Read Blue Eyes and Other Teenage Hazards Online
Authors: Janette Rallison
“I don’t really know much about him. He’s a junior.”
“But you think he’s cute, don’t you?”
“Sure.”
“He wants to do something with me this weekend, but so does Avery Thompson. I can’t decide what I should do.” I tried not to sound envious of her dilemma. “I thought you were still grounded.”
“I’ve found ways around my parents’ unreasonable restrictions. I pretend to go to bed and sneak out my bedroom window. That’s the beauty of having a ground-floor bedroom: I get to have a good time, and my parents get to have a good night’s sleep.” It was ironic that she didn’t ever get caught doing this, since the one time I’d snuck out, Elise’s mother had called and squealed on me.
I never had much to say about guys to Elise. I was still manless. Bob talked to me in chess club, but he didn’t ask me out again. Maybe he didn’t want to repeat the ordeal any more than I did.
Chad saw various girls, none of whom I liked as they all had the serious shortcoming of not being me. Josh was still seeing Courtney. I didn’t like her either. Somehow over the last few weeks, Josh had improved on my guy scale to ten—perhaps even a ten and a half.
One morning I was in the library looking through the biography section for a social studies report, and Samantha strolled up to me. She casually pulled a book from a shelf near me. “Where’s Elise this morning?”
I flipped through the table of contents in a biography about Joan of Arc. “I don’t know.” Samantha replaced one book and took off another. “Oh. That’s right. You’re only friends with Elise when Josh is around.” My head jerked up. “I am not.”
Samanth sent me a knowing look. “Oh come on. You practically hang off of him.”
“I do not.” I felt myself turning red. I couldn’t believe she was saying this stuff to me.
Her voice was light and airy. “Cassidy, if you hung on to Josh any tighter, they’d have to pry you off every evening with the Jaws of Life.”
“That’s not true,” I insisted. “We’re just friends.”
“And I’m sure you’re disappointed about that.” She turned her back to me and sauntered off.
I was so steamed I couldn’t think of anything else for the next two periods. I was busy thinking of what I should have said, starting with, “Why do you care?” and ending with places she could put her pompoms.
I hoped that sometime Josh would come up and talk to me in the hallway while Samantha was around, but he never did.
* * *
Despite my success, I never asked my parents if I could take the car to school. I liked the time I spent with Elise and Josh.
One day Elise wasn’t in English class. She didn’t show up at my locker after school either. I figured she’d probably left school early, and I walked out to the parking lot.
Josh was waiting in his car. When I walked up, he glanced behind me. “Where’s Elise?”
“I don’t know. She wasn’t in English.”
He let out a grunt. “She’s skipping classes again.”
“It might not be that. She might have gone home sick.” I didn’t get in the car. Usually I sat in the backseat, but it seemed odd to sit there if Elise wasn’t coming. It would make Josh seem like he was my chauffer or something. I looked back across the parking lot, searching for her.
Josh shook his head. “Elise is supposed to tell me if I’m not taking her home. That way I don’t wait around for her, and I consent to let her ride with me the next day.” He put his keys in the ignition. “Let’s go.”
As I walked around to the car, I heard Elise calling. I turned and saw her and Chad walking towards us. They were holding hands. Holding hands. The sight of them like that sort of stunned me, so I couldn’t do anything but stare at them.
“I won’t need a ride home,” Elise said. “Chad and I are getting something to eat.” Then she gave us her wicked grin.
They walked past Josh’s car down the parking lot. I didn’t let my gaze follow them. I got in the front seat of Josh’s car and stared at the dashboard. As long as I didn’t have to look at anything else, I could make it home without doing something to embarrass myself, like crying.
I hoped Josh wouldn’t say anything to me, that he would just turn on the radio and ignore me. I kept looking at the dashboard, but all I saw was Chad and Elise—and Elise’s wicked grin.
Josh started up the car and navigated through the parking lot. He turned on the radio and flipped through the stations.
“You have a lousy selection of music in Pull man. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
There was a small pause. “So, how was sophomore life today?”
“Fine.”
He didn’t say anything for a minute. I could tell he was glancing over at me.
“You’re quiet today. Is something wrong?”
