Authors: Josephine Cox
‘Tom was right,’ she declared bitterly. ‘She should not be choosing my bouquet. It was a selfish thing to do.’
A thought occurred to her. ‘Mother likes to control my life, but I’ve always thought how strange it was, that she never tried to dissuade me from seeing Frank. When I told her I had a boyfriend, she was really pleased. Then, when Frank asked me to marry him, I was sure Mother would hit the roof, but she never did. Not once did she argue about it, or try to put me off. Not even when she discovered he was a farmer’s son, and not a wealthy property owner, or a businessman.’
She gave a low, cynical laugh. ‘She wouldn’t care who I was marrying, as long as I was out of her way. I’m glad Frank asked me to marry him! He’s a good man. Oh, but if it had been Pauline and not me, who was marrying anyone less than an old money-bags, she’d have thrown a fit.
‘It just goes to show that she wants rid of me, even if it means handing me over to someone she believes is beneath her,’ Alice thought uncomfortably.
Alice had never really thought about it before, but it was strange how her mother let her choose her own husband to be, while she set about making all the decisions with regard to the wedding.
Her mother had completely taken over the wedding day arangements. She even insisted that Alice changed the dress, because she said it did nothing for her at all, while everyone else thought it was beautiful. Then the bouquet was chosen without her even asking if Alice liked it. And she carried on when Alice wanted
two
bridesmaids, Pauline and Alice’s old school friend Mandy Baker.
She mimicked her mother’s sharp, shrill voice. ‘“You’re a selfish girl, Alice Jacobs! The wedding is already costing us a fortune! Think yourself fortunate that you’ve got your sister Pauline as bridesmaid. Now let that be an end to it!”’
Alice had to explain to Mandy, how she could not be bridesmaid after all. ‘It must be
my
fault,’ she chided herself now. ‘Somewhere along the way, I’ve allowed it to happen. It’s always been the same; Mother speaks and I listen. Mother chooses and I agree. Mother disapproves, and the idea is eventually dropped; unless of course, it’s Pauline with the idea.’
She grew angry. ‘It’s time I stood up to her, like Pauline does!’
She gave a wry little smile. ‘I’ve always known I was the unwelcome child. The accident that should never have happened.’
Regret tinged her voice. ‘I’ve always tried too hard to please her, to make her love me, like she loves Pauline.’ Her voice broke. ‘I wish I could handle Mother like Pauline does, but then, I don’t enjoy arguing. Pauline seems to thrive on it, which is not surprising, seeing as Pauline is Mother in the making.’
Silent for a time, she drew pleasure from watching this wild creature; encaged much like she had been all her life. ‘Are
you frustrated…locked up in that cage?’ she whispered. ‘I expect you want to spread your wings and fly away.’ Her love of animals embraced all creatures, which was why she found working at the vets to be especially rewarding.
Curious, the bird cocked its head from side to side, as though taking in her every word.
‘You’re the lucky one,’ Alice told him. ‘When Joe lets you out of here, you can soar up to the Heavens, free as the air that carries you.’ She continued to stroke his neck and face tenderly.
‘We’re a lonely pair you and me, aren’t we, eh?’ she remarked. ‘You and me in the dead of night, all alone in this dark old barn.’ She gave a laugh. ‘I hope you realise I should not be out here, cavorting with a strange male,’ she tutted. ‘I’ll have you know, I’m getting married on Saturday.’
There followed a long silence, and Alice contemplated the future. When she spoke again, it was to voice a sneaking doubt. ‘I hope I’m doing the right thing,’ she confessed in a whisper. ‘I thought I loved Frank, but now I’m not so sure. I’m not even sure if I really know him at all.’
She leaned back into the hay. ‘What am I saying? Of
course
I love him. I wouldn’t be with him now if I didn’t love him!’
The enormity of what she had said was shocking to her. ‘No! Frank means the world to me. I can’t wait for Saturday to come.’
She remained there, slumped into the hay, eyes closed and head bowed, and her heart sore. Was she fooling herself? Was she marrying Frank just so she had someone to love her? Or was she doing it to get back at her mother for rejecting her? No! She would
never
do that. She did love Frank! She really
did
love him!
The sound of her quiet sobs echoed across the barn.
Just a few strides away, Joe was torn by emotions. He had heard everything. He felt her pain. He needed to hold and
comfort her. He wondered if he should make his presence known, or leave quietly.
