Breathing Room (26 page)

"She'll be fine," Isabel whispered toTracy. "I know it." With a reassuring smile, she set off for the farmhouse.

Ren headed through the wet garden toward the vineyard, the muscles in his neck growing more tense with every step. That damned script... He reminded himself that this wasn't the city, where predators skulked in alleyways and hung out in abandoned buildings.

They were in the country.

ButKaspar Streethad found one of his victims in the country, a seven-year-old girl, riding her bicycle down a dirt road.

It's a movie, for chrissake!

He forced himself to concentrate on the real instead of the imaginary and mentally divided the vineyard into sections. It was barelythree o'clock, but so cloudy it was hard to see. The mud from the earlier rainstorm tugged at his running shoes as he began making his way along the rows.Tracysaid Steffie had been wearing red shorts. He kept his eyes peeled for a flash of color. Wherever she was, he hoped there weren't any spiders.

Street would have used spiders.

The back of his neck tightened. He absolutely could not think about Street now.Come on, Steffie. Where are you?

*

Tracygave Bernardo a photo of Steffie she kept in her wallet when he showed up in response to Ren's call. She asked Anna to stay by her side as an interpreter so there wouldn't be any miscommunication. Occasionally she stopped to reassureBrittanyand cuddle Connor, but nothing could keep her terror at bay. Her precious little girl...

*

Isabel searched the farmhouse, but no child had hidden herself away there. She checked the garden, peered beneath the wisteria that grew over the pergola. Finally she grabbed a flashlight and headed for the pie-shaped section of woods that ran close to the road, between the villa and the farmhouse. As she walked, every step she took was a prayer.

*

Harry inched along the road, with Jeremy keeping watch on the right while he watched the left. The clouds had begun to boil in the sky, and visibility was growing more limited by the minute.

"Do you think she's dead, Dad?"

"No!" He swallowed the lump of fear in his throat. "No, Jeremy, She just went for a walk and got lost."

"Steffie doesn't like walks. She's too afraid of spiders."

Something Harry had been trying to forget.

A splatter of raindrops hit the windshield. "She's fine," Harry said. "She's just lost, that's all."

*

The rain was coming down so hard that Ren wouldn't have noticed the storehouse door if a bolt of lightning hadn't flashed just as he slogged past it. Two days ago it had been locked. Now it wasn't shut all the way.

He swiped the rain from his eyes. It was unlikely that a child with a fear of spiders would go inside, at least not voluntarily. He remembered how the door had dragged in the dirt.

She wouldn't have been strong enough to open it herself. But someone else could have opened it and carried her inside....

Kaspar Streethad him spooked. He headed for the door. As he pulled on it, he noticed it didn't drag nearly as much as it had. The rain must have washed away some of the dirt.

He pushed it back on its hinges.

Inside, it was dry and dark as hell, even with the door open. As he skirted a pile of boxes, he wished he had a flashlight.

"Steffie?"

There was no sound except the thud of rain. He banged his shin against one of the wooden crates. It shifted on the dirt floor, making just enough noise that he nearly missed it.

The sound of a sniffle.

Or maybe he'd imagined it. "Steffie?"

There was no response.

Resisting the urge to push through the clutter, he stayed where he was and let several seconds tick by, until he finally heard it again, a muffled sob coming from the back, just off to his left.

Relief shot through him. He started to move, then hesitated. He didn't know what he'd find, and if he weren't careful, he'd frighten her more. God, he didn't want to do that.

"You don't want to frighten the little ones. Not until it's too late for them to get away."

His stomach lurched. He'd read the script only once, but he had a good memory, and too many lines had stuck.

"Steffie?" He spoke softly. "Everything's going to be okay."

He heard a rustle, but no response. "It's all right," he said. "You can talk to me."

A tiny, frightened whisper traveled through the gloom. "Are you a monster?"

He squeezed his eyes shut.Not now, sweetheart, but give me another month . "No, honey," he said quietly. "It's Ren."

He waited.

"P-please, go away."

