“Yes and no.”
“
W
hich is it
?
” He leans forward in
full interrogator
m
ode. “Look, Dot, if you have so
m
ething spe
c
i
f
ic to repo
r
t ab
o
ut Eddie or Ben Go
m
ez, I’
l
l listen.
B
ut I’m
not interested in speculation.” He cracks his neck again. I don’t
know if this is a nervous tic or so
m
e kind of inti
m
idation tactic.
“
W
ho, beside
m
e, asked you to check on Ben Go
m
ez?”
“Eddie did.”
“That doesn’t sound like harass
m
ent to
m
e.”
“Ben is already circling the drain. All
Eddie is doing is covering his tracks. I want you to authorize
m
e to
m
eet with all the recruits on a
weekly basis, not just when I’m
asked. If I’m
going to be helpful, I need to know early on who
’
s in trouble. Make it policy so it won
’
t look like I’m
singling anyone ou
t
.”
His bottom
jaw juts out and he flaps his lower lip over the upper as
though conte
m
plating a question of national security. “Sure. Have at it. I have nothing to hide.”
“
W
hat about giving him
a new FTO
?
” I’m
really pushing
m
y luck.
“It’s a bad
p
recede
n
t to switch FTOs when a rookie’s n
o
t doing well. There
m
ay be other ways to handle thi
s
. Let’s think outside the box.”
He walks next to
m
e and cla
m
ps his
m
eaty hand on
m
y shoulder. There’s so
m
ething about him
that
m
akes
m
e hope I never get caug
h
t alone with
h
im in an ele
v
ator. “Gi
v
e
m
e a little ti
m
e. I
’
m
paying big bucks for your advice. I should listen.”
Chapter Five
“
W
hat did you say to hi
m
?
” Ben is in
m
y office for his second appoint
m
ent.
“Sit down, Ben. You look distressed.”
He stays standing, a caul of red spreading across
h
i
s face.
“You said this was confidential.”
“It
is.”
“I’ve been extended. Two
m
ore weeks with
that asshole. Did you do that
?
”
This is Baxter, thinking outside the box.
He
m
i
ght have consulted with
m
e first.
“He’s been treating
m
e like shit.
W
o
rse than ever. Making snide re
m
arks. Asking
m
e
i
n front of everyone if the shrinklette is
helping
m
e
with
m
y
proble
m
s.”
“I never said a word to him about our conversation. Nothing.”
“You
m
ust have said so
m
ething.”
“Sit down, Ben, please. I can’t talk to you while you’re standing.”
He sucks in a breath as if debating with hi
m
se
l
f and then sits on the edge
of
m
y couch, his feet flat on the floor, ready to sprint.
“I asked
E
ddie
a question. I wanted to know what your other FTOs had said about you.”
“You challenged hi
m
?
”
“I asked him to clarify so
m
ething.”
He laughs and leans back, shaking his head. “Shit. You don’t ask Eddie Rimbauer to clarify anything. I stopped a
s
king him
to clarify the second day of training. It’s too big a price to pay. He’s going to fire
m
e. I can
f
eel it. I’m
this close.” He raises his hand, his thu
m
b and index finger al
m
ost touching. It is the sa
m
e ges
t
ure Eddie had
m
ade in the FTO
m
eeting two weeks ago.
”So
m
eti
m
es our worst ene
m
ies are our best
teac
h
ers. You’re learning what not to do, aren’t you?
Just the way you wanted to be different from
the police officers you knew as a kid.” It’s a desperate atte
m
pt at ref
r
a
m
ing the situation and Ben isn
’
t buying it. I’m arguing with logic and he’s living with fear.
He rolls forward to the edge of his seat and jabs his finger at
m
e. He’s picking up
m
ore from Eddie than he realizes. “You’re not sitting next to him
ten hours
a day. He doesn’t have the po
w
er to fire you. Don’t you get it?
If he fires
m
e, I’m
toast. No one will
hi
re
m
e. I need this job.
My wife is three
m
onths pregnant. I’m
going to be a father.”
He s
m
iles for the
m
o
m
ent and then loses it as the enormity of parenting sinks in.
I’m
terrible at
m
ath, but it’s obvious that his wife was pregnant before they got
m
arried.
