Capturing Angels (2 page)

“Not my Mary. You don’t understand. She’s far beyond any normal five-year-old. She doesn’t wander off without telling me where she is going. She’s capable of watching over another five-year-old or a younger child, in fact.”

He looked skeptical.

“You don’t believe me? I’m telling you something’s not right!” I emphasized. I think he thought I might pound on his bloated stomach if he even tried to disagree. He stepped back.

“Just take it easy,” Tom Miller said. “We’ll get to the bottom of it quickly. Not that much time has passed. We can alert the entire mall.”

Again, I wondered just how much time had passed. How long had I ignored her?

A few minutes later, the mall security police arrived and asked me to go with them to their office.

“I don’t want to leave the store,” I said. “She’s here; she’s got to be here.”

“It looks like she’s not,” the mall policeman said softly. “Let us get to the bottom of it. Please, ma’am. We want to help you.”

“Let them help you,” the floor manager pleaded.

I knew he wanted me out of his store, out of his life, but no more than I wanted him and all of this out of mine. I looked around helplessly.

“There’s nothing more you can do in here,” the manager added. “Please, let them help you.”

I looked at him so intently that he blanched. Then he looked down. He couldn’t face me.
Maybe he knows something,
I thought. Paranoia was crawling all over me.

Something is not right,
I thought, and started out of the store.

1

Blue Ribbon

Reluctantly, I followed the mall police to their office. They told me they were contacting the Los Angeles police.

“Why? Can’t you find her yourselves? What are you saying?”

“We’re working on it, ma’am, but it’s a missing person. We have to contact them,” the mall security officer said.

Twice while I waited, I felt myself becoming so faint that I thought I would just keel over on the floor. In fact, I began to look so bad and was so dizzy that paramedics were summoned. When they took my blood pressure and saw how high it was and how fast my heart was pounding, they wanted to take me to the hospital emergency room, but I wouldn’t leave until the police came and found Mary.

They came in the form of a detective accompanied by a uniformed patrolman. The detective introduced himself as Lieutenant Samuel Abraham. He spoke in a soft, calm manner, which, although it was reassuring, annoyed me, making me feel as if I was being handled. Because of that, I avoided looking at him and looked down at my hands as I threaded my fingers in and out. This was a nervous gesture I’d had all my life.

Lieutenant Abraham asked me to go over everything again, but he wanted me to begin with when I had left our house in Brentwood with Mary. I was certain he could tell from the tone of my voice that I didn’t understand the purpose of that.

“Aren’t we wasting time?” I asked. “She is missing here, not back in Brentwood.”

“Details are so very important to us now,” he told me. “The smallest things will help.”

He reached out to take my hand and stop my nervous activity. Finally, I looked directly at him for the first time. Although he didn’t look much older than I was, he had an air of maturity and competence. It would sound strange to anyone listening, but I suddenly felt like throwing my arms around his neck and lowering my head to his shoulder just so I could feel the strength in him circling my body, comforting me.
I am just a little girl again,
I thought.
I want Daddy
.

He brushed some of his dark brown hair away from his forehead and fixed his hazel eyes on me.

“For example,” he continued, “maybe she was wearing something very distinct, unique.” He looked at the information the mall police had written on a form. “Besides a blue skirt, light blue blouse, dark blue cardigan, and white and blue loafers with light blue socks,” he continued. “Some mothers have their little girls wearing earrings at this age,” he added with a quick shrug and a soft smile.

“No, no earrings. She has a blue ribbon around her hair. She wears it like I do,” I said, indicating how my light brown hair was brushed back and fell to the base of my neck. “We have the same color hair, and she loves wearing it however I do.”

“See?” he said. “That’s not on here.” He made it sound like a break in the case. “Go on. You left the house. You’re married, I gather.”

“Yes, of course. I mean . . . yes, we’ve been married nearly seven years. Mary’s our only child. We’ve been trying to have another for some time now,” I added. I didn’t know whether that sort of information was necessary, but I was afraid of leaving something out now that he had pointed out the ribbon I had forgotten. “My husband wanted us to wait until Mary was five. He thought it was a good age difference and best for college planning.”

Lieutenant Abraham smiled. “Yes, that’s probably very wise.”

