Break Me (The Summer Series) (12 page)

Fourteen

Gemma heard Abe’s alarm going off and
fought to stay in her dream. She had been wrapped up in a bed with him,
desperate for the moment of complete peace only he knew how to give her. “Gem,
baby, wake up,” he said with morning gruffness in his voice.

“Don’t want to,” she whined, her eyes still
closed.

“Hey, if you want to stay the night, that’s
fine with me. But otherwise we had probably better get going so I can have you
home tonight.”

“I wish. I just don’t want to deal with any
more drama.” She sat up, pulling the sheet with her. Sometime in the night she
had turned to him, needing more. She still wasn’t able to hand herself over to
him completely, but she needed to feel his desire for her, to know that he saw
her and needed her as well. He’d continue to peel away her layers and had
praised her with his words all over again. “I doubt they would notice. They haven’t
even picked up on the fact that Kate and I have been sneaking out and in as it
is, but if they did, I really couldn’t handle the fallout at the moment.” She
reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear as she leaned over the side of
the bed, looking for some clothes. “But”—she sat up straight, excitement
evident in her tone and in her eyes—“I turn eighteen in a couple of weeks. I
guess technically—” As if catching on to what she was saying, her eyes went
wide and she bent back over the side of the bed in a panic, grabbing for her
clothes.

“Technically, what?” Abe tried to keep from
smiling but was having a hard time fighting the grin that was curling up the
sides of his lips.

“Nothing.” She stood, now partially clothed and
started pulling her shorts on.

“Gem, say it.”

Her head dropped in defeat. “Don’t freak out. I
got ahead of myself. I was just going to say that I could stay here whenever I
wanted once I turned eighteen. I could practically live here at that point. What
can they say? I’m an adult who is technically a college student.” Putting her
hands out to stop him because she could see words forming on his lips, she
hurried on. “But I know that’s crazy. What eighteen-year-olds move in together?
Besides, we’ll only have a couple weeks of summer left at that point, and then
you’re headed to NC State. Clearly, I’ve had a crazy day, and it’s messing with
my brain.”

Abe stood from the bed and walked over to her,
pulling her into his arms. “Do you really think that our relationship will end
when you all leave your rental? Don’t you think we can survive a thirty-mile
separation?” He leaned down and kissed her on the shoulder and then made sure
she was looking into his eyes. “I told you I loved you. Before I even knew you
were staying, I had every intention of figuring out how to make this work. I’ll
be damned if anything changes between us. And if you don’t start staying the
night with me after you turn eighteen, then be prepared for me to stay the
night with you. Kate can just learn to deal with it.”

Gemma smiled up at him and let out a laugh. “I
just didn’t want you to think I was rushing something, forcing it. I know
that’s what happened with my parents and look at all of us now.”

“Gemma, you know we’re different from them. Hell,
move in tonight. I’ll deal with your parents if I have to.”

“Tempting.” She scoffed. “But I don’t want my
boyfriend thrown in jail for something that can wait a couple of weeks. Wait.” Her
eyes widened, realizing what he was saying. “Move in?”

“Am I the one rushing things now?” He looked at
her hopefully. She simply smiled up at him, wrapping her arms around his neck
and jumping up to wrap herself fully around him. His arms closed in on her as
well.

“No, but seriously, what is wrong with us? Who
moves this fast?” She laughed as he reached down for the shirt she had
discarded the night before, almost falling to the side. He dangled it from his
fingers and she smiled, taking it from him and giving a wink before turning her
back and changing out of the shirt she had borrowed for the night.

She heard his chuckle before he cleared his
throat and continued. “We do. When you’re in love, you’re in love. There isn’t
much else to it.” He reached out and pulled her flush against him, burying his
face in her neck. “And now that you’re covered and I can think straight again,
I need to get you home.”

“Then maybe you should let me go so you can.”
She raised a sarcastic eyebrow at him.

