Brown Siblings - 01 Laid Bare (32 page)

“No. I’m fine. Just a bit shaky, but not as bad as I would have thought. This isn’t me. It’s her, and that takes part of the pressure away. That sounds horrible, god.” He kissed her gently. “That sounds human.”

“Go back to work. I’ll see you in a few hours. We’ll have dinner, everything will be fine.” He sighed but let her go and she blew him a kiss as she drove away.

The condo was, of course, filled with workers who’d be there another two hours or so. She waved and headed through the plastic sheeting back into the hall and into her work space.

She closed the door and put on her headphones and began to write. Despite this stuff with Ella, Erin had never been more productive with songwriting.

Creatively she was on fire. Not only was she writing songs, but cooking and canning too, and Lorie was teaching her how to knit. It was a rebirth of sorts and Erin loved it. The fear remained, coiled down deep, but the edge of it dulled, and she wondered when it would wisp away like smoke instead of being a lump in her gut.

Ben came home, glad it was after five and the construction people had gone. The quiet was welcome after a day in which he’d dealt with one client issue after another.

The condo was slowly beginning to feel like home. He’d moved in right after they’d all returned from Las Vegas, and aside from a few struggles between him and Todd for time with Erin, things had been smooth. Just then it was a matter of finding his place in their relationship. He’d known Todd pretty much all his life, but with Erin, it was new. He wanted more of her, needed more, and had to work to not be greedy or hurt when he saw the easy way she and Todd had. Although, she gave Todd a rasher of shit on a regular basis. She might fall to her knees for sex, but everywhere else, no one pushed her around. That part was amusing, he had to admit.

He heard her singing as he moved down the hall. Not wanting to disturb her while she worked, he kept on to the master bedroom and changed from his work clothes into a T-shirt and some ratty jeans. He had a room that was his. He often worked there in the evenings or in the early part of the day instead of going straight to their office, but he slept in the master bedroom with Erin curled into his side and Todd bracketing her other side.

As he looked out the windows over the city, he thought about how happy he was. In truth, even when he’d been in his relationship with Caroline and Greg, he’d always felt lonely. Funny, he’d often thought it would alleviate the loneliness, that extra person. It wasn’t as if he’d been ignored or felt left out by the other two, but looking back, he realized he’d never truly invested himself with either of them. He went through the motions, had had some great sex, learned a lot about his desires and how to express them, but he hadn’t really learned about himself and what he needed emotionally.

But something about Erin was different. He connected to her in a way he never had with anyone before. He felt steady, stable and, for want of a better word,
understood
. Together with her and Todd, he felt like a whole person.

“Hi there.”

He turned to see her in the doorway, looking soft and relaxed in a tank top and yoga pants. He loved those pants of hers. They clung to her ass like they loved it nearly as much as he did.

He opened his arms and she was in them in just a few steps. The weather had gotten cooler and fall was waning, but the condo was nice and warm from a day of afternoon sun, so her body was warm and she smelled of sunshine.

Once he’d touched her, he felt better, wrapping his arms around her and breathing her in.

“Mmm, you feel good. Did I bother you? I heard you working.” She tiptoed up to kiss him, setting his hormones on fire. “I’m good. I finished a song I’ve been working on for two days. I just e-mailed the sound file to Adrian. You have a message on the machine, by the way.”

He put an arm around her waist and walked out with her to the living room where the answering machine was.

Caroline.

He sighed and turned to Erin, surprised by her facial expression. He reached to touch her, hating that she looked worried. “I’m not going to see her. Not without you and Todd, and probably not at all. I told her about you.”

She looked up at him, and he sat, bringing her along with him, settling her into his lap.

“Are you all right?”

She swallowed. “I think so. I believe you. I mean, look, this is all totally foreign territory. I never expected to love anyone the way I love Todd, to be married. But then you came along. You were unexpected on a whole different and yet so wonderful level.” She touched his lips. “It’s sort of beyond me to try and define it, so I don’t, other than to love you both. I wonder if it’ll be enough for you, but a call from your ex isn’t going to send me over the edge. I’m really okay.”

