Born in the Shadows (In the Shadows Series Book 1) (15 page)

Which she shouldn’t be thinking about at all. She should be thinking about the fact that she had violated him. She had tried to make him into her own personal sex toy. He was probably disgusted with her. She certainly was disgusted with herself.

They had promised her that she still had a soul but right now, she didn’t much feel like it. She felt like a monster. She had doled out violence tonight as if it was second nature and part of her had relished it. She had used her new abilities to force herself on Gabe, a man who had been nothing but kind to her.

Her stomach rolled as a wave of nausea hit her. She felt dirty and it wasn’t just from the dried blood that covered her skin. She needed a shower. She needed to wash away everything that happened tonight.

She raced to her room but her hopes of cleaning up were dashed the minute she walked in and saw Mary and Anne seated on her bed.

“What are you two doing here?”

“We’re here for girl talk,” Mary said and patted the spot between her and Anne. “Come sit down and tell us everything about your boy.”

At the mention of Gabe, her stomach twisted again and Cordelia grimaced in revulsion.

“Cordelia, what’s wrong?” Anne asked, concerned.

“I kissed Gabe.”

“You look like you’re about to throw up. He couldn’t have been that bad of a kisser,” Mary said dryly.

“No, it wasn’t him, it was me. I think I forced him into it. I was imagining what it would be like and then it was happening
exactly
as I imagined. I didn’t mean to force him into it, really, I didn’t. I would never do anything so awful on purpose. I’m not like that.” 

The torment she was feeling must have been plain on her face as both women were immediately at her side to reassure her.

“Cordelia, sweetheart, calm down, we know you aren’t like that,” Anne reassured her.

“I never should have been left alone with him. I should be locked up until I can learn to control myself.”

“Wait, before we decide to shut you up in the attic, why don’t you tell us exactly what happened first?” Mary suggested.

“We were talking and then we were hugging and then he asked about Mary because he thought we were lesbians and then he kissed me. It was really good and so I started thinking about what else I wanted to do with him and the next thing I knew, it was happening.”

“Okay, sweetheart, you are going to have to back up because you lost me at the part where you and I are lesbians,” Mary said.

Cordelia scrubbed a hand over her face. “There was a rumour at my old job that I was gay and Gabe thought it was true. He thought you and I were dating.”

“I would be so lucky,” Mary said with a wink and smile. “Okay, so did you clear up the rumour?”

“I told him I was into men and the next thing I knew we were making out on the hood of the car.”

“What did he smell like?” Mary asked, surprising Cordelia. That was certainly the last thing she expected to be asked.

“What do you mean?”

“The way he smelled when you two were together, was it musky but in a yummy way?”

Cordelia thought back to the heady scent that had come off him and the response her own body had to it.

“Yes.”

“Crisis averted then,” Mary said smiling. “That scent, darling, is male arousal. Even the most powerful Shadow Walker can’t force a response like that.”

“It’s true,” Anne said. “Our powers of mental persuasion are not strong enough to force a pheromone response.”

Cordelia wanted to believe them but she still had her doubts. “But it played out in detail exactly as it did in my head.”

“You two are connected and he might have picked up on your desires unconsciously,” Mary told her, “But you certainly didn’t force him to put them into action. That he did all on his own.”

The guilt she felt began to lessen. Mary and Anne had centuries of experience on her with this stuff. If they said she hadn’t forced Gabe, she had to believe them.

“I’m not a monster,” she said, needing to hear it aloud to believe it.

“Nope, not a monster,” Mary reassured her. “Just a Shadow Walker who has a human with the hots for her.”

Now that was a hard one to wrap her head around. She had gracefully accepted the fact that Gabe would never be attracted to her a long time ago. Having to change her mindset on that belief was something she had never expected to happen.

Then again, maybe she didn’t need to change her belief. Part of changing into a Shadow Walker was becoming more attractive to humans. It stood to reason that Gabe would fall into the trap that the Old One’s gifts had set up to lure humans.

Disappointment filled her at the realization. Which was a silly thing to be feeling right now. She should just be happy with the fact that she hadn’t forced herself on Gabe.

“I just wish it was the real me he was attracted to, not the Shadow Walker part of me,” she confessed.

“Hey now, you don’t get to throw yourself a pity party,” Mary said with mock sternness. “I think him having the impression you were into women was likely what was working against you when you were human. You clearly have no idea what goes through that boy’s head so instead of jumping to conclusions, why don’t you go get yourself cleaned up and then come tell us all about him. We’ll be the ones to decide what he’s thinking.”

“Mary is right,” Anne added. “She’ll know exactly what he is thinking. She has
a lot
of experience with men.”

“Wow, way to make me sound like I’ve been with the entire naval fleet.”

“Well there was that time we lived near the port where the Spanish Armada was stationed.”

“I didn’t sleep with the entire fleet…just some of them.”

Cordelia laughed at their teasing and she felt the last of the tension in her disappear. She had been weighed down by so many worries in the last few hours; it felt good to confess it all to someone finally.

It was a new experience for her to have people to confide in. Being here with Mary and Anne, she imagined that it was what it would have been like to grow up with siblings. Sharing secrets, learning from their experiences, having help solving her problems.

She hadn’t understood until now what she had missed being an only child in her past life.

As she watched Anne continue to tease Mary about her exploits with sailors, envy filled her. There was such an easy camaraderie between them that came from sharing so many memories. She hoped that there would be a time when she would be a part of that.