“No.”
He tapped his thumb against the steering wheel. “Was it something Elise did?” And then my worst fear came true. I cried. A lot. I rummaged through my backpack for a tissue. Why, I asked myself, hadn’t I worn my waterproof mascara today?
The car stopped. I looked up and saw we were at a neighborhood park. “Why are we here?”
“I thought you might want to talk about it.”
What I wanted was to go home and wash mascara off my cheeks. I attempted to do it with the tissue.
“It’s something stupid,” I said.
“Of course it is. If it involves Elise, stupidity is a given.”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“I’ve lived with Elise for a long time, I’ll understand.” Josh leaned against his door so he could face me. “Besides, I can’t take you home looking like that. Your dad already doesn’t like me.”
“What?” I kept wiping the mascara off my cheeks. “What are you talking about?”
“Whenever he sees me out walking our dog, he looks at me funny. Like he’s gritting his teeth.”
“He does not.”
“I can’t say I blame him. With Elise as a sister, people naturally question my morals. Besides,” Josh made a sweeping motion over himself,
“with looks like mine, what girl could resist me? Fathers naturally want to lock up their daughters.” I knew he was trying to make me smile, but I didn’t. I checked the car’s mirror to make sure the mascara smudges were gone. They were, along with all other traces of makeup. I looked terrible.
“What did she do?” Josh asked. “And was any of it ill egal?”
I leaned back in the seat. “I guess Elise will tell you, if I don’t.” I didn’t say anything else for a minute. I tried to think how best to word my answer without making me sound like a total loser.
“You know that guy Elise was with?”
“Chad something-er-other, right?”
“Chad Warren. And the thing is, I’ve liked him since I was in eighth grade. Elise knew that.”
“You like Chad Warren?” Josh said this like it was a disease.
“I knew you wouldn’t understand.”
“I understand. I’m just surprised. I can’t picture you with Chad Warren.”
“Well, you don’t have to try hard,” I said, “because it obviously isn’t going to happen.”
“No. I meant I thought you had better taste.”
I put the wadded up tissue in my backpack. “What’s wrong with Chad?”
“The guy is full of himself. He’s a jerk.”
I zipped my backpack shut. “You don’t know anything about him.”
“Guys hear other guys talk. I’ve been in the weight room with him before. Trust me, he’s a jerk.” I folded my arms.
Josh held up a hand to stop my protest. “You wouldn’t think so highly of him if you ever heard him carrying on in the locker room.”
“Why? What did he say?”
Josh opened his mouth, then shut it again. “I can’t say that sort of thing to you. But look, if you like Chad that much, you don’t have to worry. Elise goes through guys quickly. Three months tops, and he’ll be back on the scamming scene.” That wasn’t the real problem though. “Elise knew I liked him. I’m supposed to be her friend. Hundreds of guys go to PHS. Why did she pick him?”
“Because she’s Elise.”
“All I’ve ever done is be nice to her, and she did this to me.”
Josh watched me in a half-amazed, half-questioning way. He really didn’t understand.
“Look,” I said. “I appreciate you always giving me rides, but I don’t think I’ll need them anymore.”
“Because of Chad?”
“Because of Elise.”
Josh turned on the car and pulled into the street. “If that’s the way you want it.” I knew he was mad at me, or at least disappointed, but what did he expect me to do? Hang around Elise so I could hear the details of her relationship with Chad? Tag along so I could be a third wheel? I pictured Elise telling Chad about my crush on him. They’d both laugh about it. That was the worst thought of all.
We came to my house and I got out of the car.
“See you around, Cassidy.”
“Yeah, see ya.”
I went straight to my room and cried again.
I tried to look normal when it was time to help with dinner. I went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face, then reapplied makeup. It was hard to do because my eyes were puffy. They were also bloodshot, and no amount of eye shadow made them look otherwise. I knew it wouldn’t slip by my parents. I knew it, and yet I still tried to hide the evidence of my crying stint. While I set the table, I gazed down a lot.
First Mom glanced at the floor to see what I was looking at. Then she looked at me.
“Is there something wrong?”
“No.”
“Then how come you won’t look at me?”
I looked at her.