Hesitant, he took a step forward, making as much noise as possible, deliberately allowing Alice time in which to compose herself.
Startled, Alice looked up, anxious to see who had discovered her there. Fearful that they may have overheard, she quickly sat up, waiting to see who it was out there, in the half-light.
On realising it was Joe who had found her, she was immensely thankful, feeling instinctively that any snippet he may have overheard would go no further; though of course she hoped he had heard nothing at all.
‘I’m sorry, Alice,’ Joe explained with a lop-sided grin, ‘I didn’t realise it was you! I thought I might find a pack of thieves, looking to steal goods or livestock. I happened to catch a glimpse of light from the tilly lamp, so I thought I’d best come down and investigate.’
Carefully, he laid the gun on the ground and sat beside her. ‘So, what are you doing out here, in the early hours of the morning? Come to check on our little friend, have you?’
Alice merely nodded; while discreetly wiping away the tears.
Joe felt his heart melt. ‘Did I frighten you?’
‘No.’ Fearful he would know she’d been crying, Alice kept her gaze averted.
‘Is there something wrong, Alice?’
‘No.’
‘Do you want me to go away, leave you alone?’
Panic-stricken and in need of a friend, she grabbed hold of his coat. ‘No! I would like you to stay. Please, Joe? Stay with me, just a while longer?’
Joe sat beside her. ‘Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?’ he enquired gently.
‘There’s nothing wrong.’ She gave him her brightest smile. ‘Why would you ask that?’
Joe paused a moment, unsure of himself, and yet not wanting to deceive her. ‘I have a confession to make,’ he said in a low, sorry voice.
Instinctively wary, Alice asked him, ‘What do you mean a confession? What
kind
of confession?’ Something about Joe’s expression worried her.
Joe chose his words carefully. ‘Just now as I came in, I thought I heard you crying.’
‘Oh?’ Smiling, she put on a brave face. ‘So you thought I was crying, did you?’
Joe looked her in the eye. ‘You
were
crying.’ He gave a reassuring smile. ‘I think I might know when a girl is crying, but don’t worry. I promise, your secret is safe with me.’
‘I’m sorry, Joe. You’re right, I
was
crying, but it was nothing, really. Just pre-wedding nerves. I expect every bride gets them.’
Joe was careful not to reveal how he knew of her doubts concerning Frank. Instead he reached out, and placing his hand beneath her chin, he lifted her face to look at him. ‘Frank upset you tonight, didn’t he?’
Alice drew away, ‘Yes…I suppose.’
‘He didn’t mean to,’ Joe assured her. ‘Sometimes he lets his tongue run away with him; speak first, think later, that’s Frank I’m afraid.’ He laughed. ‘You were more than a match for him though,’ he said proudly. ‘You let him know you were not a woman to be messed with.’
Thinking of her mother, Alice laughed at that. ‘Did I really come across as a woman not to be messed with?’
‘Oh yes!’ Joe was adamant. ‘You even made
me
nervous!’ he said jokingly.
Alice laughed at that, and then she was smiling, shaking her head in disbelief. ‘Good Lord! I’d best be careful, or I might turn into Mother!’
Joe was curious. ‘Would that be so bad?’
Alice laughed, ‘If you knew my mother, you wouldn’t even ask that,’ she promised with a hearty chuckle. ‘Trust me, it would be the end of life as we know it!’
Joe laughed out loud, ‘I can’t wait to meet her.’
‘She’ll be there on Saturday,’ Alice promised light-heartedly. ‘She’ll be the one with the biggest hat and the sergeant-major voice. The slimmer version beside her, will be my older sister Pauline.’
Joe was intrigued. How could such a dainty, lovely creature like Alice have a mother of that description? ‘So, how does Frank get on with your family?’
Alice shrugged. ‘He’s only really met them twice. The first time, so my father could inspect him, and then again when he was invited to have tea. Of course, he’s seen them when he’s been collecting me, but Father works long hours in his study and Mother is never that sociable. A wave of her hand and she’s away.’
‘I see.’ Joe couldn’t help but wonder how Frank would fit into such a formal family as this.
Alice went on, ‘I think Frank was quite impressed with Mother. She made sure he had everything he wanted; an extra slice of cake, or another pot of tea, and even a glass of wine to end the evening. Father talked a lot about business, and Frank seemed comfortable with that. In fact, he came away quite pleased with himself.’
‘I’m not surprised,’ Joe remarked. ‘As you witnessed for yourself this evening, Frank is ambitious. It’s in his nature to aspire to greater things.’