“See. I can’t think clearly around you, woman.”
He kissed her lips and then picked her up, throwing her onto the bed where she
watched him dress and smiled like the cat that ate the canary.

~~~

The next morning Gemma found herself
unable to sleep. Seeing Abe after the events of last night was paramount. It
was as if some kind of switch had been flipped. It wasn’t that she loved him
more. That seemed impossible. It was that she knew in her head and heart that she
was done with the search, a search she had avoided and somehow found herself in
anyway. Last night had shown her something she didn’t know she needed to see.
He was perfect for her. He wouldn’t rush her, and she could continue to decide
what their relationship would look like. He would challenge her in everything
that could make her a better person as he had done since the day they met. In a
nutshell, he was exactly what she needed, and she couldn’t be more excited to
spend every second of every day with him.

“You’re up early.” Gemma was startled by her
father’s voice behind her as she pulled a coffee mug out of the cupboard.
“Don’t you usually go to Dockside for your morning coffee?”

Shocked he paid that much attention, she nodded
at him as she walked to the coffee pot. “I have plans to meet up with everyone
in a few and don’t have time.

“Where’s your sister? Seems you two have been
spending a lot of time at the water this year.”

“Um, asleep, I think.” Gemma again wondered how
he could know anything about what she was up to this summer. This was probably
the fourth time she had seen him enough to converse since they had arrived.

“Well,” he said as he walked to the
refrigerator and then grabbed a bottle of water. “Have a fun time at the
beach.” He turned and started for the stairs. And that was it. Her entire
summer with her father consisted of that conversation. Two months were wrapped
up in one tidy little talk. Rolling her eyes at his retreating back, she poured
her creamer in her coffee and took a sip while looking out the back window at
nothing in particular.

The lack of relationship wasn’t anything new.
It was just a little more painful now that she was figuring things out with her
siblings. She knew she was nowhere near ready to forgive and forget with her
father and Karen, but was it too much for them to try? Sure they brought her
here each year. But how much of that was because of a court order? It had
certainly been a long time since it felt as if they were pursuing a
relationship. She couldn’t remember a night they tried to get her to join them
for dinner since that second night here this summer. It was as if they had
finally given up. But wasn’t that what she had wanted all along? Why was it
suddenly pissing her off so much?

~~~

Gemma and Kate spent the next week
following the same pattern they had established the first day Kate met Simon. Kate
had to spend a little more time at home because her family was questioning her
absence as of late. They were a little bit more used to Gemma ducking them on a
daily basis. Also, Simon wouldn’t commit to all day every day, and Kate said
she preferred it that way too. Gray was also starting to make more and more
appearances with the group. He fit in pretty well. Unlike most fifteen-year-olds,
he didn’t try to act older than he was or smart off with some line, thinking
that would somehow make him fit in better. He was just himself, and honestly,
he was pretty cool. It had been a week since Gemma had talked to her mother. Gemma
had been sending her at least one text message both morning and night,
desperate for any kind of response. She found a theme in all of them to be her
apology for keeping things from her and then her reassurance that it wasn’t
about her father but about her future. The summer crowd had hit its max, so the
group was hanging out at the coffee house more and more. It was just too much
to fight for public beach space, and the private beach staff knew all of their
friends well enough to kick them out on sight.

Emily had suggested the group go to Ryan’s house
for the day so they could actually spend some time outside. He had a pool and
his parents would be gone at work. As soon as Abe had finished cleaning for the
day, he had picked Kate, Gray, and Gemma up, and they were now sitting around
the pool, watching Simon and Ryan play a game of basketball with a floating
goal. The girls heard Emily coming and grinned at each other before subtly
watching Gray. As soon as she walked through the gate, he sat up straight and
cleared his throat. When she walked past him, squeezing his shoulder as she
usually did, he noticeably adjusted in his seat to continue watching her walk
away. To be fair, her swimsuit only left so much to the imagination. Once she
was seated and leaning in to talk to the girls, Gray stood and asked Abe if he
wanted to join the game the other two were still playing.

This behavior had been pretty typical for the
past few days. There was no denying Gray had his first grown-up crush. It just
made the sisters a little sad that it had to be Emily. She was head over heels
for Ryan and four years older than Gray. He always tried to show that he could
do whatever Ryan and the other guys were doing, but Emily was completely
clueless. The girls had discussed pulling Emily aside and filling her in on what
was clearly going on but figured that would just embarrass everyone and left
things as they were. It was still pretty cute to see Gray growing up. Gemma may
have missed a lot, but there was no way to miss that this summer he was
starting to turn into a man, a man who would no doubt break a lot of hearts
someday.

The girls leaned in and started talking about
what they wanted to do the coming weekend to celebrate Gemma’s eighteenth
birthday. “I’ve never really done anything,” Gemma admitted. She was embarrassed
to look at Kate as she continued. “When I was little, Karen and my dad would
take us all out to eat, but as soon as I could get away with it, I refused even
that. Karen tries to make a cake every year”—she shrugged—“but I never touch
it.” She hung her head in shame.

