Blind Impulse (26 page)

“
Baron,” Martin said.  “I don’t understand.  I am only performing the healing the Holy Mother Church requires.”

“
I will not stand by while you kill my wife.  Juliana, are you finished?”

“
Yes, Garin.”

Again he moved forward, Cecily guiding him to Alyna’s bedside.  He threw back the heavy blankets that locked the terrible heat to Alyna’s body, except for one light linen sheet.  He wrapped it securely around her and lifted her from the bed.

“
Juliana, Cecily, help me get her back to the solar.”

Both women breathed a loud sigh of relief.

“
Baron,” Martin screeched.  “You will bring the wrath of God upon Kirkoswald.”

“
Go back to your chapel, Brother Martin, I will not permit you near my wife again
.”  He turned his back and allowed Cecily and Juliana to lead him out the door, cradling Alyna’s fever ridden, limp form against his chest.

Garin entered his room and eased Alyna onto the bed while Juliana and Cecily scurried around him.  He heard the soun
d of water being poured. 

“
Garin,” Juliana said.  “Allow me to give her some water, Martin refused to allow us to do even that.”

“
But,” Cecily said sternly.  “When he was not in the room, we gave it to her when she was coherent enough to drink.”

Garin ste
pped back, his heart twisting in his chest.  “What if I’m wrong?” he whispered.

“
You are not,” Cecily said and gripped his arm.  “I pray Mary’s mercy that we acted soon enough.”  She sucked in her breath.  “Juliana, take the sheet and soak it in water, we
must bring her fever down.”

“
Aye,” Juliana replied.

Garin ran his hand through his hair.  “Juliana, I....”

Suddenly her arms wrapped around him.  “Garin, I know you do not trust me, but I swear on father’s grave - I would gladly trade my life for Alyna’s.”

His anger and pain crumbled and he embraced his sister tightly.  “I believe you, Juliana.” 

She made a soft noise, nearly squeezing the breath from his lungs.  “Thank you, Garin.  Now that we are out from Martin’s condemnation, I will do all I can.  Ceci
ly knows much about Alyna’s healing.”

“
Aye, Garin,” Cecily said.

Garin released his breath and prayed with all his heart.

When Juliana and Cecily finished, the room was as pleasant as Geoff’s.  A fire popped in the hearth but the temperature was comfortabl
e and fresh air filled Garin’s lungs.  Cecily and Juliana did not object when Garin arranged himself on the bed next to Alyna.  He sat with his back against the headboard, with Alyna’s head in his lap.  He gently stroked the finger-thick strands of wet hai
r away from her face.  The soaked sheet created small cold puddles of dampness on the bedding, but as Garin touched Alyna’s body, he realized the coolness reduced her terrible fever slightly.

Cecily and Juliana left them alone for a brief time.

“
Alyna,” he
whispered, kissing her forehead.  “Please hear me.  Forgive me for failing you.  You must fight this.  You must survive.  I cannot bear to lose you.  I love you heart and soul,
wildefyr
.”

Chapter Fourteen

Garin never
realized he fell asleep but he awoke sharply from another tortured nightmare.  Alyna curled against him, shivering violently.  His first instinct was to pull another blanket over her, but as he touched her, he realized the damp sheet over her had dried and
her fever had gone higher.

He sat up and Alyna groaned.

“
I’m sorry, love.”

“
Willowbark,” she whispered.

Garin scowled.  “What?”

“
Willowbark.”

Garin rose, straightening his rumpled tunic.  “Cecily, Juliana?” he called.

The door opened.  “Good morning, Gari
n,” Juliana said.

“
Morning?”

“
Aye, you fell asleep shortly after we settled Alyna.  Neither Cecily nor I could bear to disturb you. 
We know you have not been able to sleep.
You needed the rest as much as she did.”

“
Thank you, sister,” he said.  “But Alyna is shivering and her fever is high, she
keeps saying ‘
Willowbark
’ but I do not know what she means.”

“
Ah, I know what she wants.  Cecily told me the
Willowbark
tea helps control the fever and she may need more.”  He heard her move into the room to the hearth.  “I will prepare it.”

“
I need to get
cleaned up,” he said, rubbing the stubble on his chin.

“
I will summon a servant.”

“
Thank you.  Has Alyna’s sick room been cleaned?”

“
Aye, although I vow it will take years for the stench to leave the walls.”

“
I will bathe there so as not to disturb Alyna.
”

“
Also, you need to talk to Simon.”

