California Dreaming: Four Contemporary Romances (22 page)

“Yes, Fred. I’ll think about it.” She could promise that much. A lump formed in her throat, a lump made up of all the destroyed dreams she’d had about her marriage.
I need to end this conversation. I can’t bear it.
“I’ve got to finish some things up. Do you want to talk to David? Remember, he’s in a bad mood because of the game.”

Her ex took time before he replied. “I can handle David,” Fred finally said. “Put him on.”

“Hang on. I’ll get him.” She started down the stairs, phone still in her hand, feeling awkward about how the call was ending. “Fred? Thanks for letting me know. It was good of you.”

“Anytime, darling,” he said, the saying a vestige of the charming drunk he’d been. She shivered. After all these years it was hard to know where the man ended and the bottle began. She supposed it would take time to figure that out again — for both of them.

“David!” she called through her son’s closed door. There was no answer. “David!” she called again, knocking hard to be heard over the stereo. When there was still no answer, she pushed open the door and gave a quick look around the room. His bedroom window was wide open and her son was nowhere to be seen.

“No … ” she said. Her stomach clenched.

“No? What is it, Annie?” Fred asked.

“David’s gone. He must have heard me talking and taken off out his window.”

• • •

John walked into the local wine bar and spotted Deborah at a table in the back by the fireplace. Although her chestnut hair was still rich with color, her face had become more hardened. The playfulness he’d found attractive in Missoula was gone.

He sat down, the long red tablecloth getting tangled in his legs. “Hello, Deborah,” he said.

“Hi.”

A waitress appeared to take their wine orders and, too quickly for John, left them alone.
What am I doing here? And, more important, what does Deborah want?

“John, I’ve missed you,” she said.

He didn’t reply.

“You’re not going to make this easy, are you?” she asked.

“Is your boyfriend here with you?” he asked as the waitress brought their glasses of Merlot.

She shook her head. “I’m not with him anymore.”

“Oh? What happened?” he asked, swirling his wine.

A tear trickled down her face. “It was horrible. I thought he really loved me. Really, John.” She looked up at him from under thick eyelashes. “I never would have hurt you otherwise.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You’ve got to believe me. I thought I was just a rebound for you after Jessica died. I thought you’d never care for me the way I wanted you to. When Pat came along I saw a chance for happiness and I grabbed it.”

“So what happened?”

She played with her napkin, unfolding and refolding it. He let the silence drag out as he gazed into the fire over her shoulder.

“He went back to his wife.”

“He was married? Didn’t you know that?” He flipped his gaze back to Deborah. Sometimes he didn’t understand the perfidy of his own gender. Or women, for that matter. Deborah had made a commitment to him and rather than be honest and talk to him about changing her mind, she’d gone to bed with someone behind his back. Seems like her “boyfriend” had had the same moral standards.

“They were separated. He said that they were getting divorced. He told me that he’d never met anyone like me; that I supported his dreams and his wife only nagged at him. He said with me by his side he could get out of the state university system and into a real school like Harvard or Stanford.”

“He lied,” John said bluntly.

She nodded, the single tear turned into a flood.

John felt his resolve soften. What she’d done to him was wrong, but she’d paid heavily for it. He put his hand over hers and looked straight into her eyes.

“I’m sorry for what’s happened to you, Deb. I truly am. I know how it feels.”

“Oh, John. I know. Can you possibly forgive me?”

He hesitated. Forgiving wasn’t forgetting. You could forgive a snake for being what it was, but not forget to look where you put your sleeping bag at night.

“Yes,” he said. “I can forgive you.”

She dried her eyes with her napkin and put her hand over his. “Is there a chance for us?” she asked.

“No.” His answer was rapid and final.

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

She studied him. “There’s someone else, isn’t there?”

John nodded.
At least, I hope there will be.

• • •

Annie put the phone down. Elizabeth and Bobby would be there soon. They’d been together at a restaurant when they got her call. Fred was staying at his place in case David showed up there. She glanced at her watch. It was getting close to nine and it had been dark for an hour. Where could David be? If this was how he was reacting to the plan to move, how would he act when they actually got there? If he ran away after the move, she wouldn’t be able to call on her friends to help. She’d be truly alone.

