BROKEN (25 page)

Jessie reluctantly moved away from the warmth of Mitch’s body and got out of bed.
 
“I’ve done nothing but laze around all day,” she said as she slipped her panties back on.
 
“The boys will be expecting dinner in an hour and I don’t even have a clue what I’m going to make yet.”

“Whatever you decide, I’m sure it will be delicious.
 
Make it simple, I’m sure the boys won’t mind.
 
I’ll get dressed and come down to help you in a few minutes.”

After she’d gone, Mitch pulled on his boxers and jeans and padded over to the closet.
 
There hadn’t been much time over the past several months to read Adam’s journal because Jessie was generally too close by for him to feel comfortable pulling it out.
 
But he
had
managed enough stolen moments to get through almost all of it and now that he’d made the decision to tell Jessie the whole truth, it suddenly seemed very important to finish reading the last few pages.
 

At first, he had
used it as a way of gleaning insight into Adam’s life with Jessie so he wouldn’t make so many blunders, and in the beginning it had helped.
 
But once he made up his mind to stay, he stopped worrying about what Adam would have said or done and simply did things his own way.
 
After Adam’s death, the journal made him feel closer to his brother at a time when he really needed it, but now it
only
seemed to open up the old wounds and renew his grief each time he read it.

Standing under the light of the closet, Mitch flipped to the last three pages.
 
There were often large gaps of time between one writing and another, but Adam’s last entry was dated only two days before their last mission.
 
As he began to read, Mitch was disturbed by the tone of his brother’s words.
 
Adam spoke of his life in terms of accomplishments; things he
had
done that he was proud of; the missions they’d been on where he managed to lead them all out safely; his love for his family and how close he and Mitch had been all their lives.
 

He mentioned things he was grateful for, things that had brought him happiness, and the things he regretted and would have liked to make amends for.
 
It had an ominous ring to it
,
and as Mitch turned to the next page his fears were confirmed.

I’ve never dwelled on the dangers of a mission, especially when it’s only a few days off and I need my mind to be clear and focused.
 
Still, I can’t shake the feeling that this one isn’t going to end without a few casualties.
 
I feel so strongly about it in fact that I
a
m seriously considering asking Mitch to stay behind.
 

Who am I kidding?
 
It wouldn’t accomplish anything even if I did.
 
He
would demand
to know why and I
would
have no good reason except this bad feeling twisting at my gut.
 
Admitting that would only make him more determined to be there to watch my back.
 

I’m not afraid for myself; I
have
never been afraid to look death in the face, but the thought of something happening Mitch makes my chest
feel like it’s in a vice.
 
That is
why I
am
going to kick him off the team after this mission.
 
He
wil
l be hopping mad at first, but he’ll get over it in time and see it was all for the best.
 

I’ll miss having him around
,
but at least I can stop worrying that he’ll get himself killed because he followed me into Special Ops.
 
I’ve thought a lot about it and realize now how selfish I’ve been by not forcing him to get out years ago.

I guess there are a lot of things I
have
been selfish about in my life; allowing my brother’s sense of loyalty to keep him locked into a profession he doesn’t like is only one of them.
 
Hanging onto Jessie
,
knowing I could never give her the love she deserves
,
is another.
 

It’s going to hurt giving her up, she
has
been my rock for a long time and I’m not sure I
would
even be here today if it weren’t for her.
 
But she
has
sacrificed enough of her life for me.
 
It’s time I sacrificed something for her.

There was one last entry
. 
Mitch read it twice before putting the journal away.
 
Not in a million years would he have guessed what Adam had chosen to write as his final words, and there was no doubt in his mind that his brother had somehow sensed this mission would be his last.
 
But he
had
gone into it anyway, without hesitation, without fear, because he was doing the one thing that truly made him happy.
 

Mitch could accept his brother’s death now
,
and it was largely due to the journal.
 
Because after reading that last paragraph, he understood that Adam had made the decision to sacrifice his life before the mission ever began.

There was a lightness in his step that hadn’t been there for months as he made his way to the kitchen and stood in the doorway.
 
Jessie had her back to him and was humming softly as she chopped up potatoes and plopped them into the pan to boil.
 
