Authors: Aubrey St. Clair
“I don’t want to pretend anymore,” I answer, lifting my head to gaze into her eyes. She finally nods and then meets my lips in a kiss that grows in passion with each second that we touch. My hands slip up under her top and push away the fabric as I close around her breasts. Her own hand slips down between my legs and squeezes my cock. I’m harder than I can ever remember being.
I just begin to lower my head to take her nipple into my mouth when there is a pounding at the door to my office. Eve jumps back and grabs at the top of her shirt, trying to yank it down just as the door flies open. I don’t even bother trying to hide the rage I feel as I whirl around to stare at Snake and his swinging beard.
Before I can even scream at him to get out, he holds up his hands to stop me. “Boss, we got a big problem.” Something about the look on his face tells me I’m not going to like it. I glare at him, the urgency of his tone the only reason I haven’t punched his lights out yet, and wait for him to continue.
Snakes eyes shift to Evelyn and then back to me, the reason for his hesitation at continuing obvious.
“Speak,” I say, dismissing his concern. It’ll save me having to repeat this conversation to her later, anyway.
He looks back between us again warily, but then he just shrugs, deferring to my decision.
At least someone around here remembers who the boss is.
“Ripper just showed up. And he’s got something with him.” His eyes shift to Evelyn again as he stops speaking.
“What do you mean? What does he have? What the fuck did he steal now?”
Snake shakes his head violently, his beard lashing against his cheeks like a whip. “No, nothing like that… he didn’t actually show me what it was. He just said that you and I need to meet with him now, in the conference room. He said he has something… on you. He claims it’s new information and proof that you’re not what you seem, and that it’s time for you to step down as president and get the fuck out of the club. His words, not mine.”
My heart begins to pound against my chest, the last few words out of Snake’s mouth almost imperceptible against the rushing of blood behind my ears. There’s only one thing that Ripper could possibly know that he could use to force me to step down. The only question is, how did he find out after all this time? I’ve been so careful. There is only one variable that has changed lately. Only one potential leak that I don’t have complete control over.
My eyes harden and I can feel my teeth grinding against each other painfully as I turn my gaze to Evelyn. This is exactly why I’ve kept women out of my life. Getting too involved leads to stupid decisions and dangerous mistakes. And now I know exactly what mine was. I never should have trusted her.
“
T
ell
him I’ll meet you guys there in a few minutes to discuss this.”
I can still feel the burn of the accusation, even when Bash shifts his gaze back to Snake. The bearded biker just nods as he exits, clearly anxious to get out of here. He must have seen the look on Bash’s face as well. Does he really think I have something to do with this? I don’t even know who Ripper is, never mind what he has on Bash.
“Bash—”
“Who did you tell, Evelyn?” His fury swings back to me as soon as the door is closed, cutting me off.
“Tell what? I don’t even—”
“About me, obviously. You can’t expect me to believe that it’s a coincidence that after years of keeping this a secret, it’s discovered only days after I finally let someone in on it. So who did you tell? Your girlfriend from the bar last weekend?”
“What? No! I haven’t told anyone about you. I swear. I mean, after the night we met I told her we had sex, but nothing about you since.”
“Bullshit!” Spit flies from his mouth at the word, and his face is red. I’ve never seen so much raw emotion on him before. His dark eyes are pools of midnight, but I can feel the raging inferno behind them. I can’t believe that moments ago he was kissing me so passionately, and now he’s turned into this monster, so eager to believe that I’ve stabbed him in the back. “This was a mistake. This whole fucking thing.” He turns his head from me now as he reaches for the door to his office.
“Wait,” I plead, reaching for his arm, my fingers closing against the cool leather of his jacket. “Bash, I swear I didn’t tell anyone anything about you.”
Instead of responding, he just yanks his arm from my grasp and flings open the door.
“Wait,” I say again. “What should I do?” I can feel hot tears of shock start to rim the edges of my eyes.
Bash pauses for a moment before I hear his gravelly voice reply, still hot with fury, but tightly controlled.
“Get the fuck out of my club. I think you’ve done enough already.”
The door slams shut with a force strong enough to loosen the tears building in my eyes and allow them to stream down my cheeks.
T
wo days
.
It’s been almost two full days since Bash blew up at me at Axle’s, and I haven’t heard from him since. Considering I didn’t go into work yesterday or today, that probably means I’m fired. Of course, just not going in without calling is probably cause to fire me on its own, but there was no way I wanted to see or even talk to him after Monday. So he can go screw himself and that job.