Joe could easily imagine how Frank would have made more of himself than he really was. Tonight for example, he appeared to think he’d got Alice’s family wound round his little finger.
‘My father has always been ambitious like that, and my
mother is the same,’ Alice revealed. ‘Do you think it’s a bad thing to be ambitious, Joe?’
‘No, I don’t think that.’ Though knowing Frank, Joe had his doubts. ‘Shall I tell you what I really think?’
‘Yes! I’d like to know.’
Joe worded his thoughts carefully. ‘Frank is headstrong. Sometimes he needs someone to hold him back. At first, he’ll find it virtually impossible to keep you in the manner you’ve been used to, but there is no doubt he’ll work his fingers to the bone. You will never want for anything, and in time, who knows, he may well give your father a run for his money.’ He had to smile. ‘If not, it won’t be for the want of trying.’
Without being vindictive, he felt he had to be honest. ‘The thing is, when Frank sets his mind to something, he wants it right away. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always happen like that.’
Joe went on in a serious voice. ‘He needs guidance, someone to draw the reins in now and then.’ He went on reluctantly, ‘You might just be the one, Alice.’
Alice was flattered. ‘Do you really think so?’
‘Yes, I do.’ Against all his instincts, Joe reassured her. ‘I really do think you could handle Frank, where no one else can. Tonight for example. You didn’t yell or argue. You just told him quietly that it was never going to happen, that there was no point in him expecting your parents’ money. You stood up to him, and I’m proud of you. That took some guts, Alice Jacobs!’
‘Thank you, Joe.’
When she smiled up at him, Joe’s heart bounced in his chest, and for a moment he couldn’t speak. Instead, he gazed into those wonderful, dark-blue eyes and his heart turned over. ‘You really are an amazing little thing,’ he murmured, ‘Frank is a very lucky man.’
Beneath his intense gaze, Alice felt oddly uncomfortable,
but not in a bad way. It was a feeling she had never before experienced, a feeling of someone looking right into your soul, to know you better than you knew yourself, to read your emotions like they were an open book.
She felt worried and excited, all at the same time.
Suddenly she knew. ‘You heard me, didn’t you?’ she whispered harshly. ‘Just now, you heard what I was saying. You heard it all. Didn’t you, Joe?’
Joe nodded his head. ‘Yes, I heard.’ He felt ashamed. ‘I’m sorry.’
Alice clambered up. ‘I’ve got to go!’ She began to move away, the tears rolling down her face. ‘Please, Joe, don’t tell Frank. I didn’t mean it, none of it! I didn’t know what I was saying. It’s not that I don’t love him, because I do. Only what with Mother taking over, and then Frank behaving like that tonight, I don’t know how I feel anymore…I just don’t…’
‘Ssh! Don’t cry, Alice.’ Impulsively, Joe drew her into his arms.
Alice nestled into him; the faint, dry smell of his work-jacket offering an odd kind of comfort. She felt as though she belonged here, in Joe’s strong embrace.
In that instant they were in each other’s arms. It was like a dam had burst and then they were kissing, long passionate kisses that surprised and thrilled.
Shocked at her own response, Alice tentatively pulled away. ‘No! We shouldn’t…this is bad, Joe.’ Her head was saying one thing but her heart was saying another.
‘I understand.’ Joe released her. ‘Don’t blame yourself, Alice,’ he whispered. ‘It was my fault, not yours.’
Stunned by what had just happened, Alice stumbled backwards.
Behind her, Joe sat down in the hay, head bowed; his feelings in chaos, when he thought of the enormity of what might
have been. He felt deeply ashamed, but he still wanted her so much he could hardly breathe.
Deeply shaken, he went over the dizzy madness of the past few minutes. ‘I’m sorry.’ He didn’t look up; didn’t want to see her walking away. Suddenly, his every sense was heightened, and he knew she was there, standing right before him.
He raised his head to look up, and there she was; hands motionless by her sides, and her blue eyes gazing down on him, alive with emotion.
In that unforgettable moment, Joe saw his own powerful feelings mirrored in her eyes. Without a word, she held out her arms and Joe folded her to him. ‘I love you,’ he whispered, ‘I always have.’
When he carried her deeper into the darkness where no one could see, Alice went willingly; wanting him every bit as much as he wanted her.
In the darkest corner, he gently laid her down. Alice knew it was meant to be. She had never been more content.