“Caroline is someone I’ll always care about. She’s a kind person. Good-hearted. But when we were together, while I was happy, I didn’t love her. Not the way I love you. Not the way I love Todd. I was in a nice relationship. I learned a lot about communication and how to work with an extra person in a romantic situation. But when she got her job offer I was never tempted to leave with her. And I haven’t really spoken to Greg, our third, since Caroline moved away.” She snuggled into his body. “You don’t need to tell me all this. I know you love me.”

“I know I don’t need to. I want to. I want you to know you come first. Before Todd, before anyone. Before with Caroline, I never felt settled. I was lonely. I’m not lonely anymore. You are more than enough. You’re everything. We’ll work through things as they come up. I love you, Erin.”

She smiled against the skin of his throat. “Good. I love you too. I’m sorry you were lonely, but I know what that is. I’m glad you don’t feel it anymore. And I’m glad you told me all this. I do feel better. So call her and talk a bit. I’m going to start dinner.” He caught her before she stood fully and brought her back to his lap, finding her mouth and giving her a long, lazy kiss.

She sighed happily when he released her and he liked that very much.

“Tell me about your day. I’m not calling anyone just now.” He stood and went with her into the kitchen and did the tasks she assigned him as he drank a beer and listened to the smoke of her voice.

She told him about the trial and he frowned, but knew good and well that once she’d decided to do something, she would do it, and he’d just have to deal with it. He liked that Todd had insisted on one of them being there with her during the trial though. Smart man.

“How do you feel about it? About going back into a courtroom?”

“Panicked. Nauseated. Freaked. But I need to do it. She’s my friend and she needs me. I feel like everything I’ve experienced, this past year especially, has been for a reason. Todd coming back into my café, meeting you, getting married, this trial. I need to do this because I’m supposed to. I know that sounds all woo-woo and stuff, but there it is. I’m meant to face my fears, I’m meant to overcome them. Each time I beat something back, I get stronger and”—she paused, hanging her head—“and I want to not be scared anymore. I want to be who I was.” She tried to hold back the tears; he saw her struggle and, in the end, she simply turned to him and let him wrap his arms around her, hugging her tight. That she’d turn to him this way made him want to cry, but also made him feel like they’d reached yet another important place in their relationship. She trusted him with her good stuff as well as her bad.

“You will never be who you were before, Erin. You’ve gone through things people shouldn’t have to experience. But you
are
claiming your life. Every day since I met you, you’ve been grabbing your life back with both hands. I’m proud of you, and Todd and I will be there every step of the way.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. It’s my job.”

The keys rattled through all three locks Ben had carefully locked behind him when he’d come home. She didn’t disentangle herself from him immediately and a part of him settled that much more.

She kissed him. “I’m so glad you love me.”

“You always know to say the exact thing I need to hear right when I need to hear it.” She smiled. “Good.”

“Hey, you two,” Todd called out as he ditched his shoes and other crap near the front door.

Erin’s back was rigid under Ben’s palm until all three locks sounded.

Todd came toward them, touching Ben’s arm and kissing Erin while she was still in Ben’s embrace. She made no move to leave and Todd made no attempt to take her.

“Evenin’, honey, you feeling better?” Todd pulled back, and Ben handed him a beer when Erin went back to work slicing up vegetables.

“I finished a song and snuggled with Ben. I’m much better now. You should call Cope and invite him to dinner. He comes around a lot less now that you both live here, and I’m sure he misses that.” Erin put the vegetables aside and began to mince garlic. The scent painted the air, making Ben’s stomach growl.

“Yeah, good idea.” Todd grabbed the phone and in a few sentences, his brother was on the way over for dinner.

Erin would wait until Cope arrived to toss the prawns into the vegetables. She made a quick orzo salad and grabbed a bottle of wine and some sparkling water, slicing up limes to serve with it.

Ben and Todd were discussing some client or other; most of what they were saying was just a sexy male rumble from several feet away.

