Brass Bed (6 page)

“What was the idea?” I said. “The one that might get us somewhere.”

“Oh, yes,” she said. “That one. Kirby is going away next month. The third week. He is going away on some kind of business, and I had the idea that you and I might go away too.”

“So simply? Just go away?”

“I thought we might go to a lake or a nice river or somewhere like that and stay in a quiet hotel or a cabin or something, and we could swim and dance and loaf around together, and best of all would be seeing each other the last thing at night and the first thing in the morning. Do you think that would be exciting?”

“Yes, I think it would be wonderfully exciting.”

“Will you go with me, then?”

“Are you serious?” I had an impulse to sit up.

“Oh, yes. I am perfectly serious.”

“But you can see, of course, that we can’t go.”

“No, I can’t see at all that we can’t go. Why can’t we?”

“Perhaps it would be better if I didn’t try to explain it. You are quite difficult to explain things to.”

“It seems to me that just the contrary is true. It seems to me that you are the difficult one. You say we don’t get anywhere, and I suggest a perfectly reasonable way to get somewhere, and now you don’t want to go. As I see it, that’s a very difficult attitude to understand.”

“You see things in a rather peculiar way, Jolly. Do you mind my saying that?”

“I don’t mind your saying it, but I don’t understand it. I seem to me to be reasonable.” Her tone suggested slight injury.

“I’m sure you do. I’m positive that you seem reasonable to you.”

“In what way am I unreasonable?” she wanted to know.

“Well, you are quite ready to have an affair, for instance, but a divorce is unthinkable.”

“Yes, it is. It is absolutely unthinkable. I explained carefully that Kirby would never agree to a divorce. It’s contrary to his principles — and also his vanity.”

“You could get a divorce whether he agreed to it or not.”

“I have also explained that it is contrary to
my
principles as well as his.”

“But adultery is not.”

“That’s different because I love you. Love purifies things.”

“Why couldn’t love purify a divorce?”

“Divorce is another matter altogether. Surely you can see that.”

“No, I can’t. I can’t see it at all.”

“That’s because you aren’t principled. You will have to take my word that it is another matter altogether.”

“All right. I take your word for it. And now I would like to start all over forgetting about it, and I would appreciate it if you would go home, or at least somewhere else.”

“Would you like to kiss me now?” she asked.

“I’d like to, but I won’t.”

She said, “Won’t you try to understand about the divorce?”

“Do you want to know what I really think about the divorce?”

“Yes, of course.”

“You won’t like it,” I warned.

“Nevertheless I would like to know.”

“I think the real reason you won’t get it is because Kirby is lousy with money, while I am not.”

“Really? Do you really think that?”

“That’s what I think.”

“That this business of principles is merely a kind of rationalization or something?”

“Yes.”

“Well, it’s possible that you may be right. I’m actually quite a greedy person, and you are almost terrifyingly poor. You’ll have to admit that.”

“I will indeed. I admit it.”

“Do you think there is the remotest chance that you might come into quite a lot of money pretty soon?”

“I can’t see any.”

“How about the goliard? Do you think he might earn you a lot?”

“I doubt it very much. I doubt that he ever earns me any at all.”

“That’s unfortunate. Now that you’ve clarified the point, I’m certain that I could bring myself to accept the divorce if you were only quite a lot richer.”

“I apologize for my poverty.” I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

She cleared her throat. “I should also mention that Kirby, despite his other faults, is a very reverent person, and divorce is contrary to his religious beliefs.”

I didn’t say anything.

“You believe me, don’t you?” she asked wistfully.

I shrugged.

She raised herself up onto one elbow and twisted her body and looked down at me. I wanted at once to reach up and take hold of her, and so I shut my eyes to elude the temptation.

“Do you really want me to leave?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Do you still refuse to kiss me?”

“Yes.”

“In that case, do you mind if I kiss you?”

“You may do as you like about it.”