He’d always thought she was beautiful, but watching her now in her bare feet, her belly heavy with his sons, and the soft flush from just having made love still on her cheeks, Jessie was simply stunning.
 
 
He moved away from the door and went to her, surprised to find the sting of tears behind his eyes when she turned and walked into his arms as if she knew
it was
what he needed most at that moment.
 

He pressed his cheek to hers
,
and there was a desperation in his voice when he whispered, “Marry me, Jessie.
 
I need you.
 
Nothing will ever be right if I can’t have you as my wife.”

He’d asked her at least once a day since finding out she was pregnant, and her answer had always regretfully been no.
 
This time, however, when she drew her head back and looked into his eyes there was no hesitation, no doubts, no fears.
 
She loved him, it was as pure and simple as that, and everything else was inconsequential.
 

“Yes, I’ll marry you.”

Expecting her to deny him as she
had
done in the past, Mitch opened his mouth to offer the usual arguments.
 
He blinked then drew in a shaky breath, not quite believing he’d heard her right.
 
She was smiling up at him, her eyes misted with tears.

“Yes?
 
Did you say…?”
 
Blood rushed to his head when she nodded and his knees felt a little wobbly.
 
“When?”
 
h
e asked breathlessly.

“Whenever you want.”

“Tomorrow,” he croaked out.
 

Jessie laughed.
 
“You sure you don’t want to drag the minister away from his dinner and get married tonight?”

He looked at her hopefully.
 
“Do you think he’d mind?”

“I was teasing!
 
You have to give me at least a few days to find a new dress
.  T
here’s a
lso a
marriage license to obtain
,
and we need to see when the minister
is
free to perform the ceremony.
 
I don’t need anything fancy, but I would like all the boys to be there and Liz, of course…”

Mitch growled softly.
 
“Two days, that’s all I can give you.”

She couldn’t make him wait, not when she could see how anxious he was about it.
 
“Okay, I think I can manage that.”

Two days would seem like an eternity, but it would give him time to shop for a wedding ring and buy a new suit.
 
He wanted to do it right and make everything perfect for Jessie.
 
And now that he knew she loved him enough to marry him, Mitch felt a little more confident that she
would
forgive him for deceiving her all these months.
 
She was a good woman with a kind heart.
 
Surely if she could forgive Adam for not loving her enough to give up being an agent to stay with her, she could forgive Mitch for loving her so much he hadn’t wanted to take the chance of losing her.

“Oh dear,” Jessie fretted when she glanced at the clock and saw how late it was.
 
“You’ll have to help me with dinner or we’ll have a riot on our hands.”

He gave her a quick kiss.
 
“Just tell me what to do.”

While Mitch set the table and chopped vegetables for the salad, Jessie finished the potatoes and put the pork steaks in the oven to broil.
 
She tried not to think about the wedding or the fact that in two days she
would
become Mrs. Mitch
ell
Kincaid because her hands shook every time she did
,
and twice she nearly dropped the food she was preparing.
 
So she concentrated instead on how she was going to approach him after dinner and what she would do if he tried to deny it.

She
would
be very calm about the whole thing, she told herself firmly.
 
The most important thing to do was to assure him of her love.
 
She
would
explain everything; how she
had
been wary of the changes she’d seen him, how she figured out he wasn’t Adam, that deep in her heart she
had
probably always known it.
 
And if he denied it, she
would
have to convince him that the only way their marriage would work was if there was complete honesty between them.
 

She wouldn’t issue any threats about making him leave or keeping him from his children because the thought of
living
without Mitch was even harder to bear than the idea he
would
refuse to admit the truth.
 
She wouldn’t get angry, and with any luck she wouldn’t get emotional.
 
A nice, quiet talk is all she wanted.
 

He was unusually subdued during dinner
,
and Jessie hoped it was because it finally occurred to him that he
would
have to tell her or face living the rest of his life with his
brother’s name.
 
If she had to, she
would
use that argument too.
 
Did he really want people referring to his wife and children as Adam’s?
 
No, Mitch was too proud for that.
 

Maybe he was so quiet tonight because he was trying to figure out the best way to approach her.
 
Jessie’s spirits rose.
 
It would explain why he
had
gone off alone to talk to his family today.
 
He’d needed someone to confide in just as she
had
done with Liz.

