Burdened (A Burdened Novel) (48 page)

“Okay
, Cey. Tell Nathan I said ‘hi.’ I know he is there.”

“Yea
h, that’s not going to happen. Bye.” I end the call and walk back over to my bed, dreading going downstairs.

“Can we just leave
for your house through the window—and never come back?”

Nathan sits up behind me and kisses the back of my neck. “No
, Tracey. Go see what your father wants to talk about. I’ll go to my house for a while. When you are ready, just call me.”

“Speaking of calling you, can I have your number?
It seems weird when people ask me to call you and I stare out into space.”

“Why do you stare out into space?”

Shrugging my shoulders, I say, “That’s how I focus when we talk.”

“Yea
h, I’ll call your phone before I leave. Smells like someone is cooking bacon.” It does.

“Doesn’t matter
; it’s not your bacon.”

“Mm, Tracey.” He stands us up. “I’ll see you in a few
. Go see what your parents want. Call me when you all are done, and I’ll come and rescue you in my Benz. Maybe I’ll let you drive it when we pull away from your house.”

“My dad would freak.”

“You shouldn’t let him get to you. You let him get you really upset last night.”

I stand
. “He did, but nothing like I’m going to be this morning. And since you’re not going to be here, he is going to hear some things from me and see a few tears. I’m not in the mood for dads right now.”

“Don’t
, Tracey. Just be cool. Everything will be fine. Put on some pants and go downstairs.”

My mom has breakfast made, but I’m not in the mood to eat—not before I have to talk about things that are going to piss me off. I sit at the dining room table with my dad. “Good morning.”

“Hey
, ladybug. Good sleep?”

“Good morning
, honey,” my mom says from the kitchen.

“Yes
. Can we get on with this talk? I know you two have plans, and I would like to go back to sleep.”

My dad puts down the paper he is holding and glances from his plate to me. “Okay
, Tracey. Last night you got pretty upset when we discussed the move.” He folds his hands. “I didn’t intend to upset you.”

So what
? Get on with what you want to say. “It’s fine, Dad.”

“Now
, I want to talk about Nathan.” He looks at Mom, then back at me. “He is a little advanced, wouldn’t you think?”

“Advanced of what?”

He stares at me. “He owns his own business, degrees. Ladybug, you don’t even have a job.”

I don’t like where this
is going. “O-Kay.”

“Your mother and I were thinking he may be too much for you. He
is a nice, young man, very respectful and courteous. However, he has his life together, and you are just getting started. It may not be wise for you all to date and get serious.”

I rise from the table and start walking away. I definitely do not like the
direction of this conversation.

“Tracey, do not walk away from this table while I am talking to you.”

I turn to him, holding it together the best I can. “Don’t, Dad.” He is going too far with this.

“Tracey, come back
here and sit down. I’m trying to talk with you.” He adjusts in his seat, turning to me. “You have a voice here too.”

Disbelief crosses my face. “Do I
, Dad? Let us hear my voice, shall we?” Shit just got real. “Nathan is perfect for me and I am for him. Yes, he does have a lot of his life together, and he should. They start young and get better as they grow older.” I cross my arms. “You should be happy that I prefer to be with him, since he is doing something positive with his life and actually being responsible, making a name for our generation, rather than some drug dealer or a guy who only wants to come to my house to have sex with me.” Whoa, that may have been taking it too far.

Step back
, Tracey. I look at their wide eyes. “Sorry, look—there is nothing wrong with the fact that the guy I’m dating has his life together. Everybody needs someone, and well, we match.”

“You would be using him for his success
, Tracey, and that’s not right,” my mom says.

“I don’t even know what that means. And how would I be using him for anything
? Nathan chose me first and I followed. We were ma—” I shake my head. “We were together before I even knew anything about his business or degrees. And I do not look at him differently, nor does it make me feel any different for him because of it.”

“What we mean
, ladybug, is that he just seems a little more advanced for you. We wouldn’t want you to get blindsided into anything you weren’t ready for or do something you didn’t want to do.”

I’m not winning
. Maybe I need a different approach. “It seems like you all are telling me you don’t want me to be with Nathan.” I pause, awaiting a rebuttal. Nothing comes, confirming my assumption. “And I would ask why, but fortunately enough, I do not care.

“
You all raised a very smart and mature young lady, and I thought you all would have more faith and trust in me, knowing that. I also thought that my providing the two of you with the privilege to be involved with my relationship with Nathan—giving the opportunity for you to speak on it—says a lot.” I hate the card I’m about to play, but they have pissed me off. “Honestly, I am eighteen and can legally do what and who I want.”

“Tracey
, you are out of line,” my dad blurts.

I am
, but he drove me here. “Dad, you just basically made it seem like I was inadequate for my mate, err, boyfriend.”

“That is not what we
are saying, Tracey.” My mom steps to his side with all her ‘using him for success’ glory.

“Then what
are
you saying, Mom?” They are the ones who are out of line.

“Tracey,” my dad starts in a softer tone
, “all we are
saying
is, Nathan pretty much has it together. We don’t want you tagging along, and later, when he finds someone that’s level with him, you get dropped.” Getting up, he walks over to me. “We don’t want to see you hurt.”

