Casual Affair (Timid Souls Book 2) (8 page)

He growled. “By play with it, I hope you mean take it into your mouth or between your thighs.”

I gave him one particularly long stroke, squeezing a little harder, drawing a hiss of pleasure from his lips. “Guess you’ll have to get me home and out of these clothes to find out.”

I refused to acknowledge the fact that I’d referred to his place as “home.” He didn’t seem too concerned about it in that moment either.

His eyes flew open, unbridled need and untamed passion blazing from them. “I’ll drive.”

Thankfully, Mike was out again when we got to his apartment, allowing us to strip off our clothing in record time. But when we finally stumbled into his bedroom and fell onto the bed, all bare skin and entangled limbs, everything felt different. Good different but somehow more intense.

The moment he entered me, it felt like everything suddenly shifted between us. We couldn’t take our eyes off each other as we moved together and brought ourselves to the peak of desire. All day I felt the changes occurring, but it was as if this physical connection cemented it.

I think it was the moment that we both knew there was no going back.

We knew that this was something more than just a casual hookup that we could easily walk away from in the end.

And after we had both achieved our releases, it was clear that neither one of us wanted to sever that connection. We wrapped each other up in his bed and held on tight, afraid that if we let go, we’d lose the other one forever.

As we were both drifting off, losing consciousness, Zane squeezed me to him and whispered in my ear, “Stay here with me.”

I don’t think either of us knew if he meant just for tonight or always.

Just like neither of us knew what I meant when I responded, “I’m not going anywhere.”

##

Zane

Zane:
Paintballing this weekend? Turns out I’ve never been.

I sent the text to Bea and tried to shift my attention back to work as I waited for her response. It came less than a minute later. I imagined her sitting at her desk in her office, doing the same thing I was doing. Trying to focus on work. Trying to focus on
anything
except the person whose name I was staring at on the phone screen, but being unsuccessful.

Bea:
First tip. It’s sort of boring with just two people.

I rolled my eyes and laughed.

Zane:
No, wise ass. With the football guys. You up for it?

My phone dinged only seconds later, making me laugh even louder.

Bea:
I’m there. And since there has to be a loser, I guess you should be there too.

It was almost October and the past month with her felt like I’d been living a different life, in another world. My life had been completely consumed by Bea and I had to admit that I now couldn’t imagine it any other way. We texted every day and when she couldn’t stay over at my place at night—though she’d been doing that fairly frequently—we talked on the phone regularly.

I still hadn’t officially met her sister, but that situation had recently become complicated so I understood why. Their friend Gwen had moved in with them because she had apparently broken up with her fiancé and needed a place to stay. Bea felt that it would just be awkward if I was around all the time with Gwen staying there and going through a major transition. Especially since Bea and Felicity had brought her to their home with a busted up face, as well as a concussion, all thanks to her bastard fiancé.

It was the first and only time I had ever seen Bea cry.

The day after they picked up Gwen and brought her home, Bea had showed up at my place in tears, seeking comfort in my arms. My heart broke as she let out soft sobs, asking if she was a bad friend, how she hadn’t known one of the closest people to her was being hurt like that. I didn’t know if what I said had made her feel any better, but she fell asleep in my arms as I stroked her hair, telling her that everything was going to be okay.

It had been a horrible night for her and although I’d never met Gwen and didn’t know her ex-fiancé, I was completely incensed that a man could do that to a woman, especially one he was supposed to love. It sounded terrible, but I was also grateful for that night. Because something awful had happened in Bea’s life and she had come to
me
, asking
me
to relieve the pain.

And if I had thought my possessive instincts toward her had been strong before that night, they had only quadrupled after I saw her tear-stained face and felt her hands grasping for me, asking me to take all of the bad away. I had laid there in bed, listening to her breathing as she slept, considering what I would do if it were Bea in Gwen’s position. If I had learned that someone had hurt Bea that way.

The answer had hit me with a powerful certainty.

I would end the son of a bitch.

I would bring unfathomable pain to anyone who ever dared touch her.

I think it was that, more than anything, that had shone a light on my true feelings for Bea. Knowing that I would do anything to protect her, that I could no longer live without her. It had happened before I’d even realized it and despite both of our efforts to keep any deep emotions out of it. It didn’t matter that we had only known each other a couple of months.

I was in love with her.

But I hadn’t told her yet because I had absolutely no idea how she would react.

I knew a relationship hadn’t been what she was looking for when she met me. Hell, it hadn’t been for me either. So, I was afraid that the mere mention of the “L” word might set off a destructive reaction in her comparable to that of a nuclear explosion. The last thing I wanted to do was wreck everything that we had built between us.

