Bride by Design 3: Manchala Nights (7 page)

Whenever we were with the others, we held hands, laughed and teased each other. I tried not to let the charade break my heart - this was what we might have really been. He'd told me he cared about me, and it was tempting to imagine a world where all that was true.

But I did my bit stoically, trying not to feel wistful. I
avoided
Colin during the siesta time by going outside and chatting with Celine. She was fickle and self-centered, but I couldn't blame her. She'd grown up with rich parents who spoiled her with everything she wanted to buy, but never gave her their time. I figured that's why she was starving for attention, but she claimed she loved her childhood - "I could do anything I wanted and buy anything
I liked
, that's all that matters."

I wasn't sure she was right, but I didn't
contradict her
and merely nodded.

I tried to call Katie once a day, and though she was sad, she seemed to be doing well. Her mother had come down from
New Jersey
to spend a few days with her, and on Thursday and Friday night she went out clubbing with some single friends from work. She seemed to be having fun with her work friends, and I felt a twinge of jealousy that it wasn't me she was having drinks with. But I was happy she was doing well.

I called my brother Alex every other day, and he was making good progress at rehab. He seemed
stunned and grateful
that I'd paid off his debts
so soon
, and promised to be clean once he got out. I hoped he'd stick to his word, and
I
made a mental note to keep an eye out for any
signs of a relapse
.

On Saturday, I told Colin that I'd be accepting the job with Brian Brito Designs.

"I thought as much," he said. His voice was deep and calm, and he didn't seem surprised at all.

"It's not like you're about to g
et this Manchala project either,
"
I said snidely.
His calmness irked me, and I couldn't help being a bit mean.

But Colin didn't seem to care and just shrugged. "You never know how things turn out."

We eyed each other warily. He hadn't tried to kiss me o
r
touch me since the night Katie called, and a part of me felt hurt by that. Did he no longer find me attractive? Or was one night enough to satisfy his curiosity and mark me as "done"?

But it's not like I would've responded to his caresses anyway, I told myself. Of course, that was a lie - I had learned not to trust my body. But having a physical relationship with a guy I hated wasn't a good idea, so part of me was thankful that he didn't seem to care about being with me.

On Sunday morning we said goodbye to Don and Diane. The jeeps drove the six of us down to a bay and I could see a large boat in the distance.

"Surprise," said Colin drily, "I arranged a boat for us instead of the plane."

I was surprised and touched. He must've done this soon after we landed and I was so relieved I wouldn't have to get on that kite-plane again.
I hugged him gratefully, since I knew that's what everyone expected me to do. His muscles were hard and lean and I pressed myself against him, but I let go soon - it was all just a charade.

I wanted to kiss him and tell him how sorry I was that things
hadn't gone
as we'd hoped
for
in Manchala, and how thankful I was that he'd arranged for the boat. But Colin seemed detached and aloof, and everyone was watching, so I didn't say anything.

Instead, we piled into
small
speedboats which took us out to the
larger boat
and we climbed up
onto it
. The
boat
took us a bit longer to get to St Bart's, but it was much more pleasant. I loved the feeling of the waves rolling us gently, the blue ocean surrounding us on all sides.

Of course, Celine immediately went to the top deck and stripped down to her tiny bikini to sunbathe, and I
sat down beside
her.

When we arrived in St Bart's, we said goodbye to Keith and John, who had their own plane
to take them back to
London
.

Celine and Roger would stay on in St Bart's for a few days.
Celine hugged me and said, "Keep in touch, bitch."

I smiled wryly. "I'll try."

I realized I'd actually miss Celine, and was sorry to have to say goodbye
. I wondered if I'd see her again, and
whether she'd still want to be friends with me when I was no longer with Colin and no longer a part of her society.

Colin and I boarded his plane again, and we began our flight back to
New York
.
Once we were in the air, I thought it would be courteous to thank Colin for arranging the boat.

I tried to stutter my thanks, but he just shrugged and said coldly, "Don't mention it."

His disinterest was hurtful and I hated to end things this way. I meant to say something diplomatic, but instead, I wound up saying softly, "So one night was enough for you."

Colin turned and looked at me. His jade eyes were blanketed with a shroud of disinterest and he shrugged. "I have enough people around who don’t care about me and if I just wanted sex, I've got lots of choice."