W
hat a pile-up – new wife, new baby, new job, and who knows, a shotgun w
e
dding with pissed-off in-laws.
“I’ll tell you what he wants. He wants
m
e
to quit so he can bad
m
outh
m
e
to every police depart
m
ent I apply to.”
“You talk as though he has a personal vendetta against you.”
“That’s what it feels like.”
“
W
hy
?
”
“How do I know?
Maybe he do
e
sn’t like the way I look.”
“Ben, there are going to be
m
ore Edd
i
es in your future. Supervisors you don’t like, police chiefs who
m
ake bad d
e
cisions. You can’t pick and choose your superiors, and you can’t control the ones you get. It’s the nature of this busi
n
ess.”
His head recoils just lightly and
h
e rai
s
es his
s
plit eyebro
w
. “Are you telling
m
e to quit
?
”
“No. I’m
only saying that the FTO program
is the ti
m
e to try this job on for size. Like you said when we first talked, this
j
ob isn’t turning out the
way you expected it to. Or
m
aybe you just don’t like this depart
m
ent and would fit better so
m
ewhere else. Cops do that all t
h
e ti
m
e, go so
m
e
where el
s
e that
suits them
better.”
I flash to my own life. If leaving
w
as so easy, why had I clung to Mark?
Ben shakes his head as though I haven’t a clue. He chews the inside of his cheek. His eyes are bright, almost fev
e
rish. “I worked too hard to get this job. I’m not going to let that sonofabitch drive
m
e out of here. If I go, he’ll have
to drag
m
e out feet first.”
“That’s the spirit. Get
m
ad. Get deter
m
i
n
ed. It’ll give you what you need to get through these next two weeks. You’ve been through a lot in
your life. Think about
w
hat or who got you through the tough times. Use those sa
m
e tactics again.
W
ho’s your back-up?
Your go-to person when you need help.”
“My wife, I guess.”
“Good. Does she know what’s happening
?
”
Cops are notorious for keeping their work li
f
e a
s
ecr
e
t at ho
m
e. Their int
e
ntions
a
re to
spare t
h
eir
f
a
m
ilies and keep the
c
r
a
p they see
f
r
o
m
conta
m
inating their
f
a
m
ily li
f
e.
It rarely works out. The silence only creates dista
n
ce and
hurt feelin
g
s.
“She’s got enough to deal with. She’s t
h
rowing up a lot. And when she’s not throwing up, she’s sleeping.”
“One of the hazards of
p
olice work is that it takes over your life. It’s
v
ery i
m
portant for young couples to work together so
this
doesn’t
happen.
Right now is one of the
m
ost stressful ti
m
es in your career, but it’s temporary. You
n
eed your wife. Let her help.”
“Like ho
w
?”
“Help you study, quiz you on the penal cod
e
. Listen while you blow off s
t
ea
m
. There’s lots of things she could do.”
“I’m
acing the te
s
t
s. It’s my com
m
and p
r
esence and officer safety shit that’s a proble
m
. What am
I supposed to do, practice choke holds on my pregnant wife
?
”
“
W
hy do you call it officer safety shit
?
”
“Eddie acts like there’s an ax
m
urderer
behind every door. Treats old ladies like they have an Uzi up their sleeves.”
T
he
idea of old wo
m
en carrying guns is actually more appealing than the frail,
brittle-boned and defenseless future I i
m
agine life has in store for
m
e.
Ben shakes his head and says, “I don’t think you have to treat
people like criminals until you know they are. That’s why people hate cops.”
“Look, Ben, you
m
ay not like Eddie, but he h
a
s a lot
m
ore street experience than you do. Years and years. You get to be the k
i
nd of cop you want to be after you get off probation. In the
m
eanti
m
e, your job is to i
m
itate Eddie and get through FTO. Think of it like getting a plu
m
bing license. Do what you need to do to get through this. You’ll have plenty of ti
m
e to develop your own style.”
He shrugs.
“Now, back to your wife. I think it’s a good idea if I sat down with the two of
you. It sets a good pattern for working things out as a f
a
m
ily and you’re going to h
a
ve a f
a
m
ily pretty soon. Talk to her about co
m
i
ng in to see
m
e. It couldn’t hurt.”