Build Me Up (18 page)

Kristen felt like her head was spinning, and there was a distinct pressure on her temples. She rubbed them to ease the pressure, but it didn’t do any good. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was supposed to come to Greenport, do her job and leave with glowing recommendations and a new sense of accomplishment. She wasn’t supposed to spend every waking moment either worrying about how she was screwing up her first major assignment or thinking about Ford.

She still couldn’t believe what he’d said. She absolutely refused to analyze how she felt about it, because that would only lead into dangerous territory. No matter what Ford thought, there was a greater distance between them than just miles.

Kristen sighed heavily and retrieved the envelope she’d hid before Ford came in, opening it back up and studying the contents. Right, Kristen, you’re completely indifferent to Ford Hamm, she rolled her eyes at her blatant denial.

SIXTEEN

Kristen stood outside Ford’s door, her bags in a pile behind her. It was cold, and she knew that she either had to actually knock on the door or get back in her rental car and check back into the B&B she’d vacated less than an hour ago. Her breath was making clouds in the air around her and her nose was probably turning read from the blistering cold. She’d gotten this far, it was too late to back out now. One deep, painful breath and then her knuckles met the wooden door.

She resisted the urge to do a little dance to warm herself up while she waited for Ford to answer the door, feeling ridiculous enough already.

When he finally opened the door and warm inside air rushed towards her, she was prepared to fall at his feet and beg to be let in to sit by the fire. There was no need for measures that extreme, though, as Ford quickly pulled her – and her luggage – inside, shutting the harsh winter out.

“Well, this is a surprise,” he said, stepping back to look her over.

“I’m sorry. I should have called. I was just… I guess I was hoping the invitation still stood.”

“It does. Are you hungry?”

“That’s it? You’re not gonna ask me what made me change my mind, or what this means?”

Ford shrugged. “I figure you’ll tell me when you’re ready. Coffee?”

“Thanks.”

“You want me to put your bags in your room?” Ford gestured to her suitcases and Kristen felt a twinge of disappointment. He was assuming she wanted to move back in for practical reasons. Well, maybe that was just as well.

“Thanks, that’d be great,” she smiled while she unwound her scarf and unbuttoned her jacket. Ford didn’t linger to ask any more questions, he simply picked up her bags and headed for the upstairs.

Ford glanced over at Kristen, who was eating a sandwich next to him on the couch, a fire roaring in the background and a movie playing on the television set. He didn’t know why she’d decided to move back in, or what she wanted in terms of their relationship. He was sick and tired of wondering about it, too.

Over the past week, they’d worked without much interaction, and then, all of a sudden, she was on his doorstep, her suitcases packed. He didn’t understand it, but he wasn’t going to push, either. If he’d learned anything from dealing with Annabelle, it was that letting people have their space would turn out a whole lot better than trying to make their decisions for them.

That didn’t mean it was easy, sitting next to Kristen on his couch and not making a move to test the waters.

Kristen could see Ford glancing at her out of the corner of her eye. When had they turned into hormonal teenagers? She found herself tongue-tied and awkward – a far cry from the respected business woman she’d like to imagine herself to be. Was it the couch – bringing back memories of heavy make-out sessions?

In any case, she felt the tension increase with every passing hour. Her bags were upstairs – in Annabelle’s room. He hadn’t even intimated that she would be welcome to stay in
his
room, as they had talked about before. He hadn’t tried to touch her or kiss her since she stepped inside his house. Had he changed his mind now that he’d had some time to think? The anxiety kept on building inside until Kristen couldn’t take it any longer.

“I’m exhausted,” she said and rose from her seat on the couch. “Do you mind if I head to bed early?”

“No, of course not. Go ahead.” He may have been looking at her before, when he thought she wasn’t watching, but he wasn’t now. Apparently, the female hygiene product commercial that was currently playing was fascinating stuff.

“Okay. Night, then,” Kristen said, suddenly in no hurry to leave the room. Ford, however, didn’t pay her any attention. With a sigh, she headed upstairs to her lovely cot.