“Well.” Kate reached out and squeezed her hand
not only to remind Gemma that she was forgiven but to reassure her that she
understood. Gemma couldn’t have been more grateful for her sister at times like
that. “Then this year we celebrate in style. To make up for all the years
without.”

“Sounds perfect!” Emily stood up and clapped. “Boys,
we need to throw the beach party to end all beach parties on Saturday. Gemma
only turns eighteen once.”

“Uh, Emily.” Kate laughed. “She turns eighteen
on Friday.”

“No kidding, but I figured lover boy over there
would like to plan something special for the actual day, if you know what I
mean.” She winked at Kate, and Gray groaned before sinking under the water.

“Emily,” Kate and Gemma yelled, “he’s fifteen. Keep
it PG,” Gemma finished.

“He’s fifteen!” Emily yelled as she shook her
head at them. “I promise I’m not the one to introduce the concept of sex to
that kid. Anyway”—she waved them off—“party at our spot Saturday. You guys are
in charge of the fire, so be there around seven.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Ryan saluted as the others rolled
their eyes and someone muttered a quiet “whipped.”

“So”—Kate leaned in toward Gemma—“do you have
anything special planned?” Kate’s eyes widened as if Gemma didn’t know exactly
what she was referring to.

Gemma shrugged. “Not really, I know what you’re
asking, and I still just don’t know. I mean obviously I’m completely in as far
as the relationship goes, but I just can’t quite make myself hit that last stop
on the train, you know?”

“Not really.” Kate snorted. “I mean the stuff
you have done is not less sexual. Basically you’re just holding out on the
final emotional piece. Are you sure you’re not ready to go there?”

“No, but I don’t want to have any doubts with
him. He’s too special for us to have any regrets.”

“Hey.” Kate squeezed her knee and smiled. “I’m
not criticizing. I’m just saying it’s not as if you’re innocent anymore. If you
love him and you want to take that last step, it’s okay.”

Gemma sat back in her chair and watched the boy’s
horseplay. Yes, she
could
go there, but was she ready to? She wasn’t a
virgin, but past experience showed that having sex was the moment her
relationship ended. And when she
had
taken things further before, she
knew she wasn’t in love with the guy. The thought of taking this next step
while completely infatuated scared the hell out of her.

Fifteen

He told her he would pick her up at
six. She had been pacing her room for an hour, he would be there any minute,
and all she could think about was the somewhat uncomfortable lingerie she was
wearing beneath her clothes. Kate had insisted they hit some stores the day
before, just in case, and she couldn’t believe what she had on under her new
sundress. The part of her that was desperately in love with Abe, that had spent
weeks getting to know him more intimately than she could have thought, the part
that was addicted to him, had been ready to make love to him a while ago. Her
insecure side, the side that trusted him but didn’t trust herself, though, was
terrified of what may happen and was threatening to get sick at the thought of
what may lie ahead of her tonight.

To top off the bundle of nerves over their
sexual relationship, she couldn’t help but study the way the lingerie cut into
her figure. The way the dress lay on her body. The way her eyes were too big,
her chest too high, her curves too curvy. She got stuck on the shape of her
eyebrows. She turned to the side and examined her stomach in the mirror. Why
couldn’t she see what Abe saw? To him she was perfection. However, when she
looked in the mirror, all she saw was a bundle of flaws.

“What are you doing?” Kate laughed as she
walked into the bathroom.

“Nothing,” Gemma turned to the mirror and ran
another pass of mascara over her lashes.

“Seriously, what’s up?”

“I’m just . . . What does he even see in me?”
She looked at her backside in the mirror and lowered her eyes before connecting
them with Kate’s in the mirror over her shoulder.

“Um, a complete hottie who is giving him the
time of day?” Kate narrowed her eyes at Gemma.

“Seriously”—Gemma crossed her arms over her
stomach protectively—“you’ve seen his ex. You’ve seen Emily and, well, you. Why
me?”

“Gemma.” Kate stepped closer and placed her
hands on Gemma’s shoulders. “You are seriously crazy.” She turned Gemma to face
the mirror and stood behind her. “You are breathtaking. I mean seriously one of
the most beautiful women I have ever seen. Why wouldn’t he be crazy about you?”

“I know I’m not—”

“Stop.” Kate turned Gemma toward her again. “I
swear your insecurities must mess with your eyesight. That or you seriously
need glasses. Now stop this. That boy is wild about you, and he and I and every
dude here who drools over you aren’t crazy. Stop being so hard on yourself.”

Gemma reached out and pulled Kate into a hug.
“Thank you.”