What burns me the most is how one minute he’s complimenting me, wearing down my arguments about why I shouldn’t get involved with him, and then the next minute, he’s basically accusing me of selling him out. I knew he had two sides to him, but I had no idea those sides were Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Maybe the MC side was his true persona. I thought he was more Sebastian, masquerading as Bash because it was easier to maintain a wall when you were surrounded my leather and chrome. Turns out he was Bash all along, using the Sebastian mask to fool idiots like me.
Maybe he wasn’t so different from Edward, after all. Edward could certainly act the part of Dr. Jekyll when there was a client to woo, before he brought down the axe of Mr. Hyde. How different is that from Bash? Proper businessman by day, lunatic thug by night. Maybe the whole story about him turning the MC around was a lie.
It’s a hard idea to swallow, though. If I believe that, then I have to believe I’m a much worse judge of character than I thought I was. The things that he told me about his past, about how he’s trying to change things… if they aren’t true, then I really was blinded by something. Not love, of course. We just met a week ago. Lust, maybe. Muscles and danger and a change of pace from my ordinary and dreary life. Maybe that’s what I was blinded by? A desire to believe something I wanted so desperately to be true.
But did I really want that? I kept telling him, and myself, that I didn’t want to get involved. That I had made promises to keep my love life out of the office. I wasn’t going to get romantically involved with my boss again. Yet if Snake hadn’t shown up when he did, there’s no denying what would have happened next. Bash may have been urging me to break that promise, but I wasn’t putting up much of a fight. The truth is, I wanted to break it just as desperately as he did.
Which is why this whole thing hurts so much. Despite myself, I was actually starting to fall for him. And like a fool, I thought he was starting to fall for me as well.
Now I’m just stuck back on the job boards, waiting for a pizza to drown feelings of regret and anger in layers of saucy dough and melted cheese.
When the call comes from security, I make sure to check the feed on my television this time. An uncomfortably large part of me is disappointed to see my regular delivery guy, so I switch it off in disgust. Why is it that no matter how hard the logical side of me argues that I’m better off without him, and that he was obviously a complete asshole who clearly didn’t think enough about me to give me the benefit of the doubt, I’m still disappointed that he hasn’t even called? Am I really such a glutton for punishment and abuse?
The phone rings again, but this time it’s just Jackie, checking in.
“Hey, you. Feeling any better?”
“Not really.” I didn’t tell her exactly what happened, just that things weren’t going so well at the new job and I didn’t think it was going to work out. Despite what Bash may think of me, even if he’s a dick, I’m not the type to spill his secrets.
“How about we hit the town? I’m thinking martinis and manicures. Not necessarily in that order.”
“Jackie, you do realize it’s a Wednesday?”
“Yeah? So? Why let that stop us? It’s not like either of us have to get up early tomorrow.”
Jackie never starts work until the afternoon.
“The last time we went out drinking, look where it got me.”
“If I remember correctly, the answer to that is: laid by a gorgeous, leather-clad biker.” Telling her about my initial rendezvous with Bash seemed innocent enough at the time, until I saw him again at the interview. But as far as she is concerned, that first meeting with Bash was my only meeting with Bash. “If I recall, you said it was one of the hottest encounters of your life. So what’s your complaint, exactly?”
A knock at my door saves me from having to answer. “Sorry, girlfriend, I already have plans tonight. My pizza is here.”
“Oh my God, Evelyn, you are so lame sometimes.”
I laugh as I say goodbye and toss the cordless onto my couch. She might be right, but I think lame just works better for me. Besides, I didn’t even stay long enough at Piston to get a single paycheck yet, and I hate going out and having Jackie pay for me. I need to stay in and start sending out résumés. I already wasted all of yesterday and part of today moping around the apartment, waiting for the phone to ring. It was time to get cracking again. Maybe now that Edward thinks that I have another job, he’s no longer poisoning the job market against me.
“Hi. Medium pepperoni, roasted red pepper, and mushrooms?”
“That’s me.” I nod, rifling through my wallet. “How much was it again?”
“Uh, nothing, actually. It was already paid for.”
I look up from my wallet in confusion. “Excuse me?”
“The bill has been paid,” he repeats, drawing the steaming box from his fabric pizza bag and pushing it toward me.