They said very little to each other after the boys had gone back to the bunkhouse.
 
There was only the sound of clanking dishes as they cleared the table and put away the leftovers.
 
Several times she caught him casting furtive glances her way
,
but she didn’t ask if anything was wrong as she would have on any other day.
 

Only when the dishes were done and they had each other’s undivided attention would she allow the conversation to take place.
 
That was her intention anyway, and it might have happened just as she planned if Jud Wilkinson hadn't chosen to show up on her doorstep just as she was scrubbing the last pot.

Perhaps if they hadn’t both been lost in their own thoughts
,
they might have heard him pull up to the house.
 
As it was, neither of them was aware of his presence until he rapped on the door.
 
Thinking one of the ranch hands had forgotten something, Jessie handed Mitch the pot to dry while she went to answer the door.
 
Shocked to find it was Jud standing on the porch and not one of the boys, she merely stood there gaping at him.

“I have something important to tell you, Jess.
 
Can I come in?”

She glanced nervously over her shoulder to make sure Mitch was still in the kitchen before looking back at Jud.
 
“I really don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

He held up a manila envelope.
 
“You need to hear this.
 
It’s about Kincaid.
 
He’s been lying to you, Jess, and I’m…”

“What the hell are you doing here?”
 
Mitch roared.

Jessie let out a startled squeak, her heart lodging in her throat when she turned and saw the thunderous expression on Mitch’s face.
 
He looked positively murderous as he closed the distance between them.
 
Now that she was no longer blocking the doorway, Jud took the opportunity to slip by her and stepped inside the house.
 

“I have some documents I think Jessie will be very interested in seeing.”
 
He handed the envelope to Jessie, but the triumphant smile he reserved for Mitch.

She looked at the envelope then back at Jud.
 
“What is it?”

“A copy of the deed to the Sinclair ranch, for one.”
 
He leveled his gaze at Mitch.
 
“And an obituary.”

A low growl vibrated in the back of Mitch’s throat.
 
“Just what the hell kind of game is this, Wilkinson?”

“Oh, it’s no game, I can assure you.
 
You see, I’ve been doing some digging and
have
discovered quite a lot about you…and your family.”

Mitch took a menacing step forward.
 
“I warned you what I’d do if you hurt Jessie in any way.”

“I’m not the one who lied to her
,
Kincaid.”
 
Jud smirked when Mitch stopped his advance and looked at Jessie.

Jessie didn’t have to open the envelope to know what was inside.
 
Mitch knew too, she could see it in his eyes.
 
She saw something else there too, a fear so great it was making him tremble.
 
She wondered how angry Jud would be if he knew he
had
just unwittingly presented her with the perfect opportunity to prove her love to Mitch.
 
Smiling, she handed the envelope back to Jud.

“What are you doing?
 
Jessie, I really think you should…”

“No, I shouldn’t.”
 
She went to Mitch and tucked herself up under his arm.
 
“Nothing you can say or do is going to change the way I feel.”

“Oh, I think it will.”
 
Jud ripped the envelope open and pulled out a fist full of papers.
 
He waived them furiously in front of her.
 
“I have proof that Kincaid has been lying to you for months.”

Mitch’s whole body went rigid.
 
She could feel the tension mounting in him
,
but he didn’t bother trying to deny what Jud said
.  I
t gave her hope.
 
Amazingly, she wasn’t nervous or upset at all.
 
She offered Mitch a brief smile before turning her attention to Jud.
 

“Really, Jud,” she laughed.
 
“You
have
got to find something more constructive to do with your time.”

A heated flush worked its way up his neck.
 
“I’ve been extremely industrious with my time.
 
If you won’t read what’s on these papers then I’ll tell you.
 
It wasn’t Adam Kincaid who purchased the Sinclair ranch, it was…”

“Mitch,” she supplied.
 

Mitch jerked as if he’d been shocked.
 
“Jessie, I can…”

“You see,” she interrupted before he could go any further, “when Adam was killed over a year ago, Mitch came to the ranch to tell me personally.
 
Obviously
,
I cared a great deal for Adam, but I was never in love with him.”
 
She looked up at Mitch, her voice barely above a whisper.
 
“It was you I fell in love with.”