Besides, I wasn’t sure if she felt the same for me. And any self-preservation I had left in me prevented me from putting my heart on the chopping block before I was more certain of where Bea wanted this thing between us to go. If my feelings were unrequited, I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to put everything on the line, including my heart, just to have it all trampled on.

I didn’t know if I could handle her rejection.

I still had time, though. I wasn’t leaving until December, so I still had about two months to convince her that she couldn’t live without me either.

But if she did feel the same way and she told me that she wanted to be with me, I wasn’t sure how the whole me moving back to England thing would work. I wouldn’t deal well with a long-distance thing with her. I needed her near me, beside me.

I suppose that was something we could always figure out later because my first obstacle was to get her to admit that she had fallen head over heels for me.

What I didn’t realize then was that we didn’t have as much time as we thought and that everything was about to come crashing down around me.

##

It was a few days later that I got the call that would change everything for me. I had been sitting at my desk, trying to type out an email to the temporary Branch Manager in New York when Peter called.

“We’ve got a crisis here,” were the first words out of his mouth. Peter didn’t startle easily so if he was losing it, I knew the situation was bad.

“What’s going on?”

The whole story poured out of him, making it hard at times to keep up with his babbling words and rushed sentences. The gist of it was that there was some sort of defect in a new software that we just released and sold to a big-name client. The client’s company had installed the software into their motherboard and because of this defect, it was now causing massive problems in their entire network.

I knew without Peter saying it that this was a potentially disastrous problem for the company. If we lost this client, we would not only lose profits, we could lose some of our other clients.

I also knew what it meant for me before he even said it.

“I need you to get back to London immediately.”

I expected them but those very words still made my entire world come to a halt.

My body was paralyzed as I attempted to comprehend what it was going to mean for me and Bea. She was, after all, the only thing that could ever keep me here in the States.

I could barely manage to ask, “Right now? I could help you manage the problem from here.”

“Zane, a situation of this magnitude needs to be dealt with immediately. You did your job over there. Everything is running smoothly, but this problem is here and it’s happening now. You’re my right-hand man and I need you in charge of this.”

He was right.

Everything he said was the truth but I didn’t want to hear it.

“Right. Of course.” It felt like I had just swallowed broken glass as I said the words.

“Tie up whatever loose ends you need to over there and get here as soon as you can.”

I wanted to scream.

Bea was no loose end. She was the woman I was in love with and I couldn’t just leave her behind. I couldn’t walk away from her like I could walk away from this temporary position. I’d had no plans on returning to the States after I went back to England in December.

So, it meant that if I left, I was leaving for good.

No, no, no.

Too soon.

It’s all happening too soon.

I’m not ready to leave her.

I
can’t
leave her.

Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. I had to unbutton my top two buttons and loosen my tie just to get enough oxygen into my lungs.

I could barely hear Peter’s voice yelling my name over the phone; it sounded like it was a million miles away. “Zane? Zane! You there?”

I cleared my throat and felt sweat drip down the side of my face. “Yeah. Yes, I’m still here.”

“Is there a problem?” he asked warily.

I hadn’t told him about Bea. I hadn’t wanted to jinx whatever was between us by telling everyone about it and making it a big deal if it didn’t turn out to be. And I knew that even though Peter was like family to me, he wouldn’t want to hear about how I wanted to stay here for her. Not when we had this crisis on our hands and not when his company was basically at risk.

I couldn’t forget that I had other obligations, especially when I considered what would happen with my father if I never returned home. I couldn’t leave him by himself.

I had to go back.

This had always been the plan.

I’d known this was coming.

So did Bea.

“No. There’s no problem. I’ll let you know when I’m on my way.”

We both thought we had more time.

Fuck
. How was I going to tell her?

More importantly, what was she going to say?

##

Bea

Oh, the torture.

I knew that Gwen was in love with Clay and that she wanted to run away with him and get married and have his babies and all that. And I was completely supportive and grateful for her happiness.

But did it mean that we had to watch this boring-ass political debate?

The debate for the mayoral election was on local television tonight and Gwen was now staying with us since William the Dickface was a freaking psycho, which meant that I couldn’t have escaped this debate tonight if I tried. After years of growing up around politics with my father, I wanted nothing to do with it in my adulthood.

But best friend duties and all that meant that I sat my grumpy butt down on that couch and pretended to listen. Now, if Clay and William suddenly came to blows up on that stage,
that
would definitely capture my interest.

The only saving grace so far had been the wine and the fact that we hadn’t run out of it.

“Finally,” I sighed as I clicked the television off when the debate was over. “I thought it would never end.”

I turned to see a worried-looking Gwen, deciding that she probably needed to take her mind off of whatever she was currently stressing over. A job that usually fell to me since everyone thought that I never took anything too seriously.

“I still can’t believe you took on Bitchosaurus, Gwen. When did you become such a badass?”

