“Ah, I was beginning to think my c-link was on the blink.” The green goo surged up the empty torso to fill the throat and bubbled into the jaw line. One black cube bobbed on the surface like a loose eyeball, while the other sunk to its right thigh. “This pollution does play havoc with our electronics.”
I stared at him. Or it. A scream lodged in my throat and faded to a gargle. What the—? How in the—?
“I take it you’re Ted’s replacement?” The green goo expanded into every limb and his head. The human form had now had a pearlescent sheen. But those black cubes hovered one in each shoulder. “Not too bad on the eyes as far as skin bags on this planet go.”
Oh my God! I really was seeing a green man! Of course, it was almost six foot tall and not little but…
A voice drifted on the rising heat. The condo association president rushed along the cement pathway behind the green man. Her heels tapped out her impatience. She glanced my way and raised her hand before dashing along as fast as her pencil skirt would allow.
I raised my hand in acknowledgement. Had she seen my unusual visitor? No, she hadn’t even slowed. That could mean only one thing. The delusions had already started.
“You are the new steward, aren’t you?” The big, green man raised his arm. A Smartphone appeared in his hand and he aimed it in my direction. The goo drained out of his other arm and pooled into his legs, leaving a clear form that hung loosely at his side. The screen had a large arrow pointed at me and the app clicked faster as he shoved the phone in my direction.
I slammed the door shut and leaned against it for good measure. Squeezing my eyes closed, I tried to purge the image. No. No. NO! I had not just seen what I thought I had. No way. Nu-uh. I wanted the standard alien delusions of gray men with buggy black eyes. If I had to go crazy, I wanted company in the land of the loons.
“Problems?” Tobias’s voice was soft and soothing.
I’d probably hear that same tone many times when I arrived at the insane asylum. Bile burned up my throat and a strange buzzing filled my head. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
“Doubtful. The Cee-Bee’s have fully integrated. They will prevent you from falling ill, again.”
I opened my eyes to glare at him. With such empathy, the man should write greeting cards. “Yeah, well, tell that to my brain. It’s seeing things.”
As if he didn’t know. As if the water thingy on the other side of the door wasn’t part of his master plan.
He shrugged his broad shoulders. “Maybe you are finally seeing things as they really are.”
No. No. NO! What I saw was not possible. It didn’t even make sense. Another knock. I jumped as the three raps transmitted through the wood right into my skull. Oh God, why did I get out of bed this morning?
Tobias stroked my temple before tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “Aren’t you going to answer that?”
“No.” I shook off his touch and tossed the deadbolt. If he wanted to brainwash me, he’d have to find another way. I refused to be part of my own insanity trip. I raised my chin and clamped my lips together to stop them from trembling. “I told you I don’t feel well.”
He cocked his left eyebrow and unlocked the dead bolt. “Open the door.”
Shaking my head, I pushed off the wood panel and aimed for the couch. “I need to lie down.”
“You need to open the door.” Tobias clamped down on my arm, stopping my retreat.
I spun on my heel and drilled his shoulder with my finger. “Fine.”
Twisting the knob, I threw open the door.
The douche bag caught it before it squashed him like a bug under a fly swatter.
I transferred my glare from him to the watery man-form on my porch. “What do you want?”
I don’t know if my rudeness got a reaction or not. All the liquid just sloshed around the confines of his human suit—expanding and retracting before coalescing in the lower half.
“I know that you are new to your job, but that is hardly a reason to slam the door in my face.” The green fluid bubbled up to the head pushing the two black cubes up to the top of where a skull would be.
Face? He had no face, or eyes, or nose or… anything. Heck, I didn’t even know how he managed to talk. I followed the path of the cubes. Maybe they functioned as eyes or something.
The black squares came together, crossed, then drifted toward opposite green fluid filled in the ears. “I will have to register a complaint and—”
“You want to complain?” I snorted. Like I cared. Soon this will all be relegated to the back of my mind and surface only when I’m sleeping. Why did the mornings waking up screaming from some unknown terror now look appealing? I smacked my palm against the door. “Why don’t you just do that? To someone else.”
I pushed on the door. The stupid thing didn’t budge. Son of a monkey’s butt!
With one hand, Tobias pulled the door open wider. “Why don’t you invite Quatar in, MaryJane?”
