Jamie was clad in her usual jeans and T-shirt. One could never miss the custom-made aprons with
THE SWEETEST THINGS
emblazoned in bright pink letters against the red material. Toots liked the colors red and pink. She thought the two of them went well together, especially in a bakery. The color pink brought forth images of fluffy frostings, and red brought up all kinds of sweet goodies. There were red velvet cakes, cupcakes, candies, and sprinkles in every color of the rainbow, and some Toots never even knew existed. The bakery's specialty was its pralines. When Toots had first tried one of Jamie's pralines, she knew she'd never tasted anything so sweet and sinful. And Toots was a die-hard sugar addict, something she didn't bother to hide. Jamie's sugar-sweet concoction had put them on the praline map. People preordered and often waited in long lines to purchase the sweet, sugary delight.
So far, Toots had been nothing more than the bakery's financier. However, now that she planned to stay in Charleston for a while to oversee Bernice's rehabilitation, she thought that she might decide to take more of an active role.
If Jamie would allow her, she would learn to bake. One didn't have to know how to
cook
in order to bake, did one? If so, Toots was in a heap of trouble. She was not known for her culinary skills. Indeed, her cooking was an absolute disaster.
“What are you doing up so early? I thought you'd sleep in for a change. I wanted to have breakfast ready for you girls before I left. Lucy came in early this morning. She's really becoming a great assistant. We're lucky to have her.”
Jamie had hired Lucy a few months ago to assist her at the bakery. She'd turned out to be an excellent baker and, from what Toots understood, a great friend to Jamie. They were close in age and Lucy had no family to speak of. Their closeness pleased Toots immensely as Jamie had no family, either, since her grandmother had passed away a few years ago. They'd all taken Jamie under their wings, especially Bernice, and now Jamie was becoming a part of their little family. Toots didn't believe it took shared bloodlines to form a family. Sophie, Mavis, Ida and, of course, Bernice were the only family, besides Abby and Chris, she had left. Adding Jamie, and now Lucy, was even better. The more the merrier.
“Oh, you know me. I'm up with the chickens. Sleep is simply a waste of time as far as I'm concerned,” Toots said as she scooped liberal amounts of sugar into her cup. She removed the half-and-half from the refrigerator and filled her coffee cup. Sophie always teased her, asking if she wanted a little coffee with her cream and sugar.
Jamie laughed. “I agree, though there are times when I relish the thought of staying in bed all day.”
Toots grinned. “Well, I suppose it would depend on who is lying next to you.”
Both women laughed heartily.
“Only you, Toots. But you do have a point. I just don't have time for a boyfriend at this point in my life. Maybe later,” Jamie added before taking two red and white checkered oven mitts from the countertop and slipping them on her hands. She opened the oven door, filling the kitchen with the savory scent of cinnamon.
Toots eyed the baking sheet as Jamie removed it from the oven. “Smells yummy. What is it?”
“Cinnamon rolls,” Jamie said. “Better than those at the mall. Guaranteed.”
“I'm sure,” Toots acknowledged.
“Give me a minute, and I'll ice one for you,” Jamie said over her shoulder. She removed a bright yellow bowl from the refrigerator. With a large spoon, she dropped sizable globs of thick cream-colored icing on top of the rolls, their warmth causing the icing to spill over the sides and in between the flaky layers of golden crust.
Toots removed a stack of small dessert plates from the cupboard and forks from the drawer. She held her plate out to Jamie, who forked a cinnamon roll onto it. Not bothering with the fork, Toots didn't waste any time delving into the sugary sweet roll. She closed her eyes, a slight smile lifting the edge of her mouth. When she'd consumed every last bite, she held her plate out for another. “As usual, you were right. This sure as hell beats those sticky-ass buns in the mall. I think we should add this to the menu at the bakery.”
Jamie placed another roll on Toots's plate. “Good. I was hoping you would say that. Since we've expanded into coffees, too, customers have been asking for a sweet roll. I know we have all kinds of baked goods, but a cinnamon roll and a hot cup of coffee would appeal to the vast majority, don't you think?”
Jamie removed the rest of the rolls from the baking sheet, placing them on a gleaming red platter. Toots was about to take a third when Jamie stopped her. “Let the others try one. I only made a dozen.”
Toots laughed. “I'm a pig when it comes to sweets, but okay. I doubt Mavis or Ida will want an entire roll, so maybe I can share what they don't eat.”
Both women giggled.
“You're lucky all that sugar hasn't transplanted itself to your hips and thighs,” Jamie teased.
“Trust me, it has. I just hide it well,” Toots said, then gave Jamie a wicked little grin.
“Who's hiding what?” Sophie said, entering the kitchen.
