Boyfriend Chronicles 02 - The Boyfriend Mandate (27 page)

Tyler was standing a good thirty feet away, but Memphis could pick him out of a crowd, anytime, anywhere. And, dammit, if he didn’t fix things with the guy
now
, he wouldn’t get this opportunity again. Which meant he had to find a way to unsay what he’d said.

To undo what he’d done.

Unfortunately, the set expression on Tyler’s face and the crossed-arms posture left Memphis thinking the task would be harder than he’d hoped.

~~~***~~~

Arms folded across his chest, Tyler stood behind the line of orange and white plastic barriers on the street and waited for his heart to recover from Memphis’s fall. The stuntman was still strapped to the cable. And when his gaze had landed on Tyler…

Good
God,
he’d felt the look all the way to his core.

But he hadn’t ridden down here in the car with his friends just to watch Memphis plummet to Earth from an insane height. Or to endure the disturbing reactions of his body when he was nearby. Tyler had more pressing things to deal with.

Things like his recently shattered reality.

Since Memphis’s confession four days ago, life had gone on as before—morning jogs and spinach smoothies and work. Status quo, except for the plug the man had pulled on the life support machine sustaining Tyler’s belief structure. The system had gone from a healthy, robust rhythm to flatline faster than an ex could utter the phrase “it wasn’t me, it was
you
.”

Memphis leaving had been
Tyler’s
fault.

Judas Priest.

He’d spent his childhood thinking he’d done something to make his mother leave, wracking his brain trying to figure out how he’d screwed things up. Wondering if he’d found her and apologized, would she take him back? Could he fix what he’d done wrong? As a young adult, he’d finally matured enough to realize that her decision hadn’t been his fault.

But with Memphis…

A hand landed on Tyler’s back, breaking his thoughts, and he turned to face Noah.

“Your ex-boyfriend is staring at you,” his friend said.

Nerves fluttered in Tyler’s stomach, and he forced himself to concentrate as he met Memphis’s gaze again. It was way past time for a blunt discussion. He needed to deal with this before he could move on to…anything else. He supposed he should have had this conversation a few days ago, but he’d had a lot to sort through first. And now?

Now he needed to get this meeting over with.

After squaring his shoulders, Tyler squeezed between two barricades, knocking one over in the process, and started off in Memphis’s direction.

“For chrissakes, Tyler,” Noah called from behind. “Where are you going? I don’t think security is going to let you through.”

Tyler ignored the words as he kept walking. He heard his friend say, “Hello, handsome,” and realized Noah was attempting to head off the production security guard who was currently trying to chase Tyler down. Ignoring the scene Noah was creating behind him, Tyler approached Memphis. Unfortunately, the bald-headed crewman from earlier had disappeared from the stuntman’s side only to be replaced by Hal.

The gray-haired stunt coordinator saw Tyler and pressed his lips together as if suppressing a smile.

“The shackle isn’t coming loose without the pliers,” Hal said to Memphis. A brief, tense pause followed. “So I’ll leave you to chat with your friend until Pete comes back.”

“You’re a champ, Hal.”

The older man sent Memphis a knowing look before pivoting on his foot and heading off toward the refreshment tent set up for the crew. This left Tyler alone with Memphis and feeling antsy and on edge. The hazel gaze appeared more green than brown in the bright sun, his golden-brown hair mussed in a way that was…boyishly cute.

“Now’s your chance,” Memphis said.

“Chance?” He hiked a skeptical brow. “For what?”

The man’s lopsided grin grew as he held his arms straight out. “I’m all tied up and can’t escape.”

A surge of lust hit, and Tyler let out a scoff. He needed to be psychoanalyzed and locked away for his own good. A straight jacket would help, too, if nothing else than to keep him from his new favorite pastime: masturbating to a mental image of Memphis finger-fucking himself.

Shit.

Tyler rubbed the creases of doubt on his forehead, forcing the mental image away. He wasn’t here to hook up with Memphis again—Tyler’s feelings on
that
subject had yet to be determined.

“Don’t let the airbag fool you.” A second dimple appeared in the stuntman’s cheeks. “I still don’t believe in safe words.”

“We’re surrounded by a crowd of fifty people,” he said dryly.

“You didn’t seem to mind public places before.”

God, what a visual that statement produced.

Tyler shifted on his feet and pushed on. “About last week…”

Instantly, the teasing light in Memphis’s eyes died, and the dimples vanished. Tyler supposed he should find the situation amusing—beyond the poetic justice of Memphis being tied to one spot. From the beginning, Memphis had been the one aggressively chasing the conversations about their past. In a truly absurd twist of fate, the news Tyler had been too needy had somehow made him bolder.

And Memphis hesitant.

“I didn’t mean what I said the other day,” Memphis finally replied.

It was hard being your boyfriend
.

Tyler ignored the catch in his chest. “Yes, you did.”

The man flushed, and Tyler could almost read the
don’t make me do this
look in his eyes. But no way was Tyler taking the easy way out. He wouldn’t let Memphis do it, either.

“You meant every word,” Tyler said. The crackle in the air felt palpable, and he slowly inhaled a breath. “And you were right.”