“What do you mean? I told them cash on the phone.” I’ve been afraid to use my credit card lately. I’m sure I’m just a purchase or two away from being declined.
He just shrugs, staring down at the box as he shoves it forward again. As soon as I grab it, he turns.
“Wait, I think this is a mistake. Maybe you confused me with another customer?”
“I don’t think so.” He doesn’t turn as he continues down the hall. “Have a nice day.”
I watch him until he turns the corner and disappears toward the elevators. As much as I can use a free pizza, I feel guilty about it. There was obviously a mistake, and my conscience won’t let me just take it without calling the store first to tell them about it. I don’t want to get the pizza guy in trouble when he gets back and they ask for the money, even if he wasn’t willing to listen to me.
What is it with men not wanting to hear what I have to say?
I close my door and walk the pizza back into the kitchen, pondering whether or not I should call Jackie and change my mind about going out. Whenever I spend time with her, I feel more aggressive and vocal. She never has any trouble with people ignoring her. I need to develop more of an in-your-face attitude, and she’s usually more than happy to help me work on it.
But first, I have to call the pizza place. When I do, they put me on hold as soon as I ask to speak to a manager. The priority seems to be more on taking new orders than resolving issues with existing ones, because a moment later, I hear on-hold music.
I’m waiting less than a minute when there’s a knock on the door again.
The delivery guy must have realized his mistake after all and come back for his money. Hanging up, I grab my wallet and head back to the door.
“Figure out the mix-up?” I ask as I pull the door open.
My mouth drops when I don’t see the delivery guy standing in front of me as expected.
“Not completely,” comes a deep and familiar voice. Sebastian is standing before me, his suit jacket open and white dress shirt pulled tight across his hard chest. It’s his smoldering eyes that draw my gaze the strongest, though. I see something in them that I haven’t seen before. It looks a lot like regret. “But I’m pretty sure the fact that I was a complete ass the other day only made things worse…”
“
W
hat do you want
?” Evelyn’s eyes are cold. They seem more golden than green today. Almost as if there is a fire burning behind her frosty stare. I can’t blame her for her anger.
“To apologize.” The word is foreign on my tongue, but I’ve been practicing it all morning in the office so I hope it sounds natural. “Can I come in?”
For a moment, she looks like she’s going to say no, and I don’t have a backup plan for if she does. I’m certainly not going to force my way past her. Finally, she nods almost imperceptibly as she steps back to clear the way.
“So, I guess it was you that paid for the pizza?” she asks as she closes the door behind us.
“I followed him through the doors so I didn’t have to stop at security. I didn’t know he was coming here until he pressed your floor and I took a peek at the receipt on his bag. He remembered me from last week, so I told him I was trying to surprise you.”
“Mission accomplished,” she mutters, then sighs. “Why are you here, Sebastian? I think you made it pretty clear the other day that you don’t trust me.”
I can feel my jaw tighten at the accusation. Not because it isn’t true, but because I’m embarrassed by how much that lack of trust reveals about my own shortcomings far more than hers. Admitting to weaknesses is not something you do when you’re in an MC, and it’s hard to push back so many years of practiced denial.
“You don’t know how hard it is for me to trust someone after so long…” I trail off. Excuses aren’t an apology, and Evelyn deserves an apology. “I do trust you. I acted rashly, without thinking. You have no reason to sell me out, and I should never have believed you’d do it anyway. That’s not who you are, which is why I opened up so much to you in the first place.”
Evelyn’s face is a stony mask, but I can see in her eyes the hurt that I caused. I knew it was bad when she didn’t come into work on Tuesday. Or today. It doesn’t look like she’s so ready to forgive me.
She purses her lips before speaking again into the silence. “What happened? With Ripper and Snake.”
I can feel my blood boil at the mention of Ripper’s name, but I shove back against it and shake my head. Ranting about him isn’t why I’m here. “Nothing good, but that doesn’t matter right now. That problem isn’t going anywhere, and this one right here is the one I want to fix.”
“I don’t know that you can, Sebastian. And really, why do you care? Being part of your life is such a rollercoaster. You have so much going on, I’m not sure what the hell all of this matters to you, anyway.”
Of course she doesn’t understand. How could she? I look at her helplessly, unsure how to explain myself this time. My fingers start to throb before I realize how tightly I’m clenching my fists. I slowly release them as I take a moment to gather my thoughts and figure out how to make her understand.