Garin frowned at the strange note in her voice.  “Is something wrong?”

“
Nay, he was here earlier this morn.  I know he wishes to talk to you about the siege but he assured me there has been no change.”

“
I will speak wit
h him.  Thank you, Juliana.”

“
You are most welcome.”

He walked toward the door.

“
Garin?”

“
Aye?”

“
May I ask you an...unusual question?”

He pulled up short, startled.  “Of course.”

“
Well...I...uh...was wondering about something.”

“
Aye?” he asked suspiciously
.

“
As baron and my older brother you have charge of who I marry.”

“
That is only if my fool quest succeeds, Juliana.”

She sighed softly.  “I was very wrong about that, Garin,” she whispered.  “’Tis not a foolish quest.  I still do not know if the church wil
l allow this even if you prove to them you can govern as well as any man, sighted or otherwise but ‘tis not foolish.”

Garin’s jaw went slack at her change.

“
Yet what if you do succeed?  You know I no longer wish to marry Peter.”

“
Aye.”

“
Neither would you
force me to marry someone who I did not wish.”

“
Aye,” he said firmly.  “No matter our disagreements, I would never do that, Juliana.”

“
But what would you say if I told you the man I am interested in is far below my station?”

He hesitated rubbing his eyes.
“Why do you ask me this, Juliana?  Have you so quickly fallen out of love and back into to love?”

“
Nay, I am not sure of anything anymore.  But I was just wondering your thoughts on the matter...before I get my heart entangled and shredded again.”

All rig
ht,
Garin thought,
I can understand that logic...what little there is.  But who can speak of logic in matters of the heart?
  If he had not loved Alyna so deeply, he would have scoffed at Juliana’s words as foolish female emotion.  But, his own experience h
ad taught him far more.  Love was not something reserved for women.  Love, the truth of it, could possess anyone so totally that it robbed them of sanity.

Peter and his father also loved - they loved greed more passionately than any emotion of the heart. 
Juliana had loved Peter enough that it clouded the judgment of a normally intelligent and kind girl.  Alyna had loved so powerfully that she challenged the church and society to fight for what she believed in...to fight for him even though he had been stri
cken blind.

“
Juliana,” he said , choosing his words carefully.  “In that situation, if you truly find love, and if the man in question honestly loves you in return, then I will gladly approve the union.  But if I believe this man is using you like Peter di
d, then I can only say no.”

“
Garin,” she said, touching his arm.  “There is one thing I can guarantee.  You will have no doubt about this man’s honor and integrity.”

He arched an eyebrow.  “We shall see, Juliana.”

“
That is sooth, nothing is set in stone, b
ut I did need your thoughts on the matter.”

“
The whole idea may be moot, Juliana.  You may yet gain Kirkoswald.”

“
I hope not,” she whispered and stepped away.

Garin scratched his head, wondering if Juliana realized he could hear her and was playing yet ano
ther game with him.  He sighed and left the room.

A bit later, Garin found Simon on the walls.  “How
goes
it?” he asked.

“
No change,” Simon muttered wearily.  “We stare at them, they stare back.”

Garin dragged his hand through his hair. 

“
Garin, I must sp
eak honestly with you.”

“
Of course, Simon, I expect no less.”

“
This situation, although you have done as well as anyone holding a castle under siege, will cast doubt on your bid to be baron.  The fact it has happened at all will be blamed on you.”

“
Aye,” G
arin said wearily.  “We must find a way to end this.  But how can we send Vaux and Naworth away?  What they want is Kirkoswald and I cannot give it to them, my sight notwithstanding.”

Simon sighed heavily.  “And Peter wants Juliana as well.”

Garin snorted.
  “To hear Juliana tell it, she now hates Peter.  I do not know if I should believe her.”

“
I believe her,” Simon said firmly.

“
Why?” Garin asked in shock.

“
I...uh...you forget it was my blade which stopped Peter’s death stroke.  If I had not been there, Ju
liana and Alyna would both be dead now.  Perhaps that realization has opened Juliana’s eyes to the man she once loved.”

Garin thought for a long moment.  “She certainly sounds as if she has changed, but there is more than I understand.”

“
Aye,” Simon replie
d, his voice soft but powerful.  “There is more than I can understand as well.”

“
But that brings us no closer to the answer for solving this.  I cannot buy our way out of the siege, I cannot give Vaux and Naworth what they want, and we do not have the manp
ower to launch a counter attack.”

