Thursday June 6th
”Linn, it was bloody Linn at the bar!” Nikki was shouting, hiding her face in her hands. Her words echoed around the mirrored walls of the lift.
”What the hell should we do?” Her wide open eyes were screaming with panic and she was hysterically tugging at Patrik’s shirt.
”Linn? You must have made a mistake, damn it Nikki. Tell me it was a mistake.” Patrik heard himself sounding hysterical and tried to calm down. ”Listen, you can’t have seen Linn….” He held Nikki’s face and looked into her eyes which were filled with fear.
”Damn it, can’t you hear me? It was your wife standing at the bar.”
Nikki could see her relationship with her childhood friend falling apart and ending for good. She tugged off her shoes and held them desperately in her shaking hand when the lift doors were opened. They ran as fast as they could to the hotel suite and quickly locked the door with the key-card. Nikki put on the safety chain and carefully locked it before neurotically beginning to pace to and fro in the living room.
”What the hell is she doing here? In Cyprus?” Patrik was breathless as he asked the questions while going to the mini-bar. Upset, he poured the content of one of the miniature bottles into the glass standing nearby and took a good swig of the whiskey. The brown liquid burned hot in his body and soul. ”Are you really sure, Nikki?” Patrik felt the panic spreading like an evil virus through his body.
Nikki collapsed crying on the big pastel coloured sofa cushions. The feelings of guilt were welling over her like big, angry waves. Her brain was working overtime. What the hell was Linn doing in Cyprus? Why hadn’t she told Patrik that she was flying down to the island? Did she know about their relationship? With eyes full of tears and a snotty nose she looked up from behind the mint green cushion. Her chin was quivering and she went to the corner of the sofa.
”Damn it. Hell hell hell. Yes Patrik, I’m completely sure. It was Linn. She knows. She knows about us, she has to. Otherwise she wouldn’t be here at the Grecian Hotel.” Nikki suddenly got up. She grabbed the light pink cushion and threw it as hard as she could straight into the white washed living-room wall. A painting fell down.
Patrik was pacing around the room with his second glass of whiskey. Unconsciously he was putting his cold, sweaty hand through his blond mop of hair whilst trying to think straight. Had he left the hotel confirmation visible in their apartment’s office? Moments later he remembered it was Linn who gave it to him a couple of minutes after he had printed it. Unfortunately she had been using the printer at the same time as him.
”I have to leave, sorry. I can’t possibly stay here.” Nikki manically pulled down all the dresses hanging neatly on velvet hangers in the wardrobe and threw them in her wide open suitcase. The toiletries she collected in no time as well as the beachwear she had used earlier during the day. With an experienced eye she quickly looked around the suite to make sure she had packed everything. She nodded in agreement and quickly closed the black suitcase. Patrik stood watching motionless.
”Nikki, damn it. I had no idea Linn was able to come here on her own. She can bloody well hardly take care of herself and the kids at home.” The children, his thoughts went to Céline and Klas. He nervously wondered who was looking after them. And who had actually taken care of Anna all these years?
”I’m leaving now”, Nikki panted breathlessly. She tiptoed over to kiss Patrik a quick goodbye before closing the door. She hoped that she could leave the hotel before Linn decided to go to his room. Quickly she pulled her heavy suitcase into the lift while she herself ran as fast as she could down the elegant marble staircase, barefoot with her sandals in the hand. A couple of minutes later Nikki was sitting, breathing heavily, in a taxi. The sweat was pouring down her spine and she felt cold and uncomfortable. As usual when stressed she was biting the cuticle of her little finger while the taxi driver asked where she wanted to go.
”Go where-ever you wish, as long as it’s out of here”, Nikki whispered with a hoarse voice. She didn’t know where to go.
Friday June 7th
Drowsily Nikki rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and tried to get her bearings. A little lost she sat up in the large double bed, looking around in the shadowy darkness. Making a face she removed the elastic from her hair and remembered the night before like a shot. Once again the heavy knot of lead came back to her stomach. She looked at her mobile lying on the side-table but there were no new messages. Wonder if Linn found Patrik yesterday? Yes, she must have done that, Nikki thought worriedly and naked got out of bed. Feeling the soft carpet under her feet she went to the large window, opened the white curtains and gazed at the scenic view. The strong sun shone in her eyes and lit up the beautiful room. Outside the window there was already a lot going on. People were having breakfast and some were having a cool swim in the mosaic tiled pool. The hotel’s towels were already placed on the deckchairs on the beach and a couple of white pedal boats could be seen out on the sea.