Sleeping should be an Olympic sport, Kristen concluded after failing miserably at it for two hours straight. She may be mentally and physically exhausted, but she sure wasn’t able to sleep it off. Instead, she lay awake listening to the house and, eventually, Ford, as he got ready for bed and headed into his own room.

She wondered if he, too, would lie awake thinking about what might have been. If only… if only love ever worked out in the long run. If only they didn’t live on opposite coasts. If only…

With a loud sigh of frustration, bordering that of a dog’s trying to get its owner’s attention and some food along with it, Kristen threw off the covers and slipped her feet into slippers. She’d taken a risk by checking out of her B&B and showing up unannounced on Ford’s doorstep, and she was about to take an even bigger one.

She didn’t bother with a robe – it was still packed up, anyway – and walked out of her room in just her camisole and silky pajama pants. The house was chilled – out of reach of the easy warmth of the fireplace downstairs – and Kristen felt her skin contract and break out in bumps all over. She hugged herself, rubbing her arms, and inched open the door to the master bedroom.

It was dark, but the moon peeking out from behind clouds shone some light on the sleeping shape in the bed. It was warmer in here than it was in the hallway, probably attributed to the heater mounted on the wall under his window. Kristen carefully shut the door behind her, keeping her eyes on Ford’s rising and falling chest throughout. He appeared to be sleeping, and she wondered if she’d made a horrible mistake. What if he hadn’t given her a moment’s thought since she went to bed and he was going to wake up screaming if he found her in his room in the middle of the night, watching him like some kind of Peeping Tom.

She was still debating her next course of action when Ford, with his eyes still closed, lifted the covers, indicating there was plenty of room in the bed. Kristen sighed and stomped on over, getting into the bed.

“How long have you been awake?”

“Since before you left your room,” Ford said, grinning as he opened his eyes and turned his head toward her. “I was waiting to see what you were planning to do to me, incapacitated as I am and all…”

“This is weird,” Kristen sighed, burrowing down under the covers.

“What part?”

“Just… everything. I feel like… I don’t feel like myself when I’m around you.”

“Is that a good feeling or a bad one?”

“Definitely bad. No, that’s not what I mean. I just… I feel like I’m not in control – not just about things happening around me, but about what I’m feeling, too.”

“And you like being in control?” It was more of an assessment than a question.

“If I’m not in control, I worry that everything is going to collapse around me. It’s like… I never had any control over what happened with my parents, so I made sure I could at least control my own life. If I didn’t let anyone get close enough, I could be sure of who I was and where I was going.”

“And now?”

“Now… I thought I was a city girl through and through, but the truth is I like the little small town events and the way people in the restaurants and shops know your name. I thought kids were the weirdest species ever and that I’d make damn sure never to let them into my life, but now I’m smiling at babies at the store and feeling like I want to help teenagers find themselves. It’s scary as hell, and I wish I could just turn it all off again and go back to the way things used to be.”

“Well, you’ll be leaving after the summer, so maybe California will suck you back in and you’ll never think twice about Greenport again,” Ford said lightly, but there was sadness to his words.

“Yeah,” Kristen sighed and turned around, seeking out his warmth against her back. He took the hint and draped his arm across her waist.

“Kristen?”

“Yeah?”

“You can sleep here if you want.”

Kristen smiled, but it was a wistful one. “Thanks.” She closed her eyes and drifted off into a restless sleep.

When Kristen woke up, it was still dark outside and Ford was still spooning her. She felt warm and comfortable, and turned in his arms to watch him sleep. His fingers soon twitched on her hip and he pulled her closer. She could feel him waking up in every way and hooked her leg over his to increase the delightful pressure against her core.

“Kristen…” he practically groaned.

“I’ve missed you,” she said in a soft voice, stroking his back and urging him even closer. He didn’t put up much of a fight and it didn’t take long before they were rocking gently together – and then more frantically so – until their mutual needs subsided.

