Authors: Lyn Cote
Chloe chuckled. “The apple never falls far from the tree.”
Leigh glared at Chloe and Kitty. Carly watched her mother breathing hard and fast. She wondered where her own feeling of control,
of calm, had come from.
“And we aren’t asking the most important question, really,” Bette said, turning to her granddaughter.
“And what’s that?” Leigh demanded.
“Why does Carly want to enlist in the army?”
“I would think it’s fairly obvious,” Leigh replied before Carly could. “She’s doing it because she knows it’s the last thing
I want her to do.”
Bette looked to Carly. “Is that why you want to enlist?”
“No.” But the larger question, why the military attracted her, still stumped Carly. It was something she hadn’t been able
to put into words. She’d never told anyone about the nightmares, afraid they would worry everyone. Then her parents might
make her go back into counseling. But the day she’d spoken to the recruiter had been followed by two nightmare-free nights.
“It’s the only thing that’s interested me,” Carly mumbled.
“What about it interests you?” Bette probed.
“Why are you even taking her seriously?” Leigh asked her mother.
“Because when I was young, if I could have, I would have enlisted to fight Hitler.”
“There is no Hitler in this world today,” Leigh declared.
“Are you so sure of that?” Kitty asked.
“What’s going on here?” Leigh demanded of her senior female relatives. “Why aren’t you telling Carly that this is ridiculous,
out of the question?”
“Maybe because,” Bette said, “Aunt Kitty’s right. In the sixties, whenever I forbad you to do something, you always did it
anyway. Why do you think you have the right now to forbid your daughter to do anything?”
“I was right to do what I did. The march on Washington and the 1968 convention were two of the most important events of the
century. You shouldn’t have tried to keep me home.”
“I was just trying to protect you,” Bette said.
“And I’m just trying to protect Carly,” Leigh added.
“I’d think you’d be pleased with Carly,” Nate put in. “Didn’t you write several articles about women in the military?”
“That has nothing to do with this.” Leigh drew away from him as much as she could on the love seat.
“That’s hypocritical, Mom,” Carly said dismissively, “and you know it.”
“You are not going to enlist in the army until after you finish college. It makes no sense to go in as enlisted personnel.”
Leigh looked ready to spit.
Feeling her anger flare again, Carly stared at her mother, reaching down deep to come up with yet another cool, calm reply.
She might as well speak the truth. “You can delay me, but you can’t stop me.”
“Then at least I’ll delay you for a year and maybe you’ll come to your senses.”
“If you won’t listen to the good advice your family’s just given you, I will. If Carly still wants me to,” Nate said with
quiet authority, “I’ll adopt her and then I’ll sign her enlistment papers.”
Carly gasped.
Leigh gawked at Nate. “If you do that, knowing how I feel, I’ll file for divorce.”
C
arly closed her eyes. How did her mother always manage to make herself the center of attention?
If you’re stupid enough to divorce a great guy like Nate, don’t try to blame it on me
.
“Have you lost your mind, Leigh?” Chloe’s voice sliced through the stunned silence. “Carlyles don’t announce ultimatums in
public to their husbands, and we never argue in front of others.”
“McCaslins don’t either,” Kitty added.
“It’s time you sit down, Leigh,” Chloe ordered, “and get your emotions under control.”
Opening her eyes, Carly noticed that her grandmother Bette had pursed her lips so tightly, they were white. Carly rocked Michael
again, keeping her hand over his ear. He felt warm against her. Even though it was evening, the temperatures were still in
the low eighties. His eyes were closed and his breathing was steady. Carly hoped he’d fallen asleep.
Chloe nodded her head in the direction of Michael and gave Leigh a pointed look.
Leigh sat back down. She looked shaken but unrepentant.
Carly knew that her mother would bounce back quickly. And stonewalling was her favored tactic.
Well, I can stonewall, too, Mom
.
“I don’t think it has escaped anyone’s notice,” Nate said in the uncomfortable quiet, “that Leigh and I are dealing with a
stressful period in our marriage.”
Leigh glanced at him sideways, but said nothing.