Except she was already becoming a part of it. One day down the road they would be teasing her about the time she had thought she had tricked Gabe into making out with her. And she would pretend to be offended but she would be laughing inside, knowing that she was a true member of the family.

***

“This isn’t fair!”

Armand cracked his fist against the tabletop, the glasses that littered the surface jumping in the air before clattering back down. It drew the attention of the other patrons in the after-hours bar but Armand ignored them. They were insignificant to him, just tiny specks of humanity that flashed out before they were ever really here. Losing at the hand of some fledging bitch was the only thing that mattered right now.

“She deserves to die for what she did to me.”

His cousin Liam shrugged his shoulders, unconcerned with the venom Armand was spitting. “I’d let it go, if I were you.”

“I can’t just let it go. She humiliated me in front of everyone.”

Their cousin Michael arrived at the table with another round of drinks and passed them around before taking a seat. “Armand, everyone will forget about it in a week. Besides, there isn’t anything you can do. The law says she won, fair and square.”

“The law,” Armand scoffed. “Being a Shadow Walker is bullshit. We are supposed to be evil, soulless creatures who strike fear in the hearts of everyone. Yet we have laws that tether us down like dogs.”

Liam laughed at that. “You’ve watched one too many vampire flicks.”

“The point stands that we are more powerful than the humans. We should be ruling them, not hiding ourselves from them and enforcing laws that protect their kind.”

“Well, until you get on that High Council and change things, that’s the way it is for us,” Michael said before tossing back his tumbler of whiskey.

“The High Council is nothing more than a bunch of geriatric has-beens trying to remain important.”

“Careful there. They hear you say that and they’ll send the Enforcer after you,” Michael warned.

“I’m not scared of that overblown jackass.”

“You should be,” Liam said. “I heard that when he picked up that rogue from the Varinia clan, he ripped out his fangs to get him to confess to killing a human. Then the Council sentenced the guy to a century at the prison in Antarctica. That shit’s gotta blow big time. Can you imagine? His balls probably froze off his first night there.”

The others nodded in agreement and Armand shook his head in disgust. They were a bunch of pussies, toeing the line simply because they had always been told to do so. They didn’t think for themselves as he did.

If they had, they would see the truth buried in the lies they were told. They believed the High Council and the Enforcer were all-powerful but Armand saw truth behind the lies.

They were Shadow Walkers just like him.A stake to the heart could kill them just as easily as it could him. They weren’t infallible and it was time that someone showed them that.

“I am going to get my revenge, the law be damned. I am going to make that bitch and her boy toy bleed for what happened.”

“Sure you will, buddy,” Michael said, clapping him good-naturedly on his shoulder. Armand bristled under his patronizing tone.

“You don’t believe me? I would be happy to show you exactly how much pain I am capable of causing,” Armand said before baring his fangs and growling low in his throat.

Michael held his hands up in an offer of peace. “Hey calm down. There’s no need to get up in my grill. Same team, bro, remember that.”

The urge to rip his cousin apart was still there but he did his best to staunch it. From the corner of his eye he could see that Liam was tensed, ready to jump up if anything started between them and fight for Michael. Better to play nice with his cousins, especially since the sun was coming up soon.

The only one that Armand had for back up was Matthew and he had been silent since they had left Roxy. He was nursing the drink that Michael had brought and seemed unaffected by the tension between the others.

“You are right. I am sorry, cousin,” Armand said, holding out a hand that Michael clasped in forgiveness. “I’m just tired and frustrated, that’s all.”

“It’s all right. It’s about time for us to get home anyway. Sun will be up in an hour.”

The four of them rose from the table and made their exit from the bar. They disappeared down a dark alley, each one of them moving through the shadows to the three-bedroom bungalow they called home. The neighbourhood was one of the least desirable in the city, which worked as perfect cover for them.

Neighbours minded their own business and considering that half the houses on the street were drug dens, no one questioned the four men who lived together and never seemed to come out during the daylight.

Armand reappeared in the postage stamp sized backyard, followed by Michael and Liam who headed inside immediately. Armand remained outside, needing a moment to himself.

He lit up a cigarillo and stared up at the slowly lightening night sky. The stars were still there despite the sky turning from black to purple. He should have felt insignificant beneath such an awesome expanse but instead he felt powerful staring at those tiny pinpricks, as he did when he saw a large gathering of humans.

There might be billions of stars in the sky but he had more significance than all of them together. Just like the humans. He was something better and that deserved to be recognized.

He jumped when Matthew’s voice sounded next to him, not realizing the male had appeared next to him, staring up at the same sky.

“What you said earlier about the Council is true. They have never understood what our kind is truly meant to be. There will come a time when they will have to face the truth. If you choose to be the one who shows it to them, I will help you.”

Armand drew on the cigarillo, letting the smoke out slowly as he regarded his cousin, who continued to gaze up at the sky. He was relaxed, acting as if they were having a simple conversation about the weather instead of talking about what amounted to committing treason.

“Thank you, cousin,” he responded, sensing that he was committing himself to a more significant partnership than needing a getaway driver, so to speak.

Matthew just nodded before heading towards the house. He paused at the door and turned back to call out to him.

“You should come inside. You need to rest so that you will heal completely. I also find that dreams can provide the best plans.”

Armand knew Matthew was right. He was still feeling weak from his earlier wounds, despite drinking his fill from one of the humans at the club. He put out the cigarillo, grinding it beneath his boot and following Matthew into the house.