Even though Nikki had slept the whole night thanks to a sleeping pill, she felt completely exhausted. Paralyzed. Yawning she went into the hot shower and her thoughts returned to Linn.
Why? Why was I lured into this bloody mess? My own fault of course. I could have said no. Damn it. How could I be such an idiot to start fucking the husband of my childhood friend?
She started sobbing uncontrollably. Salty tears were mixed with the shower and she felt several years of guilty feelings leave her knotted stomach. The knot in her stomach shrank a little while she cried but she still felt like the lowest creature on earth as she wrapped herself in the towel.
Nikki put on a bikini with a leopard pattern and felt her stomach churning worriedly. She checked the time and could see there were three hours left of the regular fast which had become everyday life for her since watching a program on TV last winter. She found a few tea-bags in her suitcase, chose a spicy tea with chocolate flavour and switched on the electric kettle. Her mobile whistled and Nikki froze. The message wasn’t from Patrik but from her son Axel who wondered if she was awake. You’re so sweet, she thought while scrolling down her contact list until she saw his name.
”Good morning, how are you?”
”Fine, finally it’s the weekend. What about yourself?”
”Well, I’m quite fine.” Nikki realized she wasn’t lying. She smiled and continued.” I was just going to have a cup of tea and then I’ll relax on the beach, reading a little.” She didn’t feel she had to update her son on what she had escaped from the night before in another hotel in another town. In addition, Axel thought she was in Mallorca. Nikki hadn’t wanted to reveal she was in Cyprus in case Linn decided to call their house. ”What’s on the program today?”
”Me and AT are going to find out if we can go to Australia to work. My old class-mate, you remember Lina, she went down to Melbourne. Now she has a myriad of friends and a really good job. Mum, we’re talking about a lot of money.”
”You’re too sweet”, Nikki laughed. ”It’s good you have some plans for the future. If you think Australia sounds good, go for it. Little Sweden will still be around if you get home-sick. Surf around a bit on travel blogs, there’s a lot of information there.”
”I’ve already been surfing around quite a bit. You know, Lina says they are paid the same salaries as in Norway. Do you get it?”
”Is that true?” Nikki asked surprised. ”That sounds fantastic. By the way have you checked how long in advance you need to give notice?”
”Yeah, a month. Tonight after work I’ll have a look at how much a ticket to Sydney would be.”
”You’re funny”, Nikki smiled looking in the bathroom mirror. ”At least you don’t waste time and I like that. You know that I support you and you know what I’ve told you. Get out and see the world before you get tied up with somebody or something. What are you going to do today, then?” Nikki went to her suitcase and took out a few extra bikinis and a sarong, putting them in her pink beach-bag. She also picked up a few magazines about health and food.
”Ah, I don’t know. I think I’ll see a few pals after work.”
”Cool. Are you cooking some food or has it only been take-away now that I’m gone?”
”No, I eat every evening after practice. Listen, I have to go soon, my work is calling me. I just wanted to get in touch…by the way, I almost forgot. You had a letter from Linn.”
”Linn?” Nikki felt her stomach cramp and the vicious knot which had almost gone away came back like a bolt of lightening.
”Yes, she’s drawn some flowers on the back of the envelope and written her name as the sender. Very old-fashioned in my opinion. There is actually something called mail, Facebook or sms.”
Nikki nervously cleared her throat and pulled her hand through her damp hair. Her guts told her that Linn knew. ”Damn it”, she said out loud, without thinking.
”Is everything OK, Mum?” Axel carefully asked.
”Everything’s fine”, she lied. ”It’s just strange that Linn would have sent a letter.” She looked out through the window, studying the hotel guests by the pool. ”Well, well, leave it there and I’ll take care of it when I get home on Sunday.”
Nikki sank down on the soft bed. She was frustrated while trying to block out the worst thoughts. Had Linn first sent the letter and then come down to Cyprus to catch us in the act, or what? What the hell was going on? Nikki aimlessly walked around the room until she felt she was going crazy.
I have to get hold of Patrik, she thought. Linn should have met him by now and he must have an inkling if she knows about us or not. Nikki got her mobile and sent a short message.
