Cake: A Love Story (39 page)

“Oh,” I answered, numbed by the horror of what I was hearing.

“And, honestly, I really didn’t think he could be killed. He was like a real life monster. No matter how hard I tried, I just could never get the upper hand with him. I knew if I tried to stab him he would just wrestle the knife out of my hand and start stabbing me. I could never win with him…ever. So I decided I only had three choices. Number one was to let him find me alive and be forced to continue living the hell I was in. Number two was to stab him and get stabbed back and hope to God he killed me. And Number three was I could take my own life.”

Jake inhaled roughly then turned his head and grimaced like the memory physically hurt him. “Number three was the safest bet and involved the least amount of pain and suffering.”

“I just…God…I don’t know what to say.”

“I started cutting,” Jake pointed to the faded marks on his wrists, “but killing myself when I didn’t want to die, proved more difficult than I thought. I was struggling to make that final cut to sever my artery. And while I was gathering my courage, the worst thing that could possibly have happened, happened.”

“What?” I asked all wide-eyed and horrified.

“He opened the basement door. I didn’t know what to do. I panicked. I just laid back down on the plastic, hid my bloody wrist with the knife behind my back and played dead. Ray came down the stairs and I listened as he was doing things around the basement.

“He never came over to check on you?”

“No. And thank God he didn’t. It would have been obvious that I was alive. I had sweat and tears on my face, smeared blood up my arms and my heart was pounding so loud I could feel it vibrating in my throat. I was paralyzed with fear.”

“What did you plan to do?”

Jake shrugged. “I had no plan. I had no idea what was about to happen. At that point, things were just going to have to play themselves out.”

“Were you prepared to use the knife to defend yourself?

“I don’t know if I was thinking of anything at that point. It was just indescribable terror. It was kind of like that car ride after Ray kidnapped me. I knew something bad was going to happen but I didn’t know what. It was like I was in a horror movie and had come to the finale. I was just scared out of my mind. I’m surprised I managed to keep myself from crying out because I was just emotionally destroyed at that point. My body was shaking. I think that is what finally caught Ray’s eye. I could hear him walk over to me. He nudged me with his shoe and said, “Are you still alive?” He then got down on one knee and put his finger against my neck to feel for my pulse.

I gulped back my horror.

“That moment…it’s something that still haunts me today…it was like everything was happening in slow motion. I knew Ray was about to discover the truth and I couldn’t let that happen. I pulled the knife out from behind my back and thrust it into the side of his neck. Ray’s eyes widened and he jerked back screaming. I could tell he was shocked. I mean, he thought, up till that point, that I was dead, so he definitely was not expecting me to suddenly come back to life…and with a knife in my hand. As for me, the moment that I thrust the knife into him I knew I’d just started a war that I couldn’t win. There was no turning back. I pulled the knife out of his neck and aimed for his chest. This time Ray reacted more quickly. He grabbed for the knife, but the blade sliced through his hands and plunged directly into his chest. Ray screamed and his eyes were wild with rage. He grabbed my hand, which was griped on the knife, and we wrestled for it while it was still lodged in his chest. He punched me in the face, and I lost control of the knife. Ray actually yanked it out of his own chest. God. The look on his face…I was going to pay for what I did.” Jake stopped talking and took a long deep breath in. “Anyway, I tried to scramble away then, knowing that I was about to get stabbed but Ray grabbed my ankle and yanked me back. He then thrust the knife into my back. Before I had a chance to even react, he stabbed me again. Using my trapped ankle, he flipped me over onto my back. I was still squirming fiercely. He stabbed me in my side. I could see the blood pouring off the blade as he raised it up again. I think he was aiming for my heart but I made a last second attempt to fight him off and Ray got my stomach instead. The blade went straight through my body and hit the concrete under me. It made this horrible wet clanking sound. I’ll never forget it. Then Ray jerked the knife up, back through my body. I just collapsed back to the floor. I was done. I remember looking him in the eyes as he raised the knife again. I knew it was over and this feeling of relief flooded through me…if only for a split second because at that moment Ray gasped, grabbed his chest and screamed.

“What was happening?” I asked, my eyes wide with shock.

