Buckeye Dreams (28 page)

A large walnut desk sat in one corner, littered with papers. Quite close was a stuffed armchair with a settee in front of it, an Irish Chain quilt neatly folded on the seat.

Daniel pulled up a more practical-looking, hard-backed chair and offered it to Jonah before pulling his own leather chair from behind the desk and sitting down. “The other chair is Katherine’s,” he explained. “She usually sits with me every evening and helps me plan my lessons or listens to me gripe about grading papers.”

“Being a professor is not so exciting after all, huh?” Jonah asked.

Daniel gave him a slight frown. “I love being a professor as much as you love being a farmer. That doesn’t mean there aren’t parts of it I don’t enjoy.”

Jonah looked down, hating having to admit the truth of his brother’s statement. He’d be very happy if he never had to shear another sheep for as long as he lived. “Where is Katherine?” he asked.

“She’s upstairs asleep,” he replied. “To be honest, I’m worried about her. The baby is so big already.”

“I remember Ma being big with Toby.”

“I do, too. It’s just—” He looked toward the upstairs, then rose from his chair and walked to a side table just inside the parlor door. “I’m sorry. Let me get you some coffee.”

“No maid?” Jonah asked as he took the cup his brother offered.

“Her afternoon off,” Daniel said as he settled back into his chair with his own cup. “Now what did you mean when you walked in?”

“What happened to Adele and Jake before I came home?”

“What did she tell you?” Daniel asked.

“That you saved her life.” He watched his brother stare into his cup for a moment before setting it aside on his desk.

“Adele wasn’t herself when I came home,” he said.

Jonah thought back. Just after their mother died, Daniel had been released from the Army and come home. “Can’t say that I blame her. You were Nate’s commanding officer. His safety was your responsibility.”

“I was trying to rescue him.” Daniel’s eyes blazed with pain and anger. “There were so many Confederates, and the gunfire was so thick I could have been killed. The men I had already freed would have been recaptured. Adele understood.”

Jonah frowned then sighed. “What happened to her and Jake?”

“Jacob got a bad cut on his hand and it got infected.” Daniel looked away. A few moments later, he continued. “When Nate died and she lost the farm, she wasn’t very well off at all. Ma helped her, but then she died and … Jake and Adele weren’t eating. If I hadn’t gone looking for them, they may have died.”

“You mean they were starving?” Jonah rose with blazing eyes. “How could you let that happen?”

“I didn’t know.” Daniel stood and returned his brother’s glare. “You know how stubborn she is. She wouldn’t ask for help from Aunt Mary because Katherine was with her. She hated her because she’s Southern.” Aunt Mary had lived in South Carolina during the war, and when she returned to Ostrander, Katherine came with her. “And her blasted pride kept her from going to anyone else.”

“Even the church?”

“Especially the church.”

Jonah stared at his brother. “Why?”

“She was angry, Jonah. Her faith was in shreds. She’d lost her husband, her home, you, as far as she knew.” Daniel sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “If it wasn’t for Katherine, she said she would have drowned in hate and anger.”

“I thought you said she hated her.”

“She did, at first. Everyone did.” Daniel’s eyes grew soft. “But as hard as it was, Katherine was beautiful about it. She never hated anyone in return. Seeing her love her enemies convicted Adele. God used Kat to bring Adele back to Him.” Jonah stared at him, and Daniel laid a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry we never told you. But you were already going through so much, and Adele didn’t want to worry you with it.”

Jonah walked over to the window. God could have let her die. He had taken so many others that He should have. But He had saved her, both body and … soul. In spite of his feelings toward God, Jonah found he was glad for that. Adele’s faith was so much a part of her. He could hardly imagine she had ever been angry at God. Like him. The thought shook him so much he reached out and grasped the window frame. He heard his brother walk up behind him.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

Jonah slowly nodded. To keep him from asking anything further, he changed the subject. “We got Erich’s things today. Adele found a letter he never got to send. He was working for that mining company to earn enough money to come home and help her.”