Hi, all well here. Have you met Linn? Does she know about us?/ Nikki
At the same moment she pressed Send, Nikki regretted it. What if Linn read Patrik’s sms? Frustrated, she shook her head and tried to rid herself of the horrible feeling as she placed her half full beach-bag on her shoulder and walked, down to the beach. Once in a while Nikki worriedly checked if she had had any message from Patrik but the screen was empty. She was both happy and grateful that she had followed the advice of the taxi-driver last night to change city and she had gone all the way to Pafos. The trip had taken two hours but she actually wanted to get as far away from Protaras as possible. Nikki’s mobile whistled again.
Good to hear that you’re fine. Where are you? Linn is here and I don’t think she knows anything about us. X x x Patrik.
1976
What previously had been a longing now became difficult and full of anguish. The boys had always been jubilant when the family had filled the car and gone to Nynashamn to take the ferry over to Gotland, but not this year. Ten long lovely weeks of summer holiday had been exchanged with ten weeks of pure hell.
Their mother had gradually become worse during the year and her mood was constantly changing. Sometimes she even needed the crutches to get around. Unfortunately the boys more seldom saw the kind smile in their mother’s pretty but worn-out face. The medicine jars became more and more and the body and mind had slowly been broken down.
Even though the sun was out a lot on the wonderful green island the brothers and their mother saw life as dark as the night. This summer the little brother had had to build a sacrificial place all the way inside the white washed barn. Without asking any questions he had done what his father told him. During the nights Little brother still had to hold the pillows against his ears while humming to keep out the horrible screams of his big brother. And he had seen the pictures of Big brother standing tied with the leather straps against the hard dirty white limestone wall. What Daddy actually was doing Little brother didn’t quite know but he could see the large burns and swollen bruises on Big Brothers skinny, haggard body.
The last night before leaving for the city Daddy had come into the brothers’ room. Little brother could smell from far away that it would be an awful night. Both brothers had to go barefoot out to the barn only dressed in pyjama trousers. Daddy had ordered Little brother to sit down on a chair while he silently tied Big brother with the leather straps hanging on the wall. Big brother’s wrists and ankles were already scraped and blue. Little brother closed his eyes tightly as Daddy took off Big brother’s pyjama trousers. Naked and humiliated Big brother had to stand in the dim light with his body trembling from cold and fear. The mandatory sock Little brother had to put in Big brother’s mouth all the while crying. That was the night when Daddy introduced his black bag to his sons.
With a small scalpel he had cut out different patterns under Big brother’s feet. Daddy had proudly showed Little brother his brother’s shredded feet and prepared him that next summer it would be his turn to know the content of the black bag.
Friday June 7th
The morning sun was already too hot and Patrik shifted his deckchair to the shade on the large balcony. The palms were nicely lined up at the bottom of the cliff and the sea was shimmering in the rays of the sun. A lone sea-gull was screaming in the still air and he wondered where all the other sea-gulls were. In Sweden they usually flew together in a flock, but here he always saw only one at a time. With the hotel towel wrapped around his hips and his damp hair standing straight up he didn’t really feel amused. The harmonious feeling had been replaced by anger and irritation after the bizarre event of last night.
To convince himself of what Nikki had said Patrik had felt the need to return to the Asian restaurant. He had immediately recognized Linn’s hysterical laughter as she wildly swayed around the bar, talking to some slimy dude with a black, open shirt. Patrik had gathered all of his strength and put on his talent for acting before approaching.
”Linn… but what are you doing here?” He gave her a hug and a quick kiss on her lips. His heart was beating hard in his chest and he hoped Linn wouldn’t notice how nervous he was.
”Hello, sweetheart.” Linn smiled her best smile and pulled a hand through her blond shoulder-length hair. ”What am I doing here? Well, that’s what I’m wondering, too.” She laughed out loud and threw her head back. ”I kind of like surprises and here I am.” Linn was slurring her words as she flung her arms wide and gulped down the last drop from her wine-glass.
Patrik immediately saw that his wife was more than just a little tipsy and tried stopping her when she raised her hand to order another glass of red wine from the bartender.
