Read Breathless Promises (Alluring Promises Series Book 3) Online
Authors: Josie Bordeaux
Hearing Tina clear her throat, I turned to watch her fluff her blonde locks and smooth out her top. My eyes followed her line of vision. Clark started toward the bar, straightening out his shirt.
That was quick
. I noted his smug look of satisfaction. Then the girl he was with came up behind him and smacked his ass, mouthing something to him I couldn’t make out. He turned his focus back to the bar and I watched as his face fell when his eyes landed on Tina and how he quickly recovered with a huge smile.
It seemed that Clark was all right with their arrangement. Maybe he thinks she’s a conquest? Or maybe they really are right for each other since they both seem content with this back and forth relationship.
Confusion set in as I took another sip of my drink and continued to look around the room. Real love existed. I knew it did. Several of my friends have found it. But the question remains, will I ever find it for myself?
Wishful thoughts took over as I fantasized about Gregory telling me he loves me; that he loves me like I’ve always dreamed of a man loving me.
For me.
Not just because of the favor I’m doing for him.
Just for me.
Clark
I’d only made out with the chick, but she insisted she wanted to go out with me sometime, telling me she’d give me more. Tina’s never caught me like this, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. Not that she should have anything to say since she has a boyfriend. I’d definitely throw that one in her face if she said anything.
I’ve never actually seen her with her boyfriend. I think that would kill me. Probably like it’s hurting Tina now, seeing me come out of the backroom with someone else.
Giving Tina my best fake smile, I walked over and pulled her in for a tight hug. I heard a brief huff from Aub and glanced to see her slide off the barstool. She walked over to the other end of the bar to chat with Izzy. I swiped at my mouth again, just to make sure I didn’t have any lipstick still smeared on me.
“I thought you were still in New York for some photo shoot,” I whispered and then pulled back to look into her eyes. Saddened at first, her eyes soon shone bright when she looked into mine.
“I was, but they canceled at the last moment. Knox said he was sick.”
“Knox?” I asked, wondering if it was some guy model she was supposed to have a shoot with.
“Yeah, the photographer,” she explained and I relaxed. “I think he’s really just having some girl trouble,” she said as she tilted her head slightly and gave me a sweet, but nervous smile.
I nodded, knowing exactly how this Knox guy must feel, considering my nerves were back and forth with this woman. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her toward the door. My need to be alone with her kicked in and I couldn’t wait to get her back to my place. I guess we’ll be extending our boyfriend/girlfriend time a little longer.
Tina and I strolled down the sidewalk together. Familiar emotions stirred inside of me and I realized how different it always feels when I’m with her—like we could actually be a couple instead of some sort of repeated hook-up.
That notion usually goes away just as quick as it comes when she heads back to her boyfriend and I get back to reality. It’s a good thing she goes back to him so that I don’t get sucked into the whole delusion, but when I’m in this little fantasy with her, I kind of like it. Maybe because I know it’s not permanent I can just enjoy my time with her.
I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and wrapped my arms around her waist. Staring down into her deep pools of crystal blue always made me wonder if she could be just mine.
She’ll leave you
. I shook the thought from my head as I bent down to taste her. Her sweet lips taunted me with promises of something more. I watched the corners of her mouth turn up in anticipation and my heart seemed to skip just enough to make me want something more with her.
Kissing Tina always brought out that fantasy.
More
. It was something that I never really wanted. Something I convinced myself I never wanted. As she moaned into my mouth, I quickly realized how stupid it sounded to want that. And not to mention with her, knowing she would never fully be mine.
I grabbed her hips hard, pressing my fingers into her flesh. I felt her chest rise and fall with excitement and I jerked back to look at her. Questions flooded my thoughts.
Those eyes stared deep into mine. “I missed you. You know that, right?” She whispered as she kissed the corner of my mouth. I swallowed, not knowing what to say or what to believe. “Come on. Let’s head back to your place. I can show you how much I missed you.” I didn’t answer her, which is not something that usually happens with me. For once, I didn’t have a smart ass remark to throw back at her, as my head was filled with questions and doubts about our relationship.
