Authors: Kara Jorges
“What!” he barked.
He barely recognized Eddie’s voice on the other end. Eddie was so drunk he could barely enunciate, but he managed to tell Roddy his tale of woe. The guitarist and his live-in girlfriend had gotten into a knock-down, drag-out fight the night before, and Eddie needed him.
“Calm down, Eddie,” he cut through the slurred tirade. “I warned you about her, you know. I’ll be there as soon as I can, but I’m in Minnesota with my car, so you’re going to have to sit tight.”
“I’m sorry, but I do. Eddie needs me. He’s in some seriously deep trouble right now, and he’s drinking, so I have to take care of him. He’s kind of like my little brother, you know?”
“You don’t have to explain it to me, Roddy.” Lee’s voice was soft and she laid a comforting hand on his arm.
His heart swelled painfully in his chest. Unbelievably, Lee really did seem to understand when nobody ever had before. This wasn’t the first time Eddie’s problems had called him away from somewhere he wanted to be, but it was the first time Roddy hadn’t faced any recriminations for going to his aid. Lee did not tell him Eddie was a full-grown man who could take care of himself, like Dana McMillan had once done. Lee instinctively seemed to understand everything about him in a way that no other woman ever had, or likely ever would.
So what was he supposed to do about her? He couldn’t just turn his back on her and tell her it had been fun but he had to get back to his real life now. She had a life, too, and also needed to go back to hers. He couldn’t ask her to go back to LA with him, and quite frankly, he wasn’t sure if it would be the right thing for him to do.
Her kind understanding was almost his undoing and he looked away for a moment. “No, that’s okay. I didn’t bring much. I’ll settle downstairs and you can stay here for awhile longer if you want.”
“No.” Her eyes leveled with his, and he knew she didn’t want to linger alone in the room they had shared. “Don’t worry about me. Just go help Eddie.”
There was no anger or malice in her words, but they cut him like razors nonetheless. Suddenly, everything hurt like hell.
I am not in love with her!
Roddy sternly told himself. Roddy O’Neill simply didn’t fall in love.
Lee had already slid out of bed and gathered her clothes. Roddy watched silently as she slipped back into the outfit she had worn on Friday after work, but finally found his tongue when she put her shoes on and made for the door.
“Wait a minute!” he called from the bed, tossing back the sheets. “Slow down a little! I’m not in that much of a hurry. At least let me give you a ride home.”
“You better not, Roddy,” she said softly. He would never know if her bottom lip trembled or if it was a trick of the light.
For the second time since they’d met, the door to his hotel room closed behind her.
“Be grateful for what you had. Be grateful for what you had,” Lee murmured under her breath as she hurried down the hall away from Roddy’s room. Unbidden tears coursed down her cheeks like rain.
Chapter eight
Several times on the way home, Roddy vowed to never drive cross-country again. No matter how lead-footed he was, it still took too long and was far too agonizing when he had so many things on his mind.
On one end of the spectrum was Eddie, whose life was a real mess, thanks to gold-digging Claire. She and Eddie had been drinking too much and she started an argument with him—again. Eddie lost his temper, and in the ensuing imbroglio, Claire claimed Eddie slapped her, and she called the police. Eddie denied the charges, but had been arrested on the strength of his reputation, and now Claire was threatening to call all the tabloids—print and television—to make the story public.
Roddy knew Eddie, and Eddie did not hit women. That didn’t excuse him from his participation in the mess, Roddy knew, but Eddie still did not deserve the rotten publicity Claire was about to send his way. Roddy himself had been through it, and knew it would be hell.
Hate letters from “fans” were only the tip of the iceberg. Record companies and managers didn’t like that sort of publicity, no matter how many records a guy sold. Of course, Claire was fully aware of the situation. Roddy had been foolish enough to share his horror stories with her, not realizing at the time she would turn around and use the information as a weapon against Eddie.
Roddy called him often during the long drive home, but things only seemed to be getting worse on the West Coast. In addition to her battery claims, Claire was also threatening to expose Eddie as an alcoholic and drug abuser, also patently false charges.
“Okay, so I still drink a little too much sometimes, but it’s not like it used to be,” Eddie moaned on the phone. “I haven’t done anything crazy in years!”
“I know,” Roddy agreed patiently, all while his intestines tied themselves in knots. He had always been there to help Eddie out of his scrapes, and quite frankly, it was becoming tiresome. “Just try to get along with her and keep her quiet until I get there. I’ll handle it as soon as I can.”
“I know, Roddy,” Eddie said trustingly. As usual, it was easiest for him to dump all his problems in Roddy’s lap, without a thought for what Roddy might have going on himself.
