Bundle of Joy? (17 page)

It was Halloween. I knew that Paul was going to pick up Joseph from kindergarten and take him out in his authentic fireman costume. There was no way I could make it, I had too much work. I called Paul anyway.

“Hey, I’m so glad it’s you.” He didn’t even say hello. “I should be, right? This isn’t a breakup call?”

“No,” I said. “I’m sorry I bolted yesterday. I was just kind of surprised. I guess I wish you had told me before.”

“I know I should have told you before our first date when we were on the phone. The thing is, people get freaked out. Obviously, I was right. I guess I just wanted to see you and see how the first date went.”

“It went really well,” I said.

“Yeah, and then I didn’t know how to tell you. Just that I had to.”

“Well, you did.”

“So,” he said. “What do you think?”

“Well.” I sighed. Maybe this was a longer conversation than I had time for. “I don’t know how I feel about kids. I mean, I’m not ready to be someone’s stepmom.”

“I’m not asking that.”

“Yeah, well, I guess I’m just worried. Things were going so well. I managed to fool you into liking me. Now, I have to impress a kid.”

“Joseph’s pretty easy.”

“Yeah, well.” I didn’t know what to say about Joseph. “Do you ever think about getting back together with his mother?”

“No, she’s remarried. Angela and I never should have got together in the first place. We barely were together. We were just foolish. I’m not going to say Joseph was a mistake, but he definitely wasn’t planned.”

“Well, I’m not really a kid person. Can I just date the dad for a while before I meet the kid?”

“But you will meet him?”

I took a deep breath. What was the big deal? “Yes.”

“When?”

Oh
panayia mou.
“By the end of the year.”

“You need two months?” He sounded horrified.

I thought of cannoli, of being dumped.

“Before Christmas. This way I can wow him with gifts.”

“You’re kind of a crackpot,” he said. But he laughed.

I guess that meant we were staying together. I had until Christmas to figure it out.

A
s usual the holidays crept up on me. Suddenly I realized I had less than three days until I met the kid. Less than three days to find the perfect presents that would buy his love while at the same time not make me seem desperate to Paul.

It was the Sunday before Christmas, the last real weekend shopping day. I knew that I probably should have waited until the next day when people would be back at work, but I started feeling severe anxiety. Paul wasn’t being much help.

“What do you want? What does Joseph really want?”

“Well, you know what I want,” he said.

I had made the mistake of asking him in the morning in bed.

“I’m being serious,” I shrieked. “I need to know.”

“Oh, okay, serious.” He sat up in bed. “Really, you don’t have to get us anything.”

“But, I do, I will. So just tell me. Didn’t he make a list?”

“No, he’s not so materialistic. Why don’t you get him a Yankees jersey? He likes Jeter. Or get him a game for PlayStation.”

“Those are so average. So impersonal. I want a gift that sets me apart. I don’t want him to think I’m some stinky girl that takes his father’s attention away.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He started to kiss me. “Do you think maybe you want to go ice skating in Prospect Park today after a little morning fun?”

“Skating? Paul, I have to go shopping.”

“Okay, we’ll walk up Smith Street.” He continued kissing me, trying to get the pair of his boxers that I was wearing off.

I giggled. “You know, you are very persistent.”

“Tell Santa what you want for Christmas.”

“I want him to be quick so I can go shopping.”

“You really want that? Santa can give you whatever you want, because you’ve been such a naughty girl.”

“I’m not sure I should be enjoying this. Fine. Have your way with me, Santa, but I plan on leaving at noon to go back into the city. Smith Street does not have what I need.”

“Santa does,” Paul said, and he pulled the covers over our heads.

I was way behind schedule when I got to Macy’s at two-thirty. It was a madhouse. There were people everywhere. The floors were covered with merchandise and everywhere I went there was some kind of percentage off everything. I didn’t even know where to begin.

First I found my mother’s perfume. It came in a nice gift set. I was pretty sure that she would like that, and I got her a robe and some slippers to go with it.

Luckily, I had already bought Jamie’s gift. I had gone nuts in a little boutique on Smith Street a few weekends earlier and bought her all kinds of mommy-to-be products, like milk baths and massage oils. I’d also gotten some of her favorite hot chocolate at City Bakery. For Raj, I got a book of bathroom humor. It was kind of a theme for me to get him a funny book that he would leave in the can.

My mother and I had a standing invitation to go to the Jacobses’ house, but she usually bagged it, saying she was tired from being at mass on Christmas Eve. I bought them some nice ornaments for their Christmas tree. I also saw a little stork ornament that I bought for Jamie and Raj. The thing that sucked
about Macy’s was that I had to pay for everything in the department I got it in. I waited in three separate lines to get what I needed.