Back inside my apartment, I closed the door to my bedroom. The room was quiet except for the click of the lock. I stared at my finger on the knob for a second longer as I felt her hands on my shoulders, gently pulling and caressing me at the same time.
“You’ve been really quiet the whole walk back. Wanna tell me what you’re thinking?” she asked. I turned around to face her. She tugged the fake glasses off my head and placed them on my dresser. Tina’s perfectly manicured fingernails tugged at the bottom of my shirt, pulling it out of my jeans. Her soft hands swept across my stomach as she looked up at me, her eyes pleaded with me to say something.
Don’t do it. Don’t give her your heart. Don’t let her in
.
“A toothpick,” I blurted out, knowing it was the stupidest thing to say to throw her off track.
“I’m sorry?” I glanced down to see her pressing her lips together with her brows pulled together in confusion.
I chuckled, knowing that helped me break the trance she has me in. The spell she keeps casting on me. I shook my head and laughed as I said, “Nothing. It’s nothing.” I moved passed her and sat down on the bed to remove my shoes. Tina crouched down in front of me, placing her hands on my jean-clad thighs.
“It really can be just us, you know. Let go of all that hurt, Clark. Let me be there for you.” I swallowed and then pulled her back with me onto the bed. Flipping her over, I pinned her underneath me. Her soft hands reached up and she combed her fingers through my hair.
And then she said it. “Hank comes back Wednesday, you know,” she told me, completely avoiding my eyes.
Did she do it to push me? To test me?
“And…?” I asked as my stomach plummeted. I was pretty sure I felt a pang in my heart, but I avoid acknowledging that feeling at all costs. I was just about to let her in and now it’s going to blow up in my face, like always.
Dammit.
Why’d I have to be such an idiot around her?
She reached up and pulled my head to hers, forcing me to stare into her eyes. Her gorgeous pools of liquid blue had nearly mesmerized me into thinking there could be something more with her. “Just say it, Clark. Just say the words and I’m all yours. Forever.”
I swallowed as I continued to actually consider a life with her. Waking up to her every day in my bed. Falling asleep with her every single night. Making…I jerked my head from her grip and shook my head attempting to rid the stupid fantasy that kept creeping into my thoughts.
She’ll just leave anyway, what’s the point in trying?
I tried to convince myself.
“Stop being scared. I keep telling you, I won’t leave you,” she continued to insist as if she could hear my thoughts.
But you do leave me. Each and every time.
“I…if you just tell me you’ll stop…you know, seeing other women.” My eyes flicked back to hers and I watched her swallow. She always brings it up, trying to pressure me with guilt. As if I’m the one who should feel bad about having sex with others. “Seeing you come out of the back room hurt. I know you see others, but seeing that tonight…it crushed me.”
“And you don’t think it pisses me off when you go running back to Hank whenever he comes back home?” I rolled off her and sat up, leaning against my headboard as the anger welled up inside of me. “I picture you with him each and every time you go running back to him.”
There. I said it.
I laid it out and I realized this might be the first time I ever threw it back at her.
She sat up on her knees, pleading with me. “But that’s what I’m saying. If you just tell me you can really truly be faithful, I’ll…”
“What? Leave him?” I interrupted and practically laughed in her face. “You’ll never leave him, Tina. We both know this.” I was furious now. Fucking pissed that we keep having the same conversation—only this time I told her how I really felt about her going back to Hank.
I stood up, knowing I had to end this now, even without having sex with her first. “Just go back to Hank, Tina,” I huffed out, as I stood up and walked over to my dresser. My heart was pounding and it annoyed the hell out of me. Every time she brought this up, I got this sinking feeling that I couldn’t shake.
From the corner of my eye, I watched her take a step closer to me. Feeling her soft hands wrap around my arm and her sweet lips kiss my shoulder, her words seemed to sink in harder. “I don’t want him. I want
you
, Clark. I’ve always wanted just you.”