“John researches everything, even down to a new can opener.” I paused. “I don’t know why I’m telling you these things,” I said with frustration. “I feel like I’m babbling nonsense, like a babbling idiot.”

He smiled softly again. “It’s all right. I understand. Was your husband home when you left with Mary this morning?”

“No, he had left early for an important business trip.”

Lieutenant Abraham nodded and looked at the form. “John Clark Jr. He works for Eternal Software?”

“He’s their business manager.”

“I see. Where did he go for this business trip?”

“San Bernardino.”

“Well, that’s just a little more than an hour away. Have we tried to reach him yet?” he asked the mall security guard.

“Not yet.”

“Okay. I guess we should be doing that,” he said, mostly to me. I nodded and searched my purse for one of John’s business cards because they had his mobile number on them, too. I realized that avoiding informing John now was a hope that had dissipated like steam.

I handed Lieutenant Abraham the card.

“Thank you. So, you left the house about what time?”

“Nine-thirty.”

“And did you stop anywhere before arriving here?”

“No, we came right here. I went directly to the department store. What, do you think I went somewhere else, forgot my daughter, and came here before I realized it?”

“No, no, of course not. Were you holding your daughter’s hand the whole time you were at the mall?”

“Of course.”

He looked as if he was swallowing a poison pill and then gently said, “At some point, you must have let go.”

The words seemed to go into my ears and plunge down my spine, echoing as they descended. Of course I had to have let her go. Of course this was my fault. Snapping at him or anyone else wasn’t going to change that fact.

“I’m not sure when I let go of her hand. I can’t remember. It just seems so foggy.”

“Sure. I understand.” He looked at the mall parking ticket. “Your parking ticket has you here at ten forty-five,” he said. “That’s a little long for how far you had to come if you were coming here directly.”

“Maybe it wasn’t exactly nine-thirty,” I said. “How can anyone plan on the traffic here?” My voice was becoming shrill again.

“We just want to lock in these details.”

He glanced at John’s business card as if he had just realized he was holding it.

“Do you want to call him first?” he asked.

I didn’t reply. I was sure I would have trouble speaking. I’d probably start to cry so hard that John wouldn’t understand a word.

“We could call him for you,” he said. “Let me handle that. I know how upset you are.”

“Yes, thank you.” I released the pent-up hot air in my lungs. I remember thinking,
This man is very sensitive for a policeman. He reminds me more of a kindly male nurse
.

“I imagine you’ve been here before with your daughter?”

“Yes, many times since it opened. Well, maybe not many, but at least three.”

“Did your daughter ask to go anywhere special in the mall when you arrived? Did she want something to eat? Go to a toy store?”

“No.”

“So, you came up the escalator from the parking lot and went directly to the department store. Did you go right to the area where you were when you realized she was missing?”

“Yes, yes,” I said. These questions felt like death by a thousand cuts. I threw up my hands. “How could someone take my daughter out of a department store? She wouldn’t let anyone forcibly take her. She would scream for me. Someone must have seen her,” I said, finally feeling the tears flooding into my eyes.

“We’ve got people interviewing every salesperson in the store. Well,” he said, getting up, “let me phone your husband. You want anything—coffee, cold drink, anything—in the meantime?”

I shook my head and dabbed at the tears on my cheeks. Surely, I thought, any moment someone would come in holding Mary’s hand. I stared at the door and with all my might willed it to happen.

When Lieutenant Abraham returned, he had two cups of coffee.

“Just in case,” he said, handing one to me. “I just put a little milk in it, but here are some sugar packets if you want.”

I immediately put them and the coffee on the desk. He sipped his and looked at me more intently. It was as if he was looking in my face for clues about Mary’s disappearance. What was he thinking? That I had made all this up, that I didn’t even have a daughter? What?

“Your husband didn’t pick up, but I left a message.”

“If he’s in a meeting, he won’t have his phone on,” I said. “He’s adamant about that and not above chastising anyone who does leave his or her phone on in a meeting.”

“Gotcha. Just to be sure, I also called his office and left a message with his secretary.”

“Okay.”

Just to have something to do with my hands, I picked up the cup of coffee and sipped some. It felt as if it was burning my throat even though it was just warm.

