Canary (12 page)

“Didn't you say he wouldn't come up here?”

Someone reached the bedroom door and knocked.

“Kate? Are you in there?”

I let myself relax. “Hey, Brett. I'm here.”

The door opened, and he walked in. “Is the rest of the pizza for me?”

“Sure. I had a few pieces . . .”

Brett looked at Jack. “What is 
he
 doing here?” He said it as if Jack had crawled out of the deepest, darkest hole and trailed slime everywhere he moved.

Jack took a few steps toward the door. “That's the same thing I said when you walked into my school, asshole.”

I stared at Jack, shocked.

“Go to hell.” Brett slammed the door, leaving us behind.

I stood in the middle of the room, not sure who I should be supporting.

Jack grabbed the rest of his stuff. “I have to go. I meant what I said about not wanting to be here when your dad shows up.”

“Wait a minute. What was that about? I'd expect something like that from Luke but not you.”

“Brett was the one with the problem.”

“You both have problems, and I don't understand it.” I walked to my bed and started moving pillows around again to help Jack find his phone. “You say you care about me. Well, how about you show it?”

“I'm sorry, okay? I was worried about your dad showing up, and then Brett came in with a big attitude. I'll ease up, but your brother better do the same.”

“I'll talk to him.” I touched his arm.

“He's not going to say anything to your dad, is he?”

“You're fine.”

Jack found his phone under the nightstand, and I followed him down the stairs. I prayed Brett was in his room and Jack wouldn't spot him as he headed out. I followed Jack through the kitchen. I didn't know I'd been holding my breath until Jack was safely away.

www.allmytruths.com

Today's Truth:

Sometimes it's possible to love someone, even if those around you hate them.

I/Brett

grew

to

love /hate

Jack.

I/Brett

loved/hated

Jack's

laughing/taunting

smile/sneer

hands/fist

heart/black core

confidence/ego

promises/threats

touch/jabs

friends/gang

walk/swagger

whispers/insults

attention/vigilance

popularity/reign

Jack

became

everything/nothing

There is a thin line between everything/nothing

A line that can easily bend/curve/twist/bow/crack/splinter/fracture/break/

c

r

u

m

b

l

e

Posted By: Your Present Self

[Tuesday, October 22, 6:47 PM]

A few days later, I ended up at Ali's house. She'd called me just as I arrived home from school. I threw my book bag on my front step and fished out my keys while I talked to her.

“What are you doing tonight?” she asked.

I unlocked my front door and stepped into an empty hallway. The sun had started to go down earlier as fall approached, and the house was dim with shadows. “That's a hard one,” I said. “I have a few choices. There's a dinner party I'm supposed to host with diplomats and that Hollywood premiere I planned on attending . . . I'm at a loss for which to blow off.”

“How about both? If you do, you can come to dinner at my house. My dad is making his famous chili, and there's enough to feed a small country.”

I weighed the real options of TV dinners, leftovers, or cereal without milk against a night with Ali's family. My dad was with the team, and Brett had gone paintballing with some old friends.

“I have to check with my publicist, but it should be easy to get out of my plans.”

“If it's not too much trouble,” Ali said.

Later that night, I sat next to Ali, surrounded by her parents and siblings, fighting to get a word in among everyone's conversations. Ali's brother kept getting yelled at for having his phone out, and her sister pouted when I got the last piece of cornbread. I threw a jab back at her dad, who teased me about Jack. I felt as if I belonged.

It was later, when I stood between Ali and her mom, helping with the dinner dishes that I understood what was happening. My family had shifted.

My world had cracked open when Mom died, but now it felt more whole again. Beacon had given back something missing in my life. Ali, Jack, and Jenna had become my family.

It was my birthday, my sweet sixteen and I'd been kissed, as Jack said when he met me at my locker with a bouquet of roses. Luke joked he got them from the gas station on the way to school. As if I cared.