Like you deserve to be
, the demon voice in her head began. Annie tried to shut it out.
I’m doing the best I can. Why can’t everyone understand that? Why can’t I get a break?

She sank into a chair.
Oh, God, I’ve made such a mess of this. I keep trying to do the right thing and all it does is get worse. What’s that saying? Insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results? I must be insane.

But I don’t know any other way to be.

Carol’s words came back to her. Just because she couldn’t see any other way to be, didn’t mean there wasn’t any.

Annie put her chin in her hands, her elbows propped on her knees and stared at the floor. She’d think about that later. Right now she needed to figure out where David was.

Bobby and Elizabeth arrived a few minutes later, but Annie barely noticed them — she was too busy sitting on the couch, examining nothing, worrying about David.

Elizabeth’s arms went around her and Annie began to cry.

Bobby must have made tea, because all of a sudden there was a cup of steaming tea on the coffee table in front of Annie.

After a few minutes, Annie dried her tears and looked at her friend. “I’m sorry to be such a bother. I couldn’t keep going alone anymore. All I could do was imagine the worst. What if someone hurts my baby?”

“Hush, Annie. You’re not a bother. You’re human. Sometimes you forget that. It was only a matter of time before you got to the end of your rope. I don’t think the worst has happened to David. He’s mad. Teenagers do stupid things when they get mad. Remember all the problems I had with Sarah at that age?”

“But there’s no note and it doesn’t look like he packed any clothes,” Annie said.

“Then he’s at a friend’s house.”

“What if he’s in trouble again? What if he’s hanging out with Larry and that gang of creeps?”

“He’s going to come home eventually — when he gets hungry. And,” Elizabeth added, “if he is with Larry and his friends, we’ll know that soon, too. David’s not a good criminal — too easily caught.”

“I don’t want him caught. I can’t bear the thought of them putting handcuffs on him again.” She shivered.

“Let’s not borrow trouble,” Elizabeth said. “David’s got your genes — steady, loyal and responsible. Let’s think the best and start making phone calls. Do you have a list of his friends?”

“All except Larry. David never would give me his number.”

“Well, maybe one of the other kids knows it.”

Bobby walked into the room, cell phone in hand. “I called the hospital and police station to eliminate those two places. He’s not there.”

“Thanks,” Annie said, trying to smile.

The trio split the list that Annie gave them and began calling. Fifteen minutes later they’d called everyone on the list with no results. No one knew Larry’s number, either. Bobby went into the kitchen to start up the teakettle again. The phone rang and Annie scrambled to answer it.

The news was good. “He’s at Fred’s!” she called out to Bobby and Elizabeth. “Thank God,” she said into the phone. “I’ll be right over to get him.”

After a few minutes of conversation with Fred, Annie hung up the phone. Her voice toneless, she said, “David doesn’t want to come home. He’s staying with Fred tonight, sleeping on the floor.” Sighing, she slumped on the couch and put her chin in her hands. “I wish I knew what to do. All my life I kept putting one foot in front of the other no matter how hard it was. I was the rock while everyone around me was falling apart. Maybe it was stupid, I don’t know. But right now I don’t know which direction to go.”

“Have you talked to the life coach?” Elizabeth asked.

Annie nodded.

“Is it helping at all?”

“We’ve had a few conversations. I think that’s why I’m in such a muddle. I’m questioning everything I thought I knew.”

“That’s not a bad thing.”

“It is when you need to make a decision. I feel totally incapable of deciding anything right now. Sometimes I think it’s clear — I need to move. Other times, I think it may be possible to stay here. You know, find a new job. I wish a note would come down from God giving me instructions.”

Elizabeth laughed. “I don’t think it works that way.”

“Probably not.” Annie looked up at Elizabeth. “I think I really want to stay. My friends are here. And … I really like John. There’s a possibility there.”

“Um … Great!” Elizabeth said, clearly working overtime to sound cheerful. “It’s what I’ve been asking you to do all along.”

Annie wasn’t fooled. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at her friend. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Elizabeth looked at Bobby who’d come back into the room with more tea. He shrugged, shook his head and sat down in the rocking chair.