Her life was normal even as it was unusual. Then again, it had never been usual or typical, so really, what was two men instead of one? She smiled to herself; it was lucky when both men were smoking hot, protective, dominant and loving, but she’d had many exceptional experiences in her life, so this was another she was grateful for.

Cope showed up all noise and clomping boots. She smiled as he kissed her cheek and handed her a box of chocolates from Dilettante. The men cracked open beers and laughed, at ease with one another and she watched while tossing the prawns briefly with the veggies.

“You know, you’re welcome to drop by here too.” Erin slid the prawns and veggies over the orzo and put the platter on the table. She knew how close the three were and the last thing she wanted was to come in between them. She liked Cope and wanted things smooth for the brothers and for Todd too.

“I just didn’t want to get in the way.” Cope actually blushed and Erin laughed.

She put out the bread she’d picked up at the Market on her way home and the cheeses she’d bought for them. “We don’t have sex every waking moment, you know.” Ben choked. “Erin’s right. You’re welcome here. God only knows what would happen to you if you had to fend for yourself for dinner. You’d waste away.” They all sat and began to eat. Todd watched her, smiling from under his lashes, and she knew he was amused.

Cope began speaking as he ate. “So I got in touch with the guy from the label’s security team.

They sent their security plan—which is really good, by the way. I’ve got a schematic of the venues and entry and exit plans. We can carry concealed in both places. I’ll be the liaison. They assured me they would handle Erin’s security just fine.” Ben and Todd’s heads both snapped up, eyes glittering, and she felt instantly better. They wouldn’t let anything happen to her. Neither would Cope. She patted Cope’s arm before refilling Ben’s plate.

“And you told them, what?” Ben asked.

Cope rolled his eyes. “What do you think? I told them we appreciated the offer, Erin was sure they would do a fine job, but she’d contracted with us and that was how it would be. If they had a problem, they could speak with Jeremy. They backed off quickly.”

“Thank you, Cope.” Erin said and he grinned at her.

“You’re like my sister-in-law twice over, I got your back. We’ve all got your back. And you feed me, which is a plus. In case you haven’t noticed, you fill in all the blanks. I like to look at pretty women. Check. I’m hungry. Check. You know, the basics. Too bad you settled on Ben. I’m clearly the hotter of the Copeland boys.”

She burst out laughing and Ben just rolled his eyes as the phone rang.

“I got it.” Ben got up and went to answer. From the way he tightened up and then put the phone back into the cradle moments later, she knew it was the ex. The woman she tried not to wonder about but couldn’t help herself.

He came back to the table, looking her straight in the eye and smiling. He wasn’t hiding anything. She felt like each time they shared a few moments like they had earlier that evening, they got closer as they learned each other. Erin knew what it was to be surrounded by people and yet still be lonely. Even when she was with Jeremy she’d been lonely. It was only for those glorious years with Adele that she had felt right. And then it went away and she was cast adrift, even as she had people who loved her in her life.

Because of that, she understood why Ella had stayed with her ex as long as she had. Even when it wasn’t perfect, sometimes it was better than being alone. Or it felt that way until you were alone long enough to realize nothing was worth being hurt by someone who claimed to love you.

“You okay?” Ben asked quietly.

“Yeah. Just thinking.” She squeezed his hand. “Caroline?” He nodded. “I said we were eating and I’d call her later. Are you upset?”

“No. Really, I promise. I’m curious about her of course. But you’re not hiding anything and we’re okay. I was just thinking about what it meant to be lonely even when you’re surrounded by people.”

He nodded, understanding. And she knew Todd did as well. Each of them had been that way and they’d all finally found each other and held on. It worked. Thank goodness.

They chatted as everyone cleaned up. Cope stayed until eleven or so and ambled out with hugs and a laid-back smile.

“I think he feels better now. Knowing he’s welcome. I’ve told him that and I know Ben has. But hearing it from you made a difference.” Todd kissed her. “Thank you for making a place in our lives for him.”

“I like Cope, silly. Of course I would.”