“I had no idea at the time. I thought he was reacting to the pain from the stab wound but I later learned that the blade had pierced his heart and he was actually having a heart attack. I kind of watched the whole thing play out, still trapped under him. Ray screamed a strangled cry and grabbed for his chest. Then the knife dropped from his hand landing next to us. Ray was too preoccupied by the heart attack to realize his mistake until I reached for the knife. He saw me and grabbed for it too but I got to it first. We both struggled for control over it, but at that point, I was actually the stronger of the two of us and I came up swinging. I stabbed Ray two or three more times until he toppled to the side, falling off me. He rolled onto the ground screaming in pain. There was blood everywhere. I was slipping on it. He kept trying to grab for the knife so I kept stabbing him. It seemed like forever before he stopped moving.” Jake looked away. Silence filled the air.

After a minute I finally found my voice. “Why have you never told anyone this story, Jake? I mean you let the media rip you to shreds on a daily basis. You let them call you a killer. If they knew this story…my God.”

I stared at him. When he didn’t respond I moved on. “How did you get away?”

“At first, I didn’t. I just assumed I was dying. I’d been stabbed four times and I couldn’t breath because one of the stab wounds had punctured my lung and partially collapsed it. I had a brief thought to try to escape but I couldn’t get my body to cooperate. At that point, I just had nothing left. I collapsed and rolled back onto my piece of plastic and wrapped myself into it. I never expected to leave the basement. I just lay there and waited for death.”

“How long did you lie there?”

“I don’t know really. I think I might have been going in and out of consciousness. I just lay there and waited and waited. And when death didn’t take me right away, fear took over. I started thinking about my mom and how much I wanted to hear her voice again. That is when I decided to try to get out of the basement. I thought that if I could get myself up the stairs, I could call my mom and she would give me the peace I needed to pass on.”

Tears that I’d been holding onto began rolling down my cheeks.

“Anyway, I got out and called my mom and got rescued in the process. And…that…is my escape story.”

I stared at him in awe. “I...I don’t know what to say, Jake.”

“Don’t say anything.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

“No. I mean. I told you about the escape and now it’s done. I don’t want to ever talk about it again. Okay?”

Shocked, I could do nothing but nod in agreement.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Jake

The feeling of impending doom had consumed me for weeks leading up to the surgery. I tried to force myself to be positive but nothing eased my fears. If I was going to die on that operating table I needed to make plans…lots of plans…not only to protect the people I loved but also to safeguard my legacy.

Getting my sixth studio album finished was incredibly important to me. I felt it was some of my best work and a great way to say goodbye, if it came to that. I also visited my safe deposit box at my bank and retrieved an unreleased album that I recorded years before. It was once a concept album called 36 Days, and it was special because it told the story, in musical terms, of the entire kidnapping from start to finish. But, upon completion, the finished product was too raw and revealing. It would have been like opening up my life for the world. In the end, I couldn’t release it so, instead, I hid it away in a safety deposit box and recorded new tracks and released a different album. I’d never been back to the box until yesterday. If something happened to me, 36 Days would tell the story I was never brave enough to tell while I was alive.

I had my attorney draw up a new will and left strict instructions on when the album could be released, five years to the day of my death, and who would benefit from the profits. I also made sure to include Casey and her family in my will. If something happened to me, I wanted to know she would always be taken care of.

But all of that paled in comparison to the most drastic step I took to keep my legacy alive. I sent for the owner of one of LA’s largest sperm banks. He left our meeting with a vial of my jiss. Casey would never have to find out, unless, of course, I died. Then she would be totally shocked that I’d thought far enough ahead to consider her future. I knew Casey loved me. I knew that our love was deep enough that it would take her a long time to move on…just as it would for me if, God forbid, something were to happen to her. I also knew she wanted my babies. I looked at it like an insurance policy. If I died during surgery, at least there was a chance for a part of me to live on. And I knew without the slightest of doubt that Casey would be an excellent mother to my child. And, of course, if I did have children, the will stipulated that all my wealth would transfer to them.

I felt ready. Everything had been completed and there was nothing left to do but get the surgery over with and hope to God I survived. Once upon a time, I wouldn’t have cared. My life meant nothing to me then but now, when I had the world at my feet and an amazing woman to love me, I wanted to live. I had so much more to accomplish and to experience.