Then I went to the men’s department. I found a nice button-down shirt for Paul. At least I thought it was nice. The line was huge and it seemed that the people at the cashier were moving at a snail’s pace. Paul told me that Joseph liked some kind of snail. What was it? Secret Snail? No, Sonic Snail. I had to go up to Toys “R” Us to get some other sonic game he wanted. Already I was feeling hot. There were strollers and screaming kids everywhere I turned. The parents seemed to have no control. How was Jamie ever going to deal with this when she had her baby?

“How long have you been in line?” I asked the person in front of me. She had a double stroller of sleeping kids and another one on the way.

“At least a half hour. I hate Christmas.”

As I was nodding, my phone rang. It was Jamie.

“What should I get Paul? What are you getting Raj?” I asked frantically.

“A rim job for both,” she answered.

I laughed really loud, and the exhausted mother in front of me glared. Laughing wasn’t allowed during the holiday season.

“Seriously, I need help.”

“Where are you right now?”

“Macy’s.”

“Ugh. I’m over my all-day morning sickness, but that makes me want to vomit. When will you learn to shop early? You are so organized otherwise.”

“I know. If it makes you feel better, I got your gift weeks ago.”

“Well, at least you have your priorities straight.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Big. I don’t know if I can take much more of this.”

“Two more months, right?” I counted on my fingers.

“More like three. Pregnancy is longer than they let on. It’s more like forty weeks.”

“Shit, that sucks.” I waited a respectable two seconds before saying, “I need you to help me get Paul a gift.”

“The first Christmas I had with Raj, I got him a watch. He still wears it. Does Paul have a watch?”

“He has a sporty one.”

“Well, have you gotten him anything else?”

“I’m about to buy him a shirt. Is that boring?”

“Kind of.”

“Well, what does a watch say?”

“It says what time it is?” She made a little comedy drum noise.

“Please don’t quit your day job. Does it imply that I’m too serious?”

“No, but you are, by the way.”

“I know. What if he isn’t getting me anything?”

“What if he’s getting you an engagement ring?”

I felt my eyes opening wide. “I don’t even want to entertain that thought.”

“What if?”

I knew she was just having fun with me. “Well, I got Raj a Fossil, but that seems a little too young. Try Skagen.”

“They have Fossil at Macy’s but where can I get this Skagen?”

“Keep looking. They have it too. It’s like no other store in the world,” she teased.

“I think that’s Bloomingdale’s.” I moved up about an inch in the line. “How can you be in such a good mood?”

“I’m done with my shopping and sipping hot cocoa with giant chocolate marshmallows.”

“You bitch,” I said dramatically.

The mother in front of me turned around glaring. “Sorry,” I whispered.

“That’s okay. I’ve been called worse,” Jamie said, thinking I was talking to her.

“You are worse,” I said quietly into the phone.

Finally, I got to the front of the line. I had been in Macy’s for almost three hours by the time I finally paid for the shirt. Then I went down to where the watches were on the first floor.
It was so packed with people, I could barely breathe. I didn’t see any watches I really loved and I got impatient crouching by the glass cases. I knew it was going to be next to impossible to get anyone to help me. Then I went by some Swiss Army watches that caught my eye. They seemed more like Paul’s style. Nice, but not too fancy. I was sold on the idea of getting him a watch, but I decided to come back the next day.

I was determined to get up to Toys “R” Us. One thing I could not skimp on was Joseph’s gift. I had asked Paul to pick up the Yankees jersey and make it from both of us. I still wanted to get Joseph something great, but I took one look at the lines at Toys “R” Us and decided to just get him the sonic game Paul had said the boy wanted. I also picked up some slimy stuff that was at the counter, an electric drum set,
Lord of the Rings
action figures and a stuffed dinosaur. He was just a kid, but I wanted to have all my bases covered.

Times Square was swarming with people. There were moments where I was just standing and couldn’t move at all. Around me, everyone seemed to be pushing and giving attitude. So much for the holiday spirit. It took me forty-five minutes to get home. It was so cold and dark outside that I just wanted to crawl into my bed when I walked in the door.

Armando was at the restaurant. The holidays were his busiest season. I knew he was especially homesick during this time of year. At times, I wished I could take him with me for Christmas, but usually he spent all morning on the phone to Italy with his crying mother, and had dinner at the chef’s house.

Kelly was spending the week with her mom in Long Island. I knew she wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. It was odd to me that nobody had the perfect situation. I would have loved it if my mom was in Cyprus. My dad and I probably talked more wishing each other a merry Christmas during a long-distance call than we ever would if he lived here.

I got into bed, exhausted. I had never been a sound sleeper; it always seemed like the worst things happened when I was getting some decent shut-eye. Since starting to date Paul, I felt
like I was always awake. I just couldn’t sleep. I don’t think I wanted to miss anything with him.