“At the memorial, Adele said she was going to leave his body there in Nevada,” Daniel said. “Is she sure about that?”

Jonah nodded. “She told me Erich wouldn’t have wanted her to trouble herself.”

“It’ll be kind of odd knowing he and Toby aren’t buried here.”

Jonah nodded as he thought about their youngest brother. He’d died at the battle of Cold Harbor. Daniel had intended on going down to Virginia to bring his body back, but in the end he and Jonah had decided to leave him where he was.

“I still can’t believe he ran off and left Ma to tend the farm by herself,” Jonah said.

“I wish I could have gotten to him,” Daniel said.

Jonah looked at him.

“I was at Cold Harbor, too. I saw him lining up with his regiment. If I could have gotten to his commanding officer, I would have made sure he was sent home.”

“Who was he with?”

“A Pennsylvania unit, best I could tell.”

“He went that far east to join up?” Jonah’s brow furrowed. “Why?”

Daniel ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know.” His eyes took on a haunted look, and he sat back down in his chair. “Cold Harbor. That’s one I wish I could forget. That and Fredericksburg.”

Something about the look on his brother’s face made Jonah blurt out, “I was at Shiloh.” For as long as he lived, he would never be able to erase from his mind the horrific carnage of that early battle of the war.

The first day had been a bloodbath. The whole Union line hadn’t been prepared, plain and simple. The clear spring morning had suddenly given way to a full onslaught of Confederate fire. Incredibly, he’d found himself in a peach orchard, their blossoms falling all around him and the other men as they fought and died. Eventually darkness fell, and the cries of wounded and dying men punctuated the night, so much so he couldn’t sleep. He’d taken his rifle and tried to walk away from the sound and couldn’t. When he came home, he cut down every peach tree in the Kirby orchard.

Jonah raised a hand to his face and realized tears were streaming down his cheeks. He shook, and his knees buckled.

Daniel rose, caught him by the forearms, and lowered him into his own leather chair.

Through his tears, Jonah heard his brother praying for him and found himself silently doing the same. As much as he wanted to stop himself, he couldn’t. Help me—please help me, his heart begged.

Calm slowly spread over him, and eventually Jonah looked up to find Daniel watching him, his face full of concern. Jonah took a sip of his coffee and found it was cold. Hadn’t Daniel just poured it? He stared at the brown liquid, wincing at the thought that he’d lost control of his emotions in front of his brother. “I guess you’re about ready to have the asylum come and fetch me,” he said.

“No,” Daniel replied, and Jonah looked up at him. “But I’ll be honest with you. Last week when Adele was here, I almost did. I even went so far as to write out the telegram.” Daniel dropped his eyes. “But that night I had a nightmare.”

Jonah glared at him. “God send you a message?”

“I haven’t had one since before I got married,” Daniel went on, ignoring his brother’s words. “I woke up screaming. Scared Kat to death.”

Jonah wondered just how bad it had been. Judging from the look on his face, it must have been at least as terrifying as his own.

“I ripped up the telegram the next morning,” Daniel said after a minute or two. “I’m sorry. I forgot what you were going through.”

“You had nightmares?” Jonah asked.

Daniel nodded. “And loud noises used to spook me.”

“How did you get it to stop?” The question spilled from Jonah’s lips before he could stop it.

“I talked about what happened to me.” Daniel leaned forward in his chair. “I talked to friends, and more importantly I talked to God.”

Jonah looked away. He didn’t want to admit God might be the key to the peace he saw in his brother’s eyes. But he couldn’t deny the sense of calm he felt since silently wording his desperate prayer. He didn’t feel whole, and he was still angry with God, but something had changed. He’d talked to God, and God had answered—just not in the way Jonah had come to expect.

He glanced out the window, and the sight of the sun starting its descent in the western sky made him realize how worried Adele must be. He had never told her where he was going.

