Authors: Joya Ryan
“
He hasn’t called you in days. What kind of man does that?”
“
Lots of them, I’m told.”
“
Not to you!” Megan snapped. I couldn’t ask for a better friend. She was always on the front line with me, battling whatever problem I was having. This time, I had to deal with it on my own.
I pulled Megan into a hug
. She tensed, obviously surprised by my actions. I didn’t care about the contact. Right now, a hug from my best friend was all I needed. She wrapped her arms around me.
“
You’re doing so good, Kate. Don’t let this set you back. Keep reaching out.”
I nodded, knowing she wasn
’t talking about just reaching out for hugs, but reaching out for life. Adam had awakened me. Claimed me. Excited me. Giving that up—everything he made me feel—broke my heart. But I didn’t have a choice.
Megan gently pulled away. Her eyes were watery, just as mine were.
“I know what you need,” she said, smiling. Ducking into her room quickly, she returned with a handful of clothes.
“
Here.” She tossed me a pair of leather pants and an animal print top that was held together by a few strings.
“
Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know we were working the corner tonight.”
“
That’s my ‘I’m fucking sexy and I know it’ outfit. Now get that perfect ass of yours into those pants and let’s go.” Megan’s smiled widened and I found it a little contagious.
“
All right. But only because bar food and beer sounds pretty good tonight.”
Megan wound her hair up
and fastened it with a tie. “That’s because it’s the universal medicine for Douche Bag Syndrome, and tonight, we’re gonna get you cured.”
I was on my fourth drink. The numbness and slow brain function were a godsend. I was tired of thinking. Tired of feeling.
“
Hey, baby.” A blond frat boy with a goatee and popped collar placed his hand on the bar, caging me in. “Why don’t I buy you another and you can tell me if the carpet matches the drapes.”
I rolled my eyes. Like I hadn
’t heard that before. “Run along.” I waved my hand, dismissing him. I didn’t need a lot of words to convey a message. Something I had picked up from Adam.
Adam…
I placed
my now-empty glass on the bar, pushed past the prick, and walked out front where Megan had said she’d be.
As soon as I walked into the chilly Ch
icago night, the fall breeze blew over me, pricking my skin. Thank God the alcohol was warming me from the inside out.
“
Hey, Brian will be here to meet us in a few minutes,” Megan said as she looked down the street.
“
I think I’m going to go home.”
“
What? You sure?”
I nodded.
“Okay, just let me call Brian.” Megan pulled her cell out.
“
No, you two stay out and have fun.”
“
There’s no way I’m leaving you, Kate.”
“
Our apartment is right there.” I pointed, because we could literally see it two blocks down the street. “I’m just going to walk back. Tell Brian I said hi.”
Megan opened her mouth to argue further, but I cut her off.
“I love you, Meg. But I just…I need some time to myself. To gather my thoughts. It’s a short walk. I’ll be fine.”
She looked me over.
“I understand needing space,” she sighed. “I just worry about you. I don’t mean to be smothering.”
“
I know.”
She squeezed my hand.
“I may go home with Brian and stay at his place tonight, so don’t wait up.”
“
Okay. Have fun.” I smiled and turned to walk down the street. I knew Megan would stay outside and watch me the entire way. This area was well lit, and plenty of people were out. I reminded myself that I was a grown woman, and could walk two blocks by myself. I didn’t know if it was the newly found motivation or the alcohol that inspired me, but I yanked my cell out of my back pocket and did the thing I had been too afraid to do for the past four days.
I called Adam.
He answered after the first ring. “Katelyn. What’s wrong?”
My words stuck to the back of my
throat. This was a bad idea. I knew it, yet I didn’t hang up. “Why do you assume something’s wrong?”
“
Because it’s one o’ clock in the morning.”
I took a heavy breath.
“Yes, something is wrong. You didn’t call. I’m sure that typical one-night stands don’t require a phone call, but I’ve been racking my brain as to why I care. Why this bothers me so much.”
“
You’re drunk,” he stated.
“
And you’re an asshole. I’ve fought with myself for days. I’ve even convinced myself that I’m in the wrong because I knew what this was going into it. But you know what? It wasn’t just the sex or you leaving that stung the most. It was everything you did before that.”
“
And what was that?”
His voice was calm, deep, and mine was starting to get louder.
“You pretended to care.” I ran my free palm down the side of my face. “You messed with my emotions on purpose.”
“
Damn it, Katelyn. You didn’t tell me you were a virgin!” His tone made me jump. Embarrassment flash-flooded my entire body.
“
I—I didn’t know that there would be…blood. I didn’t mean to gross you out.”
“
I wasn’t grossed out. I was surprised. Jesus, the way I treated you…” He exhaled loudly. “You should have told me.”
“
What difference does it make?”
“
A big fucking difference! I—”
My eyes went wide. Adam never
stuttered. He always sounded totally confident and assured. Now, anger and frustration coated every word. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Katelyn.”
Tears stung the backs of my eyes
like annoying little bees. I wouldn’t be weakened. I wouldn’t be that sad, terrified little girl who just wanted to be loved—to be wanted. I would not let him know that the last four days had been like living inside a lightless, depressing hole.