“Give,” Annie said.

“Uh, well, I stopped by Beth Brighton’s office the other day to drop off the chamber raffle tickets, and, uh … ” Elizabeth trailed off.

“If I know what it is, I can deal with it,” Annie said.

“She was kissing him.”

Annie snorted, unaffected by this news. “Beth Brighton has a thing for any guy who’s not attached. Ever since she divorced husband number two, she’s been after number three. She even went after Fred, for God’s sake!”

Bobby let out a guffaw and Annie joined him in laughter, releasing the tension in the room — but only slightly. Elizabeth didn’t join in the laughter. Annie stopped mid-chuckle.

“There’s something else,” she said. “Isn’t there?”

Elizabeth nodded. “On our way here we walked by the wine bar in Costanoa. John was in there with a woman I didn’t recognize. They looked like they were having a very intense conversation.” She paused. “And they were holding hands.”

“Oh, no,” said Annie in a small voice. She burst into tears again.

When the phone rang the next morning, John knew it was going to be Deborah. She’d become one determined female. He’d told her there was no chance for them, but she refused to give up hope. Kind of like what he was doing with Annie, he thought, smiling ruefully.

If he wanted a chance with Annie, he knew he had to get Deborah out of his life.

“Hi,” Deborah said when he picked up.

“Hi, Deb. Look, you’ve got to stop calling. I feel sorry for you, but there’s nothing I can do for you. You made your choice and I had to live with it. I’ve moved on. You’ll need to do the same. Like I told you last night, I don’t want you to call.”

“But if you only understood, you’d give us another chance.”

“I do understand. I’m sorry for you. But I don’t have any feelings for you anymore.”

“I have feelings for you, John.” Her voice became low and seductive.

He shook his head. “I hate to do this, Deborah, but I’m going to hang up now. Please don’t call again.”

Feeling like a complete heel, he hung up the phone on the protesting woman. He grabbed his hat and walked out the back to the truck, once again noting the unkempt lawn and peeling paint, more glaring in the bright morning sun. The new house should close soon, Beth assured him. He couldn’t wait. A home would be perfect, especially if he could find the right woman and fill the home with family and friends.

Who was he kidding? He’d already found the right woman. What he needed to do was entice her to stay. As he drove toward Soquel, he pondered their last conversation. She’d lit up when she discussed her music. He understood why she hadn’t pursued it as a career. Like him, she took her responsibilities seriously. But it seemed like she was taking them too far, locked in a job she didn’t like that was forcing her to move when she didn’t want to do it.

What made her so chary of taking even a low-risk chance and looking for another job? It had to be more than Fred. She seemed well past him. He’d need to invite her for coffee again soon and see if he could learn more. Maybe uncovering her fear would be the key to getting her to stay.

Sunday morning gave him time for a longer ride on Starfire, so John hitched the trailer to his pickup and loaded in his mare. Riding through ancient redwoods gave him plenty of time to explore and think. Like riding through the Rockies, he felt closer to God under those trees than in almost any church he’d been in.

He’d been back to the little church in Costanoa a few times, finally convincing most of the women that he wasn’t looking for a new wife. He liked the pastor and some of the programs that the church was involved in that made the world, and the neighborhood, a better place to be. Joining in would allow him to help the community he was beginning to call home.

John had unloaded Starfire and was checking the saddle strap when a woman called out. “What a great horse!” He looked up to see Elizabeth jogging toward him. Good. Maybe he could get some news about Annie.

She stopped jogging and walked up slowly to the chestnut mare, holding her hand out as if she were allowing a dog to sniff it. Starfire obliged, her soft muzzle caressing Elizabeth’s hand, tickling her hand with horse whiskers. Finally, the mare snorted her approval and Elizabeth moved in to rub the horse’s glossy nose.

“She’s beautiful,” she said. “I’ve been horse-crazy since my teens. You’re lucky to have her.”

“Yes, ma’am,” John said, trying to figure out how to introduce the subject of Annie as Elizabeth oohed and ahhed over the horse. He finally bit the bullet. “How’s Annie doing?”