Gwen had told us that her crazy-pants mother, Marcia McKindry, had showed up uninvited to our place today while we were at work and demanded that she go back to William. Long story short, her mother was just as controlling and insane as William and she’d always had Gwen under her thumb.

Until today apparently.

Gwen told us that she had let her mom have it and kicked her out the door.

I couldn’t have been more proud of my friend.

But Felicity spoke before Gwen could respond. “I’m more interested in the fact that
someone
never came home last night.”

Ah, hell in a handbasket.

I was hoping they wouldn’t have noticed my absence the night before slash this morning. I’d stayed with Zane last night, and it had been a struggle to not analyze the fact that I’d been doing that a lot lately. Staying at a man’s place on a regular basis was so against my code, I couldn’t even acknowledge, let alone process, that I’d been doing it for the past few weeks.

I looked up from picking at my nails to see them both staring at me expectantly. “What?”

“We’re waiting,” Felicity responded.

I shrugged. “For what? There’s nothin’ to tell.” There was but I wasn’t going to talk to them about it yet if I hadn’t even discussed it with Zane.

“Sure there is,” Felicity said cheerfully. “If you weren’t here last night that means that you were with someone else, at someone else’s place. And I’ll just bet that it was the same mysterious man you’ve been hookin’ up with for the past few weeks.”

For some irrational reason, it got my hackles up that she referred to what Zane and I were doing as “hooking up”, though I, myself, didn’t even know what else to call it. She didn’t know him and I hadn’t talked to her about anything. It wasn’t like she could have known what was really going on because even I wasn’t sure of that. She was only going by what information she had of me and my habits. I guess I just didn’t want to always been seen as the girl who was only in it for sex, who couldn’t, or wouldn’t, feel anything for anyone.

I didn’t want that to be my identifier.

But I was the one responsible for that. It was my fault they saw me that way.

And I was annoyed at myself for it.

“So what? I can date. Just because I don’t usually doesn’t mean I won’t if I’m interested enough.” I could practically feel their perplexed expressions but I refused to look up at them.

Gwen jumped in, choosing her words carefully. “We never thought you couldn’t date, Bea. You’ve just never expressed to us that you’ve had feelings for any of the guys you’ve been with.”

There was a beat of silence and then Felicity asked, “Does that mean you
do
have feelings for this guy?”

I would have said that was the million dollar question but it really wasn’t. Because I knew that I had feelings for Zane, very strong feelings that I was still trying to work through.

“Who knows? After all this time, who knows if I even
have
feelings anymore.” I laughed at myself but it was without humor. I couldn’t believe that the one thing I’d been trying to protect myself from for all these years had happened before I could even attempt to put a stop to it.

“You know that’s not true,” Gwen insisted in a soft voice. “In all seriousness though, Bea. Do you like this guy?”

The words tumbled out of my mouth before I really took time to consider them. “Maybe,” I said sighing. “I don’t know. He’s different than any guy I’ve been with.” I picked at some invisible lint on the arm of the couch, trying to sort through my thoughts but still not wanting to meet their eyes. “He’s pushy and stubborn and fights me on everything.”

My voice was meant to sound more frustrated than it had. I should have been more annoyed that Zane had gotten under my skin. That he never made anything easy, would never let me have my way without question. I should hate that but I didn’t. I never had if I was being honest. It was probably one of the things that attracted me to Zane the most.

And
that
, I just couldn’t explain.

“I like him already,” Felicity mumbled into her water glass, drawing a small smile from me.

“So, are we ever going to meet this stubborn, pushy man?” Gwen asked, finally making my head snap up in her direction, no doubt panic written all over my face.

It had been a couple of months, but I still wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. Zane and I hadn’t really talked about anything serious, and involving my sister and best friend into our business felt more serious than I was prepared for.

I put my hands up in a
hold the phone and back up a little
gesture. “Whoa, whoa. I said he was different. I never said we were ready to meet the families. I still don’t know this guy well enough. I mean, for all I know he could be some deranged serial killer who’s just a terrific actor.” I damn well knew that wasn’t true, but I had revealed too much and I needed to get these two off my back. “The last thing I’m about to do is go pick out china patterns with him.”

It was Gwen’s turn to put her hands up, a smirk on her face. “I was just wondering.”

“Yeah.” This from Felicity. “Because when you do get serious with him or anyone else, you know that you’d have to get our seal of approval first.”

It warmed my heart to know that they loved and supported me no matter what. But I didn’t often do this mushy gushy stuff and I had certainly met my quota for the entire week tonight. I looked over at my little sister, narrowing my eyes which made hers widen in apprehension. Yeah, she knew what was coming. She knew better than to go up against me when it came to avoiding your feelings.

This was a game she didn’t want to play with me.

Because I would always win.

“What about you, Gimley? Would
Mr. Wexler
meet our seal of approval?”