I wanted to fight. To be mad and tell h
im that he had no power over me—even though he did. “Well, you did hurt me, just not in the way you think.”
“
Where are you?”
“
I’m walking home.”
“
What? You’d better not be by yourself. Tell me that Megan is with you.”
A sharp stab of rage boiled over.
“I’m not a child. I can walk two blocks by myself!”
I
hung up the phone. I was so sick of it all. Sick of being pitied, sick of feeling like half a person. The call with Adam hadn’t made me feel any better. Of course, the alcohol churning in my gut wasn’t helping either. I looked both ways before crossing the street.
I finally reached my building and rounded the corner toward the front entrance. I gasped in shock.
“You’ve got to be joking.”
Adam paced near the front door and when he saw me, bolted toward me.
“How the hell—”
He didn
’t slow down until I was against him. Breath knocked from my lungs as he wrapped those strong arms around me.
“
You said you were two blocks away from your home. Which is also a couple of blocks from my office.”
“
You were at your office?”
He nodded. I noticed that his five o
’clock shadow looked more like ten. He must have skipped a day shaving. He was in jeans, plain black shirt, and leather jacket. It just wasn’t fair for one man to be that gorgeous and dangerous looking. His McLaren was still running and parked right in front of my complex.
“
Come with me.” He motioned to his car.
“
I can’t.” I used the most authoritative tone I could muster.
“
We need to talk, Katelyn. Get. In.”
I pulled away from him and put a good three feet between us. Crossing my arms over my chest, I pursed my lips.
“You want to hash this out here, then?” He stepped closer, shoving all that masculine swagger into my personal space.
I glared at him.
“I can see in your eyes that you have much more you want to say to me.”
That was true. I did. I wanted to
scream and yell and hit him. Then I wanted to kiss him.
“
There are a few things I’d like you to hear from me as well.”
His stance was strong, one that dare
d anyone to defy him. But there was a softness behind his deep voice that made my better judgment melt. I wanted to listen, to speak, to just be in his presence. Getting this close to Adam again was a suicide mission, but I had to. For no other reason than I was addicted. Maybe if I heard the words come from his own lips—if he just told me that he’d used me and didn’t want me anymore—than I could completely let this go.
I walked to the passenger side of his car and he opened the door for me. We drove in silence
to his high-rise apartment, which was in the middle of downtown and not far away. I don’t remember much of the elevator ride, but I did see that he hit the top floor button and had a key to the elevator. When the doors opened, it delivered us straight into his penthouse.
Everything
was modern. Immaculate, but sterile. Not an ounce of warmth—only function and high-end décor that he’d obviously paid someone else to impose. It now made sense why Adam had called my little shoebox of a home “cozy.”
He put his hand on the small of my back and
led me to the kitchen. The entire floor plan was open and spacious, and the massive living room windows overlooked the water. I sat down at the breakfast nook. He placed a glass in front of me and remained standing.
I palmed my forehead and looked up at Adam.
“What is this?”
“
Water.”
“
I know that. I mean
this
.” I motioned between our bodies. “Do you really get off on toying with people?”
“
No, I don’t.”
“
Then say something, Adam.
Anything
.”
“
You misled me, Katelyn. You should have told me you were innocent.”
“
What would it have changed?”
“
Everything!” He ran his hand through his hair and took two steps to the side before facing me again. “The way I handled you in my office—was that a first, too?”
“
Yes, it was. And I’m an adult and can do what I want. Just because I was a virgin doesn’t mean it puts some kind of responsibility on you.”
“
The hell it doesn’t.” Why was he mad? I thought the whole losing-your-virginity thing was important only to girls. All that mattered to me was Adam, and why he’d treated me the way he had, then left.
“
I didn’t want you to be with me because you felt guilty or obligated.”
“
Those two things are the furthest from what I feel for you.” His eyes bored into mine. “Are you on birth control?”
“
Why does that matter? You wore a condom.”
He nodded.
“Yes, but I want to know for future encounters.”
“
Wait, what?” Was the alcohol making me hallucinate? I was certain I hadn’t heard him right. “Adam, I haven’t talked to you in days. You disappeared the last time we…” I didn’t know what word to use.
Fucked? Made love?
Instead, I just waved my hand in his general direction and went with, “The last time we were together. Now you’re thinking about the future? Assuming I’d even give you that chance?”
“
You will. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”
My ire was rising.
“You didn’t give me much of a choice.”
“
You always have a choice, Katelyn.” He leaned forward and put his palms on the table behind me, caging me in. “Are you on birth control?”
Yes, I was. I had been since
the age of thirteen because my periods got so bad. “Yes. But that doesn’t protect against everything.”
“
I have documentation I can show you that I am clean and healthy,” he stated.
I shook my head.
“Look, this is a moot point. I came here because I wanted to know why you went out of your way to pursue me if you only intended to retreat immediately. But I realize now that it doesn’t matter.” I swallowed hard and gathered my courage. “This is too much, and I’m done.”
He loomed over me
like a predator. “You weren’t honest with me and I admit that I handled it poorly, but you need to be aware that we are not finished.”