Whitehead raised an eyebrow. “That’s if it was our lot that did it. As far as I can see, it’s a mixture of everybody’s mistakes.”
“Oh, good. The one time we all work together and we leave the world screwed. That’s just great.” Katie seemed less than surprised despite her sarcasm.
“No, they didn’t work together, but a lot of people messed with a lot of genes. And then the crosspollination started, creating new genetic hybrids. But
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the worst were the modifications that weren’t advertised to the public. I know that we started to play with hormones in plants and animals. To make them more productive, larger, tastier.” He was becoming agitated and excitable now that he was in his own field. “Some of that work was made public, but not all of it. The ordinary man on the street definitely didn’t know just how much tampering was going on.
“And there was a Scottish research centre that started to think about how they could make plants repellent to insect life, so farmers could cut down on insecticides. They had problems with protesters. News of their research leaked, as it invariably does.” He shrugged. “Can you see where it’s all going? A little bit of the experiment floats away on the wind, meets up with a little bit of another experiment and then who knows what could happen.”
George frowned. “So, you think that’s the cause?”
I felt my own anger rising. “So you guys fuck about with nature without having a fucking clue what you’re doing and the world pays the bill. Jesus fucking Christ, don’t your lot ever think?” My cigarette jabbed at the air in front of him as I levelled my accusations directly at him, our sole remaining perpetrator of crimes against humanity.
“No, we don’t. Not really.” He met my gaze and his frank honesty deflated me. “We’re too busy with wanting to know rather than thinking about the consequences. That’s how we end up with nuclear bombs as well as radiation therapy. If we thought about how it was all going to end up we’d never be brave enough to try anything. We’re a bunch of selfish bastards. Too focussed on the curiosity. We forget it killed the cat
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and cats have nine lives, ergo curiosity must be pretty fucking dangerous.”
Hearing that kind of language in his neat delivery was almost comical, and John snorted in his beer. He held out his bottle. “Well, cheers mate. Just don’t do it again.”
Whitehead smiled sheepishly and chinked his mug against the glass. “I think the lessons have been learned. No more research for me.”
“Although of course we are going to need some kind of pesticide to kill these things with, so I wouldn’t make a statement like that in a hurry.” George’s comment may have been made with a touch of tongue in cheek, but there was truth in it. “We still haven’t figured out how the widows intend to reproduce, but I’m banking on them not obliging us by dying out all by themselves.”
“You’re right.” Whitehead was nervously earnest again. “But there are facilities working on that. I came up here from one in north London. They loaned me out, as it were. It was a top research centre with better defences than this place, and an army presence. They’ll be working twenty-four/seven to come up with something. As soon as they realised there might be a problem they started working on it. We haven’t got hold of them with the radios yet, but they probably don’t have such basic communication equipment. That’s not their primary function, after all.”
Jane, who had been almost dozing against her sister, sat up. “You really think they’re going to find a way out of this?”
“I don’t see why not. If there’s one thing that scientists are good at, it’s producing dangerous chemicals.”
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Jane and John looked convinced, but I wasn’t so sure. “But you haven’t heard from these guys in the past couple of days?”
“No, but there are people out there. People like us that are surviving. We’ve made contact with them, and eventually the army will come. I’m sure of it. We are only two days in, remember.”
His enthusiasm was hard to fight, and when we’d finished our coffees, we only had time to say a brief, tired hello to the two men who’d been out checking the perimeters before heading back to the dormitory, Whitehead with us. I was glad to see he was finally wilting, too. There was something a little too superhuman about all that energy.
Dave was still sleeping, and without turning the main lights on, we all undressed, leaving on enough to be decent, and slipped beneath the duvets of our single bunks. Nigel had taken a bed at the end by the door, as far from the rest of us as he could get, and from what Dr. Whitehead had said, that was where the rest of his team also slept. That was fine by me, and bad luck to them. I couldn’t imagine that they’d like Nigel any more than the rest of us, even if they hadn’t been exactly welcoming themselves.