”Stop it, I decide what I want in my glass….” Linn pursed her lips like a stubborn child and her mouth looked like a thin line. She glared annoyed at her husband and didn’t realise how one of her shoulder straps was sliding down. Patrik thought she looked vulgar. Her red dress was far too short and showed more of her thigh than necessary for a woman of her age. But the worst, though, was to see your wife drunk and slutty. Patrik looked around the bar in shame and saw how Linn’s slimy companion had started going for another woman.
”You see…ah, never mind. Give me more wine now, come on you bore.” Patrik refused and shook his head, trying to silence his loud wife. ”But what the hell…let me go. How bloody hard should it be…to give me a bloody glass of wine.” The last sentence was far too loud and a lot of guests looked disapprovingly at Linn.
”Come on, let’s go.” He took Linn’s arms and tried to get her up from the bar chair.
”Leave? No way. I want my wine first.” Linn was swaying, lost one of her shoes which rolled under the next bar chair. When she tried getting it with her other foot she slipped and fell down on the floor.
”Ouch!” Patrik was quick to help his wife on her feet again. He bent down and picked up the red wedge heel shoe while trying to keep Linn upright with the other arm.
”How are you?” Patrik asked making a face when he saw her knee. The blood was pouring from a deep cut. Some guests nearby came with a few napkins and asked if they needed help but Patrik kindly declined.
”You have to take the other shoe off, Linn. Give it to me.” Patrik was losing his patience. ”Damn it”, he said out loud.
”Hang on a minute”, Linn was slurring, ”Where are we going?”
Patrik gave his wife an icy look and hissed. ”To the room.” He took another napkin and pressed it hard to her knee while they were waiting for the lift. The lift he and Nikki had escaped in a few hours’ ago.
”Why do you drink so bloody much? Can’t you behave like normal people do?” Patrik pushed his wife into the lift and had to hold her around the waist so she wouldn’t collapse. ”How much have you been drinking actually?”
Linn wobbled a little and started giggling. ”Ah, just a few glasses.”
”A few, sure”, Patrik was muttering. He was mad. Most of all he was angry with himself for closing his eyes to his wife’s problems with alcoholism and for her having come here, destroying his and Nikki’s mini holiday. The torment washed over him like an avalanche and grew larger and larger with every second passing. ”Damn it, why do you do this?”
”What?” Linn slurred in surprise. She rubbed her eyes until she looked like a panda, standing there clinging to him.
After a restless night Patrik yawned and got up, taking a long, hot shower. He sat down in the deckchair in the shade on the balcony with the towel around his hips, looking out over the peaceful, still sea. A couple of coffees later he surfed the internet looking at different rehab centres but didn’t find as many as he had hoped for. Finally he found Namndemansgarden on Kungsgatan in Gothenburg and sent a mail to Malin who was a manager there. Patrik also sent a mail to his friend Johan who also had a few holding companies in Cyprus. He wanted to know which accountant he was using and if Johan could recommend him or not. Since his gut feeling after the meeting in Ayia Napa was far from good. Petros had changed radically and Patrik felt that something was not quite right. The accountant almost felt threatening, a side he’d never shown before. After all, Patrik had been working with him for over five years without any complications at all.
The computer’s clock told him it was time for breakfast. Annoyed he wrapped the towel even tighter around his hips, looked at Linn who was still sleeping off her intoxication fully dressed in the bedroom . The stench of the previous nights alcohol found its way to his nostrils and made him wince. With a click he opened the window and let the fresh, warm wind come in and get the worst of the smell out.
”It’s ten o’clock, maybe time to wake up?” Patrik felt he couldn’t control his sarcastic voice when he loudly tried to wake up his wife.
How could it have come this far? I feel as though I don’t even know my own wife anymore. What actually happened? What happened to us? With our marriage?
Linn’s hair was matted and he noticed for the first time how skinny she was. Her dress had come up on her hip and he wondered when she had stopped caring about her own looks. He gave her a last look before going out, closing the door behind him. Patrik got dressed and stood in front of the bathroom mirror to fix his Tintin fringe. In the lift to the breakfast room he read Johan’s mail on his mobile and was pleasantly surprised with the quick reply.
Hi Patrik, call George on the number below. Greet him from me and he’ll take good care of you and your companies. George even helped me open my other companies in Malta.
Take care and enjoy Cyprus/ Johan
The dining room was filled with hungry hotel guests and Patrik found a free table for two in the shade under an umbrella by the pool. He ordered a double espresso from the attentive waiter, went into the dining room and was surprised by all the delicacies. He ended up with an enormous omelette from the chef in the egg corner, a freshly pressed orange juice as well as some slices of leavened bread.