Another pause in the air forced me to consider once again that she was being honest. That she actually really did just want me. I closed my eyes, gathering my thoughts.
She keeps leaving you, just like you knew she would
.
“What do you want from me, Tina?” I tried to keep my voice calm as I stepped away from her reach and turned around to face her. I had to be a dick now to make sure she would choose whom she really wanted. In the most callous way I could think of, in order to piss her off, I told her, “You can suck my cock or you can go. Your choice.” I held my hands out in the air, glaring at her, wondering if she would actually drop to her knees.
Or walk out the door
.
Her eyes filled with disgust for me, which made me feel a lot better than that other mushy shit did. “You’re such a jerk, Clark. You always do this shit to me. Every single time I throw the ball in your court.”
“That’s because I don’t want the fucking ball. I don’t want you to keep bouncing back and forth between me and dickwad.”
Realizing that’s what she really does do to me, I let my anger take over. My heart pounded the more I convinced myself I wanted to be finished with her. I swallowed hard. “I’m done,” I snapped. “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass.” I walked over to the door and turned the knob. Her reflection in the mirror watching me caught my eye. I silently begged her to just leave me, so I could be right about all this; that she doesn’t want me, she wants her boyfriend. She took a deep breath and stepped toward me. I swore she could hear my heartbeat through my chest. Actually, while I awaited her final decision, my heart felt like it was in my throat.
Her quiet voice filled me with regret and at the same time angered me. “I know you want me. I know you want something more with me.”
I could easily tell her yes right now. I could turn to her, grab her by her waist and tell her I do want just her.
And then she’d leave you again, like always. Like all women do.
I could see it happening in my mind. Just like Mom did to my dad and me.
I went into full asshole mode as I turned to her. “See that’s where you’re mistaken. I like fucking you. I like it when you suck my cock. All this other bullshit you keep trying to pull over on me, is annoying as shit. I don’t want a girlfriend. I never did. You seem to think you can change all that.”
She was taken aback slightly and I immediately regretted what I said. I watched her swallow as she took a coy step forward, her whole demeanor changing as she placed her hand on my chest. Her voice was steady and sweet. “That’s because I know you better than you think. I know things about you no other girl does.”
I swallowed wondering if she really did know me that well. I looked away nonchalantly before returning my gaze to hers. “Really? And what’s that?” I asked trying to sound as annoyed as possible.
“That you’re just too afraid to love. You’re afraid to take a chance,” she whispered to me with as much sincerity as I’ve ever seen from her. “And I know I’m just the person you should take a chance with.”
Another pause while I half considered it. Another moment that I stared into her deep blue eyes; Eyes that tease you from a magazine cover and persuades you to buy what she’s selling. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t buy into her lying lines.
I laughed, breaking the silence lingering between us and looked around the room. I had to end her games. I was sick of her game. She was just like the rest of them.
“I think
you
don’t get it. You just want to use me as an excuse to finally leave dickwad. If you were to leave him today, you’d be with me and make my life a living hell instead of his. You’re trying to change me. I don’t want to change. I like fucking any and every woman I want.” I turned and opened a drawer, pretending to look for something. I glanced quickly into the reflection to see her eyes fill with tears. Immediately I looked away knowing I couldn’t let her fool me. I continued to search through my drawer as my heart caught in my throat. Realization hit that I had ended this once and for all.
Until she comes back to me again.
I’ll probably take her back again and then we’ll go through this all over again.
I watched her reach for the door handle out of the corner of my eye and swallowed. “Fine. If that’s how you want it, then that’s how it’ll be. I’m done, Clark. I can’t keep trying to convince you.”
I grabbed my phone off the dresser and acted like I was searching for a text. Without looking her way, I nodded. “Sounds good, Tina. Thanks for the memories,” I said, cutting and cold. The door slammed shut and I exhaled the breath I’d been holding. I looked up to the ceiling and wondered if that was the last I’d really see of her. In a way, I hoped so. Just so my heart wouldn’t keep feeling this annoying hurt.
Damn women.