Catching Lucas Riley (24 page)

She heard her roommates discussing the topic as she waded through her messy room to the bed where she had chucked her phone. No messages. No calls. Alex sighed and collapsed onto her mattress. In the living room, she heard the front door to the apartment slam. Kacey must be home from her new job at Angie’s. Like any self-respecting theater major, Kacey now worked in the food industry to try to make ends meet as she attempted to get some semblance of an acting career off the ground. Alex didn’t have the heart to tell her that a successful acting career was not likely to begin in Logan, Utah.

Alex heard Kacey’s voice in the living room and suddenly the entire apartment seemed to be encompassed within a cone of silence. No sound. Anywhere. Curious about what Kacey must have said to elicit such stillness from her roommates, Alex rose to her feet and headed for the living room. It wasn’t like she had reason to hang out with her phone anyway.

As she entered the living room, every eye fixed on her, making her stop. “What?” she asked.

“Oh man,” said Jaclyn.

“Nothing!” said Sage.

“Well . . . ,” said Meredith.

Every face had the same look of mixed panic and pity on it.

“What is going on?” Alex demanded. Her eyes flitted from face to face, and she felt a strange feeling of dread overwhelm her.

“Maybe you should take a seat,” Kacey said, her voice much softer
than usual. Alex didn’t argue, but immediately made for the couch. Once she was seated, she turned back to Kacey.

“Okay, I’m seated. Now, spill. What do you know?”

“Well, I just came from Angie’s,” Kacey explained needlessly. “And right before I left, a couple came in.”

Alex didn’t even need her to finish. “Lucas and a girl radiating the glow of recent missionary work, I presume?”

“Lucas and Olivia,” Kacey affirmed. “I actually went up and introduced myself, just so I could give you accurate information.” She nodded dutifully.

“So . . . is she . . . pretty?” Sage asked while Alex processed. Lucas was out, on a date it sounded like, with Olivia. Already.

“Unfortunately, she’s very prett—” Kacey was saying until Alex cut her off.

“Wait a second, how could they possibly be out on a date already?” Alex fumed. “Isn’t she still a missionary? Doesn’t she have to be released first?”

“According to Lucas, her parents set it up with her stake president so she could be released immediately. She went straight from the airport to the stake president’s office and I’m guessing from there, Lucas’s parents nudged them out to dinner together.”

Alex sat dumbly on the couch, staring at her hands. “And she’s pretty?” she repeated Sage’s question, almost wincing up at Kacey.

“Yeah,” Kacey confirmed but didn’t elaborate. Alex could hear a note of compassion in her voice.

Without another word, Alex rose to her feet and went back to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She sat on her bed and played idly with her phone. Olivia had only been home for four hours and already she was coming between Lucas and Alex. Unable to bear not knowing any longer, Alex sent a text to Sealey.

So . . . how was it?
she texted. She saw him begin to reply almost immediately.

Fine. Olivia looks great. It was good to see her again.

Are you still with her?
Alex pressed, hoping that his response would clear up how Lucas had ended up at a restaurant alone with the newly returned missionary.

No, Luke and Olivia took off together almost immediately after she was released
, he texted back.
I think his parents suggested that he take her out to dinner.

Oh
, Alex texted back. She took a second to gather her dignity and then sent a second text.
Are you as worried as I am?

He never replied.

Alex didn’t hear from Lucas until nearly two days later. In that time, she managed to talk herself into an almost manic depressive state, sure that, when he did finally speak to her again, it would be to tell her that he wasn’t sure if he could live without Olivia. The thought of competing against not just the memory of Olivia, but the physical embodiment herself was almost too much for Alex. She had spent so much time scheming and planning and worrying to get Lucas to notice her. She felt like she’d filled her quota of competition already, before Olivia even returned home.

But the truth turned out to be even worse than her fears.

“Hey, Alex,” Lucas stood on her doorstep, his hands clenched into fists in his pockets.

“Lucas,” Alex sighed in relief. “I was starting to get worried. I haven’t heard from you since Oliv—uh, since Monday.”

“Yeah, it’s been a little nuts,” Lucas replied, smiling weakly. “I’ve had some thinking to do about things.”

“Things? What things?” Alex said, hating how panicked she sounded. She was pretty dang sure she already knew the answer to her own question.

“Well, Olivia, mostly,” Lucas said, looking at the ground. “See, the thing is, I . . . I don’t think I can . . .” He let his breath out all in one whoosh and bit his lip.

“You don’t think you can tell her that you want to break things off?” Alex prompted, praying she could keep the searing pain out of her voice and off her face, at least until he left. “You don’t think you can tell her that you’re in love with someone else?”

“No,” Lucas said, looking up at her. “I don’t think I can tell her those things.”

Alex nodded, looking down at her bare feet and chewed on her lip.
She chanted the words
you will not cry, you will not cry
in her head as she pulled her breathing and expression back into composure. “So what does that mean for us?”

“Alex, I’m so sorry,” Lucas said, reaching out to lay a hand on her arm. “I really have no excuse. I just forgot. Being separated from Olivia, I forgot that, well, there will never be anyone else for me. Just her.”