“I get it,” I start. “I get that it doesn’t make a lot of sense to you. Or anyone, really, that hasn’t lived my life. Both of my lives. No one can possibly understand how fucking lonely it is. Hell, I didn’t even understand it until I had a taste of the alternative that letting you in felt like. And then having it snatched away felt miserable.”
“It wasn’t snatched away,” she says bitterly. “It was pushed away. By you.”
“I know.” I nod. “You’re right. And I think… Fuck, I don’t know, Evelyn. I think part of me did that on purpose. The part of me that has spent so long building up these fucking walls around my life is still hard at work trying not to let them get breached. I think maybe that part of me tried to sabotage this. It took control of my head the other night and let me blame you for something I knew deep down you couldn’t have been a part of. I knew it even as I was saying it, but I just couldn’t stop myself. I’ve worked so hard to build these walls… to keep the two sides apart… that hearing that they were starting to crash down made me panic. To look for blame because I was unwilling to admit that those walls have been crumbling for a long time, despite all of my efforts to patch them.”
“So, why the hell did it take you two days to come here?”
“I’m president of an MC. I founded a billion-dollar company. I’m used to being right, or at least, I’m used to everyone acting like I am. Apologies… they don’t come easy for me.”
“Is that what this is? An apology?”
I haven’t said it yet, and I was hoping she wasn’t going to notice. The word apologize was hard enough, but she wants more, and I can’t deny her it.
“Yes. I’m… sorry.”
A little sound comes out of her throat, like a huff or grunt of dissatisfaction. “I’m sorry, Evelyn,” I say again. It’s easier the second time. “I really am. I was completely wrong to blame you. To not trust you. The whole reason I’ve told you everything that I’ve told you so far is because I did trust you. Because I
do
trust you. I just forgot that in the heat of the moment.”
She looks at me intensely for a moment, as if still deciding whether to forgive me or not. Finally, she lets out a little sigh and nods. “Okay. I get it. But don’t think you’re off the hook just yet. You really hurt me, you know.” Before I can respond, she moves on. “Now why don’t you tell me what Ripper had to say.”
And angry, explosive breath comes out of me at the sound of his name again.
“He’s got pictures. Mostly of me. At the club in my cut. At the office in my suit. Zoomed in. There’s no denying that it’s me. I’m not sure how much he actually knows, to be honest. Ripper isn’t too smart, and I can’t imagine he pieced everything together. At least, not on his own. And these were professional pictures. Taken with a high-end camera from far away, or else I would have seen something. These weren’t cell phone snaps. Someone has been watching me, maybe following me, I don’t know. But the pictures show they know I’m at both the club and Piston. It wouldn’t take much now to figure out who I am over there. The fact that there isn’t any public, company paperwork that says I’m anything more than an exec might buy me some time, but it’s only a matter of time now before the truth comes out.”
Evelyn’s mouth is open as I speak, and before I’m done her hand is squeezing my arm in consolation. “Oh my God, Sebastian, I’m so sorry. I really swear I didn’t tell anyone about you. I—”
I shake my head and press my fingers against her lips. “I know,” I exhale. I knew it the other day, as well. “I know. Like I said, it’s not your fault. This was coming. I was always on borrowed time. It couldn’t last forever.”
I let my fingers drop away from her mouth slowly, in no hurry to break contact with their softness.
“So, he wants to use that to force you to step down as president?”
“For starters,” I affirm, aware that my fists are clenched again. “But ultimately, he wants me out. Probably thinks he can take over, especially if he’s the one that outs me. He gave me a couple of days to decide if I wanted to do it the easy way, or the hard way, as he put it.”
“But what’s the big deal, anyway? I mean, I get why being in a motorcycle gang would be bad for you at the office, but what does the club care if you’re running a company?”
How can I make her understand? She’s so completely outside of this world, I’m not sure whether she can really grasp it but I can at least try and explain. I walk over to the couch and lean against it, feeling so drained from all of this.
“The guys in the MC, they all joined for their own reasons. None of them come from easy lives, or from families with money, or anything like that. Some of them joined because they like to ride bikes, some of them because they like to be the tough guy. But all of them feel like outcasts. They all feel like the system is broken in some way, that it let them down, or that it’s their job to exploit it because they would be stupid not to. What I’ve been trying to do with them, move them into legit businesses… I’m starting to feel like even that is an uphill battle. Some of them hate it, for sure, but even among most of those guys that have taken to it, I don’t think any of them love the idea of an actual job. They joined the MC so they wouldn’t have to bother with a nine-to-five.