His words stung and
he didn't have to mention that most of his choices were prettier than me, but I knew that was the truth.

I didn't bother to mask my hurt and I said, "I really did care about you, Colin. Until you showed that you were a massive jerk."

"Because I didn't let you break your promise to me and go running back to
a girl who doesn't need you around
?"

I
narrowed my eyes and jerked up
my chin. "You would've been fine without me. I knew you weren't going to get the contract anyway, and Katie needed me."

"Really? And how's she been doing these past few days?"

I hesitated, and Colin knew enough. He snorted derisively. "You're a fool who doesn't
understand
when people care about her and when they're taking advantage of her.
You get th
e
se two backwards.
"

I wanted to protest that Katie never took advantage of me, that I was the one who always smothered her with attention. But maybe he was right - I should stop trying to save everyone around me. They seemed to do fine on their own anyway.

I took a deep breath
and tried to be the bigger person
. "Look Colin, I don't want to end things like this. I appreciate the opportunity you've given me, and though I think you were unreasonable when you didn't let me leave Manchala early, I think I may have overestimated how badly Katie needed me."

"Really?" Colin wasn't about to accept my half-assed attempt at an apology. "And how about how badly I needed you?"

I tried not to lose my cool. "You didn't need me, Colin! You knew you wouldn't get the project and there was no point for me to be there."

Colin shook his head. "You just don't get it, do you?"

I sighed. We could go on like this forever, in circles that never ended. "I can't apologize for wanting to leave, Colin. You didn't need me, there was no point for me to be there. But I
am
sorry that you think I didn't care about you. I did.
I really did like you and… well, we had fun together. I don't want to argue about this."

Colin nodded, and looked back at his tablet. We were silent for the rest of the flight - there didn't seem to be anything else to say, and there was no point discussing the weather or other nonsensical trivialities.

When we landed at
Teterboro
Airport
, I followed him out to the limo and he dropped me off at home.

"
T
ake the luggage," he said drily, "I
've got no
use for it."

Colin's manner was formal, and his
jade
eyes were
cold and distant
.
So this was goodbye, I thought. I couldn't help feeling the twinge in my heart. I was sorry that this was how things would end. For a moment I wondered i
f I'd been unreasonable when I
asked to leave Manchala, but I quickly brushed that thought from my mind.

I knew I'd never see Colin again, and I tried not to think about that. I took a deep breath,
leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the cheek, savoring the smell of his oceanic scent and the feel of his smooth skin against my lips, one last time, and I stepped out of the limo before I got all emotional and teary.
Colin didn't turn around or react when I kissed him, and I knew there was nothing more to say.

I
left the luggage and the clothes in the car with Colin - I didn't want
to have any reminders of my time with
him
, and I
walked away quickly, trying not to think about how differently things between Colin and I might have been.

Chapter
Six

Brian Brito Designs was a small firm, and I reported directly to Brian. He and his partner had a few wealthy clients, and my job was mostly to get coffees and take notes during their meetings.

I tried not to be too disappointed with my work, but I couldn't help thinking that I was making a grave career mistake by not working with Colin. He had promised me a job with his firm even if he didn't get the Manchala project, and I stopped myself whenever I caught myself in the middle of a daydream about redesigning a hotel lobby.

Katie
had
gone through her breakup
just fine without me, and it turned out
that even after I came back home,
she preferred the company of her
new
, bar-hopping work friends to boring evenings spent with me. I tried not to feel ignored, and I knew Katie needed to enjoy some wild freedom and drunken bar-hopping to get over her ex.
But I finally admitted to myself that Colin was right - I had no reason for wanting to leave Manchala just because of Katie's crisis.

The logical part of my mind told me to swallow my pride
, apologize
and beg Colin for a job. But I would never do that. I had no intention of taking advantage of him, and I didn't have the stomach to face him as a boss.

Even worse, I missed Colin. I wouldn't admit this to myself during the day, when I tried to keep busy with work, but at night, just before I fell asleep, I'd remember the way he smelled, the way his muscles felt when I pressed up against him… He'd been so kind to me, arranging that boat when he learned how I felt about tiny planes, and he'd trusted me enough to confide about his past.