Now seated at the table with a second cup of coffee, Toots motioned to the platter of rolls. “I was explaining to Jamie how I have to hide my fat thighs. All those sweets.”
Sophie removed a mug from the cupboard, filling it with coffee. She reached inside her robe pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “Yes, you're a real fat ass, Toots.”
Toots rolled her eyes. “I didn't say that. I said I hide it well. What do you think that young gal in Atlanta invented Spanx for? My God, it's better than a panty girdle. Remember those? I can't believe we actually wore the silly things, though they did keep my nylons from falling to my ankles. I suppose there is a blessing to be found in just about anything.”
“A girdle?” Sophie quizzed. “I think that damn Spanx has squished something loose in your brain is what I think.” Sophie sat across from Toots.
The three women laughed.
Ida chose that moment to make her grand appearance. “What's so funny at this godforsaken hour?” Ida asked. As usual, there wasn't a hair out of place. Her blond chin-length pageboy was styled to perfection. Her makeup, too. Though she was known as a makeup expert for the dearly departed, she used her skills on the living quite well.
“Toots thinks she's a fat ass,” Sophie said.
Ida smirked, raking her gaze over Toots's frame. “Well, if she is, then she must hide it very well.”
“I didn't say I was a fat ass,” Toots stated firmly. “I said I was thankful for my Spanx.”
She'd poured herself a cup of coffee, no sugar, no cream. “What are Spanx?” Ida asked as she made her way over to the table.
Jamie, Toots, and Sophie stared at Ida as though she were one slice short of a loaf.
Sophie laughed. “I can't believe you, of all women, queen of appearances, don't know what Spanx is.”
Ida rolled her eyes, normally something Sophie would do. Ida was picking up her bad habits. “Well, I don't, so there!” Ida shot back. “What's the hoopla, anyway?”
“You ever watch that show
What Not to Wear
on cable TV? You've never heard of NVP?” Toots questioned Ida.
Showing her impatience with the conversation, Ida took a deep breath. “I might've seen it a time or two, but what in the world is NVP?”
“No visible panty lines,” Toots, Sophie, and Jamie chorused.
“That sounds rather tacky if you ask me,” Ida replied dryly, sitting down. “However, since we are on the subject of looks, I might as well tell you”âIda took a deep breathâ“I've been invited toâ”
“Wait!” Mavis practically raced down the stairs to the kitchen. “Don't say anything yet.” Somewhat winded in spite of her excellent physical condition, Mavis poured herself a cup of black coffee before coming to the table.
“Now you can tell us,” Mavis said with a grin.
Chapter 1
“S
hould we wake Bernice?” Ida asked. “I'm only going to tell this story once.”
“Leave her alone. She doesn't give a rat's ass what you do,” Sophie said. “Hurry it up, Ida. I'm dying to go smoke.”
Toots nodded. Though she and Sophie had managed to cut down on their habit, big-time, they both still required a puff or two in the morning. Pretty soon they'd be down to only a single cigarette a day. When that day finally arrived, they had both vowed to toss their cigarettes away for good.
Ida looked down her slim, patrician nose. “All right, I suppose you all have a right to know.” She gazed at the three other women seated around the table. “I've just learned that I'm going to have an opportunity to audition my new line of cosmetics for The Home Shopping Club.” There, now it was out.
Toots looked at Ida as though she had a horn growing out of her head. Sophie curled her lip in disgust. Even Mavis looked shocked. Jamie, ever the diplomat, busied herself washing the baking sheet.
Toots finally took control. “Ida, darling, I realize how successful you've become, and I completely respect and admire you for all you've achieved.” She paused, thinking of what to say next. “But this . . . There are limits to one's entrepreneurship! Don't you think this is taking your cosmetics just a bit too far?” For a brief second, Toots had to wonder if Ida had totally lost her marbles.
Ida rolled her eyes. “I am not referring to Drop-Dead Gorgeous
.
Good grief. Did you actually thing I would . . . Oh, never mind. Of course you would think that.”
Sophie pulled her chair away from the table and got up. “I'm going outside. Now. Something tells me that whatever is about to come out of her mouth is about as important as this hot smoke I'm about to suck into my lungs.”
“Sophie, you're being rude,” Mavis said. “Now, sit back down and let us hear what Ida has to say. She would do it for you, wouldn't you, Ida?” Mavis sent an overly sweet smile winging across the table.
Ida raised her perfectly arched eyebrows. “Truthfully? Probably not, so go ahead and blacken your lungs. I want another cup of coffee, anyway.” Ida got up and brought the pot of coffee over to the table. Meanwhile, Sophie scurried out the door, where she lit a cigarette and took several quick puffs before stepping back inside.