At the mention of Gabe and the fact that Felicity had a Jupiter-sized crush on him, her little pixie face turned the color of the red wine swirling around in my glass.

Gwen’s eyebrows raised and her head whipped over the Felicity, who had her head ducked and was trying to avoid our scrutinizing stares.
Yeah, not so fun is it?

“Did he finally ask you out?” Gwen asked, both surprise and excitement lacing her voice.

“No, and it wouldn’t matter if he did. He’s a client and it would be inappropriate if we got involved. Besides, I’ve told you before that he has a complicated family situation.”

Not one that you’ve elaborated on.
“Which means what exactly?” I asked.

“Drop it, Bea,” Felicity said in a low voice, “it doesn’t matter.”

She was as full of shit as I was.

“Oh, I think it does.” I wasn’t going to let her get away with this. “You asked me about my love life so now it’s your turn. Spill.”

She sighed and rubbed her forehead. “There’s nothin’ to tell. He’s divorced and all I know about it is that it didn’t end well. He hasn’t said anything but I’m guessin’ they’re havin’ custody issues over their daughter. And he doesn’t seem too open to dating right now, which is understandable and completely fine with me because I have tons of work to do and need to be concentratin’ on that.”

I smirked and looked over at Gwen. “Translation: she’s in love with him and wishes he would ask her out. But doesn’t want to seem pushy, so she’s steerin’ clear, oglin’ him from a distance and secretly plannin’ their future together.”

I knew because that was similar to what I’d been doing with Zane. Except instead of ogling him from a distance, we were having a lot of hot sex.

Felicity covered her face with her hands, making me laugh. “I do not ogle him,” she groaned. “I’m endin’ this conversation.”

“So, you don’t think he’s hot?”

She scoffed into her hands. “Of course, he’s hot. He’s gorgeous. Any woman with half an ovary could see that. But some of us have more control over our libidos than others,” she said pointedly, tossing me a look.

“Ouch.”

“I take it you’re not going to be picking out china patterns either any time soon?” Gwen asked Felicity, making my sister laugh sarcastically.

“Tell you what,” Felicity responded. “The day Bea becomes a one-man woman is the day I ask out Gabe Wexler. How’s that sound?”

Might happen sooner than you think.

I smiled at the thought but really didn’t know if it was true or not. It all depended on what Zane had to say about it.

I looked over at Gwen. Her eyebrow was raised at me in challenge.

Oh, how I loved a good bet.

We both looked back at my sister and said in unison. “Deal.”

##

Zane:
You want to meet me at the park we played football at after you get off work?

The text from Zane had me smiling and anxious to see him, itching to touch him again.

Bea:
Sure. Will my work clothes be appropriate for whatever we’re doing or should I change into something more comfortable?

Maybe he was finally going to teach me how to play rugby. I’d been asking him to for weeks, but he’d always refused, saying it was too rough a game and he’d never allow me to play with him and his buddies. Despite the fact that it was such a macho, chauvinistic thing to say, I strangely liked that he at least cared enough about me to be concerned for my safety. His comment should have enraged me but instead it made my heart melt.

Zane:
You won’t need to change.

Expecting a more playful response, maybe some witty banter, I was surprised when that was all he said. I tried not to overanalyze it and chalked it up to him being busy at work.

Bea:
I’ll be there by five-thirty.

This reply was no better.

Zane:
See you then.

Again, I wasn’t going to worry over something as silly as text semantics. I wouldn’t be one of those girls who spent hours going over one message, examining every possible meaning behind his words.

I pushed all of that to the back of my mind for the rest of the day because Lord knew that I had plenty on my plate today. We had a conference call in thirty minutes, back-to-back on-site client appointments after that, and then we had to work on our booth for the design convention we were attending next month in Atlanta. Plus, our biggest current project was going to require both of us to work crazy overtime hours next week—mostly on-site, which meant that we’d be out of the office—and there were some last-minute orders that needed to be taken care of.

Before I knew it, it was after five and I was rushing out the door, letting Felicity know that I should be home later and to not worry about eating dinner together. I tried to keep myself calm but it was no use. Having not seen Zane in a couple days made my stomach twist in knots and the rest of my body warm in anticipation, knowing that I would have his arms around me, hands on me in a matter of minutes.

It had become an instinctual reaction, one that would take over at the mere mention of his name.

And without even realizing it, I had become addicted to it.

I drove over to the park, parked my car, and walked to the area that I had first run into him that day when I was running, not knowing where exactly he wanted me to meet him. I followed the sidewalk and spotted him standing on top of a hill that overlooked part of downtown. There was a slight chill to the air, but I didn’t notice it with the sun shining down on Zane like he was a god or an angel. That beautiful form of his was blinding. Strong and powerful, looking like he controlled everything around him.

Capable.