He knew the green man’s name. Of course, he did. The douche knew everything including my name. I released the door. Unfortunately, it didn’t smack him in the face. “It’s Rae. R-A-E.”
“Colonel Werner.” Liquid sloshed as the half-filled man scuttled behind me to stand on the foyer. “I did not realize you were on Earth.”
Colonel? Tobias was in the military? Well, sure I saw it now. The military buzz cut, the square jaw and the inflexible ramrod up his behind. Perhaps, that key fob of his had injected more stupid inside my head for me not to have noticed it before.
Tobias Werner UED leaned against the door and threw the lock. The dead bolt shot home and echoed off the high ceilings. “Neither will you tell a soul about my presence, Quatar.”
Oh my. That wasn’t the smartest thing to say. I felt static electricity charge the air around me seconds before Quatar changed from green to yellow.
“Of course not.” My semi-solid visitor walked farther into Vivian’s condo. His liquidly self infused all parts of him.
I eyed the clean white tile. He had better not drip on Vivian’s pristine floor.
“I had heard about the blunder on Orion-Five.” Quatar lifted his yellow face to the ceiling. “It is good to see you suffered no ill-effects.”
Orion-Five? How many Orions were there? I shook off the distracting thoughts.
Tobias rubbed the center of his chest before holding his arms stiffly by his side. “The color of your water gives you away, Quatar. But as you can see, I am healthy.”
Yes, Tobias looked healthy and fit. He certainly felt it when he’d held me against him, but there had been that pain in his voice earlier. He’d said newbies cost lives and he certainly hadn’t been pleased to be partnered with me. Could the two be related to Orion-Five?
“Yes.” As the liquid drained from Quatar’s arms, his color changed to a lime green. “Very healthy for a skin-bag.”
Tobias grunted. “Mary Jane?”
I jerked my thoughts back to the present. God I hated that name and I’d bet he knew it too, which explained why he used it. Nothing like calling someone a pot head to gain their attention. I sighed and tugged on my ponytail. Fighting him wasn’t going to get this over with anytime soon. And I so wanted this over and done. But still? Aliens? Despite what Tobias had done to me, I couldn’t swallow the stupidity of it all.
Keeping the water form in my peripheral vision, I tapped my sneaker against the tile. “What do you see when you look at him?”
Tobias shifted his attention to Quatar. “I see an Aquados from Alpha Centauri Nine.”
Alpha Centauri Nine. Could the man not speak simple English? “Where on Earth is that?”
Quatar gurgled and changed to puce.
What? Did I insult him? Too bad. I didn’t appreciate being called a skin bag.
“It’s not on Earth, but in space.” Tobias leaned closer. “Outer space.”
Uh-huh. Sure. I got that part of the brainwashing. “You should know the only aliens I believe in are undocumented workers who sneak across the border. Not the Grays or little green men.”
Tobias glanced from me to Quatar the Aquados then back again. “Apparently life in the universe is not predicated on your belief or lack there of.”
I shrugged. So he could insult me with fancy words. Big whoop! I’d have the last laugh. “You should know that my family and friends aren’t going to buy it, if I suddenly start believing in aliens and claiming to be abducted.”
“Good.” He smiled, not the baring-of-teeth-before-I-devour-you but a real, honest-to-goodness smile. The corners of his green eyes crinkled and everything.
What the heck was that supposed to mean? Had I missed something? Could this be real? Nah. No way. My scalp tingled.
Maybe?
Quatar set his clear hand forms on his yellow hips. One black cube stared up at me from his foot. The other hovered in the green swirl where his man parts should have been. “Leave it to the UED to put a novice in charge. Small wonder she looked like she’d seen a
tralmak
coming to devour her when she spied me.”
Somehow I didn’t think he’d mispronounced trail mark. Maybe this was real. No. No. NO! That’s just what Big Brother wanted me to think.
“The UED didn’t put her in charge.” Tobias pulled his MP4 player from his back pocket.
“Then…” Quatar transitioned into a puce color again while his clear hands stroked his chin form. “Ahh… so APres Guarda has taken over.”
Tobias’s fingers flew over the screen of his music player then aimed it at me. A cone of red light shot out from the tip and hit me square in the chest. “The UED is still in power and protecting Earth and her Solar system.”