“That thing you told me… a few days ago?” Kristen said, her head resting on Ford’s warm chest while he stroked her hair.

“Mm.”

“I believe you.”

She could hear his chuckle rumble through his chest before it escaped his lips. “I’m glad.”

She looked up at him, then. “I mean, I believe that’s how you really feel, not that you’re just saying it to get what you want. That’s a big thing for me.”

“You don’t trust people easily, do you?” he asked, sounding much more serious now.

“They’ve rarely given me a reason to,” Kristen shrugged.

“Kris…ten,” he tacked on the rest of her name when she tensed, ready to correct him. “Why do you hate that nickname?”

Kristen rolled off of him and onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. Loving people meant trusting them, right?

“There was this guy…” she started, summoning courage from deep within, courage she’d rarely forced herself to tap into before now. “We hung out at parties my first year of college. I liked to party. We’d hooked up a couple of times before we went to Cancun for Spring Break. He and his buddy got this brilliant idea to cash in on the ‘girls gone wild’ craze and make their own movies to sell. So one night, he and I did way too many shots – at least
I
did – and the next morning, I walked out of the bedroom to find him in the living room with his buddy, watching me on tape. Safe to say, I was furious. Dad had to get involved and eventually all copies were destroyed – for a ransom, you might say. He swore he loved me – can you imagine that? It was on the tape, actually, so if I hadn’t crushed every copy with my heels I could have replayed it for you. He always called me Kris.”

Ford didn’t say anything, simply drew little circles on her hand as he held it in his. It was as if he was waiting for her to pour out every single detail that had contributed to her being emotionally distant today.

“He wasn’t the first one who’d told me that he loved me to get me to do something for him,” Kristen said quietly. “My first boyfriend was more boy than friend, but he was popular, and being with him would make
me
popular, so how could I refuse? I gave him all that I had to offer, and he took it and moved right on to the next girl who had something he wanted.” Kristen could hear the bitterness creeping into her words, into her heart.

“So when I say that I believe you when you say you’re in love with me,” Kristen said, turning her head to look at Ford. “I mean it. It’s just going to take me a little while to break through this shell that seems to have been encasing my heart for more years than you’d think.”

“I can wait, Kristen,” Ford said, sincerity showing in his eyes. “It’s not just about words. Just being with you… it’s pretty amazing. After Suzy left, I didn’t think I’d get back to a place where I could fall for a woman, let alone want to be with her for the foreseeable future. In case you didn’t notice the concrete in the hallway when you first got here, I’d built myself a pretty solid fort. You took a wrecking ball to it, Kristen. And whether you’ve been aware of it or not, we’ve been building something else here – something not even wrecking balls can touch.”

“Have you been watching YouTube videos?” Kristen teased.

“What?”

“Never mind,” she chuckled. And just like that, the tension was diffused. Ford ambushed her with a tickle-assault and Kristen squealed like the teenage girl in love she’d never really gotten to be. Maybe letting her guard down once in awhile wasn’t such a bad idea.

Ford usually hated being sick. Having Kristen around to bring – and feed – him chicken soup and smear his chest with VapoRub, however, had put a pleasant spin on the experience. Of course, the downside of his bout with sinus infection, aside from the prescribed antibiotics and the constantly runny nose, was that Kristen insisted on sleeping in the other room, so as not to catch it from him.

Finally, he was well enough to go out to the construction site and get back to work. Kristen had given him daily progress updates, but he needed to get back out there. He didn’t doubt Kristen’s capabilities as team leader, but he’d accepted the job and he was going to see it through every step of the way.

He knew something was very wrong as the construction site came into view. Where the old lighthouse keeper’s cottage had once stood only the foundation remained. What on earth had happened while he was out sick? Did the building permit come through? Did Kristen have the house that was once his family’s home torn down when he wasn’t around to stop it? A deep sense of betrayal settled into his gut and by the time he spotted Kristen, talking to his men and giving out orders, he was downright pissed.