Jack took me to dinner at a fancy steak house. There was so much food we left enough on our plates for another whole meal. Dad had told the two of us to save room for cake.

When we got home, we gathered around the kitchen table. Brett had invited Julia, probably as a buffer from Jack. Everyone sang “Happy Birthday” off-key, and I blew out the candles on the store-bought lemon cake, a flavor I didn't even like.

Dad gave me the new cell phone I'd been asking for, Brett handed me a card with money in it, and Julia pulled a bag out of her purse and held it out to me. “It's nothing big, but I thought you'd like it.”

“You didn't need to get me anything,” I said,
surprised.

Even though she had been dating my brother for a few weeks now, the two of us had probably only said a few words to each other. Usually Brett picked her up, and the few times she was at our house, Brett ushered her to his room before I had the chance to say anything.

“It's your birthday,” she said, pushing it into my hands. “Everyone deserves something on their
birthday.”

I pulled the tissue paper out of the bag and found a bracelet made of dark red and yellow glass beads. “Oh, wow, I love this.”

“I figure it's the colors of Beacon, so you can wear it to a game or something.”

“That's great, Julia,” Dad said, clapping his hands. “It'll be perfect for when she's cheering for Jack.”

“Thanks.” I slipped it on my wrist and watched it catch the light. It really was pretty.

“Now let's get into this cake.” Dad sliced a big piece for each of us.

Jack dipped a finger into his frosting and winked at me when he tasted it.

The two of us grabbed our plates and slipped away to the living room. I sat down on the couch, and Jack scooted next to me. It was dark, and I lit the candle still stuck in my piece of cake with a box of matches I had grabbed from the kitchen.

“I haven't given you your gift yet.” Jack slipped a box out of his pocket.

“No, you haven't.” I cupped my hands and let him drop his present into them. I held the box and shook it. “What could this be?”

“Hey, be careful. For all you know, that's made out of fine china.”

“Sure, right.” I broke off the ribbon, lifted the lid, and pulled out a pair of small gold heart earrings. “Oh, Jack, I love them.”

“I remember you talked about the locket your mom gave you when you were a baby. I figured you'd like something to wear with it.”

“It's perfect.” I fought back tears. Mom should have been there, singing “Happy Birthday” with everyone, getting to know Jack, and laughing with Dad. “Thanks for being with me tonight.”

“I wouldn't want to be anywhere else,” Jack whispered into my ear.

I bent forward and blew out the candle so we were sitting in nothing but darkness. Jack took my hand and pulled me closer, and we started kissing. I closed my eyes and thought not about what I had lost but what I had gained.

Later that night, I woke to my phone vibrating under my pillow. I grabbed it, thinking it was Jack wishing me one last happy birthday. It had become a joke with him. He'd probably said it at least fifty times that day.

“Kate,” Ali whispered loudly into the phone. “I need to talk to you.”

“I'm here,” I mumbled.

“Are you listening?”

“Yeah. What do you want?”

“No, seriously. Are you really listening or just saying you are? Because what I have to tell you is big.”

“I'm listening.” I sat up against my pillow. I turned on the lamp next to my bed. I figured she was calling because of my birthday. She'd sent me a text earlier, but I hadn't heard from her since then.

“Promise you won't judge.”

“Mm . . .”

“I'm serious.”

“I promise,” I said, but I would have promised pretty much anything at that point.

“Okay.” She took a deep breath. “I slept with Luke tonight.”

Now I was awake. “What? Like had sex?”

“No, we just spooned. Yes, sex, Kate, and I know it's soon and we've only been together for a few weeks, but I like him.”

“You had 
sex
 with Luke? Really?”

“Yeah, is that so hard to believe?”

“Sorry. I'm just surprised.”

Ali and I were both virgins, and while she had talked about sex, I didn't think it was something she was thinking about doing. She and Luke weren't even a couple.

“Did you plan it?”