I waited until the others had finished and then slipped along to the washroom to brush my teeth. The strong taste of fajita still lingered and it was good to shake it off with a quick scrub, rushing the hard bristles over my gums, enjoying the burn of peppermint.
Idly, I wondered how long our supply of toothpaste would last. It was funny the things that suddenly became matters of concern, ideas popping into my head out of nowhere. What would we do when it ran out? There were probably several lifetimes of toothpaste
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for each of us out there in the untapped shelves of supermarkets around the world, but I wasn’t too keen to get back out there and retrieve it. Not today, at any rate.
“I like a man who takes care of his teeth.”
Despite the softness of her voice, I almost leapt out of my skin. “Jesus, Katie!” Spitting the foam out, I rinsed with water from the tap. “You made me jump.”
She giggled. “I could tell.” Holding up her own toothbrush, she nudged me out of the way with her hip. The unexpected contact sent shivers through me, and I was suddenly aware of how close to naked we both were, in just Tshirts and underwear. And it had to be said hers was slightly more revealing than mine was, hinting at the curves of her small breasts beneath the black cotton, her nipples pressing against the cloth as she brushed. She’d taken her bra off, that much was obvious.
Swallowing, I looked away, feeling my own heat rising, uncomfortable and awkward, trying not to think about how closely we’d spent the night before, and how warm and good she’d felt sleeping in my arms. If she tried that tonight, dressed as she was, I didn’t think I could be trusted to keep my hands to myself. Not wanting my thoughts to be too evident, I decided it was time to retreat.
“Anyway, good night.” Stepping backwards, I felt as if I might trip over my own feet, and having dropped my eyes from her breasts, all I could see now were her slim, toned legs, disappearing at the thigh under her shirt.
I turned to leave, my heart beating fast in my chest, but she called me back. “Wait.”
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“What is it?” I peered through the doorway, as if the wall between us would provide some kind of protection-for her or for me, I wasn’t sure which.
“Jane’s sleeping in with Rebecca.” Her skin looked paler in this light, smooth as marble under her loose somewhere between auburn and brown curls. She took a step closer to me, her voice dropping. “She’s Jane’s new best friend.” There was a hint of something a little like jealousy that made her mouth turn down for a split second, and then she smiled again as she came another foot nearer. I could feel blood racing to all parts of my body, and I knew that if she came much closer she’d be able to see it, too. There was no way I was going to be able to hide my desire in just Calvin Klein underwear and a T-shirt.
“Anyway,” shrugging, she leaned into the doorframe, “that leaves me alone in my room.” The green in those hazel eyes shone as she stared at me, waiting for some kind of response. Despite her attempts at adult seduction she chewed on her bottom lip, slightly giving away her nervousness. Her twenty-one years didn’t seem so very old as she stood there, leaning into me so that I could almost feel her body heat. I don’t know what she would have thought if I’d told her it was that chewing that tilted the balance.
I didn’t move away. Maybe I should have. Maybe I should have felt an overwhelming sense of grief for Chloe, said Thanks but no thanks and then like a gentleman taken my frustrated body back to bed to toss and turn sleeplessly. Maybe I should have done those things. And maybe if Katie had been more like Chloe, like Rebecca was, darker and more sophisticated, a curvy woman of the world, any man’s match, then maybe I would have stood back. Maybe it would
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have been too much. Maybe the guilt or the memories would have forced me to turn away. Maybe. And that’s what the small part of my brain that was rationalising was telling me as I stood there, my body shaking slightly.
But if I’m honest, and I’ve got to try to be, because, shit, this may be the last thing I ever leave to the world, and if anyone is around to read it I sure as fuck want it to be the truth, because otherwise what the hell is the point, if I’m honest, then I think none of that would have made a difference. Standing there in that bathroom, after two days of living in pretty much constant terror, I felt safer than I had since I ran from my house, I felt more alive than I had in a long, long time, and there was a beautiful young woman, maybe one of the last few in the entire world, wanting me to have sex with her. Asking me. So was it guilt I felt? No. Somewhere deep inside maybe it lingered, but the world had changed too much for that. Life had become shorter and harder. And that’s what I responded to.