”Good morning.”
Patrik looked up in surprise and saw Linn standing by the table dressed in a pair of the biggest and ugliest sunglasses he had ever seen. They didn’t match her style of dressing which otherwise consisted of flip flops and a too short, low cut, linen dress. Tired, he gave her a look of disapproval before answering:
”Good morning, are you sober now, or”
”What do you mean- sober? Isn’t it allowed to have some fun anymore? You always have to be so bloody good and destroy all the fun.”
”Sit down, we need to talk.” Patrik called for the waiter, ordered another double espresso as well as a pot of black coffee for his wife. ”Last night I finally understood the situation. Unfortunately a little too late. But when I saw your condition when I found you in the bar, I understood what I’ve been denying. You are an alcoholic, Linn. Alcoholic.” Patrik sadly shook his head and had another sip of his juice. ”Do you understand what I am saying?”
”Ah, you are exaggerating. I’m not a bloody alcoholic just because I had some red wine last night.” Linn lowered her voice when she noticed that the guests around their table were looking closely at them. She fiddled nervously with the bracelets around her thin wrist and looked down at the table.
”Just to let you know I’ve contacted a rehab centre half an hour ago. You and I are going there for a first meeting as soon as we get home.” Patrik took a bite of his omelette and waited for Linn’s reaction.
”Rehab centre? You’re bloody insane. What right do you have to contact them without my permission?” Linn struck her forehead and felt how her headache was pounding inside her head. An indescribable fear had locked her body and her hand was trembling as she lifted the cup of coffee.
”By the way, who is taking care of Klas and Céline as we’re both here?” Patrik changed the topic since he was tired of arguing in public.
”Your parents.” She thought of the children. Did they see her as a drunk mum?
”Good, at least they are in safe hands then.” Patrik loved his parents and had a fabulous relationship with them both. ”OK, and what was your purpose for your visit here then?”
Linn was scratching her arms, looking away. ”I don’t know. I thought it seemed a good idea when I was at home, but now I just feel stupid.”
”I’m not on holiday if that’s what you think. You know that I have stuff to take care of with my companies, that’s why I’m here. When do you fly back?”
”On Sunday on the same flight as you.” She didn’t feel comfortable at all with the situation and in her own fantasy her surprise visit should have ended in a more romantic way.
Patrik stiffly excused himself and got up from the table. ”I have an important phone call to make. You stay and enjoy the breakfast buffet, I think it will do you good. Linn didn’t answer but nodded briefly as Patrik strode quickly to the lift . He took out his mobile and sent a short message to Nikki.
Found Linn dead drunk in the bar yesterday. Have contacted a rehab centre. She is going home on the same flight as us, could you possibly change yours? I’ll pay. Xxx Patrik
Patrik missed Nikki’s happy laughter and spontaneity. Thoroughly dejected he opened the door to his suite and went out on the balcony. The air was stuffy and it was the first time he had experienced such an intense heat in Cyprus. He sat down on the sofa and called Johan’s accountant. He had to hear the truth from an independent party since he was apprehensive about Petros’ strange behaviour.
”Yes, that’s right, I know Johan. How can I help you?”
”Just like Johan I also have a few holding companies here in Cyprus. The other day I was with my accountant and wanted to move one of my companies to Malta, and got the reply that it’s completely impossible. What I’ve understood from Johan is that you’ve helped him do something similar?”
”Unfortunately I can’t discuss my clients’ business, but I’ve never heard that you can’t move companies between Cyprus and Malta or the other way around.”
Patrik was scratching his head with his pen.
”In other words you don’t see any problem with moving one of my Cypriot holding companies to Malta?”
”No, no, not at all”, George answered with absolute certainty.
Patrik hung up and was thinking. Something wasn’t quite right here. He turned the situation inside out and found that he couldn’t do anything until he had the translations at hand. Restless he went into the bedroom to get the computer. In the corner of his eye he saw an object under the bed and bent down. Two seconds later he was standing there in surprise with Nikki’s sexy lace pants in his hand. His thoughts went quiet and the emotions quickly overtook him. At first he liked what he saw and drew in the scent from his lost lover for a long time. But suddenly he froze.
”Damn it, Linn.”