“You got it, dude.” Kate pulled back and winked
before making her way back into the bedroom. Although Gemma felt a little more
confident in her looks, she still couldn’t contain her nerves about the night.
It just felt different and sitting and waiting patiently wasn’t even a remote
option. “Would you chill out? That thing’s going to make your rear chafe.” Kate
lay back on her bed and smiled at the ceiling.

“That
thing
was your idea, and I may as
well be going commando for all the coverage it provides.”

“Be sure to tell Abe to thank me when he sees
it.”

“If
you
come up when he sees it, you
don’t have to worry about Abe ever again.”

“Good point. And don’t worry, that boy won’t be
able to think of anyone but you after he sees that little number, ever again.”

“What little number?” Gray asked as he walked
through the door.

Both girls looked at each other with wide eyes,
but Kate was the first to recover. “Her dress, isn’t it pretty?”

“Sure.” Gray shrugged. “Anyway, Abe just pulled
up.”

“Oh.” Gemma straightened up suddenly. “I guess
I better head down.” She reached over and grabbed her purse and started to
leave the room when Kate called her name.

“Gemma, listen. About what I said, don’t do
anything you don’t want or that you’ll regret, okay?” Kate stood and hugged her
and leaned forward to whisper so Gray couldn’t hear. “But you look freaking hot,
so if you do decide to go for it, he’s going to crap his pants when he sees
you.”

Gemma laughed quietly and hugged her sister. “Sure,
you got it.” And in that moment, Gemma decided to wait, not for some perfect
moment and not because she had any reason to hold out. She simply didn’t want
to be that cliché; she didn’t want to have sex for the hell of it. She
definitely didn’t want to have it planned out for a week. With Abe, she wanted
it to be real, genuine, and natural. It had to be the culmination of their time
together, love for each other, and the emotional connection they had
established. Not a means to an end. Not a way to confirm what they both already
knew. It would be a moment that just happened and solidified something so much
more than a physical need.

Gemma hurried down the stairs and found Abe
waiting for her outside the door, smiling down at her while holding a large bouquet
of flowers. “Wow,” he said when he saw her.

“Not too bad yourself.” She looked him up and
down. He was wearing jeans and a light-colored shirt. The sleeves were folded
tight around the muscles on his forearms. He was beautiful and all hers. When
she walked into his waiting arms to kiss him hello, he drew it out, lingering
on her lips. There was something so perfect about his taste. That alone told
her she had found her match. No one would ever taste as good as Abe.

“You ready to celebrate the best day of my
life.” He smirked at her.

She, in turn, snorted at him. “Nice line.”

“I worked on it.” He shrugged as they kept
walking.

“It shows.”

“You ready, smart ass?” He shook his head at
her as he gestured to his car.

“Yep.” She smiled up at him.

He pulled up to his apartment, and a part of
her was relieved. When she was with him, she preferred it if they were alone someplace
quiet. Going through the three hours dinner and movie would take would have been
torture. However, she couldn’t help but wonder if he, like Kate, assumed
tonight was
the
night and just planned things so they could just come
here and knock one out. Frustrated with her own thoughts, she waited for him as
he ran around the car to open her door for her. When she was done straightening
her dress after standing, he pulled her flush with his body and kissed her lips
gently.

“You have never looked more beautiful, you know
that?”

“It’s because I’m eighteen now. A woman and all
that,” she whispered as he grinned down at her while lowering his lips to hers
again.

“Come on.” He reached down and grabbed her
hand, turning away from the apartment and heading toward the sand. “I want to
show you something.”

She laughed as he pulled her quickly toward the
steps behind the complex that led to the sand. Once they were out a little ways,
he turned her toward the left, and she was shocked by what she hadn’t noticed. Just
down the beach there were candles glowing around a blanket, a basket, and, just
beside that, a hammock. She giggled at the sight as they approached. “You
always remember.”

“Everything.” He stopped and turned her to face
him, staring into her eyes with love and assurance. “When it comes to you, I
always will.”

She reached up and kissed him, holding the kiss
a little longer than necessary because she just couldn’t pull herself away. When
she finally let go, they walked to the blanket and sat down facing each other. He
started by pulling the basket closer and handing her an iced coffee in a
thermal mug.

“Sorry about the mug; it was too hard to keep
it cold in the plastic cup.”

“Are you freaking kidding me?” She laughed as
she took a drink. “This is amazing.”

“Good. Now, I also brought you some water to go
with dinner,” he said as he pulled three containers out of the basket. She
watched him getting more and more excited about her birthday dinner. “This,” he
said, pulling the lid off the first container, “is some French bread that Emily
said you had devoured at her house the other day.”