Christ, it had been so much easier thinking of himself as an innocent victim. But he’d played a huge role in Memphis’s decision to leave, and the shame made Tyler’s face feel hot.

Memphis stepped closer. “I don’t―”

“Stop,” he said as he held up his hand. “I get it. Okay? You need to quit thinking you have to protect me. I don’t want you feeling obligated to try and make me feel better.” And then he stuffed his hands in his back pockets, mostly because he didn’t have a clue where to put them. Shoving them nervously through his hair would be too embarrassing. “You were right. Back then, I was entirely too dependent on you.”

He should have used the word
needy
, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

He could’ve used the word
smothering
, but that would have been worse.

Memphis’s pained expression was difficult to watch.

Tyler slowly shook his head. “All this time, I thought you wanted forgiveness for the
way
you’d left,” he said. He studied the man’s face a moment more. “In truth, you mostly wanted forgiveness for the
why
.”

Memphis swallowed, his Adam’s apple rising and falling. Tyler knew how difficult this conversation was for him, how much he’d wanted to avoid this part of their history. By now, Tyler understood Memphis better. His choice to leave as he had had cost him. The guy had carried the guilt for years.

And the burden had been heavy.

“I doubt I’d have handled all you went through without falling apart, not after what I’d been through with my mom,” Tyler continued. He’d come to that conclusion over the past few days. “And you didn’t need the extra responsibility of worrying about me when you were so sick. I understand why you felt you had to let me go. I would have been…deadweight.”

“Oh, God.” Memphis stared at him and then groaned. “This isn’t some cheesy, clichéd mountain climbing analogy that only happens in the movies, is it? The one where we’re both hanging by a rope and I cut you free to save myself?”

An amused snort shot from Tyler. The analogy wasn’t too far off. But when he went on, his tone was serious.

“I know it was exhausting being my boyfriend,” Tyler said.

A moment of understanding flickered between them, leaving him feeling a hundred times better than he had five minutes ago. He was learning that the difficult confessions had a way of doing that.

This also left him that much closer to the most important words he’d come to say today.

But then Memphis’s gaze turned dark. “Being your boyfriend was exhausting in more ways than one.”

Heat crawled up Tyler’s spine, and he squelched the urge to roll his eyes. Jokes and sexual innuendos wouldn’t derail his plan to get the rest out, because, after reexamining his memories and facing the reality of just how lopsided their relationship had been, all Tyler had left was the truth.

“I’m just sorry that I…” Tyler cleared his throat, his vocal cords feeling tight. “I’m sorry about my role in forcing you to make that choice.”

Memphis blinked. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out but silence. A few moments later, footsteps pounded the pavement and slowly grew louder as Pete jogged back, tool in his hand.

“Sorry.” The crewman sounded out of breath. “I’ll have you out of this in a jiff.”

Using the pliers, Pete proceeded to unscrew the metal bolt on the shackle and then released the wire. Silent, and feeling like a third wheel, Tyler watched Memphis unzip his jumpsuit, step out, and hand the suit to Pete. In T-Shirt and jeans, Memphis had multiple straps crossing over his shoulders, around his chest, and looped between his thighs.

The sight had Tyler’s mind drifting in directions it probably shouldn’t go…

Fortunately, Memphis unbuckled the straps and handed the harness to Pete. And then Memphis cocked his head and studied Tyler as the crewman hurried off.

The question that followed seemed to come out of nowhere.

“Will you ride back to San Francisco with me?” Memphis asked. “We a have few more things to discuss.” When Tyler sent him a curious look, the stuntman went on. “You weren’t the only needy one in our relationship.”

What the hell? Surely he’d heard wrong.

Tyler frowned in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Just what I said. You weren’t the only one with…well,
issues,
for lack of a better term.”

The statement didn’t jibe with Tyler’s memories.

“Seriously?” Try as he might, Tyler couldn’t make sense out of the claim. “How were
you
needy?”

Memphis let out a scoff, one that sounded self-directed. He propped his hands on his hips, corded muscle and sinew visible beneath the tanned skin of his arms.

“If you agree to ride back to San Francisco with me,” Memphis said without a trace of a teasing tone, “I’ll tell you all about it.”

Tyler’s pulse spiked higher.

Memphis Haines. Needy. Tyler couldn’t even put the three words together in a single sentence—other than in a blatantly sexual sense. Ultimately, curiosity won out.

“Fine,” Tyler said.

“Give me thirty minutes to wrap things up with Hal,” Memphis said. “If you wait in the refreshment tent, I’ll come find you when I’m done.” And then he turned and headed toward his stunt coordinator.

Tyler watched him walk away, and a strange, sinking feeling settled in his gut.

In the beginning, he’d been convinced he couldn’t be friends with Memphis. Now the filming of the commercials was coming to a close, and suddenly Tyler was wondering what more they could achieve beyond the mind-altering sex. Could they succeed a second time around…?

Tyler wanted a chance to work toward a real relationship.

Unfortunately, he had no idea if Memphis wanted that, too.

