Authors: Gail Koger
CATCHING DRAGOS | 77
“Together.” As one we recited, “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He
maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul; he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's
sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil;
for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”
Asmoday’s furious howls rose in volume.
“Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; thou anointest
my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all
the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”
Fireflies danced in the darkness. Our grandmothers’ magic rocked.
With a thunderous cracking boom, a seven-headed dragon appeared.
“Well, that was quick.”
Gader’el’s sulfurous yellow eyes surveyed us for a moment. “Do not return.
Desopsuit de cruce
Poof! We were back at the circus.
I let out a giddy laugh. “We’re alive! God almighty, we’re alive.”
“Yes, we are.” Fabian’s lips claimed mine with a kiss so carnal it shook me.
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Who said romance was dead?”
“Not me.” Fabian’s hands slid inside my costume. He caressed my breasts with his
right hand while the left stroked my pussy.
Everywhere he touched, sparks of pleasure shot through me. My senses swirled as
he thrust a finger deep inside me. God, that felt so good. I wanted his naked body
against mine. I needed his cock inside me, making me his.
His thumb teased my clit. “Remember when I said I was going to lick your pussy
until you screamed my name and begged for more?”
“I do.” I ground my pelvis against his erection. “There’s nothing stopping you
now, is there?”
Xero wiggled in my pocket.
“Me come out now?”
“Except a baby demon,” Fabian growled.
“Having a kid definitely puts a crimp in our love life.”
“Me want out,”
I slid her from my pocket and handed her to Fabian. “Say hello.”
A reluctant smile tugged at his mouth. “She is a cutie.”
“You pretty too.”
Xero licked Fabian’s chin.
My head began to throb.
CATCHING DRAGOS | 79
“Give me the child and fuck Mariah. The bond needs to be completed,” a
melodious voice commanded.
She did not just say that? I looked over my shoulder. Serafina Dragos, Grams’s
archenemy, stood there. The voice of an angel and the face of a crow. Serafina had never
forgiven my grandmother for stealing her man, and to this day dressed in funeral black.
In her vendetta against my grandmother, Serafina conveniently forgot Jose was a gigolo
who was sleeping with both of them. Furious over his betrayal, Serafina tried to turn
Grams into a snake. Her aim was off and she zapped Jose instead. The poor guy now
spends his days in a terrarium at the local zoo.
“Nonna, this is none of your concern,” Fabian snapped, steel in his voice.
Serafina’s beady black eyes surveyed me with open contempt. “Bedding the
Vizzini’s pitiful virgin will be distasteful, but it is necessary.”
My temper flared to life. Excuse me? Pitiful? Fabian didn’t care if I had demon
guts in my hair, and Serafina wasn’t getting her hands on Xero. “Listen, you hideous
old bird, I get to choose who I fuck, not you.”
Serafina laughed. Not a pleasant sound. “You are Dragos now. You will obey me.”
“My name is Mariah Smith. I’m neither Vizzini nor Dragos. They call me the
Judge. I’m in the business of paybacks, and lady, you do not want to be on my list.”
Serafina gaped at me in stunned disbelief.
“I don’t think anyone has ever rendered Nonna speechless.”
“I’m not quite as helpless as your grandmother thinks.”
“You insolent child,” Serafina spat.
Xero bared her tiny teeth at her.
“She mean. Want me to eat her?”
Fabian and I cried in unison.
The ground shook. Lightning danced wildly around us.
Oh, God. Grams was summoning her powers. I quickly put Xero back in the
“Stay put, Xero, until we get your grandmother calmed down.”
A bolt of lightning struck the ground next to Serafina. The old harpy shouted,
“Bring it on, Annalisa, and I’ll send you right back to hell where you belong.”
I groaned. “Not more than five minutes ago, they were working together. What
happened to the truce?”
“With my grandmother? Hard to tell.” Fabian looked around warily.
A cloud of thick white smoke appeared.
I coughed and hacked. “Grams? You really don’t want to do this.”
“Oh, but I do.” She stepped into view, and with a wave of one hand, the smoke
“Parlor tricks.” Serafina sneered.
A bolt of blue energy shot from Grams’s fingers.
It struck Serafina in the chest. Her body contorted, twisted, and shrank into a
rather large crow.
I sucked in a horrified breath. “Oh, shit!”
Fabian pushed me behind him and confronted Grams. “I forbid you to duel.”
“Forbid?” Grams’s menacing tone raised the hair on the back of my neck.
“Run!” I cried, tugging on Fabian’s arm.
“I am Dragos. We do not run,” Fabian snarled.
Grams chuckled. “Foolish, foolish man.
Tempore est quaedam monstrata
.” A thin red
mist boiled up around Fabian.
“What are you doing to me?” Fabian’s voice was suddenly high-pitched and
feminine. The mist dissipated. An attractive woman with long black hair stood there.
She wore a low-cut peasant blouse, black spandex pants, and stilettos.
“Dammit, Grams! Was that necessary?”
“Without a dick he can’t fuck you.”
CATCHING DRAGOS | 81
A look of utter horror on his face, Fabian cupped himself. “
Yikes! He’d just called Grams a cunt.
Fabian’s boobs suddenly ballooned out to a good 40EE, and his butt would now
give a reality star a run for her money.
“Don’t say another word. There’s no telling what else she’ll do,” I warned Fabian.
Staring down at his chest, Fabian growled in Italian, “
“Are you suicidal? Grams knows Italian, and calling her a fucking pussy isn’t
going to help the situation.”
An evil smile on her mouth, Grams gestured.
Fabian’s lips swelled up. Yeow! Bee-stung didn’t quite describe them. More like a
severe allergic reaction.
The hunter’s eyes bugged out. “Ssshittt.”
Serafina cawed loudly and landed on her grandson’s head.