She kissed me then, and her lips were soft and sweet and leisurely. After the kiss, she got off the bed, and I continued to lie for a minute with my eyes closed. When I opened them, she had put on her hat and moved to the door and was standing there looking back at me.

“Will you reconsider going somewhere with me?” she said.

“I hope not.”

“Then I don’t suppose there is much use in our seeing each other again, is there?”

“I don’t suppose so.”

“Between the impossible divorce and your depressing attitude, it seems that we have absolutely nothing to accomplish.”

“That seems to be the case.”

She looked down at the floor.

“If only he were to die,” she said.

“Don’t say that,” I said. “You said it yesterday, and I wish you wouldn’t say it again.”

She looked up at me and then beyond me to the open window through which came the faint chattering of the squirrels.

“There is an odd thing about Kirby that has been put into my mind by the fact that you are going fishing,” she said. “In spite of his being very athletic and everything, he can’t swim a stroke. In fact, he is quite afraid of water.”

I thought that it was surely part of the death-wish, perhaps an oblique reference to a technique for murder, and it was very strange to lie there in the hot room filled with soft and common sounds and consider this uncommon probability. But then I looked at her sad and lovely face with the eyes still soft from recent tears, and it was no longer a tenable probability, or even possibility, and I was ashamed and sickened and wanted to ask her to forgive me, but I couldn’t.

After a while, she sighed and said, “Well, thank you very much for the beer.”

“Not at all,” I said. “I hope you enjoyed both the beer and the spiritual communion.”

The sadness was in her face, but she was not going to cry again. She went out and closed the door behind her, and I kept lying there across the bed after she was gone, and pretty soon I remembered that I had promised to tell her hello for Harvey and had forgotten to do it.

H
ARVEY GOT
around a little before five-thirty with a flat-bottom boat on a trailer behind his car, and we got on out to the river about an hour later. The river was called the Newawah, and it wasn’t much of a river, as rivers go, but at this place we went it ran deep in its banks, and the trees grew thick and tall on the banks along it, and it was as fine and comforting a river for fishing as a reasonable person could want. The old cabin sat high on the bank in a clearing among the trees, and in front of it a path went down to a wide gravel bar, and right there the river was narrow and shallow and quite swift between the bar and the bank opposite, and with a rod you could take out of it sometimes those sleek and shining channel catfish which are as good as bass for fighting and better for eating. Below the bar, the river widened and deepened and darkened, and that was where we stretched our trot line across from bank to bank and caught with dough balls the fat and sluggish bullheads. The bullhead is also a catfish, not sleek and shining and full of fire like the channel cat, but he makes a very satisfying weight on a hook and line, and he is very satisfactory, too, wrapped in cornmeal in a skillet.

Harvey and I unloaded the boat from the trailer and carried it down the bank and across the gravel bar to the water on the deepening side below the shallow channel. We left it there and returned for the oars and the dough balls and trot lines, and then we came back once more to the boat and got in and rowed down the river a way. Harvey handled the oars, and I sat in the stern of the boat with the lines and dough balls. The water was cool and dark green, almost black in the long shadows of the trees, and it was pleasant to hear it lapping against the boat and the banks, and to hear above the soft sound of its lapping the many, unidentifiable sounds of small life in and around it. The best book I know about a river is
Huckleberry Finn,
which is actually a book about a river and a boy, and one of the best things about this best book is the way the author makes you feel the river the way the boy must have felt it, but this river in the book was a great river, a river of historical dimensions, and I have often thought there is also much to be said for the small river, the Newawah type river, and I wish I could say it here, but I can’t.

Pretty soon Harvey stopped rowing and rested on his oars and said, “This is a good place. We caught a lot of good bullheads here the last time.”

“I remember,” I said. “It’s as good a place as any.”