Right about then, Roddy wished Lee had tried to talk some sense into him about leaving instead of being so damn understanding. In the end, Claire would accept a nice, fat payment and go her merry way, but it wouldn’t happen until Eddie begged and pleaded, and Roddy resorted to threats.
At the moment, Lee not only seemed to be on the other side of the world; she might as well be on a different planet. Roddy could only smile when he thought about his Lee; sweet, soft, giving, passionate, taking, demanding Lee, who uncannily understood him like no other woman ever had. Yet he knew she wouldn’t let him push her around. She would never bend over backwards or sacrifice herself for him, but he knew instinctively she would make him happy. He sensed she would fit into his life like the missing piece to a puzzle.
The only problem with Lee was that she lived half a continent away from him. He couldn’t ask her to relocate to Los Angeles unless he wanted to make a pretty deep commitment, and quite honestly he wasn’t ready for that. It was out of the question for him to hang out in Minneapolis for the length of time it would take for a relationship with her to fizzle. His life in California was very demanding, and wouldn’t even allow him to slip away regularly on the weekends.
The only sensible thing to do about Lee was forget her. But Roddy knew he couldn’t do that, no matter how hard he tried.
Every woman in tight jeans with long, blonde hair sent his heart racing until he caught a glimpse of her face. Then his heart would plummet. There was only one Lee. No one else had her soulful green eyes or her sensuous mouth that seemed to have been created solely for pleasing him. There were no other legs quite as long and shapely as hers, and the hair? Forget it. There simply wasn’t hair as silky and golden as hers anywhere else in the world.
Lee almost called in sick on Monday morning. She had spent a sleepless night on Sunday, thinking nonstop about Roddy. There was really no reason at all to hope that he might come back, call, or even send more flowers. That he had returned at all was a miracle unto itself. He made her no promises, though, and she wasn’t foolish enough to expect any. Their time together was up, and the brief affair was over.
That she now had deep inner scars to show for it was her own fault for being stupid enough to fall in love with him. Though loath to admit it to anyone else, she knew she couldn’t deny it to herself. All her efforts toward self-preservation were for naught, and her heart ran away of its own accord.
Roddy may have remembered her after their first night together, and he might even still give her a stray thought from time to time, but she suffered no illusions. He would forget about her as soon as he started another concert tour, if not before.
“I know that,” Debbie said carefully, the first indication she knew Lee wasn’t quite floating on top of the world. “But if he came all the way here, I’m sure it meant something to him.”
“I’m not.” Lee hated her snippy tone but couldn’t control it. “He probably does stuff like that at the end of every tour.”
Debbie drew in a quick breath, stunned at Lee’s acerbic reaction to her attempted encouragement.
“There’s probably a girl like me in every city in America,” Lee went on, as much for herself as for Debbie. “Probably a few in Europe, too. I’m not going to fool myself into believing I mean anything to him.”
“I will, then,” Debbie said softly, her eyes filled with compassion. “Because I think you do.”
The wind went out of Lee’s sails and it made her sag a little, but she managed to keep her tears at bay. She hoped Debbie would start talking about something else before she disgraced herself. The last thing she wanted to think about that morning was how bleak her life suddenly seemed without Roddy in it.
As if able to sense her turmoil and needing to twist the knife, Mr. Eggers sauntered up to her desk the moment he arrived at the library.
“Miss Miller,” he called out from across the room.
“Yes, Mr. Eggers?” Her answer contained all the enthusiasm of a condemned man on his way to the executioner. He was sure to reprimand her about bringing her social life into the library, and then give her a nice, long speech about the gross impropriety of it.
Eggers looked thoughtful when he stopped in front of her desk. “That gentleman you left with on Friday,” he said, his tone conspicuous for the lack of condemnation within. “I thought I recognized him from somewhere.”
“Probably.” Her voice was noncommittal.
“Is he from around here? I don’t believe I’ve ever seen him in the library before, and I can’t quite place him.”
Lee had to wonder if he was asking her about Roddy just to be malicious. Surely he had to know talking about Roddy so soon after his departure was painful.
“I don’t think he’s been in before,” she said casually. “He lives in California.”
Eggers’s eyebrows shot up above his glasses. “California! What on earth was he doing here?”
Lee felt like screaming at him to mind his own business, but it would be fruitless, as well as unwise. She needed her job, and he wouldn’t leave her alone until she told him what he wanted to know. Still, she wasn’t going to just hand over the information; Eggers would have to work for it.
She gave him a slight smile. “He came here to visit me, Mr. Eggers.” Lee was proud of her even tone, though she narrowed her eyes just slightly.
