckle from Nathan. “Are you still doing that? Give the stupid pickup lines a rest already. They don’t work.”

Nathan chuckled. “I told you, Gage.”

The hell they don’t.

Leah hid her smile by taking a sip of her brew as Gage bumped her with a hip. “Maybe my intention was to make Leah smile. And, there,” he said smugly, pointing at her. “Mission accomplished.”

Jessie rolled her eyes. “That’s probably a pity smile because she thinks you’re pathetically cheesy.” She left the fire and shook one of the boys gently. “Time to get up, guys.”

Leah laughed quietly at the protests coming from behind the log barrier, along with several requests for five more minutes.

“How’d you sleep?”

Gage’s words were an innocent inquiry, but they felt more like an intimate suggestion. “I think sleeping on the ground is going to take some getting used to.”

“It’s not high on my list of things I love to do, but it’s almost worth it for this view.” He moved behind her, looking out over the terrain spread out in front of them, rubbing a hand over her arm when she shivered. “Cold?”

“A little,” she admitted. Leah glanced back at the fire where Jessie was unconvincingly pretending to ignore them. “I was going to move back to the fire but then I saw them.” She pointed her fisted hand at the deer by the water.

“Look at all of them.”

Gage’s voice held the same wonder she felt as he followed her gaze. Without warning, he wound his free arm around her waist, the heat of his body warming her back. When another shiver traveled down her spine, she knew it wasn’t from the cold this time. As much as she wanted to freeze this moment, to allow him to hold her while they watched the sunrise through the hills and savor his touch, Leah was here to do a job, and that meant maintaining a professional appearance to her boss and the boys she could hear climbing out of their sleeping bags.

“Gage,” she whispered, slipping from his grasp, “I can’t. Not with everyone here.”

His eyes lit with amusement, but he moved to one side. “But you
want
to.”

It wasn’t a question, and she could tell from his overconfident smile, he didn’t need for her to confirm he was right. She wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of admitting it, even if she could feel the cold creeping down her back where his body had just been.

“If I say yes, will you clean both litter boxes?”

Gage arched a brow and tipped his chin down. “If you say yes, I can promise a lot more than clean litter boxes.”

Damn, if that didn’t send more than a few butterflies into flight in her belly. Every nerve ending sparked to life and pulsed with anticipation. Just before he laughed quietly and walked away from her.

“G
AGE, WOULD YOU
come help me saddle the horses?”

The serious note of Jessie’s voice didn’t bode well for him. She’d warned him before this little field trip to stay away from Leah, and he hadn’t missed the way she stopped whatever she might be doing to watch them every time Gage came within ten feet of Leah.

“Sure.” He finished shoving the sleeping bag he was packing into the storage bag before slipping into the corral and locking the gate behind him. He crossed his arms as he turned toward her. “What now, Jess? Because we are both well aware of the fact that I barely know the difference between a stirrup and a saddle horn.”

She glanced his way as she tugged at the cinch. “You know enough.”

It was clear they weren’t talking about saddles or horses. As much as he liked Jessie, he wasn’t about to bow down and be bullied by her demands. “Is it really any of your business?”

She slapped the stirrup into place and turned toward him, laying one hand on the horse’s neck. “It is when she works for me, and I’m the one who’ll have to pick up the pieces when you decide to head back to your regularly scheduled life.”

“What makes you think I’m going to leave her in pieces, Jessie? Leah is a big girl and I’m pretty sure she’s been making grown-up decisions for a long time. Probably longer than either of us. I don’t think she needs your permission, or your judgment, when it comes to who she dates.”

Jessie’s mouth pinched to a thin line, and he knew she was trying to control the fiery temper he’d heard rumors about, but he wasn’t about to let this go.

“What’s the real issue here? You didn’t say a word when I dated Bailey.”

“Leah isn’t Bailey.”

“No,” he agreed, “she’s not.”

“Bailey recognized you for a player. She knew exactly where she stood, and if anything, I was worried about
you
getting hurt in that relationship.” Jessie poked a finger against his chest. “Bailey wasn’t starting a new job in a new city completely out of her element. She wasn’t lonely, hurting, or fragile.”