Even in the face of her terror, she'd remembered her manners."Polite little girls are the easiest victims," Street said in the script."Their need to please outweighs their survival instincts."

He was cold and clammy from the rain, but he started to sweat. Why did he have to be the one to find her? Why couldn't it have been her father or Isabel? He moved as quietly as he could. "Everybody's looking for you, honey. Your parents are worried."

He heard something shift in the dirt. She was moving also, too frightened, he suspected, to let him come closer. But what had frightened her?

He hated the feeling that he was stalking her. Even more, he hated the way he automatically added that emotion to the teeming garbage heap inside him that made up his actor's stockpile – the place he visited when he needed to access the ugliness of the human condition. Every actor had one of those stockpiles, but he suspected that his was more squalid than most.

Only an act of desperation could have forced her in here. Unless she'd been given no choice... "Are you hurt?" He kept his voice calm. "Did anybody hurt you?"

Her breath caught on a soft, frightened hiccup. "There are...lots of spiders in here."

Instead of going after her and upsetting her more, he moved back toward the door so there was no chance she could slip past him. "Did you...did you come in here by yourself?"

"The d-door was open, and I squeezed in."

"By yourself?"

"'Cause I was afraid of the thunder. But I didn't know it would be so...dark."

He couldn't shake off the shadow of Street. "Are you sure you didn't come here with somebody?"

"No. By myself."

He let himself relax. "That door's pretty heavy. How did you close it?"

"I pulled real hard with both hands."

He drew a full breath. "You must be really strong to do that. Let me feel your muscles."

A sucker was born every minute, but she wasn't one of them. "No thank you."

"Why not?"

"Because...you don't like kids."

You've got me there. He was definitely going to have to work on his relationship with children before the cameras started to roll. One of the things that made Street such a monster was the way he could enter their world. They didn't sense his evil until it was too late.

He forced himself back to reality. "Hey, I love kids. I used to be a kid myself. I wasn't a good kid like you, though. I got into a lot of trouble."

"I think I'm going to be in trouble."

You can bet on that. "Naw, they're going to be so happy to have you back that you're not going to be in any trouble at all."

She wasn't moving, but his eyes had adjusted enough for him to see a dim shape huddled near what looked like an overturned chair. One more time, just to be absolutely certain.

"Tell me again, honey. Are you hurt? Did anybody hurt you?"

"No." He saw a slight movement. "Spiders inItalyare very big."

"Yeah, but I can kill them for you. I'm good at that."

She didn't say anything.

While Steffie made up her mind about him, Tracy and Harry were going through the torments of the damned. It was time to get serious. "Steffie, your mom and dad are really scared. I need to take you back to them."

"No thank you. C-could you please go away?"

"I can't do that." Once again he started toward her, taking it slow. "I don't want you to be scared, but I have to come and get you now."

A sniffle.

"I'll bet you're hungry, too."

"You're gonna r-ruin everything." She started to cry. Nothing dramatic. Just a few miserable gulps that tore at him.

He stopped to give her a little time. "What am I going to ruin?"

"E-everything."

"Give me a hint." He slipped sideways between some crates.

"You wouldn't understand."

He was nearly close enough to touch her now, but he didn't. Instead, he crouched in the dirt about five feet away, doing his best to compress his height. "Why is that?"

"J-just because."

He was overcome by his own inadequacy. He didn't know a damn thing about kids, and he had no idea how to handle this. "I've got an idea. You know Dr. Isabel? You like her, don't you? I mean, a lot better than you like me."

Too late, he realized that probably wasn't the best way to phrase a question for an overly polite little girl. "It's okay. My feelings won't be hurt. I like Dr. Isabel a lot, too."

"She's very nice."

"I was thinking... She's the kind of person who understands things. Why don't I take you to her so you can tell her what's wrong?"

"Would you go get her for me?"

Tracyhadn't raised a fool. This was going to take a while. He propped himself against one of the wine crates. "I can't do that, honey. I have to stay with you. But I promise I'll take you to her."

"Would my d-daddy have to know?"