His widened. “Really. How do you come to know a gentleman like…you never did mention his name.”
“No, I didn’t.”
Eggers smiled. “Well? How did you meet such a man?” He was apparently willing to be just as persistent as she was determined to be evasive.
Oblivious to her distress, Eggers repeated the name. “Roddy O’Neill. You know, the name really is familiar, but I still can’t place it.”
“
This
Roddy O’Neill!” Debbie almost shouted, shocking Lee out of her momentary lethargy. Up until that moment, Debbie had quietly seethed behind her desk while she glared holes into Mr. Eggers’s back. When he turned to gape at her, she almost viciously flung a glossy magazine at him.
Eggers caught it neatly and his eyes lit up. “Ah, yes. Of course. The infamous Roddy O’Neill, the rock star. How interesting that he came here to see you, Lee. I suppose he was also the romantic fool sending all the flowers.”
Debbie’s outburst had shocked some life back into Lee, and she responded with some of her usual fire. “Yes, I guess he’s that same romantic fool.”
Eggers raised a supercilious brow. “I don’t see any flowers today.” His tone was almost conversational.
“I knew they upset you, so I asked him not to send any more,” Lee lied. She certainly didn’t want to hear his opinions on the state of her affair with Roddy if he found out no more flowers or anything else would be forthcoming.
“That was a wise decision.” Eggers’s voice was flat. “I don’t suppose I’ll have to worry about him or anyone of his ilk wandering into the library again.” He looked at his fingernails. “I expect you to make up the time you missed on Friday afternoon. I have some things to do at another branch today, so I’m afraid you girls will have to do without my supervision. I trust you will accomplish a few things in my absence.”
“Library clerks aren’t supposed to have sex, you know. And if they do, certainly not with long-haired, tattooed rock and rollers!”
Lee had to laugh at that, and for the moment at least, her spirits lifted. Debbie was right. Though he was strict and overly stuffy, Mr. Eggers usually had a soft spot for her. He actually looked upon himself as some sort of surrogate parent for Lee, since he was aware of her strained relationship with her family. His unusual interest in Roddy, and his acidic reaction to him, were just his way of showing his disapproval of her choice in men without coming right out and telling Lee how he felt.
As the week wore on and Mr. Eggers seemed to start forgiving her, Lee’s life became a little more bearable. She tried not to let it depress her that Roddy sent no more flowers. It was time to let go of her foolish dreams about him anyway. She could afford no illusions about Roddy O’Neill. They had had fun together, and that was that. He probably had at least a million fans in love with him who would never even get to experience that much, and she should be glad she got to know him at all.
Still, no matter what she told herself, there was an ache inside that felt as if it would never heal. It was hard to believe their encounters had meant absolutely nothing to Roddy when she remembered the way he had treated her so tenderly. After all, he hadn’t been able to forget about her after their first night together. Then, he spent a small fortune on flowers for her, and to cap it off, he drove across the country to see her at his first opportunity. It was hard to write it all off as a meaningless fling in light of all that.
Lee knew, though, that if she really meant something to him, he would not completely disappear from her life. She managed to dredge up excuses for him anyhow. Roddy didn’t send more flowers or call because Eddie was in deep trouble, and he was busy night and day helping him out. Or, Roddy couldn’t call because he was too busy in the studio working on new recordings. The excuse she refused to even entertain was that Roddy didn’t call her because he was just as blown away by the chemistry between them as she was, and didn’t know how to work her into his busy life.
Lee threw herself into her job, working harder and more diligently than ever before. Mr. Eggers was exceedingly pleased. He beamed when she finished two large projects well under the deadline and then offered to work late to help him catch up on some past-due assignments and other assorted tasks. She was finally back in his good graces, it seemed.
“I saw an article about your rock star friend,” he said conversationally one evening when they were the only ones in the library. He tossed her a magazine he normally wouldn’t have given a glance.
Lee caught it and spied Roddy on the cover, singing his heart out to a crowd of thousands while sweat poured off his face. The story inside appeared to be a generic piece about the band’s concert tour with a fabricated paragraph about Roddy and Dana McMillan’s hot affair.
Lee was tempted to tell Mr. Eggers that Dana McMillan meant nothing to Roddy and that the article was all lies, but she didn’t want to admit to herself or anyone else that she was jealous of the other woman, even though Roddy insisted she was part of his past. She realized Eggers probably tossed her the magazine just because of the nugget about Dana, and she was determined not to react to it.
She set the magazine aside. “I think I’ve read that article already,” she murmured. “It seems outdated, since the tour ended a few weeks ago. Those kind of magazines are such tripe. They should hire some decent reporters so they’d be worth reading.”