“Quick, grab a camera,” Sophie said as she made her way over to the table. “This must be special, because I don't think I have ever seen Ida carry a coffeepot. Period.”
They all laughed. Even Ida smirked as she took her seat again.
“Shut up, Soph. Let's hear what Ida has to say,” Toots declared, becoming impatient with the silly bantering.
“Okay, but don't expect a drumroll from me,” Sophie said as she plopped back down on her chair.
More rolling of eyes around the table. Jamie, who still had not said a word, continued to scrub the baking sheet until it gleamed.
Ida straightened in her chair and adjusted her shoulders before responding. “You all act like a bunch of teenagers. I swear, it's hard to believe you're as old as you are.”
“And you're just as old, so go on. Spit it out. I have things I have to do today,” Sophie said, her voice full of annoyance.
“Sophie's right. We all have a busy day ahead. I have to take Bernice to rehab today. Spill it, Ida, so we can all go on with our day.”
“The Home Shopping Club is interested in my
new line
of cosmetics, and before you say another word, they're for the living. The long-lived, actually. I'm going to call the new line Seasons.”
For a few seconds, the kitchen was totally silent. Then they all started talking at once.
“When did this happen?”
“How did you manage to do this without our knowing?”
“It's the best news I've heard all day,” Mavis finished.
“It's early, Mavis,” Sophie added. “Just wait. Maybe they'll find a cure for cancer this afternoon.”
Toots actually clapped her hands. “Girls, be quiet! Ida, that's fantastic news. Of course you'll share the details,” Toots said, more a question than a statement.
“I've been trying to tell you for the past ten minutes. If someone”âIda looked across the table at Sophieâ“can keep her thoughts to herself for a moment, I will be able to tell you exactly what I know.”
The three women and Jamie waited for Ida to continue.
“I've been working with a group of top-notch chemists. We've come up with a line of creams and cosmetics that promises to improve wrinkles.”
“Oh, for crying out loud, Ida, there are a gazillion products on the market that make such stupid promises. What makes you think that your cosmetics are any better? You need scientific proof before you can legally make such claims. Doesn't the FDA have some kind of say in these kinds of products? These are for the living, right?” Toots said, all traces of her earlier humor gone. The last thing any of them needed was legal issues.
Sitting on the edges of their seats, Mavis and Sophie waited with bated breath for Ida to explain her new venture to Toots.
“Toots, do I look like an idiot?” Ida asked.
“Oh, is that ever a loaded question,” Sophie teased. “And yes, there was a time when you did look like an idiot. Am I the only one who remembers the hot pink hair?”
“Please, don't remind me,” Toots said, grinning broadly. Goebel Blevins, a former New York City detective turned private eye, had assisted them in locating Chris Clay, Toots's stepson, when he disappeared after preventing the now-infamous B-grade actress Laura Leighton from setting fire to World Con Studios. The two-bit actress had learned that she would not be reprising the role of Ella Larsen in
Bloody Hollow Two,
the successor to a teen horror flick that, through a fluke of luck and crazed teenagers, had become one of the hottest movies over the summer. Luckily for Ms. Leighton, her disappearance and the news that she was not to play Ella Larsen again led to her teenage fans picketing the studio, which promptly changed its mind and gave her the part.
Toots had suspected that Ida was planning to seduce Goebel, who'd already laid claim to Sophie. Since his feelings for Sophie were reciprocated, Toots decided that she had to do something. So, she'd called Ida's new hairstylist and asked her to give Ida Hollywood's most popular hairstyle. When Ida returned from the salon a few hours later, she sported spiked hot pink hair.
Ida glared at Sophie. “I knew
you
would never forget this.”
“Stop, girls! Ida has reached another pinnacle on the ladder of success. The least we can do is hear her out,” Mavis insisted.
“Mavis is right. Let's listen to what Ida's been up to. I, for one, am curious where she found the time to work on another project,” Toots replied.
Jamie chose that moment to place the platter of warm cinnamon rolls on the table, along with plates and forks. “I can leave if you girls need some privacy.”
“No, you're family now. Whatever Ida has to say is for your ears, too. Right, Ida?” Toots asked.
Ida looked at Jamie and gave her a genuine smile that reached her eyes. “Of course you can stay. This might be something you'll want to take note of now, while you're still young enough.”
Jamie nodded and took a seat beside Toots.
Sophie spoke up. “We're all ears.”
Ida cleared her throat and viewed the women as though she were about to address the nation. “Cosmetic companies are not, in point of fact, required to register their cosmetics establishments with the FDA. Even companies that produce cosmetics for the living.” Ida stared fiercely at Sophie, as if trying to make sure she was listening to every single word she said.