Son of a monkey’s butt! If that light did anything, I’d only leave my house at night. I tried to scamper away but he caught my arm and held me still.
“Relax,
obecht
.”
Relax? He must be delusional. I wasn’t going to relax, until the second coming. And why was he being so nice? He must be up to something. But what?
A midnight blue color blossomed in the puce of Quatar’s body. “Then why is someone of your caliber in the ass end of the galaxy? The last time you ended up with a novice, your entire team ended up dead and you in the infirmary re-growing limbs and organs.”
Releasing me, Tobias fingered a thin white scar encircling his wrist. His other hand sported matching scar tissue.
My knees wobbled and my stomach bucked. Oh God. I think I was buying it. All of it. My lungs heaved like bellows, yet I couldn’t seem to get any oxygen.
After shoving the MP4 player into his back pocket, Tobias set his hand on my shoulder and bent me over. “Breathe,
obecht
. Just breathe.”
I was or at least thought I was. Stars danced in my peripheral vision. For some perverse reason, I focused on his touch. Calmness blanketed my body.
“If you don’t like it on Earth, Quatar, I can arrange to have you sent back to your friends.” Tobias’s fingers tightened on my back. “They still haven’t given up looking for you. I’ve heard the bounty has even tripled.”
I rubbed my throbbing head. I should probably be paying more attention to their conversation. Yet, my memory seemed stuck on repeat. Aliens were real. Aliens were real.
Yellow burst through Quatar’s body and liquid filled all the nooks and crannies of his human form. “Perhaps I’ll come back when the novice steward is more settled into her job.”
Taking a deep breath, I straightened.
Tobias’s hand dropped from my back. “Speak your case, Quatar. I might as well break in the novice on a Vulcan vent worm like you.”
I blinked. As the novice being broken in, that would be my cue. “Should I take notes?”
Tobias shook his head and studied his dirty fingernails.
Fluid withdrew from Quatar’s body and formed a perfect green sphere in his torso. The black cubes floated in the middle like eyes. “I prefer salty oceans. Fresh water can prove fatal to my kind. I was hoping to be reassigned to the Gulf of Mexico. I understand there’s been a delightful oil spill. All those hydrocarbons just going to waste… It’s criminal.” He made a smacking sound.
How? I didn’t know since I didn’t see any lips. But I’d be damned if I was going to ask. As for him eating oil spills… Somehow that seemed almost normal. Maybe I’d maxed out my surprise allotment today. “I—”
Tobias covered a yawn. “We’ll take your request under consideration.”
Liquid erupted from Quatar’s core to fill his head. He turned his clear body to face me square on. “It would be good for Earth’s ecology.”
I nodded.
Tobias shot me a look that would have silenced a magpie.
I clamped my lips closed.
“It would be good for
you
, Quatar. You’ll gorge yourself on the spill; divide into thousands of you, and then start sucking all the oil wells dry in the Gulf before slurping up the rest of the world’s.”
Green liquid sloshed around Quatar’s innards. “Would that be such a bad thing? The UED should have converted the planet years ago.”
“Policy on humans bound to Earth is not the same as elsewhere in the galaxy.” Tobias backed up toward the door.
“I don’t know why the UED needs to be a secret. They’re your own kind.”
Tobias opened the door and pointed to the outside. “Go home, Quatar. We have your contact information.”
Yellow swirled in the green fluid as Quatar shuffled out. “If I have to last another summer here, I’ll just evaporate away.”
Tobias snorted. “We’ll let you know of our decision in a couple of days.”
He slammed the door shut before Quatar responded.
I propped a hip against Vivian’s couch and rubbed my eyes until I saw dots. How had my life come to this? I just wanted some bit of normalcy. I thought an exercise routine would be a good place to start. How could I be so wrong? “I don’t believe in aliens.”
“I know.”
I felt Tobias move closer. He radiated heat like a bon fire and suddenly I was cold. Most likely from the shock.
Ya think
? My whole frickin’ life had just been turned upside down, inside out and filled with jelly. I hated jelly.
“I’ll explain everything once we get back to your condo.” Holding my wrists, Tobias pried my hands from my face. Concern flared in his eyes. “I need to make sure it’s secure before I begin your debriefing and square our living arrangements.”