“
You, who are so wrapped up in your own pain, can’t even take a little boy under your wing or let go of the past. You can’t even walk the length of a room without that terrible gun
.”

He bit his lip as the truth of her words stung at his heart, and he rose. “I need to get home.”

“Of course,” Daniel said, rising with him.

They walked through the parlor and into the vestibule where Jonah picked up his rifle as Daniel opened the door for him. He paused and turned toward his brother, extending his hand.

Daniel took it, and Jonah held on a moment or two longer than needed. Their eyes met, and Daniel gave him a small smile and nodded.

Jonah turned and walked down the porch steps to his wagon in the street.

Adele rebuked herself for the hundredth time since Jonah left and looked down the road for the millionth time to see if he was coming back. She was working in the kitchen garden now, but earlier Cyrus had come looking for Jonah. She couldn’t even remember the excuse she had given him as to why Jonah had left in the middle of a workday. But Cyrus had been satisfied with whatever it was she said and took the switchel she made back out to the fields.

Wanting to do something other than mend clothes, Adele had grabbed her hoe and started in on the kitchen garden.
How could I have said those terrible things to him?
she thought as she overattacked a weed.
What was I thinking?

The fact was she hadn’t been. Going through her brother’s things, lack of sleep, her worry for Jonah, and everything that had happened in town that morning had stretched her to her breaking point. The words had spewed from her mouth before she even knew what she was saying.

But where could Jonah have gone? When would he come home? Would he even come home?
Please, Father, guide him home. Soon
.

Feeling a tug on her skirt, Adele whirled around to find Sweet Pea standing next to her. The relief she felt at the sight of the little girl was so intense she immediately set aside her worry over Jonah. Her visits to the farm had been less frequent. In fact, this was her first appearance since the end of June.

“
Kleine!
” she said. “Sweet Pea, I have missed you.”

To her surprise, Sweet Pea buried herself in Adele’s skirts and refused to let go.

“What is it? Are you all right?” She wasn’t crying but seemed scared of something. Adele looked around and saw nothing but blue summer sky and trees waving lazily in the breeze. She gently disengaged the child from her skirts and carried her into the house.

Sitting on a small stool in the kitchen, the little girl became calmer as she munched on a molasses cookie and allowed Adele to check her for bruises or scrapes. She found neither, and since she was unlikely to get anything out of her—the little thing never spoke except for the occasional yes or no—Adele was forced to give up.

She did notice the child was still barefoot and still wore the same worn dress. It was clean, however, and still fit at the bodice but was beginning to get a little short. Fingering the hem, she noticed there was still a tuck left that she could let out, and she might even find a piece of ribbon to disguise the worn edge.

But she hesitated. If the little girl went home—wherever that was—what would her family think of her clothing being altered?
They probably will not notice. She goes off for hours at a time, and no one has ever come looking for her
. She would never have let Jacob out of her sight at such a young age.

Glancing out the window, she saw the sun was more than halfway across the sky. She needed to get supper ready. She began chopping carrots and potatoes, and as she checked on the chicken she had put in earlier, the events of the morning rushed back over her.

She wiped her hands on her apron and, sinking into a chair by the door, reached into her pocket and pulled out her brother’s letter. He had been trying to come home to her. She wished she’d been able to thank him for bringing her to Ostrander and taking care of her when all the while his heart longed to move on to somewhere else. She wished she had gotten to tell him she loved him one last time. Tears formed, and as a sob rose in her throat, she heard little feet rush over to her.

Wide brown eyes looked up into her own. “Sad?” Sweet Pea’s voice was sweet and clear.

Adele nodded, and the little thing leaned in and wrapped her small arms around Adele’s waist. She returned the embrace, laying her cheek on her head. They stayed like that for several minutes before Adele realized she had to finish getting supper ready. She gave the little girl a kiss on the top of her head. “Thank you, little Sweet Pea.”