I’m not sure why I told her about the escape last night. I hadn’t intended to. It was a moment of weakness, or a moment of courage. I’m not sure which one applied. I don’t know why I hold onto the truth so tightly. Casey was right. If the media knew the real story behind the escape, I would be treated differently…maybe with more respect. But that was the thing…I preferred the contempt. I preferred that people thought of me as some deranged killer over the scared, weak, helpless kid I was. There was nothing brave or heroic in my escape. At that one horrible moment in time, luck swung in my favor.

I woke up with a jolt early on the day of the surgery. Oh God…I forgot! In all my doomsday preparations, I completely overlooked some of the most important people in my life…my fans. After everything they had done for me over the years, how could I go out without giving them something? Without disturbing Casey, I eased my wary body out of bed and grabbed my computer.

A few hours later I was back in bed but this time with a hospital gown on. My family was there, circled around me like I was lying dead in a coffin and they were at my viewing. Everyone was upbeat and positive, assuring me that the surgery would go fine. Only Casey knew of my fears. She stood in the background looking terrified. I wished I’d never told her. How stupid could I have been?

A doctor came in to inform me that they were ready to sedate me. I asked him for a minute. Then I turned to my family and smiled.

“No worries. I’ll be fine,” I lied to them. We said our goodbyes as one by one my family members exited the room until it was just Casey and my mom and Dad.

“I’ll be here when you wake up, Jake,” my dad said, patting my shoulder.

“Okay. I love you Dad.”

“I love you too, son.”

He walked out of the room, worry etched upon his face. I saw a tear roll down his cheek. My dad had always been more the emotional one.

I turned to Casey and held my hand out for her. She grabbed it and I pulled her down and kissed her. Casey rested her forehead to mine. She was overcome with emotion.

“Remember what we talked about?” She whispered.

I nodded.

“I’ll kick your ass.”

“I know,” I smiled.

Then she whispered in my ear so my mom wouldn’t hear. “Come back to me Jake. Promise.”

“I promise,” I whispered back, hoping and praying that I could keep my promise.

“I love you,” she said. I could hear anguish in her voice.

“I love you too.”

Casey kissed me one more time then slipped out the door. I saw the tears in her eyes too! Damn! I had to make it. I would crush my family if I didn’t.

My mom walked up to me after Casey left and grabbed my hand.

“Are you okay? You seem…”

She didn’t finish her sentence. She didn’t have to. I knew what she meant. My mom and I had been through a lot together. She could read my emotions very well.

“I’m okay. Just a little scared, I think.”

“You’re going to be okay. That girl is counting on you.”

“I know. I’m going to fight mom. I always do.”

Tears flooded my mom’s eyes. She valiantly held them off. “Yes. You do. You have fought so many battles, Jake, but you always come out the winner. And you will again today.”

“Yeah,” I responded but there was hesitation in my voice.

“You have to believe. I feel like you’re doubting yourself. Don’t ever do that. You’re too strong and too brave to let doubt creep into your mind. This is just another battle to win.”

“I’m tired of always fighting, mom. I’m tired of all this shit. I just want…,” I sighed, gulping back my emotion. “I just want peace.”

“I know you do sweetheart,” she said, stroking my hair. “And it will come.”

“When?”

My mom didn’t have an answer for me. We were silent for a moment.

“Sometimes we just have to be happy with what we have. And you have so much…a family who loves you, an amazing career and a wonderful girl who adores you.”

I smiled at just the thought of Casey “I know. I shouldn’t complain.”

My mom shook her head. “It’s okay to feel the way you do. Just never forget what’s most important. You’ll get through this and be stronger for it.”

I nodded.

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“I want you to promise me something.”

“Okay.”

“I want you to take care of Casey. Make her feel like a part of our family. She’s scared. She hasn’t been through this with me like you have. Let her lean on you if she needs too.”

My mom nodded. “I will. I promise.”

“I love her.”

“I know,” she said, holding back the tears.

“Thanks…for everything. You’ve always been the best mom. You never gave up on me, even when I gave up on myself. I love you so much,” my voice broke.

“I love you too,” she replied, her voice cracking. “You’re going to be fine!”

It sounded more like she was trying to convince herself of that more than that she truly believed it.

“I know,” I lied.

My mom smiled then and let go of my arm. “I’ll see you soon.”

I nodded as she walked out of the room.