A few seconds later, Fabian’s lips shrank back to normal size.
Grams raised her hand to blast her again.
.” A whirlwind of sparkling yellow magic shot from Serafina’s wing
tips and engulfed Grams. When the energy field faded away, it revealed a small green
Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit
“This is bad. This is really bad. Toads give Grams warts.”
Serafina flew off Fabian’s head and landed in front of Grams. “
Grams puffed up. “
And the fight was on. Energy bolts were flying in every direction.
The Tilt-A-Whirl vanished.
Ticket booths exploded.
Food stands burst into flames.
The carousel shattered into a thousand pieces.
“Yes, lots of booms.”
Once Grams calmed down, she would be mortified at all the
damage she was doing. Dodging the yellow and blue bolts, I took refuge behind the
A bolt sizzled past Fabian’s head as he tottered unsteadily on his stilettos. He
finally kicked them off and ran for cover. He grabbed his boobs to keep them from
spilling out of his blouse.
I jerked him behind the control panel. “Jeez, they’re gonna kill each other.”
“They’re so fucking big.” Fabian mashed his breasts together. “How do you run
with these things?”
I rolled my eyes. “With a good support bra.”
He cupped his ass and groaned. “My butt—”
I cut him off. “Is the size of a Buick. Can we focus here? I need the demon hunter.
Not the twit-brain bimbo.”
Fury darkened Fabian’s eyes. “Twit-brain?”
Yikes! He had PMS? How was that even possible? I groaned. Grams. She did have
a mean streak. I handed Fabian a slightly squished chocolate. “Hormones are a bitch.
This will keep you from killing the first person who pisses you off.”
“Some people need killing,” Fabian growled, popping the chocolate in his mouth.
Xero asked hopefully,
“Me have some?”
“No, sweetie, chocolate is very bad for babies.”
The Milk Bottle game booth blew up.
Enough already. “I think I have a way to stop them.”
“Me too.” Fabian cracked his knuckles.
“Without killing them.”
CATCHING DRAGOS | 83
“Where’s the fun in that?”
I quickly gave Fabian another piece of chocolate. Mixing testosterone with
estrogen was never a good idea. Unless you wanted to raze a city.
God, I hoped my stun-gun spell would stop our grandmothers. I summoned my
sword and pointed it at the battling toad and frog. “
A blinding blue magical bolt struck the crow. Puff! Feathers exploded in every
direction. A pink, thoroughly plucked bird hit the pavement.
“Cuidam suis.” The second bolt smacked into the toad. It jumped about a foot
before crashing to the asphalt.
The air shimmered around both of the witches, and presto! They were human
again and very naked. For an old lady, Grams looked pretty good. Serafina resembled a
bony old hag.
I did a happy dance. The spell had worked.
“You do realize they’re going to be
unhappy you stopped their fight,” Fabian
commented, holding his hand out for another piece of chocolate.
I ignored him. He wasn’t getting the last of my chocolate. “Yeah, I’ll be lucky if
they don’t change me into a rat or a skunk or some kind of a bug.”
The earth rumbled and cracked beneath our feet
I fought to keep my balance as black smoke shot from the fissures.
“Bad man comes,”
I stroked her soothingly.
“I won’t let him hurt you.”
Fabian’s sword appeared in his right hand. “Rossi. That prick is responsible for
killing two of my best hunters.”
“Easy, big guy.” I pushed the sword down. “You know, and I know, Rossi’s black
magic is way too powerful for us to take on alone. Even our grandmothers would have
trouble defeating him. We need to play it smart.”
Fabian shot me a hostile glare. “Smart? You went to work for him.”
Suppressing a groan, I nodded. “I did. My mistake was not checking in with
Grams before I took him on as a client.”
“Is that an apology for ruining my career?”
I gave Fabian my last piece of chocolate. “Yes. It was my bad. Can we move on?”
He nodded grudgingly.
“Rumor has it, Rossi sold his soul to Lucifer last year for a bigger penis and a fix
for his erectile dysfunction. He’s now hung like a bull elephant and was banging
anything that moved. Demon, imp, and human. You name it. Until last month.”
“Some woman castrate him?” There was an evil glint in Fabian’s eyes.
“No. The moron didn’t read the fine print in his contract, and he now has a whole
slew of demon STDs. Even using the blue pill, he can’t get it up anymore. So, he’s a tad
. He needs the medallion you took to open a gate to hell. Lucifer has the antidote
to his problem.”
“He’s going to confront Lucifer?”
“Oh yeah. Rossi’s got an ego the size of New York. He thinks he can take on the
devil and win. He won’t stop chasing you until he has what he wants.”
Fabian stated darkly, “I can take his head. That’ll stop him.”
“Yeah, you can try, but even PMS has its limits. That nice killing rage can turn into
hysterical tears without any warning. You want to take that risk?”
“No.” Sullen didn’t even begin to describe Fabian.
“Good. Can you play the helpless female for now? Please?”
Fabian thrust his awesome breasts out and wiggled his butt. “Like this?”
I threw up my hands in disgust. “Jeez. Do you want Rossi to grope you?”
His sword disappeared. “No. I’ve been groped enough.”
“You poor, poor baby.”
He gave me the stink eye.
CATCHING DRAGOS | 85
Voices whispered in the wind, creating a wailing melody of death.
Xero trembled violently.
“I know. I need you to be very quiet.”
More smoke billowed out of the ground. Rossi did like his big, theatrical
entrances. He wanted people to think he was the biggest badass on the planet. Ugh. I
hurriedly threw a “nobody’s there” illusion spell around Grams and Serafina.
Rafael Rossi, a little troll of a man with a bulbous nose and bad comb-over,
strolled out of the gaseous black fog. The wind lifted his hair, and it flapped like a flea-