I thought about what Jamie had said about the engagement ring. Being almost thirty seemed to speed things up. Paul was thirty-two. I was pretty certain that, believe it or not, he was as into me as I was into him. We hadn’t said the L-word or gotten our names tattooed on each other’s butts, but I just felt secure. When he looked at me, he focused. When I said something, he listened. I hadn’t thought it could be this easy. Could he possibly be thinking of taking the next step?

Of course, it wasn’t that easy. I still had to meet Joseph. I wondered how much Paul’s feelings for me were riding on what Joseph thought.

What if he was holding back saying he loved me or really committing until I met Joseph? I had been afraid that this was some kind of test, but I hadn’t really stopped to think about what would happen if I failed. I had had the breakup scare at his apartment, but since then I hadn’t really considered that anything could get between us.

I worked myself into a frenzy thinking about it. By the time I finally fell asleep, I was completely petrified.

On Christmas Day, I transferred from the N to the F train at 4th Avenue in Park Slope. I had spent Christmas Eve at my mother’s apartment. I was heading to the Jacobses’ house for dinner. Paul was going to join us for dessert. It seemed easier to introduce him to Jamie’s family than to my own.

On the outside train platform, I checked my cell and found a message from my sister, Helen. She wanted to wish me a merry Christmas. I was touched by that and I decided to call her back while I waited for the train.

“Hello,” a crackly male voice answered.

Was this Andre? He would be my brother-in-law. It was disorienting to think I even had a brother-in-law.

“Um, I was looking for—” what was Helen’s married name? “—um, Helen Pavlopoulos—”

“Who? Oh, hold on.”

I heard the voice yell, “Mommm.” My nephew was already almost a man and I didn’t know him.

I heard Helen’s footsteps coming to the phone and Spiro whispering that he didn’t know who it was.

“Hello,” Helen answered.

“Hi, Helen. It’s Voula.”

“Hey.” She sounded so glad to hear from me.

I felt guilty. Calling her hadn’t occurred to me, but my returning her call seemed to make her so happy.

“Merry Christmas,” I said. “I can’t believe your son sounds so old.”

“I know, neither can I. It’s hard to believe I was that age once. I feel like I should know all his tricks, but he’s got me fooled. He’s a good kid though.”

“Did you have a nice Christmas?”

“Yes. We went to Andre’s parents’ house last night. They live in Sunset Park. And today the kids opened their presents. Did you go to mass last night?”

“Of course. As if Mom would let me miss it.”

“What are you up to today?”

“I’m actually going to visit my friend’s family. Do you remember Jamie Jacobs? She went to school with me, lived in Park Slope.”

“No.”

Both my sister and I had whole aspects of our lives that hadn’t intersected.

“Well, I’m going there.”

“And Ma?”

“She was tired.” It was strange to say that to my sister. I was used to making excuses for my mom, but could Helen tell that “tired” really meant “crabby”?

“So you are going to be in Brooklyn today. I didn’t know that, but either way I was going to see if you wanted to come over to our house for dinner. Andre is a great cook.”

“Well, I am sort of already on my way to the Jacobses’. I have a bunch of presents for them.” Really it wasn’t an excuse, but it felt like one.

“Oh, okay,” Helen said.

She thought it was an excuse. I sighed. It was do-or-die time. A new year was on the way. I never made resolutions, but it seemed like it might be nice not to miss another year with my nephew and niece.

“How about dessert? Can I come over for dessert? Are you even having dessert?”

“Yes, probably around seven.”

It was perfect. If the Jacobses ate at one and then had their dessert around five, I could get a cab to Boerum Hill by seven, if she would have me.

“Well, if I can’t make dinner, how about that?”

“That would be perfect.” My sister sounded so pleased.

Then I realized I would have Paul with me. “Um, can I bring someone?”

“Yeah, who?”

She might have thought I meant our mother.

“Just a boy,” I said.

“Oh,” Helen said coquettishly.

I was smiling into the phone and I felt that she was too. As the train was coming she gave me her address.

The Jacobses brownstone in Brooklyn was as close to heaven as a house could get. I always thought how nice it must have been to grow up here and not just go over as a friend. It was right near Prospect Park and public transportation. It didn’t seem like it was in the city, yet it was still so close.

I kissed everyone hello. Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs, Mike, Raj and Jamie were all wrapped in giant lime-green awkward-shaped scarves.

“Ana and Crystal made them for us,” Jamie whispered in my ear.

“Craft Christmas,” Raj and Mike sang.

“Very nice,” I said to Ana and Crystal, even though they weren’t, really. “I didn’t know you guys were knitting.”

“It’s very therapeutic,” Crystal said, but before she could
launch into a long and embarrassing story, Ana handed me a wrapped box.