Chapter 1
It was the freakiest thing. His friend's neighbor was found dead yesterday morning. “Heart attack,” Reggie said, explaining it again to his stepbrother. His friend had called and was telling him about how his “hot and sexy” neighbor, whom he'd often enjoyed watching undress through the window (
perv
) was just
dead
.
“Wow,” Junior said excitedly. “Are the cops looking into it?”
“No, fool. Cops don't look into heart attacks. Sheesh.” Reggie hated when Junior got in his personal space this way. He was talking on the phone and here Junior wasâeavesdropping.
Why does he feel he has the inside scoop like that? We ain't pawdnas ... joined at the hip and all that,
Reggie pondered in growing irritation. Sure, Reggie's mother was married to Junior's father, but still, it wasn't as if Junior was “truly” a part of this familyânot according to the things he'd overheard when his parents argued. And they argued a lot. A lot of the arguments were about old stuffâthat was obviousâbecause Junior's mother was at the root of it all, and clearly what had gone on between Reggie's stepfather, Chance, and Junior's mother, Juanita, was old news. At least that was Chance's end of the argument.
Why can't Ma just let it go,
Reggie wondered now, thinking of his always stressed-out mother and pushing the front door open. The warmth and good home-cooked smells hit his face.
“So his totally healthy neighbor just dropped dead, just like that, and nobody asked any questions. Nobody suspects foul play,” Junior babbled on.
And then there's the always-there Junior. Maybe that's why my mom can't let it go, because he's always here,
Reggie realized, groaning slightly at the sound of Junior's voice.
“Mom's not here. She said don't snack it up either, because we're having a big dinner since she's leaving in a coupla days,” Rainey, his half sister, said in passing, her head not coming up from her textbook, or her feet from the floor as she shuffled into her bedroom. Now, Rainey was another story; she was the daughter of his mother and Chance. She fit in. She even looked like Chance. Fair skin, freckles, light-colored eyes, not too tall. Yeah, she looked just like him. Junior didn't look like Chance or his mother, Juanita. Junior was bigânot fatâbut tall, taller than Chance, and darker, too. Even Juanita's complexion was more of a honey brown. But Junior's was darkâmore like his own complexion, and Reggie knew he took after his mother in that regard. For all Reggie knew, he took after his mother in all regardsâbecause he didn't know who his father was.
“Big dinnerâsweetâbecause I'm starving,” Junior said, dropping his books on Chance's favorite large recliner.
“When are you going home?” Reggie asked, not caring if the question was rude. He'd ended his conversation and was about to start another.
Junior just smiled as if he didn't care either. “I am home, broman.”
“You wish,” Reggie mumbled, lugging his heavy backpack into his room and closing the door behind him, as if that were enough to keep Junior out. He was tired of Juniorâor maybe it was his life he was frustrated with. It was always the same: drama, arguments, bad feelings and vibes. He was looking forward to this break, this getaway. He was going to Eugene, Oregon to look at the college there. His mother was against him going out of state. She wanted him to attend the local college where she and Chance worked. “H to the no,” he huffed.
He glanced at his clock and wondered where his stepfather was. Then, through the door, he heard Chance talking to Junior. For an instant Reggie felt a little jealous, but shook it off. He was the one who really needed to talk to a father right now. He had some major decisions to make with his life. But no, he was reduced to talking to his buddies or counselors at school.
Whatever.
When he was gone, Chance and Rainey would have all the time they needed with their father. “Since I'm the one who really doesn't belong in this family,” he mumbled. Sometimes he wished he knew who his real father was.
Just then his phone rang. The return number was blocked. He hesitated, but then answered it.
“Is this Reggie Ams?
“Yeah.”
“Well, young man, this is a very exciting day for you.”
