Blue Desire (21 page)

“Yes,
love.”

He
called her love. Some men could use the word that way to complete strangers,
but she was sure he’d never called her that before. She searched his face for
something more but couldn’t read him. She wondered what it meant.
Maybe nothing.
Maybe a lot.
She
shouldn’t care so much, but she did. She wanted him in her bed, over and over
again.
And in her life.
Even if she
spent a bunch of it in rope.

It
took her a moment to remember what he’d said yes to. To the butt plug staying.
Dammit.

But
maybe, she thought with a smile, it really is about him after all. She didn’t
know why
that made her feel
happy, but it did.
I’m a cynical hard-bitten punk rock singer
.
She knew it had never been true. She’d given her all to help the band, until
they kicked her out. Even then, she’d wanted them to succeed. She’d tried to
love Angus until he made it impossible. She’d gone along on the copyrights way
back when because she wanted to make things work more than she wanted to get
her own. And now she was doing it again, wanting someone else’s pleasure as
much or more than she wanted her own. It hadn’t worked out very well before,
which is why she’d thought she’d learned.

He
was watching
her,
obviously aware her thoughts had
taken a turn. She expected him to demand to know what they were. Instead he
waited, patiently. The silence grew awkward. Or at least she thought it was
awkward.

This is who I am.
This relationship is worth the risk of being
myself
.
And so is the band with Cindy. Getting burned isn’t going to change who I am.

“You
look very determined,” he said at last.

“Yes,
Master. I am.”

New York City

Brett
sat at a table with a perfect view of the stage. Katrina had been apologetic
about the fact the gig was for the last day of their week, but thankfully, she
hadn’t offered not to go. He knew how important it was for her, and as much as
he liked being in charge, he was glad Kat had known where her priorities needed
to be.

She
was wearing a blue corset that he had made, and she looked wonderful in it.
He’d had material left from the other one, and he’d made one special for her.
It was looser than he usually made them, and it used plastic boning instead of
steel, to make sure she could sing and it would still look neatly tied in the
back. It was the only corset he’d ever made that was more decorative than
functional, although he liked to think they were all both. She’d set it off
with a blue spangled mini and ripped fishnets. She looked like a punk goddess.
She sang like an angel.

And tonight I get to
fuck you, hard
.
He remembered how she’d squealed the night before, when he’d tied the
steel-boned corset
extratight
. He’d taken her out to
eat after and had almost told her he loved her right then and there. It had
been on his lips again before the concert, but he hadn’t wanted to distract her
from an important performance. She’d told him that Martine’s was the coolest
small venue in New York right now. It wasn’t a chance that came very often.
Part of what made Martine’s successful was their knack for getting hot new acts
before they went national, and they’d called after the reviews from the DC
performance started spreading through the Internet. He wanted her to be able to
do her best.

He
watched her bend over. The corset made her ample breasts look even more ample,
and no doubt the men in the crowd appreciated it.
Look all you want. She’s mine
. He’d come all over those tits two
nights ago, back in DC. His gaze traveled to where she was bending. He thought
about how she’d bent over the night before that. He’d spanked her and then
brought her to orgasm like that. And then she’d come again in his arms. He
loved the way she looked when she came, and the moans she made were music to
his ears.

“What
are you thinking?” asked Amy. The little brunette sat across from him. They’d
become acquainted when he’d come to practices. He wasn’t sure if they were
friends or not, but he thought maybe they were becoming so. He wasn’t going to
share all his thoughts, however.

“Okay,”
said Amy. “Same thing every other man is thinking.
And some
of the women.”

Brett
wondered if Amy was included in that group and glanced over at her. But Amy’s
eyes were on Cindy. He smiled. A couple in
love
was a
beautiful thing. The world was changing, and someday soon Amy and Cindy would
be able to get married if they wanted to. They could now, if they did it out of
state.

He
never imagined himself married, but suddenly it didn’t seem like such a foreign
idea for him either. It wasn’t the sort of thing that one jumped into after a
week, but he knew he wanted Katrina in his life for a long time.

“Well,
since I’m transparent, what are
you
thinking?” he asked Amy.

“It’s
interesting, isn’t it? Watching the two people we love, knowing they share a
special bond we’ll never really be able to share or be a part of.”

He
hadn’t really thought of it that way, but maybe that was because Cindy was a
woman. He’d definitely felt a pang of jealousy when he’d seen Angus sitting
with Katrina in the strip club. When he’d walked away he’d wished he could play
a guitar as well as he could defend a client, but he knew that even if he’d
spent all his life practicing he’d never have that kind of talent. He’d had a
cello when he was in junior high. His mother had been as encouraging and
patient as any mother could be. The orchestra director had taken him aside and
suggested that maybe his talents might lie with a foreign language. Spanish was
offered at the same time, and he’d taken the hint.

“Cindy
loves you,” he said with conviction.

“Yes.
And I’m happy for her. She’s always wanted this, and now Kat has given it to
her. Kat’s so very talented and sexy. There are times when Cindy looks like
she’s in heaven, you know, and then she makes the guitar scream like she’s,
well…” Amy turned her face away.

“Like she’s having an orgasm.”

“Yes.”
Amy looked back at him and stuck out her tongue.

“When
they walk off the stage, though, they are all ours. What say I abscond with
Kat, so you can have some good couple time with Cindy?”

Amy
smiled. “That sounds perfect. No wonder Kat loves you.”

“My
motivations are entirely selfish.”

“Sometimes
selfish is good.”