“No, his mom went out on a date with some guy, and we were alone, and it, well . . . it happened. First we were making out, then we were in his room, and he had a condom, and I didn't want to say no.”

“So it was okay?”

“It didn't feel real good, but I'm glad I did it. It's not as bad as you think it's going to be, and it was special.” Her voice broke when she said the word 
special
. She started to cry.

“Ali, what's wrong?”

“I'm fine. It's just . . .”

I waited for her to speak again.

“I'm okay. I'm glad I did it. It's okay that I did it.”

“Well, if it makes you upset or you need to talk to me again, you can call me.”

She was quiet for a minute, and then her tone turned angry. “Why would it upset me?”

“I don't know. I meant—”

“You know, I'm not the only one who should be thinking about sex. What about you and Jack? You can't hold out forever.”

I wondered how the conversation had shifted to Jack and me.

“It's something you need to do sooner or later. He's not going to spend all of high school waiting for you to give it up. Not a guy like Jack.”

Ali had no right to start talking to me about having sex with Jack. I spoke slowly, trying to keep my voice level. “Sex isn't a problem between us. It hasn't come up.”

“Maybe it hasn't, but he's thinking about it. Every guy does. If you want to stay with Jack, you're going to have to put out.”

“Okay.” I sighed, not wanting to fight with her. Ali had just had sex. There was no way she'd understand why I wasn't ready to sleep with Jack. “I need to go to bed now. Call me if you need me.”

I hung up and pulled the covers over my head. I thought about what Ali said. She was right. Sex was becoming an issue between Jack and me. We didn't talk about it, but we didn't need to. It was there every time we made out and his hand slipped under my shirt, pulling off my bra. It was there when he tugged at my jeans, trying to wiggle them free from my body. I'd rest my hand on top of his to stop him. It left a heavy question, and I couldn't keep ignoring it. He wouldn't let me. There was a certain progression of things, and I learned that you could quickly pass each of them up until there was only one place left to go. Jack and I had reached that point, and truthfully I wasn't sure if I was ready to take the last step.

The next day in choir Ali never mentioned the phone call. Instead, she focused on Julia.

“I can't believe you spent your birthday with her,” Ali said when Julia came rushing into the room right before the bell. “She is so weird.”

We were all in choir together, but I hardly ever talked to Julia. She sat on the other side of the room and kept to herself. I wondered how my brother even ended up talking with her.

“Seriously, she's like a freaking cow,” Jenna said, scrunching her nose. “I mean, come on. Get off your fat ass once in a while.”

Jenna was out of her mind. Julia might not have been stick thin, but she definitely wasn't heavy. I thought she was pretty. She wore her curly blonde hair in a ponytail and always seemed to be smiling. Besides, she was good for Brett. She helped ease the tension between him and Dad, which had put Brett in a better mood these days.

I bit my lip and watched Julia. After Jack had given me my earrings and finished his cake, he'd gone and talked basketball with Dad while Julia helped me wash the dishes. She talked about her younger brothers, and we joked about the frustrations of living with boys. I liked having her over, and I'd told Brett that after she left. Jack even seemed to have a good time with Brett and Julia.

She paused near us and waved.

I started to wave back.

Ali stared at my bracelet. “Oh, God, where did you get that? Please don't tell me Jack picked it out for your birthday.”

I touched the bracelet. I'd put it on that morning at the last minute and loved the way it matched my Beacon sweatshirt. “Oh, no, it's not from Jack. Julia gave it to me.”

“It's hideous,” she said loud enough that I was pretty sure Julia and everyone else in the room could hear. “I know you had to be nice to her last night, but did your dad make you wear it today?”

“Something like that,” I said quietly and pushed the bracelet under my sleeve.

“There's a point where being nice is just plain ugly.”

“She's not so bad. She gets my brother off my back,” I said, but then I slid the bracelet off and into my bag. I pulled the zipper shut and felt a tinge of guilt.