“The only reason I’ve been trying to move them legit is to save them. Many of these guys, Ripper included, would take this club down a dark path if they had their way. And all that will lead to is death or prison. But if they heard that I was part of a corporation, especially one the size of Piston is now, and not only part of it, but that I started it, that I own it… well, that would be the ultimate betrayal to them. I’d be labeled a sell-out, and I doubt I’d have a single brother supporting me.”
Evelyn joins me against the couch, resting her hand on my leg. “Are you sure about that? Maybe you aren’t giving them enough credit. Maybe they’d admire you for building something…”
She trails off as I shake my head. “You don’t get it. What I do at Piston is the opposite of their world. The two just don’t exist together.”
We’re both quiet for a few minutes.
“So, what are you going to do?” she finally asks, her voice only audible because of how quiet it is in the apartment.
I lift my shoulders and drop them heavily. I’m not one to give up, but I don’t see a lot of options. “Those pictures are out there now. The dots are ready to be connected. I don’t see a way to fix this. I’ve been trying to figure it out the last few days. Spending a lot of time alone, after work. I even turned off my cell phone and left it in my drawer so I wouldn’t let anything distract me. I don’t know who I can trust anyway, so I decided not to talk to anyone.”
“Wow, you really must be serious, turning off your cell phone,” she says with a smile, giving my leg a squeeze. “So what does this mean? You’re just going to give up?”
I lift my head quickly, feeling my face heat up at the question.
“Hell no. I don’t give up on anything. If they want to take me out, I’m going to go down swinging.”
Evelyn’s face brightens with a smile and her hand squeezes my thigh again. “I thought as much. So who are you swinging at? Ripper?”
I nod. “For starters. But I’m not sure if he’s acting alone. Like I said, this is a bit too complex for him. And I know there are others unhappy with the way things are going. Some of them would be happy with a change in leadership if it meant going back to madness and mayhem.”
“Who else?”
That’s the million-dollar question. “I don’t know. Lots of guys might be. Hell, even Snake isn’t that happy with going legit. I honestly don’t know who to trust.”
“You can trust me.”
My eyes lift to meet hers again. The green tint has taken hold again, pushing back the amber from earlier. “I know that now. And I should have known it before.”
She turns toward me, swinging her left leg around the outside of my right so that she’s straddling both of my legs and facing me, her face close enough that I can smell the sweetness of her breath. “You can’t do this alone,” she says.
“You’re right,” I admit. And it’s true. I’ve been trying to go it alone for so long. I just can’t do it anymore. Maybe I never could.
“So ask.”
The warmth of her breath hits me again, and all I want to do is kiss her lips. I can’t tear my eyes from them, although I’m confused enough by her question that I almost do. My cock is growing in my pants, and I can feel it pressing against the bottom of her sweats. I reach around her waist and pull her against me, making sure she can feel my hardness.
“Ask for what?” Maybe she wants me to ask to fuck her, but I can’t imagine she’ll say no. And I can’t imagine what I would do if she did. I want her too badly now. Not seeing her for two days and feeling like I may have pushed her away forever was harder on me than I would ever admit.
“For help.”
This time I do tear my eyes away.
“I want to hear you ask for help,” she continues. “I want to know that you need me.”
First an apology, and now this? I pull harder against her hips, grinding my cock against the cleft between her legs. I watch as she gasps, but then she pushes back with a hand on my chest, unwilling to be distracted. “I’m serious, Sebastian. You hurt me the other day. Not just that you didn’t trust me, but you made me feel unimportant.”
“You are important.” More important than she should be to me. It took almost fucking things up completely to realize that. In her eyes, though, I can tell that she needs to hear me admit it. And I owe it to her, even if it’s difficult for me and my fucking ego. “You’re very important to me, Evelyn. I made a mistake the other day, and I went against my own judgment. I knew I could trust you, but I let old habits take over and I pushed you away, and I’m sorry. I want a chance to make it up to you. I won’t do it again. I’ve gone through too much of my life alone. I never trusted anyone enough to let them in as much as I’ve already let you in, and now that you’re in I don’t ever want you out. I can’t do this all alone anymore. I need help Evelyn. I need you.”
The hand that was pressing against my chest begins to slip up until it’s resting on my face. Her eyes are shining now, but I don’t have time to stare into them before they close and she leans forward to press her lips against mine.