Chapter 2
Rashawn looked again at her calendar. Really soon, she would be taking off on vacation. “No kids, no husband, and best of all, no ...” She thought about Juanita, Chance's ex-wife. That woman was the bane of her existence. Every day it was something new. If she didn't know any better, she'd believe Juanita was a threat to her marriage, but there was no way Chance was still into that crazy woman. He'd sworn off Juanita when they got married. Before then, however, Juanita had tried everything, even getting pregnant and putting that child on Chance. Anybody with eyes could see that Junior was no more his son than Reggie was. But Chance had refused to get a blood testâsometimes Rashawn wondered about that. “Too late now, fifteen years is just way too late to worry about that.” Maybe it was just sour grapes that Rashawn felt. It wasn't as if she'd given him a sonâno. But she had given him a beautiful daughter, one he could have had by himself, as strong as the resemblances were.
Fifteen years had indeed been a long time to worry about a lot of things. Glancing from her window out over the campus, she wondered if in fact she'd actually stopped worrying or just put the memories away. In the last few years she had moved up the career ladder, taking one promotion after the next until she was dean. She'd not had time to worry about what she couldn't change ... like the past. Nonetheless, she'd started dreaming about the past again. Painful dreams that woke her in a sweat. She tried talking to Chance about them but he wasn't having it. He wasn't about to take that trip down horror avenue.
She'd been raped on this campus, and to this day she wasn't sure she'd recovered. She'd surely challenged the memories by staying on this campus this longâworking here as if to say, “Bring it on, I got a handle on it.” But even now, sometimes she found herself on the wrong end of the campus or parking lot and again the panic would wave over her.
Chance is probably right. It has been long enough to let the past go
, Rashawn reasoned as she ran her hand over the red leather of her wing back chair. The knock at her door brought her back from her reverie instantly. It was a light tap followed by the door opening. Renee, her secretary, stuck her head in and grinned. Renee was a young black woman, maybe around thirty, but she had an old soul, that Rashawn knew. Renee reminded Rashawn a lot of her baby sister, Shelby.
Shelby was barely forty, but since retiring from a pro basketball career a few years back, she acted like a senior citizen most of the time. Perhaps it was the word “retire” that had gotten to her, or maybe it was the life she was living with her husband and daughter in Eugene, Oregon, where her husband coached at the junior college. It was a quiet life, Shelby had told her. Rashawn wondered if her own life could ever get so subdued, what with a house full of teenagers all the time.
Thanks, Juanita, for the extra kid,
Rashawn balked internally.
Yeah, Juanita was an old-school home wrecker, still playing the same old games and up to the same ol' tricks. It was a constant battle to keep Juanita out of her life while helping Chance do his part as a father to her son. Yes, Rashawn would say her life was rockin' most of the time.
“I was going to head on home if you don't have anything else for me to do,” Renee said. Rashawn wasn't used to having a secretary, and over the last few months since taking the position as dean, she'd not really used Renee to the fullest.
Never had Rashawn thought her job as a teacher would end her here one dayâdean of an esteemed private school in northern California. Years ago, however, this very same school, Moorman University, had been the source of great agony and trauma in her life. Here on this very campus, she worked alongside a rapist and the father of her son, Reggie. However, Moorman University had been redeemed for its blame in her pain, for here within these hallowed halls, she'd met her husbandâChance Davisâand had been, literally, given another chance at life, love, and happiness. Chance was a good man. He'd raised Reggie as his own, along with a daughter they shared, Rainey. He'd been a good father to Chance Jr., too, despite her vote still being out on that paternity test result. Sometimes Rashawn wondered if her life and brain weren't still suffering from the effects of the date rape drug she'd been subjected to during yet another attack by a demented terrorist, Allen Roman. Sometimes Rashawn noticed how obsessed she was with the same thoughts rolling around her head, over and over, replaying the same scenes in her mind.
“So are you all packed?”
“You bet. I can't wait to get away. I need a change of scenery. My brain is stuck seriously on stupid I think.”
Renee chuckled. “I just love retreats. I've never heard of a literary retreat though.”
“Oh, it's one my sister is involved with. She moved out to Arizona to write novels and there's a woman there who hosts these retreats for book clubs every now and then. I've gone before. They're wonderfulâgood food, laughs, and you get to meet some really fascinating people who write really good books.”
“Really, now why didn't I know your sister was a novelist?”
“I don't know, she's pretty good. She writes mysteries.”