He swung the boat around and rowed across current to the bank, and I grabbed the drooping branch of a willow and pulled us in close. There was a stout root of a tree projecting from the bank just above the waterline, and I tied one end of the trot line to this root, and then Harvey rowed across the river to the other bank, bearing slightly downstream at an angle, and I let the trot line out into the water behind the boat and tied the remaining end to another root on the other side when we got there. After it was tied, we started back again more slowly along the line while I baited all the hooks with dough balls. Every couple of feet along the line, there was a drop line with a hook on it, and I put a dough ball on each hook. Three of the drop lines, spaced along the trot line, had weights on them instead of hooks. This was to keep the entire line well down in the water so the bullheads could get to the dough balls without too much trouble.

“Shall we set another line?” Harvey asked.

“I don’t know. What do you think?”

“Well, let’s see how the luck runs. If the luck runs good, one’s enough, and if the luck runs bad, we can set another tomorrow.”

“That’s a good idea. We’ll see how the luck runs tonight.”

He rowed back to the gravel bar, and we pulled the boat up out of the water and went on up the path to the old cabin. We got the ice chest out of the back of the car and broke open the two cases of beer and put the cans into the chest on the ice, and it was by then getting pretty dark, so we gathered up some wood and made a fire. Sitting on the ground near the fire, we watched the darkness grow thick beyond the perimeter of light, and listened to the small river go by below us between its high banks.

“Are you hungry?” Harvey said.

“I’m pretty hungry,” I said, “but what I’m hungry for is a nice bullhead fried crisp in a skillet.”

“Do you want to wait and see if we get something? Maybe we’ll have something in an hour or so.”

“We’ll go run the line in an hour, and if we don’t have something then, we’ll eat something else.”

“All right. That sounds like a good idea. I wish the beer was cold, though. We should have put it on ice when we had the chest filled. If we’d done that, it would be good and cold now.”

“That’s true. I don’t know why we didn’t do it.”

“How about some coffee? We could have some coffee while we’re waiting for the beer to get cold.”

“All right. I’ll make some coffee.”

“No. Let me make it. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, old boy, but I must say that my coffee is superior to yours.”

“You make it, then.”

“I haven’t hurt your feelings, have I?”

“Of course not. I take practically no pride at all in my coffee. You are quite welcome to whatever glory accrues from superior coffee-making.”

“That’s a sensible attitude, old boy. It’s understood that these little gifts are passed around among us. I have a superior gift for making coffee, and you no doubt have superior gifts in other lines. If so, you are more than welcome to the fruits of them.”

“Thank you,” I said.

He got up and got some coffee and a pot from the back of the car and began to measure coffee into the pot. There was no water around, except the river water, but he had brought three gallons from town in a can, and he measured some of this into the pot with the coffee and set the pot on some coals that he raked out of the fire.

“Now I’ll have to watch this very carefully,” he said. “It is important to let the water boil only for the proper length of time. I have an idea that this may be where you go wrong on your own coffee-making, old boy. I think it’s quite likely that you let it boil too long.”

“Do you really think so?”

“Yes, I do. I think it’s quite likely.”

“I’ll have to be careful about that in the future.”

He squatted by the pot and watched it, and I lay back on the ground and folded my arms up under my head and watched the stars in the sky above the trees beyond the river, and there were a hell of a lot of them up there. After a while I started thinking about Jolly and me, and wondering if we were ever going anywhere, which didn’t seem likely, and the coffee started smelling very good. It was quite saddening to lie there looking at the stars and hearing the river and smelling the coffee and thinking of Jolly, and I wished there was something to be done to simplify things, but there didn’t seem to be anything. Then I thought of Jolly’s wistful death-wish, which was something that could not be thought of with serenity, and so I sat up and tried to quit.

When the coffee had boiled the right length of time by Harvey’s standards, he got up and went into the old cabin and came back with two tin cups. We kept a few things like that in there so that we wouldn’t have to bring them out from town every time, tin cups and plates and things like that, and now Harvey poured coffee into the cups and handed one of them to me. I drank some of it, and it was good and strong and very hot in the throat.

“Is it good?” he said anxiously.