“Companies are mandated to register their establishments. Once they do that, they then file what's called a Cosmetic Product Ingredient Statement with the FDA's Voluntary Cosmetic Registration Program, commonly referred to as VCRP. From there, the FDA often inspects these facilities in order to ensure that the cosmetics are safe and to determine that the cosmetics are not adulteratedâ”
“What the hell did you just say? Please tell me I heard you wrong? I know you just said something about adultery,” Sophie interjected before allowing Ida a chance to finish explaining the ins and outs of her new venture.
Toots burst out laughing. “Sophie! She isn't talking about adultery. It's
adulterated
, meaning debased by the use of foreign or inferior materials. Right, Ida?”
“Yes, Toots. Sophia Manchester, I know you must be the only woman alive who manages to insinuate something sexual into every conversation you have.” Ida's eyes twinkled.
“Oh, shoot, I know. I'm just yanking her chain, okay?” Sophie explained. “I can't help it if she sets herself up for stuff like this.”
Toots rolled her eyes. “Go on, Ida. Please finish explaining what this entails.” Toots turned to Sophie. “And please, let her speak without interrupting.”
“Yes, your frigging highness,” Sophie shot back.
Toots flipped Sophie the bird, their usual silent method of communication. Sophie followed suit, using both hands. Jamie laughed out loud. Mavis giggled, and Ida simply pursed her lips.
“If you're going to make fun of me, I'm not going to tell you anything.” Ida directed her fiery gaze at Sophie, then Toots.
With mock seriousness, her tone that of a drill sergeant, Toots ordered, “Yes, everyone, let's all be quiet and give Ida the floor.”
Immediately, Sophie saluted Toots, letting her know she “got” her. Toots gave a shake that only Sophie could see, then mouthed, “Not now.”
When Ida saw she finally had her friends' undivided attention, she resumed her explanation. “I've had a panel of testers trying the products, and they all agree, they're top of the line when it comes to smoothing out wrinkles and fine lines. We've added the secret ingredient to the makeup as well, so the consumer will really be getting much more than just a facial cream. All the lipsticks, eye shadows, blush, and foundations will have it, too. Plus, I've added an SPF factor of fifty. The Home Shopping Club doesn't accept just any company. Their criteria are quite rigorous. Of course, they're aware of the chemists I worked with, so they know that the quality of my cosmetics and creams is outstanding.”
“And we would expect nothing less from the queen of beauty,” Sophie added. “Dead or alive. So what is
your
secret ingredient?”
Ida smiled. “Pumpkin.”
“OMG, I can just see it all now, women out there during the holidays, trying to watch their weight and resorting to licking the makeup off their faces. Pumpkin pie, yum.”
“Sophie! You should be proud of Ida's accomplishments !” Mavis exclaimed in her usual perky voice.
Sophie refilled her mug. “And who says I'm not?”
Mavis appeared crestfallen. “You were . . . a bit harsh, that's all. And I've heard pumpkin has wonderful purifying qualities.”
“She's a smart-ass to everyone. You should know that by now, Mavis,” Toots reminded her friend. “Sophie wouldn't be Sophie if she were nice like the rest of us.”
Sophie took a loud slurp of coffee before answering. “Well, you can just kiss my wrinkled old ass! I am, too, nice. Just ask Goebel,” Sophie informed them. “He likes me just fine.”
“Hey, stop that right this minute! That's my line, and you can't have it,” Bernice said as she entered the kitchen.
“Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle,” Toots said, a grin the size of the moon on her face. Then, just as quickly as it appeared, a frown took its place. “You are
not
supposed to come downstairs without assistance. Next thing, you'll have a broken hip. And then we'll be changing your diapers.”
Since Bernice's bypass surgery, Toots and the godmothers had been super careful, making sure that Bernice wanted for nothing and did only what the doctor allowed. Walking up and down the staircase was not on the list. A stair lift was going to be a must.
“I wanted a cup of coffee. If I waited on your lazy butts to bring it to me, I'd be as good as dead.”
“She's feeling better,” Toots said dryly. “And it isn't even dawn.” Toots glanced over her shoulder, just to make sure. “Yet. You're supposed to rest today, or did you forget that, too? We have an entire afternoon of rehab ahead of us. You need to be well rested, Miss Smarty Mouth.”
“Just think of all the stress and strain you're putting on your wrinkled ass. Maybe with all this rehab, you'll firm it up a bit,” Sophie tossed in.
Everyone laughed, including Ida.
“See what I mean? She
always
has to speak of a . . . a body part! You really need to get a life, Sophia,” Ida said in her know-it-all voice. “You need something other than ghosts and goblins to occupy your time. Isn't anyone interested in what else I have to say?”