Onstage,
Cindy stepped forward and leaned into Kat and sang a couple of lines of “Invaded”
with her, a song from
Kradle’s
first album. Angus had
withdrawn the cease and desist order. Back payments were supposedly in the
mail. Justice, for a change, had been remarkably fast. Kat put her arm around
Cindy and pressed so close their cheeks touched. He glanced back at Amy and saw
a look of pain cross her face. He wished he had the words to take it away, but
he couldn’t.

“Have
faith in your woman, Amy.”

“It’s
like a whole new world for her, and I’m not part of it.”

“Yes,
you are. You’re right here.”

“I
wouldn’t take it away from her for the world. But it’s hard. They really do
sound awesome, don’t they?
So much better than a week ago.”

He
smiled. It was true, in a way. They were much more polished now and would
probably get better yet. The performances at the Caravan Club had been
shockingly good, but they were raw, and Kat and Cindy needed to get better.
They had. He was, he supposed, one of a handful of people privileged to see the
entire evolution.

Cindy
pulled away, looked straight at their table, and blew a kiss he knew wasn’t
intended for him. Amy’s eyes lit up. Kat kept focused on the audience, and even
as Cindy missed a note, she didn’t turn around. They were both very talented,
but Kat was clearly more experienced. Maybe she knew too that Brett wouldn’t be
sitting there stressing. Other than Cindy’s missed note, they’d sounded spot-on
all evening. The crowd, most of which was on its feet dancing, was entranced by
the beat. It was a well-dressed bunch, and supposedly it was popular with up-and-coming
actors and other celebrities. Brett had spotted a few familiar faces, although
he couldn’t place any of them.

Kat
and Cindy launched into their last song, “Colliding at 55,” another
Kradle
song. Brett thought Kat’s newer stuff was better,
although this one had been twisted to the point it was hard to recognize from
the original, and it sounded damn good. Every time she played a
Kradle
song, he felt a particular satisfaction that came as
much from his small role in being her lawyer. He supposed it made him a part of
it in a way Amy wasn’t, although it was Amy’s house they practiced in.
Hopefully she took pride in that. He didn’t need to be a part, although he was
happy to do what he could. He simply enjoyed seeing Kat do what she did so
well.

The
extended dance mix of “Colliding” lasted eight minutes; the original was barely
over two, he thought, but he’d have to check the CD to be sure. The crowd
clamored for an encore, and Kat and Cindy obliged. “C’mon,” Brett said to Amy.
“This is our time to head backstage before it gets like a zoo.” He hated to
miss even a moment of the show, but it was easier this way, and as much as he
told himself he was helping Amy see Cindy faster, he was looking forward to
having Kat all to himself as well.

He
had something important to tell her, after all.

Amy
got up and followed him. People tended to move out of his way when he wanted
them to.

THE
STAGE HAD been hot, especially when they focused the lights on her toward the
end of the show, and Kat was dripping with sweat. If her makeup hadn’t run, she
was going to stick with that brand forever. She didn’t dare touch her face for
fear it would smear.

“Were
we okay?” asked Cindy.

“We
were awesome,” Kat said.

“We
were, weren’t we? Although I missed—”

“Don’t
even think about it.” She gently pushed Cindy ahead of her down the narrow
hallway that led back from the stage. Out there, Martine’s was glitzy and hip.
Backstage, it was dark and claustrophobic and smelled of cigarettes. Then
again, she wasn’t sure she smelled so good either. Brett would be back there.
She didn’t want him to see her like this, but she knew she’d have no chance for
a shower.

Well, he’s seen me
first thing in the morning, and he’s seen me right after sex. I guess this is
just one more thing
.
He was right there too, standing behind Amy. There might have been room for two
Amys
side by side there, but there definitely wasn’t
room for more than one Brett. The low ceiling made him look even taller than
usual.

Amy
grabbed Cindy and pulled her away. Cindy glanced over her shoulder
apologetically, but if she expected a response, Kat didn’t give it, because
when Amy moved aside, she exposed a bouquet of a half dozen red roses in
Brett’s hand. He handed them to her. Well, at least that way he wouldn’t be
pressed against her sweaty body. Maybe it was better than a hug, although she
wanted to be in his arms so badly. She took them, holding them just below where
the stems poked out from the yellow paper.

“Careful.
They have thorns.”

She
laughed. “I wouldn’t expect anything else from you.”

He
smiled. “I have my softer moments. You were fantastic, by the way.”

She
looked down. God, around him it seemed sometimes all she thought of was sex.
“Not very many soft moments,” she said. “Not now.”

He
seized the wrist of the hand holding the roses, moved it behind her, and pulled
her close. She tried to pull away but couldn’t.

“I’m
all icky,” she said.

“You’re
all wet.” He licked the side of her neck, and she moaned. “You taste
wonderful.” He turned her so that she was up against the wall, and she felt the
prick of a thorn against her back in the narrow space where the corset laces
were. She didn’t think it punctured the skin. She didn’t care much, either. She
wanted his thick cock inside her, now. They weren’t exactly in the most private
of places, though, even if it was deserted at the moment. Amy had pulled Cindy
into the one room at their disposal, so that was out. Not that she had any
reason to think the two of them were up to anything. Although she didn’t have
any reason to think they weren’t.

“Mine.”

“Yours,”
she agreed. He’d let go of her wrist, but she didn’t move it. It was happening
again, that heady feeling that she’d do anything for him and let him do
anything to her. Martine herself was likely to pop through at any moment. They
had crew there to take down some of the equipment, and they could come into the
corridor from the other side. But if he pulled up her skirt and fucked her, she
still wouldn’t stop him.

“I
love you,” he said.

“I
know.” She
had
known for a while,
even if he didn’t say it. It was still nice to hear the words. “I love you
too.”