Alex’s eyes flew from her feet to his face. He wasn’t even going to give her a chance to fight for him?

“You mean, this,” she gestured between the two of them. “Us. We’re just . . . over? That’s it?”

“I’m so sorry,” Lucas said again, and Alex thought
he
actually might cry, given the look on his face. “I’ve said so many things that I regret, but nothing more than telling you I loved you this past weekend. That was unforgivable.”

Alex had to hold on to the doorframe to keep from sinking to her knees. “You . . .
regret
telling me you love me?” she choked.

“I thought I did,” Lucas said desperately. “I promise, Alex. I really thought what I was feeling was love. But then Olivia came home, and we’ve spent a few days getting reacquainted and spending time with each other, reliving memories, and it’s dawned on me over that time that I’ve always loved her. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted and I let myself forget that when she was gone. But she’s . . .
home
for me.”

“Excuse me,” Alex said. She reached down and grabbed the ballet flats she kept by the door. Then, pushing past him, she strode out the door and down the sidewalk. She needed to move, to have some kind of outlet. And she needed to get away from him.

“Please, Alex, don’t hate me,” Lucas cried, following her down the sidewalk. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but please don’t hate me. I really do care about you.”

“Go away, Lucas,” she answered through white lips. “I can’t talk to you right now.”

Immediately she heard his footsteps halt behind her. He stood quietly on the sidewalk, watching her walk away. But in reality, she knew it was the other way around. She was the one left standing alone, watching him walk happily away with Olivia.

Alex walked to the park and sat on the bench overlooking the playground. It was near freezing outside, and Alex had no more than a light jacket on, but she couldn’t even feel the frosty air as it dusted across her cheeks. At first, she felt lifeless and petrified inside, like old wood. As though emotion were something her body had no concept of. But as what had just happened began to sink into her consciousness, she found herself doubled up and sobbing, the ache and disappointment seeming too great to reside in one person.

He was gone. Lucas was gone, and he wasn’t coming back.

She wasn’t sure how long she cried, but soon she became aware of an arm resting warmly over her shoulders. She didn’t know how long it had been there, but the moment she realized it, she jerked up and away.

“Hey, it’s just me,” Sealey said. And without waiting for her to respond, he pulled her firmly back into his arms, her head on his shoulder. Without waiting for permission, she allowed herself to cry into his sweater.

He held her and comforted her as she soaked his shoulder, stroking her back and whispering soft words into her ear until she was able to calm down.

“S-s-sorry,” she sniffled, gesturing to his sweater. “I’ve probably ruined that.”

“The shirt doesn’t matter,” he replied, studying her closely. “I’m just worried about you. I’ve never seen anyone cry like that.”

“I’m not sure I have either,” Alex replied, with a weak lift at the corner of her mouth. “How did you find me?”

“Luke came home and told me what he’d done,” Sealey said, his voice sounding flinty. “He said that he left you walking down the sidewalk toward the park. It wasn’t hard to locate you after that.”

“Well, thanks for coming, even though I almost wish you hadn’t,” Alex said, sniffing. “I’m embarrassed for you to see me like this. How pathetic.”

“Oh, come on,” he responded. “Everybody cries.”

“That’s almost hilarious, coming from you,” Alex returned pointedly. “I doubt you’ve cried since you were two.”

“I was at least three,” Sealey teased, winking at her. Suddenly his voice rang with sincerity. “Actually, today was probably the
closest I’ve come in a long time.” He ran his hand up and down her arm as he said it.

Alex gasped. “Oh, Sealey! Olivia! I’m so sorry!”

Sealey looked startled for a second and then realization dawned in his eyes. “It’s no big deal,” he said. “I’ll get over it, just like you will.”

“But here I am, sobbing like an idiot, and there you are, just holding me and comforting me, when you’re probably hurting just as much as I am! More!”

“Alex, it’s really not that bad,” he began, but Alex rode right over him.

“I’m so selfish! Always so selfish!” she cried. “Do you need to talk about it? Is there anything I can do? After all, this is mainly my fault. I’m the one who couldn’t distract Lucas!”

“Alex,” Sealey said firmly. “Everything happened exactly as it should. Lucas had two incredible options. He chose the one that he felt was best for him. Who can blame him?”

“You’re so much better than I am,” Alex sighed. “All I can do is try to think of ways to get him back.”

“Please don’t try,” Sealey pleaded. “Just let it go.”

“I’m not sure I can,” she said, tears filling up her eyes again. “Sealey, I love him. How can I just forget him?”

Sealey looked at her but didn’t say a word.

A
LEX DIDN’T THINK
she could face church the following Sunday. She had heard through the grapevine that Olivia was already settled in Logan, ready to begin grad school in January and pick up where she had left off with Lucas. The two of them had been spotted all over town together, and Alex herself had received many well-meaning condolence texts from girls in her ward who had guessed at her discarding. She wished she could unread every single one of them. Especially since Alex had finally been given the one opportunity she had never actually wanted. She had finally met Olivia.