He felt his cell phone vibrate, took it out, and rose to take a few steps away from me. He turned and nodded to me to indicate that it was John. Then he walked a few more steps away to talk. A minute or so later, he turned back to me.

“He was just leaving his meeting. Pretty calm guy,” he said.

“Oh, yes, that’s my John,” I said proudly. My whole body was trembling, but I tried to hide it. “Actually, one of the reasons I fell in love with him was his inner strength and stability. There’s no one better in a crisis than my John. He thinks first and never lets his emotions run away with him.”

“Not bad qualities to have nowadays,” Lieutenant Abraham said.

“He’s very religious, too. I think that’s where he gets his inner strength.”

“Oh? How so?”

It didn’t take a genius to see that he wanted to keep me talking.

“John never misses a Sunday at church if he can help it. I’m not as devout, but even if I don’t go, my daughter does. He’s a big football fan, too.”

“Oh, Rams?”

“Believe it or not, he’s a Giants fan and a Yankees fan.”

“That is surprising. Is he from New York?”

“No, but he went to NYU.”

“Ah.”

“Graduated with honors. He’s a strong man. He’ll know what to do,” I muttered. “John will know what to do.”

“That’s good. We’ve got to keep clear minds, keep thinking about everything. Try to picture the scene again,” he added as he sat across from me. He leaned forward and focused on me as if he wanted to hypnotize me. For a moment, I actually wondered if that wasn’t a police detective’s technique. I’d gladly go into a trance if that would solve the problem, I thought. “Go on, please, visualize,” he said.

“I’ll try,” I said.

“Good.” He smiled again. “Let’s just go over it all again. Sometimes there’s a detail we might have missed or overlooked, okay?”

He’s good at this,
I thought.
He knows what he’s doing. I’ve got to be more cooperative.
I felt a little more relief, a little sense of calmness. I was happy that he was the detective on duty.

“Yes, yes, of course.”

“So, you’re at the counter. You’re talking to the saleslady. Does your daughter ask anything, want anything? Kids get impatient.”

“No, she’s a very well-behaved little girl. She never pesters. I told them that. She’s being homeschooled, but she already knows a great deal more than the average first- or second-grader, especially when it comes to history. John’s hobby is ships in bottles, and he only builds famous ones and then explains them. You should see how patiently she sits and listens. So you see, she wouldn’t be impatient in the store. My daughter wouldn’t run off. The whole idea is ridiculous.”

He paused, sipped some more coffee, and then said in a surprisingly casual tone, “The saleslady doesn’t recall a little girl standing beside you.”

It felt as if he had delivered the famous bombshell in a courtroom during cross-examination of a witness. It took me a moment to gather my wits and respond. I bit down hard on my lower lip, trying to keep my rage from overflowing like volcanic lava.

“She was probably just intent on making the sale,” I said in a very controlled but sharp tone. “She had dollar signs in her eyes that were blocking her vision.”

He nodded, with a slight smile crossing his lips, and then sipped his coffee, his eyes still fixed on me with an intensity that was beginning to unnerve me. I closed my eyes and thought about what he had said about my letting go of Mary’s hand.

Somewhere else in the mall, in malls across the country, on city and village streets, mothers were walking with their little girls. Statistically, as John might say, there were probably thousands, maybe tens of thousands, of those little girls who were the same age as Mary, many even born on the same day. These mothers had their daughters’ hands firmly in their grips. Their eyes went everywhere as they walked. We’d all been made so aware of the dangers that lurked around us, especially for our children. As difficult as it was, all of these mothers tried to remain alert, protective, and sensibly frightened, sensibly because fear could be a good thing. It made us safer. We double-locked our doors and put alarms in our homes and in our cars. We installed cameras on the fronts of our homes, and more and more these days, we were installing them in streets and in stores. John always said that we should be more like London, where there were cameras everywhere.

“Cameras,” I said aloud when a thought suddenly followed. “Doesn’t the store have a security camera? We can see that the saleslady is wrong.”

Lieutenant Abraham nodded. “Mall security is checking it out right now,” he said. “Now, I’m not jumping to any conclusions here,” he continued, “but it’s important to cover everything in a case like this, okay? Don’t jump to any conclusions from my questions.”