“What happened to your eyes?”
“Nothing. I’ve become a drug user, that’s all.”
Her face grew worried. “You’ve been crying haven’t you? What’s wrong, honey?” I told her the whole story. I knew I sounded pathetic, getting so upset about a guy who had never been interested in me. I didn’t want to be pathetic or feel the way I felt, but I didn’t know how to stop.
Mom gave me a hug, a this-too-shall-pass pep talk, and the car keys. She said I could drive to school for the next couple of weeks.
By the time dinner ended, I was finally feeling better and in control of my emotions again. I sat down with my homework and managed to concentrate on it instead of endlessly reliving those moments in the parking lot. I would be fine without Elise. Things would just return to the way they were before she moved in. I could handle having one less friend. I’d done it before, hadn’t I?
At eight o’clock the doorbel rang. A few moments later my father called, “Cassidy, you’ve got company.” I both wanted and didn’t want it to be Elise. I trudged downstairs. Josh was standing by the door, his hands thrust into his jacket pockets. My father stood next to him. And Josh was right—Dad did look like he was gritting his teeth. But when I got there, Dad walked off toward the kitchen, leaving Josh and I alone.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
Hadn’t we already? What was there left to say? And why hadn’t he just called my cell phone? I knew he had my number. He’d programmed it into his phone when he’d first started giving me rides. “Sure,” I said and showed him into the living room.
Josh sat down in the loveseat, and I sat down on the corner of the couch closest to him.
He fixed me with his gaze. “I don’t think you should let some jerky guy ruin your friendship with Elise.” I kept my voice light. “Well, I wasn’t taking a vote, but your opinion is duly noted.”
“Elise says she didn’t do it on purpose. She says she didn’t try to hurt your feelings.”
“You talked to her about it?” Until that moment it hadn’t occurred to me that Josh would tell Elise about the car ride home, and I dreaded the thought of him being my advocate. He didn’t understand Chad, he didn’t understand my feelings, and he certainly didn’t understand the ins and outs of girls’ friendships.
“I chewed her out,” Josh said. “Now she won’t speak to me because it’s obvious I’d rather have you for a sister.”
“You didn’t tell her I cried, did you?”
He didn’t say anything.
I tilted my head back and groaned. “How could you? What if she tells Chad?” I put my hand over my eyes. “I want to die.”
“She won’t tell Chad. She’s not trying to upset you.”
“Right.”
“Look, just talk to Elise. She doesn’t want to lose your friendship.”
“Obviously.”
“No guy is worth ending a friendship for.”
Josh definitely didn’t understand teenage girls.
“If she doesn’t have you,” he went on, “then all she’ll have is Kaylee and that bunch. Those were the type of girls who got her expelled in California. Don’t you care about her at all? You’re the one who was always telling Elise she should go to college.” I understood now why Josh had come over instead of calling. It would have been easy to say no to him over the phone. It was harder with him sitting here, looking at me so intently, so earnestly.
Josh leaned in closer. “Come on, Cassidy, you’re not the type to hold a grudge. I want you to keep riding with Elise and me to school.” It was a terribly inappropriate time to think about what a deep shade of blue Josh’s eyes were, but suddenly I found myself doing just that. Blue eyes and dark hair was such a striking combination. It was easy to let my gaze linger on him.
“Just talk to her,” he said softly. “Please.”
If I didn’t talk to Elise, it wouldn’t just be her friendship I’d lose. I’d lose Josh’s too. No more joking around with Elise and him in the car, no more talks, no more deep blue eyes.
He leaned in even closer. “Please.”
I let out a sigh. “All right. For you, I’ll talk to her.”
“Good. I’ll pick you up for school on Monday.” He smiled, a little triumphantly. Maybe he did understand teenage girls after all.
After Josh left, I went to my room and thought about what I should say to Elise. Whenever I started a paper for school, I jotted down a list of everything I wanted to say and bullet-pointed the most important details so I didn’t forget anything. This was at least as important as a school paper, and I needed to make sure I phrased things right. I picked up a pen, then put it down. bullet point lists for phone conversations was something Elise would have made fun of me for. I would do this her way, from the top of my head. From inside my heart.