Her eyes grew wide and she put her hand out to
take it. “Have you tried it? This stuff is seriously amazing.”

“I’m glad you like it. Now, this is some pasta
that Kate said you apparently claim to hate but everyone knows is your
favorite.” He pulled the lid off, revealing the pasta she had been missing out
on, and she barely contained her excitement. “The last one you have to wait on.
It’s the super special surprise.”

After putting some of the pasta on her plate,
she took a bite and smiled up at him. “This is seriously amazing, Abe. How did
you do all this?”

“Not alone, so stop being so impressed with me.”
He wiped his mouth with a napkin and rubbed her leg. “Emily and Kate came over
today. Kate wasn’t actually with Simon; we just made that up. They helped me
make the pasta and pack the basket. Emily was finishing setting this up when I
came to get you.”

“Seriously?” She grinned and pulled his hand
off her leg and up to her lips.

“Yeah.” He pushed their food to the side and
sat next to her. “We all know your past birthdays haven’t exactly been
something to brag about. We wanted to make it special.”

“I love you.” She reached up and ran her hand
along his cheek, studying the man that completely owned her heart.

“I love you too.” He cleared his throat and
reached for the basket. “And now, to top off the perfect night.” He pulled the
final container toward them, and even before the lid had been completely pulled
away, she recognized the scent.

“Peanut butter cookies.” She gasped.

“Word on the street is they’re your go-to
vice.”

“Word on the street seems to be trying to get
me fat. There have to be thirty cookies here.”

“All for you.” He leaned forward and kissed her
gently. “Everything is for you.”

They sat and talked for a while longer, taking
turns eating cookies and sharing more secrets and occasional kisses. It was
perfect. She was full but not miserable when they were finished, and the sun
was completely gone. She looked around, listening to the water. “It’s so
beautiful. I’m going to miss it when I leave this year.”

“You didn’t miss this before? The way you are
about the beach I would have thought you loved it here.”

She shrugged. “I do. I love it so much. I could
just never get myself to miss it. It was fun when I had my alone time, but the
rest of the time was filled with so much hatred and regret. I just couldn’t
make this the safe haven that it could have been.” She leaned toward him then,
placing her head on his shoulder, his cheek soon connecting with the top of her
head.

“And now?” he asked, a hint of insecurity in
his voice.

“And now this is the place I always want to be.
It’s the place I discovered Kate and Gray. The place I finally let go of the
hold the decisions my parents made had over me. This is the place I found love.
The real kind of love.” She lifted her head off of his shoulder where it had
been resting. “Kiss me.”

And he did. She savored his lips on hers. She
got lost in the way his tongue tasted as he discovered her mouth. She inched
closer and closer to him, aching to feel him against her. When they lay back,
he chuckled and gestured to the hammock. “For someone who wants one of those so
bad, you certainly never insist on using it.”

She kissed him, pulling his head down to her so
his body had no choice but to cover hers. When he pulled back a moment later,
she studied his eyes and felt his heart beating against hers. His need for her
was obvious. The way he wore his heart on his sleeve it was clear to everyone
that his heart belonged to her. “Take me to your apartment,” she said without
thinking it through. She was so tired of analyzing things over and over again. She
was tired of holding him at a distance for fear he would hurt her. She was
ready to have him completely and let him have her.

“Gem,” he whispered, lowering his forehead to
hers, “that isn’t what tonight is about.”

“Bull,” she whispered back. “Tell me you don’t
love me, you don’t want me, and that you don’t want me in your room, in your
bed. Right now.”

“Gem.”

“It isn’t a bad thing, Abe. I’m not saying that
in a negative way. I’m literally asking ‘what are we waiting for? What am
I
waiting for?’ I love you. I know you’re it for me. I know this will be
beautiful and perfect. All my rules are just getting in the way of us being
happy. So please,” she pleaded, “take me to your apartment.”

He stood and blew out the few candles that
still had a flame before reaching down and helping her to her feet. She smiled
up at him, and they made their way back to the apartment complex. When they
were at his door, he pulled her toward him and buried his face in her neck,
sending chills down her back and arms. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you,
Gem. I don’t know how this is possible, but I am so damn thankful.”

Nodding, she wrapped her arms around him. “Me
too, Abe. Me too.”

He pushed the door open and then didn’t stop
for anything as he led her down the hall and toward his room. Once they were
inside, he kicked the door shut. And he could see a little of her bravado
waiver. “Still okay?”