Gage wanted to laugh at the idea that Leah might be fragile. She was tough. Tough enough to stand up to a stranger on the side of the road, and tough enough to fight through the abuse she’d suffered. The image of her trembling in her kitchen, in the middle of a panic attack, flashed in his mind.

He couldn’t deny she’d been fragile in that moment. The pain and the fear he’d seen in her eyes, the vulnerability she’d confessed. Leah wasn’t weak, but she was breakable, and he knew that was what Jessie worried he might do.

“Jessie, I’m not going to hurt her.”

“You can’t know that.” She pushed past him and lifted the saddle blanket to Grady’s back where he waited, tied and already groomed. “You’re leaving.”

“About that. I don’t think I am.”

L
EAH SAT AT
the island in the kitchen while the kittens jumped and tumbled at her feet. After they’d arrived back at the ranch yesterday, Gage had disappeared, leaving her to clean the litter boxes and wonder what she’d said, or done, to make him want to avoid her like the plague so suddenly. One minute he was making promises that made her bones melt where she stood, and the next, he was riding at the front of the group with Nathan, acting like she didn’t exist.

The kittens yowled from where they pounced on her feet, demanding breakfast. “Fine, you two,” she answered with a sigh, scooping them into her arms. Both rewarded her with purrs of appreciation as Puma touched the tip of his nose to hers. “You two are spoiled brats.”

Great! I’ve become that crazy lady who talks to cats
.

“At least you monsters let me sleep last night.”

“Knock, knock.” Gage’s voice sounded just before he entered the house.

“It’s customary to wait until you’re invited in. What if I wasn’t dressed?” Leah asked with a scowl. It annoyed her that he was acting like he hadn’t forgotten her existence last night.

“Then I’d have been a lucky man.” He winked at her playfully, his gaze warm and languid as it slid over her.

She tried to ignore the fact that the tight yoga pants and the T-shirt didn’t leave much to the imagination. At least she was wearing a bra. She turned her back on him and, standing on her toes, reached into the cupboard for another coffee mug, trying to still the butterflies that had taken flight the moment she heard his voice.

She should have felt outraged at his audacity. Instead, she just felt ridiculous, like a girl with a silly crush, not that it did anything to still the fluttering in her belly.

“Maybe I’d have skipped the coffee and headed straight for dessert.”

His voice was low, reaching into her and heating her blood, as he stepped behind her, surprising her and causing her to bobble the cup in her hands.

“Here, I’ll get it.”

Gage slipped the mug from her fingers and moved away, leaving her feeling shaken and bereft, while he appeared completely relaxed. He poured himself a cup, spooning in the sugar, before taking a sip, peering at her over the rim.

“What?”

“You’ve got a lot of nerve.”

She didn’t like feeling defensive. It took her back to the time when she was a victim, helpless and waiting for the next attack. She’d spent too many years on the offensive, too many years planning ahead so that she didn’t end up in this position. She’d spent too long making other people feel the way she did right now.

The kittens meowed a greeting and left their food bowls to wind themselves around his ankles. “I thought you were coming to clean the litter boxes last night when we got back. Instead, you just disappeared.”

He arched a brow in question, and she realized how petty and needy she sounded. She hadn’t felt this pathetic in years, since she’d first been escorted to Nicole’s office and Nicole had pointed out that being helpless was a choice. She took a deep breath, vowing to be the strong woman she’d spent the past ten years becoming. She didn’t need help from anyone.

“But whatever.” She finished off the last of her coffee and put the cup into the sink. “I need to take a shower and get a few things together before I meet with the boys today. You’re going to have to leave.” She planted her fists on her hips, waiting for him to go. Instead, a slow smile spread over his face.

Damn him and that sexy mouth of his. She wasn’t going to stand here and let him mock her. Leah brushed past him, but he reached out with his free hand and grasped her elbow, pulling her to his side.

“Why the rush to get rid of me? Are you trying to tell me that you missed me last night?”

Narrowing her gaze, she channeled all of the irritation she could muster, while his thumb was making circles on the inside of her forearm, sending a sizzle of heat up the limb and making it hard to catch her breath.

“I mean, did the kittens miss me?” He gave her a cocky grin. “Sorry, slip of the tongue.”