~~~***~~~

After reviewing the video of his high fall with Hal, Memphis stepped inside the refreshment tent, ignoring the murmur of conversations and the tempting smell of pizza. He had more important things to focus on.

Like convincing Tyler to come back to the hotel with him.

Anticipation and want filled every crevice of his body even as guilt tried to tunnel its way into his gut. But great sex wasn’t all he wanted.

With Tyler sleeping next to him, Memphis knew he’d rest better—had done exactly that, in fact, the evening of the elevator incident. And tonight would be hellaciously rough. Despite the fatigue, he knew he wouldn’t rest, his brain too wired to turn off. Now that his mind was constantly fast-forwarding to the future…

He had a massive urge to hold Tyler tight, to mold himself to the man while they slept. And fucking, fucking would be excellent, too. But he couldn’t share everything that was going on inside his head right now. What was he supposed to say?

My cancer is back, so, hey, let’s go have toe-curling sex and cuddle?

That would be a mood killer for sure. But, goddamn, he’d gladly give up a month of his life in return for a few more nights with Tyler.

The twitch in his heart hurt, and Memphis slowly inhaled and refocused his thoughts. Currently Tyler was standing next to his friends, Dylan and Alec, as he talked to Noah.

“Nice stunt today, hotshot,” Noah said as Memphis approached the group. The brown-haired man had a Salvatore Ferragamo messenger bag resting on his hip. The eleven-hundred-dollar accessory made a nice accompaniment to his long-sleeved, silk Prada T-shirt. “You’re quite the performer. Are you sure I can’t convince you to be a participant in the Bachelor Bid?” Noah asked. “Who knows? You might find The One.”

The One?

Although there was no noise involved, Tyler’s groan was evident in the look on his face, and Memphis wiped his mouth to hide his smile. Noah turned sporting shimmery T-Shirts and knowing gazes into an art form. Apparently he enjoyed playing cupid as well.

Memphis turned to Tyler. “Not exactly subtle, is he?”

“Not exactly,” he replied dryly.

“So what do you say?” Noah said.

“I appreciate the offer, but I’ll have to pass,” Memphis replied with a small grin. As he continued, the smile slowly slipped from his face. “Besides, I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”

No matter how much he might want one, because that would make him a selfish prick. More sex? Hell to the yeah. A little cuddling? Absolutely. But allowing Tyler to believe they could have more would hardly be fair.

The future seemed too freaking uncertain.

“Suit yourself,” Noah said with a shrug. “But don’t forget. The viewing of the final version of the commercials will be at my place on Thursday.”