Renee twisted her lip. “Oh, that's why ... fiction. I never read fiction. It's so far from real life.”
Rashawn chuckled. “You can say that again. But I read them. After all, she is my sister. Besides, sometimes you need that little step outside reality.”
“Now that's sisterhood. Me and my sister are just not close. It's almost as if we have different parents. It gets crazy sometimes.”
“Well, Reggie is the same way. You'd think I wasn't his mother sometimes, the way he fights me on things. Like this college thing. He is insistent on going to some out-of-state university instead of Moorman. Can you imagine? But that's not going to happen.”
“Oh my gosh, Reggie? It's already that time? It seems just yesterday he was a toddler andâ”
Just as if his ear may have been burning, Rashawn's office phone rang with his new cell number blinking. “It's him. I just got him a new BlackBerry. He must be playing with it.”
As Rashawn answered the phone, Renee pointed at the clock and then to the door to indicate that she was leaving. Rashawn nodded. As Renee backed out of the door, she looked almost as if any second she would curtsy. Renee was a precious sort.
“Hi, baby, what's up?” Rashawn said into the phone.
“I got a call from U of O. They want me to come visit this weekend!”
“What?” she asked. The air was suddenly quiet, as if the imagined soft, soothing elevator music of her mind stopped with the zip of a needle over vinyl. The silence snapped her mind back into reality. “The University of Oregon?” Her voice peaked on a high note. “In Oregon?”
“Yeah, Mom, we talked about this already. My college plans? We agreed they were like, my plans. We talked about them.”
“Well, yes, butâ”
“And, well, I wanna go up and see the campus.
They
want
me
to come see the campus. Do you know what that means? I could end up playing for the Ducks.” Reggie was excited, and Rashawn fought hard to keep up with what he was saying.
“Wait, wait. I'm going on vacation this weekend andâ”
“Mom, this is about me, okay? It has nothing to do with your vacation.”
“I didn't say it did.” Rashawn didn't like what he was implying. “Have you spoken with your dad?”
“Chance? Puh-lease, he's not gonna want to go. He hates the train, andâ”
“No, I mean have you ... The train? And what have I told you about calling him Chance.”
“Mom, it's all worked out. Me and some of my buddies are gonna train it up there this weekend and stay over winter break. They say it's already snowing up there. It's gonna be the shhh ... er, mad fun,” he corrected.
Rashawn's lip curled. “Mmhmm. We'll talk about this later.”
“Oookay. But talk about what?”
“Everything, Reggie. University of Oregon was not the school I had in mind for you. Plus, young man, lately your attitude has been pretty . . . stank.”
“Yeah, okay, well, we'll talk later, Mom.” Reggie took on a manly tone. “But right now I'm about to call my pawdnas so we can get our plans straight ... if you don't mind.” She hated that tone. He reminded her of his biological father when he would take on that patronizing air, that correcting tone. Considering Reggie had no idea who he was, he was a lot like him sometimes.
Allen Roman, a distinguished professor, a scholar, a geniusâa crazed lunatic who broke the law in the name of science, using human subjects in an mind-control experiment gone very, very wrongâhe was Reggie's biological father. The memory instantly chilled her bones. He'd been deported shortly after all he had done had been revealed. Instead of making a name for himself in the world of science, he selfishly used his genius to further his own interests. He had drugged her repeatedly, raping her over a period of months. He had driven his brother insane, causing an alter ego to burst forth from his subconscious, a violent and menacing, murderous personality who referred to himself ironically as Doc. Doc, in his confusion, believed that he was in love with Rashawn and needed to protect her from Roman who, he knew, was raping her. He began stalking her, which caused her to believe he had been the one to rape her. The night Doc viciously attacked Chance in a jealous rage, Rashawn shot himâkilling him. She was cleared of murder and in the end Roman was deported. Just a few years later they'd gotten the report that Roman, too, was dead. The nightmare had finally ended. Rashawn dreamed about all of it for a long time, but soon the dreams ended. However, lately, they had started up again, and seeing the resemblances of that madman, Roman, in Reggie didn't help.