“I think . . . I’ve told Leigh that she needs to cut back on the hours she devotes to her writing career.” He held up a hand
to stop Leigh from breaking in. “We both need more time together and time with Michael. He’ll be getting into more activities
like Little League and music lessons. We need to be available more. And I’ve already discussed adjusting my work schedule
with my captain at the precinct.”
“Before I met you, I worked full-time and I managed to find time to do things with Carly,” Leigh retorted. “I don’t—”
“You didn’t manage to pick me up on time that night at the dance studio,” Carly said in a deceptively calm voice, referring
to the life-changing event that had taken place seven years before. Inside, she shook with sudden emotion. She’d never voiced
this accusation—though she’d wanted to for as along as she could remember.
Obviously stunned and uneasy, everyone turned to look at Carly. She stared back at them, waiting for someone to react, waiting
for her mother to react.
“I can’t believe you’ve brought that up now. Don’t you know the guilt I carry because I wasn’t there to protect you?” Leigh
finally replied, rising again. “Do you think you can browbeat me with my past mistakes and get your way?”
“We’re getting far afield,” Bette said, motioning Leigh to sit down.
Leigh complied but didn’t attempt to mask her irritation.
“We were discussing why Carly wants to serve in the military.” Bette turned to Carly. “Why do you want to do this?”
Carly still trembled, the aftereffect of finally voicing her deepest pain and grief. Stalling, she tucked Michael closer and
chewed her lower lip. A gust of wind stirred the leaves of the tall trees. The sound reminded her of her vague but menacing
shadowy nightmares. At last, she said, “I want to be on my own.”
Bette nodded encouragement.
Carly searched for words. She wanted to sound logical and in control. But she didn’t completely understand yet what drew her
to the army. How could she say, “It makes me feel stronger”? So she said, “I want to be part of a group.”
“That makes sense,” Leigh said in derision. “Those are opposites.”
Carly ignored her mother’s uncharacteristic dig. “I want to see if I have what it takes.” That final reason rocked her inside.
She felt the old terror escalating, and she tamped it down. She faced bad dreams at night and sudden bursts of panic in daylight.
At some level, she knew that to free herself, she must face and defeat her fears. Was that why she was enlisting? Was she
testing herself, as she had in other ways in the past? Well, if that was her true reason, no one needed to know but her. “That’s
about all I can put into words.”
Leigh opened her mouth, but Bette spoke up first, her voice strengthening word by word. “I think each generation tries to
protect the younger. And it never works. All it does is cause discord. Leigh, forbidding your daughter to start her life her
way won’t deter her. It will only put up a wall between the two of you.”
“Thank you, Bette,” Chloe said quietly. “Thank you.”
Carly looked from face to face. She didn’t like the feeling of being the only one present who didn’t know what everyone was
talking about or, rather, not talking about. Why were there always secrets? “What am I missing?”
Bette faced her. “When your mother was your age, I did a lot of forbidding, and it had the effect I just mentioned. I don’t
know if your enlisting in the army makes sense, but perhaps it’s something you need to do. I don’t know. I ran out of having
all the answers several years ago.”
Nate stood up. “Carly,” he murmured, “is Michael asleep?”
She nodded. Michael’s body against her had finally taken on that sensation of boneless, complete relaxation that meant deep
slumber.
Nate scooped him gently from her arms. “Leigh, let’s take him up and put him to bed. Then we’re going to take a walk and do
some talking. You’re not divorcing me, so get that out of your head.”
Carly expected her mother to argue, but instead she trailed Nate out of the summerhouse with only a backward glance, one filled
with anxiety.
No one talked until the couple had disappeared inside Ivy Manor’s back door. Then Chloe let out a long sigh. “I’m feeling
every one of my ninety years right now.”
Carly decided to push against the unspoken rules once more. “Why won’t my mother tell me about my father?”
All three women stared at her but said nothing.
“Why?” Carly insisted. “And why won’t you tell me?”
Kitty gave her an apologetic smile. “It’s Leigh’s story, her secrets—”
“They’re my secrets, too,” Carly cut in.
“We can’t tell you, my dear.” Chloe rubbed her temple as if in pain.
“Yes, it’s important that Leigh do it,” Bette added.
“Why?”