"Yes."

"No thank you."

What was this about? He kept his manner casual. "Are you afraid of your dad?"

"My daddy?"

He heard the surprise in her voice and relaxed. "He seems like a pretty nice guy to me."

"Yes." The word held a universe of misery. "But he's going away."

"I think he just needs to get back to his job. Grown-ups have to work."

"No." The word trailed off on a wispy sob. "He's going away forever and ever and ever."

"Who told you that?"

"I heard him. They had a big fight, and they don't love each other anymore, and he's going away."

So that's what this was about. Steffie had overheard Tracy and Briggs fighting. Now what was he supposed to do? Hadn't be read somewhere that you should help kids verbalize their feelings? "Bummer."

"I don't want him to go," she said.

"I've just met your dad, so I don't know him real well, but I can tell you this: He'd never leave you forever and ever."

"He won't leave at all if I get really lost. He'll have to stay and look for me."

Bingo.

She was a gutsy kid, he'd give her that. She was willing to face her worst fear to keep from losing her father. In the meantime, though, her parents were going crazy with worry.

He wasn't proud of himself, but it had to be done. "Don't move! I see a giant poisonous spider!"

She hurled herself at him, and the next thing he knew, she was plastered against his chest, trembling all over, her clothes damp, bare legs icy. He pulled her into his lap and held her close. "It's gone. I don't think it was a spider. I think it was a dust ball."

Little girls didn't smell like big girls, he noticed. She smelled sweaty, but it wasn't unpleasant, and her hair smelled like bubble-gum shampoo. He rubbed her arms, trying to get some warmth into her. "I tricked you," he felt bound to confess. "There wasn't really a spider, but your mom and dad are upset, and they need to see that you're all right."

She started to struggle a little then, but he kept rubbing her arms to calm her. At the same time he tried to figure out how Isabel would handle this. Whatever she said would be just right – sensitive, insightful, perfect for the occasion.

Screw it.

"Your plan sucked, Steffie. You couldn't stay hidden forever, right? Sooner or later you'd have to get something to eat, and then you'd be right back where you started from."

"I was worried about that."

She relaxed a little, and he smiled over her head. "What you need is a new plan. One without so many loopholes. And the place to start is by telling your mom and dad what got you so bent out of shape."

"I might hurt their feelings."

"So what? They hurt your feelings, didn't they? A word to the wise, kid: If you go through life trying not to hurt anybody's feelings, you'll turn into a big wimp, and nobody likes a wimp." He could almost see Isabel frowning at him, but what the hell? She wasn't here, and he was doing his best. Still, he offered an amendment. "I'm not saying you should hurt people on purpose. I'm just saying you have to fight for what's important to you, and if somebody's feelings get hurt in the process, that's their problem, not yours."

Not much better, but it was the truth.

"They might get mad."

"I didn't want to mention this earlier, but frankly, I think your mom and dad are going to be mad anyway. Not at first. At first they'll be so happy to see you they're going to slobber all over you. But after that wears off – now, I'm just taking a guess here – after that I think you're going to have to do some fancy footwork."

"What's that mean?"

"It means being smart about how you handle yourself so you don't get in too much trouble."

"Like what?"

"Like...when they finally stop the slobbering, they're going to start getting upset with you for running away, and that's when you're in the danger zone. You're going to need to lay on the guilt about how you heard them fighting, and – this is the important part – while you're doing that, you should probably cry a little and look pitiful. Can you do that?"

"I'm not sure."

He smiled to himself. "Let's go over to the door, where the light's a little better, and I'll show you. Is that okay?"

"Okay."

He picked her up and carried her to the door. The toes of her sandals banged into his shins. She clung to his neck, too big to be carried but feeling the need. When they reached the door, he crouched down again, ignoring the mud to sit with her on his lap. It had stopped raining, and there was enough light to make out a very dirty, tear-streaked face and solemn, expressive eyes gazing at him as if he were Santa Claus. If she only knew.

"Okay, the idea here is to keep from getting grounded for the rest of your life, right?"