I ached to lose myself in sex, in the most natural act two people could share, the closest thing a man could get to being joined with another person, if only for a little while, and aside from all that animal lust that raced angrily in my veins, I wanted to feel close to someone, really close and warm and safe, in a way that I hadn’t for a long time, since maybe that morning with which I started this sorry tale. I guess this must read like I’m making excuses, and maybe I am, because I know of at least one dark eyebrow that’ll raise slightly on reading this, but baby, I’ve got to tell it like it is. And this is how it was.
I was too tired to play the game, and watching her watching me, I felt my own urgency rising. Without
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speaking, I slipped one arm around her tiny waist and tugged her in close to me, my mouth on hers, my tongue exploring hers, meeting and probing, testing each other, tasting each other. The feel of her thighs touching mine made me groan with the tingling shock of surprise, and she grinned slightly, pulling back a little, enjoying her moment of power in that way that women do when they realise that our thinking brain has shut down for the night, and all male focus is on possession and passion, the animal in us alive and kicking, humanity put aside.
Dropping my toothbrush, letting it clatter to the ground to be retrieved later, I slid my free hand around the back of her neck and pulled her firmly back into me, back into kissing me, needing to feel her rapidly moving chest as her breath raced in and out of her. I held her tightly as my other hand dropped from her waist, seeking entry under her shirt. I had never felt this aggression in the sexual act before. Maybe it was the need to be the man, to be in control after everything that had happened. Maybe this was my way of once again dominating the female species on behalf of all my fallen comrades. Whatever the reason, behind my eyes I could only see red and my body burned just to take her. This wasn’t making love. This was pure, human, animal sex.
My hand rose upwards and I found her smooth buttocks. Squeezing tightly I pressed myself into her, letting her feel the effect she was having on me. She moaned, the tables turned, me again in control if only because of my physical dominance. Releasing my grip slightly, I spun her round so that she faced away from me, and the fingers of one hand pushed upwards to twist the nipple of her small breasts. I bit and kissed
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her neck, my other hand sliding up her flat, quivering belly and then into the top of the G-string that separated us. Our breathing was laboured, hers quick and full of small whimpers of almost words, mine loud, the air pumping through me almost as quickly as my blood.
Too eager to tease, I slid over her soft pubic hair, a tiny triangle in that soft mound, and reached for the delicate, swollen bud protruding a little from her lips. My middle finger pausing to work it slightly, feeling the final brick in her wall of resistance fall away as she leaned into me for support, her head falling back onto my shoulder, I pushed further down, my fingers reaching into her. She opened her legs, no invitation needed, and I groaned as I dipped into her soaking wetness, pushing first one and then two fingers deep inside.
“Oh Jesus…” Her words were barely audible as I paused for a moment, concentrating on teasing the one breast that I could touch, enjoying her squirming in my hand, letting me know just how much she needed me.
“Fuck me, Matt.” Her eyes rolled sideways, blurry and unfocused. “Take me to bed and fuck me.”
My cock was ready to explode, but I wasn’t ready for the bedroom yet. This animal urge needed to be satisfied somewhere away from there, away from the conformities of our old society. I pulled my fingers out and slid them upwards, rubbing up against her soaking clitoris, before sliding them down again, slowly but surely penetrating her before repeating it again. It took only three or four strokes before she was fucking my hand, hard and fast, fighting the restraining arm that held her in place, her own need to come overwhelming.
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Her body sucked at my hand, and it seemed that while my fingers were in her, she wanted them rubbing her and when they were rubbing her she wanted them inside her, but fighting my own urge to let go, I carried on, steadily stroking in and out of her, until eventually she was moaning so loudly that I had to take my hand from her breast and cover her mouth. Finally, not long after that, she squealed behind my palm, her teeth biting into me, a shudder convulsing her as she came, all her energy draining away.