“Carly, remember,” Kitty said, “unfortunately, the truth isn’t always what we want it to be.”
Nate led his wife into Ivy Manor. He’d come to love this place. It was a haven of peace. His everyday world dragged his mind
through murder and other forms of cruelty he had a hard time stomaching. More and more he fought becoming completely hardened
to life, to people. He’d talked to his father and grandfather enough to know that a completely cynical cop was not what he
wanted to be, nor what God wanted him to be. And visiting Ivy Manor washed away the filth he brought with him and gave him
hope again. Even about the woman he loved.
Leigh and Nate entered the quiet house with Michael fast asleep in his arms. Stacks of washed dishes covered the plain oak
kitchen table. The housekeeper, Rose, would finish putting everything back in place the next day. They walked up the hardwood
steps to the second floor and Nate laid their son on the antique trundle bed in Carly’s room. Then they walked back down,
out the front door, and between the ivied pillars of the front porch.
What am I going to do with this woman?
He gazed at his wife of seven years. So beautiful. So proud. So ambitious. He said what he was thinking. “I thought I could
balance you.”
Leigh looked at him. “Is that why you married me?”
“I married you because I fell in love with you. Because you needed me and I needed you. Because I loved you, loved Carly,
and wanted to be her father.”
“Then why didn’t you insist on adopting her?” Leigh sounded uncharacteristically petulant.
“It was early days for us.” Even though the evening breeze was rising, he unbuttoned his cuffs and rolled them up a turn.
“I was feeling my way, getting to know you and Carly.”
“Why didn’t she tell me?” Leigh folded her hands under her arms.
“Carly isn’t like you.” Nate tugged one of her hands free and clasped it. “You bubble up and explode. You declare what you
want and expect the world to snap to attention. Carly is still waters, deep waters. I should have taken time to dig out what
her opinion of being adopted was. But our marriage came only a couple of months—”
“After I didn’t get to the dance studio on time, after Carly had been snatched,” Leigh snapped and then burst into tears.
“What do you mean—the truth isn’t always what we want it to be?” Carly couldn’t keep the anger from her voice. She felt her
pulse speeding up.
“We mean,” Chloe said, “that you may have some unrealistic idea of who your father is or what he’s like.”
“Do you know my father?” Carly demanded.
“No, dear,” Bette replied, patting Carly’s arm, “none of us have ever met him or even seen him.”
“But you know who he was—I mean is—right?”
“I know his name,” Kitty confessed.
“I know what kind of man he is,” Chloe added.
“I know that he hurt your mother as much as a man can hurt a woman,” Bette said.
“Your mother trusted him with her heart and body, and he proved himself to be unworthy of that trust,” Chloe said.
“But I’m his daughter.” Carly heard her voice rising with her indignation. Why were they all protecting her mother? “That
means that I’m like him. I have his genes. What about me is like him? Not like him? Don’t you see? I need to know.”
“It was unkind of Carly to throw that up to you,” Nate said, cradling Leigh in his arms, stroking her hair, silk against his
palm. “But . . .”
“But what?” his wife asked tearfully.
“But this conflict is bound to unearth the past, stir up muddy waters.”
“Why? Why is she doing this?”
Nate was heartened by Leigh’s diffident tone. If nothing else, Carly’s rebellion had shaken her mother out of her own righteous
vision of things. “She is trying to find her feet as an adult. I know you think that Carly’s done this just to insult you.
But I don’t see her doing that. Carly is very much self-directed. I think this may have something to do with . . .” He struggled
with the words circling in his mind. “Somehow this is tied up with her kidnapping and her birth father.”
Leigh pulled away from him. “So this is all my fault. And I deserve it.”
“Stop that.” He jerked her back to him, holding her against him. Her heart beat against his chest. “You’re important. But
right now the spotlight is on our daughter. This is all about her. She needs to . . . I think she’s trying to face the future
and be strong.”
He shrugged. “I see it all the time with new cops right out of the academy. They all want to become cops for different reasons
and for the same reason. They all are facing life and want to take a strong stand.” He shook his head. “That’s as clear as
I can make it. Maybe that’s why I understand what’s pushing Carly. I felt it once myself.”