“
Garin!” Juliana called.  “It’s Alyna.”

“
Sweet Jesu,” he whispered.

Simon automatically guided him across the bailey and together they returned to the solar.

“
Garin,” Cecily said, her voice strained.  “Despite all we have
done, Alyna’s fever has gone higher.”  She sucked in a deep breath.  “I fear she will not last the night like this.”

You will bring the wrath of God upon Kirkoswald.

Garin choked as his heart twisted painfully in his chest.  He knelt next to the bed and pu
lled Alyna’s hand to his lips.  The heat radiating from her felt like a small brazier.  Garin rested his head lightly against her chest, listening to her heart fight to keep beating.  Tears gathered in his eyes. 
Please, God, don’t let her die.  I used to
pray my sight would return but now I would gladly trade that hope...or anything else if she might live.  Please don’t take her from me.

His heart shattered into tiny little fragments.  Grief tore at his mind, stretching the threads of his sanity to the bre
aking point.  How could one bear such agony?  Many men had lost wives and lived but suddenly Garin knew if he lost Alyna he would cease to exist.  He may still walk the earth but he would no longer be alive inside or even have his sanity. 

For the first t
ime Garin truly understood Geoff’s loss.  He admired the man’s
courage to continue for Garin knew he would not be able to.  The lonely ache would swallow him whole.  He would disappear in its void, never laugh again, never love again, never know joy again.

They had fought so hard, he and Alyna, and for what?  For agony and failure.  But Garin wouldn’t have changed anything.  For a brief four months he had known joy in the face of darkness.  Now that would end.  He hoped Alyna’s mother was waiting for her on
the other side.  At least she could see what a fine woman her baby girl had become.

Tears burning in his eyes, he kissed Alyna’s cheek.  It was time to bring an end to this pain so he could spend the last hours with her until she gave up her fight.

Garin
hauled himself to his feet, his body shaking so hard he feared his knees would buckle.  “Stay with her please, Cecily, make sure my mother knows of this as well.”

“
Of course.”

“
Simon, summon the knights to the hall.”

“
Aye, Garin.”

Garin sat in his large ch
air.  A servant brought him a cup of wine and he specifically requested the chalice Roger had made for him be filled.  He promptly drained the contents and the servant refilled it.  At least the wine would dull the ache in his chest.

The knights gathered a
round and there was an unusual stir.  “What’s this?” Geoff bellowed.  “Am I not invited to this meeting?”

Garin straightened in surprise then slowly smiled.  “Of course, you old war horse, but I thought you were out to pasture now.”

Geoff snorted and sat h
eavily in a chair.  “Not quite yet.”  The chair creaked as he leaned forward.  “How is my daughter?”

Garin just shook his head not trusting his voice.

Geoff’s sigh was heartbreaking.

“
How’s the arm?”

“
Hurts like hell but I can move my fingers now.”

Garin’s
eyebrows flew up his forehead.  That was a very good sign indeed.  Geoff may not be able to hold a shield again but he stood a chance of regaining some use of his arm.

But now it was time to face some unpleasant business.  Garin turned his attention to th
e knights gathered around him and took another drink to steady his nerves.  “I am open to suggestions to bring an end to this.  As many of you know, my wife is not doing well.”

The knights simply fidgeted, their armor rustling.  As Garin feared, no one had
any ideas.  That left him only one choice.

“
Simon, please take my banner to the gate for parlay.”

“
Parlay?”
Ousby
asked, shocked.

“
Aye, sir.”  Garin stood and walked toward the door, unwilling to say more.

****

Garin stood before the open gates flanked
by his knights.  Simon quietly related everything as Naworth, his son, and Vaux approached with a small group of knights under the parlay banner.

“
It’s about time, Swein,” Baron Naworth muttered.

Garin gritted his teeth but spoke calmly.  His rage only lef
t him reeling in helpless frustration.  “’Tis my duty and in the best interests of my barony to bring an end to this.  My people should be working their fields and plying their trades.  Instead they cower in their homes, fearful to come out.  That endanger
s our food stores and supplies for winter.  I ask you to quit this siege peacefully.” 

“
Only if you accept our victory,” Peter replied.

Garin grimaced, wanting nothing more than to kill Peter for what he had done to Alyna.  But the fight was gone from his
heart.  “Accepted.  Because of you, my wife is dying.  It is predicted she will not last another night.  I will stay by her side until she expires then you have my word I will step down in my quest for baron.  I will go to the church and you may have my l
and.”