“That won’t happen
,” I say, in a low tone filled with hostility.

“And how do you know that?” Because my freaking heart beats in his freaking chest
, and neither he nor I are going anywhere!

“When you know
—you know.” I don’t need to explain anything else. It is what it is. “And I am going to be honest with you both.” They stare at me, anticipating what I’m going to say. “I am
going
to be with Nathan. And you both are either going to be
with
me or
against
me. Nothing you say
or
do—including moving—will change my mind about that.”

“Tracey
, what has this boy done for you, to make you feel so strongly about him?”

N
o—what has he done
to
me? “Mom, it’s not about what he has done
for
me. He can do nothing for me. It’s about what he does to me.” That doesn’t sound right. “He makes me weightless, and I level him. He makes me happy, and I make him happy. His family stands behind us one-hundred percent.” I shrug. “He loves me. What more is needed?”

“Wait
—you have met his family?” my mom counters.

“Yes, dear, and they all live together
,” my dad answers.

“
How did I miss this?” I let them carry on, Dad catching her up on the conversation that she missed last night.

Why ca
n’t someone knock on the door or call my phone? No, better yet, call
their
phone. Any other time I don’t need an interruption, there is one. Now, I’m dying for one, and everyone wants to leave me alone.

“Okay
, Tracey. So you’ve met his family, and—?” my mom asks, just like my dad did last night.

“Mom,
and
is not a question. But I love his family, just to answer.” I rub my hands. “Look, there is really nothing more to talk about. I know what we have, and you all do not see it, standing on the outside, looking in. Your job is to tell me your opinions, and from what it sounds like, you both like him. Which means, he is a good guy.”

I wait before continuing. “
Yes, he is more advanced than me and more together, but so what? He loves me, and would wrap the world up and give it to me in a box, if he could. He would lay down his life in replace of mine, if he had to.”

I calm myself, getting worke
d up in my explanation. “And he’d give me all that love possesses, if I needed him to.” I look at them both. “Know that this is not some childhood crush. This—what we have—is real. I’m not going anywhere, I’m not changing, and I am not leaving. And if you want, I’ll call him here so that he can tell you the same thing.”

They study me for a moment
—I guess going over what I said. They look at each other. My mom doesn’t like to argue. My dad will keep it up, even if he is losing the battle. He is where I get it from. My mom will help me win this war.

“Mom, you know love when you see it
. When Nathan was near me and around me, did you see a shutter or a falter? Why would I waste my time introducing you to him—the only guy I’ve
ever
introduced you to—if I thought this was just some crush or he didn’t feel the same way about me as I do him?” I smile.

“Hell, his feelings
are probably more advanced than mine.” And that should not have been said. “What I mean is, he loves me more than I love him. And, Dad, you said it yourself. Now, what made you change your mind from yesterday morning? Knowing that he owns a business? Is that making him love me any less, or the affections you acknowledged for yourself any less affectionate?”

He walks up to embrace me
, I think. I’m not sure yet; it depends on what he has to say.

“You seem as if you know what you are speaking on. We may have been a little out of sorts saying what we said. However
, we do not want to see you get hurt. We love you too, and you are our lives as well.” He lets out an arm. I’m not going into it yet. “And, yes, Nathan is a nice guy.”

I give in, hugging him. I know this isn’t over
, but they know I’m right. “So, should I be anticipating a ‘moving’ conversation when you two return?”

“Unless you want to have it now?”
my dad responds, stepping back to Mom’s side.

Not really
, but I’m curious. “You all
are
moving?”

“Do you not plan on accompanying us in the move?”
he asks.

I look at him. “I do not.”

“And where will you go?”

Honestly
, “I will register for school and either live on campus or live with Nathan for a little and see how things work out, leaving out a future family and babies though.” I know where this conversation could lead. “But I am not moving to Tennessee.”

“Okay, Tracey
,” Mom quickly interjects, before my dad can rebuttal.

“What
, dear?” Dad questions her.

“We cannot force her to move, honey. She’s old enough to make her own decisions. Now
, I do not agree with her living with Nathan. However, we cannot make her move across the country.”

“I think we have some things we need to discuss.”
That probably isn’t a good thing. “We are going to get ready to go. Yes, your mother and I did raise a very wise and responsible young lady. Don’t forget that while we are gone.”

“Okay
, Dad. You two have a good time. Love you,” I say as they walk up the stairs.

I eat my now
-cold breakfast, missing Nathan. This whole bound thing isn’t as bad as he made it seem. I think I’m controlling it. Yes, I miss him, but not to the point that I can’t do anything else
.

Nathan
. Scratch that; I need him.

Nathan
. Only him. No Glen, no Scott, no families.

Nathan
. I need him to tell me he loves me and wants me. My parents just messed up my head.

NATHAN
!
If you are somewhere, hanging on the brink of death, I am
not
saving you again
.

Still no answer,
Nath!

Yes
, baby
?

What are you doing
?

Sleeping
.

Why
?

It is a crime to sleep
?

Nathan
, stop.
I’m putting on my clothes. Can you please come get me
?